THR reports that she will play a “surprise, uncredited” role in Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues. Way to ruin the surprise, THR. You’ve robbed audiences of the joy that comes with saying, “Oh hey. Isn’t that Nicole Kidman? Yep. Yep. Definitely Nicole Kidman. I recognize her from one of the bad Batman movies.”

Tinseltown is a horrible, fickle mistress. A tarted-up fame junkie with flashbulb eyes and ashy elbows who is always on the hunt for the next big thing.

One day, you might find yourself seated at the best tables with no need for a reservation. The next, you’re nobody. A nothing. Fodder for tabloids to call fat or for bloggers to draw dicks on. Like these esteemed actresses who likely won’t get Oscar noms this year.

Blake Lively – Savages

She solidified herself as an actress to watch (this time for her acting) with her performance in The Town. However, her next foray into serious drama didn’t garner a fraction of the acclaim. Unless Amy Adams starts doing American Pie sequels, there’s no way we should expect Blake Lively to receive the Best Supporting Actress nod in 2012.

Nicole Kidman – The Paperboy

To the surprise of everyone who hasn’t seen a movie pre-2003, Nicole Kidman snagged nominations for both a SAG Award and a Golden Globe for her role in The Paperboy. Despite her total commitment to the slutty Southern character, the film itself is to blame here for her Oscar snub. The reasons are two-fold. For one, Zac Efron is in this movie. Two, she number ones on him. I can’t think of many award-winning movies in recent memory where characters pee on themselves or others. Except 127 Hours maybe.

Doona Bae – Cloud Atlas

She gave the bravest performance in the year’s most unjustifiably derided films. Doona Bae’s portrayal as a servant clone/sex slave turned revolutionary in 2144 Neo Seoul. Not only did her pain inspire future generations to fight for their civil rights, but it also inspired me to second-guess the hiring practices at Hooter’s restaurants.

Laura Linney – Hyde Park On The Hudson

We haven’t seen much of Laura Linney lately, outside of Downton Abbey introductions, and Hyde Park On The Hudson was her chance to come back. Not that the Academy will take notice with Anne Hathaway out there shaving her head while crying.

Helen Mirren – Hitchcock

I don’t know. Just seems Oscar-y, doesn’t it?

Mars Needs Moms (2011)

With a budget of $150 million, 2011′s biggest flop earned $39 million worldwide. Mars Needs Moms tells the story of a boy who takes his mother for granted but then goes to great lengths to save her when she’s abducted by an alien race. Without any real star power attached, the motion-captured feature took a big risk putting all of its fate into a technology that has had a shaky history with moviegoers. As if losing $111 million weren’t bad enough, it must be terrible to admit having any participation in making this film.

Jonah Hex (2010)

Though $10.9 million on a $40 million production budget doesn’t seem like the hugest of losses, a lot was put behind publicity for this comic book adaptation. Planned to be a summer tentpole, the movie crashed in burned in America causing the studio to scrap a large rollout overseas. Word is that the studio lost as much as they typically earn from a Harry Potter film on Hex. But, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. I find the film delightful and hilarious. Just not for the reasons filmmakers would have liked me to.

Land of the Lost (2009)

It’s sad to see this one on the list. Budgeted at $100 million, the adaptation of the classic show earned only $35 million at the box office. The reason that it’s a shame for Land of the Lost to wind up on a flop list is because it really was an entertaining movie. Marketed COMPLETELY wrong as a goofy romp for kids that parents would enjoy too, it’s actually anything but that. In fact, it brought back the snarky vibe of an 80′s comedy that has been so missed in film. Give this one a shot. Unless you’re the type to have Will Ferrell fatigue. Then there’s no talking any reason into you.

As you can see from the trailer, the pair are played by Clive Owen and Nicole Kidman, and from all the explosions you’d almost think this was a big-screen movie rather than an HBO one. It’s even got a major Hollywood director behind the camera: Phillip Kaufmann, so this looks like something worth checking out.

Ben Affleck objectively decided that he was the best man to star in his next directing project, Argo. He will play Tony Mendez, the CIA operative tasked with extracting six American hostages from Iran in 1979. He thought it was the smart move because he was going to be near those locations anyway, directing everyone for that movie. (Variety)

Nicole Kidman will be joining Lee Daniels’ The Paperboy as a woman who develops a penpal relationship with a man on death row. She will be replacing Sofia Vergara, but considering the timing of Tobey Maguire‘s departure from the project last week, let’s all just pretend that she’ll be filling in for him. It’s funnier that way and not altogether improbable. (THR)

Rosario Dawson will be starring in an indie drama with a decidedly non-indie cast. Fire with Fire, the story of a man who enters the witness protection program, only to lash out against the men threatening him will also star Bruce Willis, Quentin “Rampage” Jackson, Josh Duhamel, 50 Cent, Vincent D’Onofrio, and Vinnie Jones. The indie spirit is alive and well, folks. (Variety)

