Screen Junkies » nickelodeon

Ukraine Sick Of Spongebob Squarepants Being So Gay, Seeks To Ban Him

Penn Collins — Tue, 21 Aug 2012 16:20:28 +0000

Thank the good Lord for the Ukraine National Expert Commission for Protecting Public Morality. Without them, we would never know that the common sponge’s asexuality is just a cover for homosexuality that is rotting Ukranian children’s brains and turning them all soft and flow-y, which, lets face it, are really more Latvian characteristics than anything.

Further, Spongebob Squarepants is constantly holding hands with his friend Patrick, which is so gay that it literally makes me want to explode.

May I suggest that the Ukraine adopt a much more burly archetype for its children, so I’d like to suggest the suave machismo swagger of Go, Diego, Go! which will teach the Ukranian children how to get swarthy women on their boat for the best mojito that they’ve ever had, followed by slow, passionate sex.

Because Ukranian children are way behind children in Latin countries in lovemaking skills.

Will Smith To Host Kids’ Choice Awards. Also, News Is Really Slow Today.

Penn Collins — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 20:39:06 +0000

Who better to host the Kids‘ Choice Awards than the man who single-handedly has managed create stars out his children, despite public pleas of “Please no, Will! No more Jaden and Willow! They’re too jiggy!!!” Or possibly not jiggy enough. The jigginess of the Smith children remains a hotly contested issue. In case it’s not clear, the host in question is Will Smith.

This announcement is big news for the 25th anniversary of the awards show, which celebrates the greatest performers in the arts by just douching them with green slime to raucous applause, something the Oscars and Tonys simply refuse to do. Nickelodeon president Marjorie Cohn asks, “How better to celebrate 25 years of Kids’ Choice Awards than with the biggest movie star in the world?”

Dammit, Marjorie! You know we don’t have an answer to that!

She then furthers my ire by boasting, “He’s a larger than life presence who knows how to play big, and we’re excited he’ll be taking the stage for the biggest, loudest, messiest spectacle in the show’s 25-year history.”

Hmm. Based on that description, look for Will Smith to convert the audience to Scientology en masse while Jaden’s body rips apart in the final stage of his metamorphosis into Beelzebub.

The awards take place March 31st at 8 PM Eastern/Pacific on Nickelodeon. You won’t want to miss it, earthlings.

Paramount Rebooting ‘Ninja Turtles’ And Shredder Is Furious

Geoffrey Golden — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 03:17:12 +0000

Is there any force in the universe stronger than Turtle Power? Answer: obviously not.

Real Life Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Need proof? Despite my no longer being 8-years-old, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise continues on in new television shows and movies. You need some serious mutagen to pull that off. Paramount believes they have successfully revived one big, dormant franchise with Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol. Now they’ve asked the writers behind MI:4, Josh Appelbaum and Andre Nemec, to repair the Turtle Blimp and get TMNT off-and-running again. Timing-wise, I bet Paramount is partly looking to take advantage of fellow Viacom Club member Nickelodeon‘s upcoming series revival of those Ninja Mutant Turtle Teenagers, which should emerge from the sewers late next year.

No word yet on how they’ll approach the reboot. Hopefully, it’ll be with awesome, Jim Henson puppet head costumes again, but I’ve got a sinking feeling that Krang’s gonna zap them all into the CG / live action mix dimension, which is far more horrible than Dimension X. At least in Dimension X, they don’t have Smurfs. (Deadline)

Nick At Nite Willing To Give Scott Baio A Sitcom

Geoffrey Golden — Sat, 07 May 2011 00:08:44 +0000

The last time I saw Scott Baio was when he replaced Henry Winkler for four episodes on “Arrested Development.” When you can’t keep a celebrity the size of The Winkler, you gotta move a couple notches down the ladder to Baio. That makes Baio the perfect man for the job of headlining a sitcom on Nick At Nite, where their original programming budget is determined by how many times people will keep watching “The Nanny.”

Daddy’s Home is a multi-camera sitcom created by and starring Scott Baio, about an actor who used to play a TV dad. Now he’s becoming a dad for real, and he’s “ironically unprepared” for the real-life role. Yeah, that sounds like a sitcom from the 80s to me. Baio, Eric Bischoff and Jason Hervey are executive producing, along with pilot writers Tina Albanese and Pat Labyorteaux. (Deadline)

Slow News Day: ‘Rocko’s Modern Life’ Coming To DVD

Joseph Gibson — Sun, 10 Apr 2011 00:24:12 +0000

If you’re a certain age, you probably remember the Nickelodeon cartoon (or “Nicktoon,” as they were commonly referred) “Rocko’s Modern Life.” It was a pretty off-beat show, with lots of those infamous “dirty jokes” for parents. The best-known example is the name of the restaurant Rocko and his friends would frequent, which was “Chokey Chicken.” I’ll let you look up what this is a reference to yourself, in case you’re not too embarrassed to admit no knowing what it means.

Anyway, for whatever reason, the show never made it to DVD. Until … NOW. Shout! Factory has picked up the rights and will be releasing “Rocko’s Modern Life: Season One” on June 21st. So start saving up your measly wages that you haven’t already spent on a sad crying clown in an iron lung. (CinemaBlend)

Nickelodeon To Reveal How Bad Those Shows You Liked As A Kid Really Were

Joseph Gibson — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 18:54:26 +0000

Everyone born between the years 1983 and 1994 knows that waxing nostalgic about cable channel Nickelodeon is mandatory at least once a year. Now, Nickelodeon, or at least its sister channel TeenNick, will make this easier by playing the shows of our youth like “All That” and “The Adventures of Pete & Pete” as their “The 90s Are All That” programming block, from midnight to 2 AM. A possible side-effect of this might be that millions of people will suddenly realize that the shows they watched as kids weren’t actually that much better than the shows on Nickelodeon are now, causing panic in the streets and mass suicide. Except for “Kenan and Kel,” which actually was pretty good. At least, I think it was…(via The AV Club)

Doug Funnie Teaches You How to Dougie

Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

It’s a slow news morning and this video is so stupidly awesome that I had to post it. It features Doug Funnie from Nickelodeon‘s "Doug" teaching everyone how to Dougie. Even Skeeter and Patty Mayonaise get in on the action. This probably isn’t what Cali Swag District had in mind when they created the ridiculous dance craze, but it’ll do. I’m more of a Berney dance guy myself.

Also, this is amusing.

Learn how to Dougie from Doug after the jump…

(Vulture)