Screen Junkies » oil spill

Daryl Hannah Arrested At White House Protest; Makes Zero Difference

Jame Gumb — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 00:26:26 +0000

These days, Daryl Hannah can’t get arrested in Hollywood. So instead, she’s breaking the law in Washington, D.C.

The actress was one of over 100 people arrested in front of the White House while protesting the planned expansion of the Keystone pipeline, a project that would expand an existing pipeline from Alberta, Canada, to the Gulf of Mexico. Opponents say the expansion poses a threat to the environment. Proponents say they don’t give a sh*t.

“We stand here today to just say no to slavery, to just say no to tar, sands, oil, and no to the Keystone pipeline,” said Hannah, who must have absolutely no sense of proportion or understanding of the word “slavery.”

Moments after her arrest, President Obama is said to have wept a single tear before waving his magic wand and making the world a better, greener place. Thanks, Daryl.

Kevin Costner Solves The BP Oil Spill

Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

With his greatest foe vanquished, Kevin Costner is now stepping up to the plate to save the Earth’s oceans. Though they refused aid from James Cameron, BP has reportedly purchased a technology from the Waterworld star that will help clean up the tremendous spill in the Gulf.

Since 1993, Costner has spent $20 million on the patent and development of a machine that seperates oil from water via a centrifuge. BP purchased 32 of the machines that will be able to clean 6 million gallons of water a day. Costner had a tough time selling the invention at first, drawing no interest from the Coast Guard or private companies. It wasn’t until he helped rehabilitate the hot tub used in the taping of "Jersey Shore" that Congress took notice. (Houston Chronicle via Film Drunk)

BP Declines James Cameron’s Oil Spill Advice

Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

^{Sh*t’s f*cked, yo.}

The ocean is James Cameron’s sandbox and BP has crapped in it Knowing that the HMFIC wouldn’t stand for that, the EPA called him in to discuss raking that crap out of there. However, British Petroleum has shot him down his help.

Cameron suggested the U.S. government needed to take a more active role in monitoring the undersea gusher, which has become the worst oil spill in U.S. history.

“I know really, really, really smart people [and Tom Arnold] that work typically at depths much greater than what that well is at,” Cameron said. “The government really needs to have its own independent ability to go down there and image the site, survey the site and do its own investigation,” he said. “Because if you’re not monitoring it independently, you’re asking the perpetrator to give you the video of the crime scene,” Cameron added.

I just can’t believe someone said no to James Cameron. The last person who did that was Linda Hamilton and we all know how well that turned out. That’s right. A guest-starring role on "According to Jim." **shudder** (Reuters)

James Cameron to Revolutionize the Way We Look at Catastrophic Oil Spills

Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

In an effort to cap the massive BP oil spill, the federal government has called in none other than director James Cameron. Because of his expertise with "underwater filming and remote vehicle technology," Cameron, along with scientists and other experts, met with officials from the Environmental Protection Agency to discuss ways of stopping the colossal leak.

Suggestions included sending a remote-controled robot back in time to kill the President of BP’s mother before he was conceived and creating genetically engineered oil-human hybrid bodies which could then be used to interact with the spill and gain its trust.

The federal government hasn’t been this desperate since they sent that team of oil riggers into space to blow up that asteroid. But hey, I guess it worked out in the end. (HitFix)