_{In retrospect, I shouldn’t have attempted this.}

Bloody Disgusting is reporting that Mark Wahlberg has been offered the opportunity to get really super emo in The Crow. The original big screen adaptation was directed by Alex Proyas and followed Eric Draven, who is murdered and comes back to kill the men responsible for putting down him and his fiancée. Brandon Lee was accidently killed by a loaded gun during filming. I say nothing is an accident when Michael Wincott is on set.

Hasn’t Wahlberg kind of already done this role in Max Payne? He didn’t wear makeup and sling an ax (that’s a guitar, for all you squares), but he got revenge for his family’s murder with moody music and lighting. My guess is nothing will come of this rumor. Wahlberg should know better than to take the reigns from Crow: Salvation‘s Eric Mabius of ABC’s "Ugly Betty."

Joey, do you like sequels about gladiators?

For those of us who’ve seen Ridley Scott’s Gladiator, it’s probably a safe bet to say the story of Russell Crowe’s Maximus has already reached a satisfying end.  (If you haven’t seen it and you don’t mind SPOILERS… Maximus dies at the end after accomplishing all he set out to do, leaving no room for sequels per se).

Yep, there is absolutely no way an audience could ever expect anything more from Crowe and Scott’s collaboration.  A sequel – aside from being completely unnecessary – seems nearly impossible.  Where’s the entry point?  There is no way the talent involved would even think about approaching a sequel to such a celebrated, complete story.  Right?

What?  We’re talking about Hollywood?  In 2009?  Oh.  Ahem.  Right.

Turns out that Nick Cave, writer of Australian western The Proposition and the upcoming adaptation of The Road, has written out a Gladiator 2 script that the folks over at Gone Elsewhere got a hold of. 

If you’re into lengthy reviews, then you can check it out on their site.  If you’re into the Cliff Notes, then look no further than the jump. 

Basically, G2 starts out with Maximus in the heavens, where he’s challenged by the Roman gods, then finds his way back to Rome, where Lucius (the little kid from the first movie) in fighting a war against Christianity.  Maximus leads an army of Christians to freedom, in turn angering the gods and making him an eternal warrior, fighting in all of the world’s major wars.  Sound confusing?  That’s because it is.

The script is supposedly very good by itself, which is not hard to expect from Nick Cave, an exceptional writer when it comes to dark and violent films.  But the big question remains:

“Why the hell would you make a sequel to Gladiator?” 

This plot sounds like Neil Gaiman wrote some bitchin’ fan fiction that he intended to post on a message board.  But this doesn’t sound like some belated April Fool’s joke.  I suspect we’ll be hearing a lot more about this very soon…