Finally, David Strathairn will join Steven Spielberg‘s star-studded Lincoln, hitting theaters just in time to qualify for the 2013 Oscars. He will play Secretary of State William Seward to Daniel Day-Lewis‘ Honest Abe. Sally Field will also star as Lincoln’s wife, Mary Todd. (Deadline)

Some leenks, mate:

Behind the Scenes of “Superjail” (AdultSwim)

Red Riding Hood: 10 Films That Twisted the Fairytale (MovieLine)

Bears Doing Things Bears Aren’t Supposed to Do (HolyTaco)

An Interview With a 16-Year-Old Nicole Kidman (FilmDrunk)

Toy Story 3 Deleted Scene (CelebJihad)

Mass Effect Meets Cowboy Bebop (Unreality)

Fargo Cast: Where Are They Now? (MovieFone)

Charlie Sheen is Mad At People (PopEater)

The Most Badass Movie Quotes Ever (Smosh)

The Seven Most Brutal Parade Float Accidents (Ranker)

12 Ways That Sex Had Changed In the Last Decade (BroBible)

A Drink With Aubrey O’Day (Maxim)

10 Women Who Are Great At Their Jobs (Pajiba)

Nine Jackass Spinoffs We’d Pay to See (NextMovie)

The Top 10 American Freak Show Fights That Were Actually Good (CagePotato)

2011 Range Rover Sport Review (MadeMan)

Dead Space 2 Walkthrough (GameFront)

Soccer Player Gets Red Card For Tackling Streaker (TuVez)

Mia Wasikowska has already signed on to star as a young girl who has strange things happen when her estranged uncle comes back into her life. The project was written by “Priso Break” and Resident Evil: Afterlife star Wentworth Miller. It only makes sense that Hollywood’s elite would be falling over themselves to work with the guy from “Prison Break.” I mean, those eyes…. (LA Times)

Director: Dennis Dugan

Cast: Adam Sandler, Jennifer Anniston, Nicole Kidman, Brooklyn Decker

Synopsis: A man enlists the help of a woman and her kids to land the woman of his dreams.

Release Date: February 11, 2011

This week we throw our Best Actress contenders into the Thunderdome, arm then with cudgels and see who among them has the fortitude to grab blood-smeared victory.  Of course I meant metaphorically, but am I the only one sporting chub right now? And speaking of boners, were this category decided by the turgidity of my cervix-hammer alone it would be a “hard” choice to make.  Because unlike some of last year’s nominees (*cough* Gabourey Sibide), our 2011 contenders, oiled-up and bikini clad, would make for a fine Maxim spread.  You’ve got Grade-A Kosher Natalie Portman, Michelle Williams and her bodacious bod, barely legal babe Jennifer Lawrence, MILFerific Nicole Kidman, and rounding things out in the cougar category, Annette Bening. Though my loins love them equally, on Oscar night there can be only one winner.

FRONTRUNNERS:

NATALIE PORTMAN

Pro: Hype is certainly on her side, and not undeservedly. As I stated in last week’s column, Black Swan was the performance of Natalie Portman’s career… although frankly, that ain’t saying a lot. Yeah, she’s nice to look at, but her previous actressing turns have run the gamut from “decent for a movie-of-the-week” to outright embarrassing. I have no idea how she managed to become leading lady du jour for many of today’s “serious” directors (at least when Scarlett Johansson wasn’t available); she acts about as well as ScarJo sings. However with Black Swan, Portman finally earned some credibility and proved that she’s ready to be taken seriously.

Con: She’s pregnant, and no one is more loathed than a pregnant woman. Men hate them because they’ve been tainted by another man’s seed. Women hate them because of jealousy and because they wish they could have babies too. Also: If she wins, there’s the risk that she’ll laugh again like at the Golden Globes. I’d rather hear the death rattle of my own child than that hideous cackle.

ANNETTE BENING

Pro: The other half of our Sapphic showdown. In The Kids Are All Right, Bening took a decidedly more realistic approach in her portrayal of a lesbian character, looking like someone you’d actually see at an Indigo Girls concert (whereas Portman’s bi-curious ballerina was the sort of lesbian that exists only in my Jergen’s fueled three-way fantasies). Bening is a seasoned veteran and an excellent lesbian thespian. In the scene where her character discovers her partner’s infidelity, Bening showed more range with subtle facial expressions than Portman has shown with an entire career of overacting.

Con: The Kids Are All Right’s strength was its ensemble cast, and to give an award to Bening and not Julianne Moore (who didn’t even get nominated) or Mark Ruffalo (who’s a long shot going up against Batman Bateman) would be a slight to her co-stars. Also: I know it was what you were going for, Annette, but couldn’t you have prettied it up just a little? At first I thought I was watching a Chuck Klosterman biopic.

LONG SHOTS

MICHELLE WILLIAMS

Pro: Underrated, underutilized, underappreciated… these words apply not just to Michelle Williams’ breasts but to Williams herself.  She’s an incredibly talented young woman who’s capable of showing her prodigious skills without getting all up in your face with it (like Portman).

Con: People often confuse her with Brian Williams. And for all the controversy, the sex scene that earned Blue Valentine its NC-17 rating was about as hot as scrambled Skinemax softcore. My penis was not pleased.

NICOLE KIDMAN

Pro: This Oscar veteran already has a shiny gold dude on her mantle. The Academy knows she can handle Oscar glory.

Con: Unfortunately, Kidman’s actressing has been seriously hampered by the large amounts of Botox that have virtually eliminated her facial expressions. In The Rabbit Hole she looks like she’s wearing a Nicole Kidman Halloween mask. Also: No one saw Rabbit Hole.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

Pro: The Academy does love their ingénues. Think Anna Paquin, Tatum O’Neil, Jean Benet Ramsey… they’re like dancing monkeys. Dance little monkey!

Con: Hailee Steinfeld is already a lock for the Junior Achievers category.  And Steinfeld is only 14; which means that at age 20 Jennifer is practically over-the-hill. But the good is she’s bang-legal. In your face, Chris Hansen!

ADVANTAGE: Natalie Portman

Alvin Sargent has handled screenwriting for the remake, and will provide a more heavy role for her after starring with Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston in Just Go with It and with Nicholas Cage in the thriller Trespass.

The seed for this remake may have been planted by Kidman’s husband, country rock star Keith Urban, who dedicated his 2006 album, Love, Pain & The Whole Crazy Thing to Kidman. Inspiration strikes in strange ways sometimes.

No details regarding casting nor release have been disclosed, but this is just the type of wholesome film that will make you feel good any time, so just be happy it’s going to be in your life. (Deal Central)

Lionsgate has dropped the trailer for Rabbit Hole, officially entering the 2011 Oscar race. The film stars Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart as parents who try to cope with the tragedy of losing their child. John Cameron Mitchell directs a David Lindsay-Abaire script adapted from his acclaimed play. You know what that means, right? Actors acting, and acting hard! Look for Kidman in the Best Actress category this year.

Rabbit Hole hits theaters December 17th.

Check out the trailer after the jump…

Rabbit Hole Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers

Director: John Cameron Mitchell

Cast: Nicole Kidman, Aaron Eckhart, Dianne Wiest

Synopsis: Life for a happy couple is turned upside down after their young son dies in an accident.

Release Date: December 17, 2010

_{HA HA HA!}

Just look at this hilarious picture of Nicolas Cage being held at gunpoint in Joel Schumacher‘s Trespass. Am I the only one who finds it funny? Maybe it’s his sad little expression, or the fact that I had zero context when I first saw it, but to me, Nic Cage plus a shotgun to the face equals comedy gold!

For those of you who care, the photo above comes from Entertainment Weekly, and is the first still released from the film. The plot involves Cage and Nicole Kidmann being taken hostage by four brutal men looking for money. That doesn’t sound like much of a comedy, but neither did The Wicker Man remake, and that turned out to be hilarious! (Coming Soon)

Watch a hilarious clip from The Wicker Man after the jump.

Sh*t or get off the pot, Cage. Deadline is reporting that Nicolas Cage is back on Trespass after recently quitting the Joel Schumacker-directed film. He originally signed on to play the kidnapped husband to the kidnapped Nicole Kidman. Then he wanted to play the kidnapper who kidnaps the married couple. Now he’s back as the kidnapped husband again. Before production starts on August 30th, Cage is expected to quit two more times, return two more times, take over the kidnapped wife role, and kidnap the actual Nicole Kidman. Production will work around his schedule. 

If you’re a homophobic straight guy, you might want to shut the eff up right now, because Rob Marshall‘s man-lovin’ ass is about to make it rain hetero-boner pills with his new movie, called Nine. Yes, it’s a musical. And yes, it has dancing and singing. And guess what, bro? Those dancing and singing women happen to be a scantily clad Penelope Cruz, Marion Cotillard, and Nicole Kidman.

So when you’re fap-fap-fappin‘ it up to this here video clip, don’t finish by saying gay guys never did nothing for you.

Director: Rob Marshall

Cast: Daniel Day-Lewis, Penelope Cruz, Nicole Kidman, Marion Cotillard, Judi Dench

Synopsis: Famous film director Guido Contini struggles to find harmony in his professional and personal lives, as he engages in dramatic relationships with his wife, his mistress, his muse, his agent, and his mother.