Let’s add this photo to the list of relevant documents. Here we see everyone looking exactly as they should about five years after we last joined our heroes. The only real developments of note are that Portia di Rossi is still looking insanely “huggable” and Michael Cera has reached new levels of Michael Cera-ness with his jack 0′ lantern haircut.

Production stars now and will go into fall allowing for a simultaneous release of all 10 episodes on NetFlix which will probably go down as the most important four-and-a-half hours of my stupid life.

I’m excited. Get to work, you wonderful people.

Along with the news of the 10-episode comedy atom bomb, we learned from no less than show creator Mitch Hurwitz that Scott Baio’s Bob Loblaw will be returning as well. Of course, it’s biologically impossible to not enjoy the name Bob Loblaw (He lobs law bombs!), but the character didn’t do much for me, as rejecting Lindsay’s advances had become old hat by the time he appeared on the show.

However, there is no shortage of characters that I do feel passionate about, and who should find their way onto the show post-haste. Here are eight such characters.

Feel free to use the comments to remind me that I’m an idiot for not including your favorite character. Someone needs to wipe this shit-eating grin off my face.

Wayne Jarvis

Professionalism is the name of the game with Mr. Jarvis. He does not find the buffoonery of Cirque de Soleil amusing, so it should come as no surprise that he’s also not thrilled with Lindsay and Michael’s brand of buffoonery in getting back at Lucille.

He plays comically over-the-top foil for the Bluth family, constantly shaking his head in disapproval at the unprofessional antics of the family.

Best line (so far): I shall hide behind the couch.

Gene Parmesan

Gene Parmesan, “master of disguise,” doesn’t really seem to be impressing anyone but Lucille Bluth, which leads my filthy mind to think that they have some sort of relationship that wasn’t explored in the first run. While he does manage to surprise Lucille, I think she’s a pretty forgiving audience, as he generally seems to just drape himself in an outfit and mumble.

Wayne Jarvis would not be impressed with Mr. Parmesan’s level of professionalism, especially in light of Parmesan’s constant need to be paid in full, up front.

Best line (so far): I’m sorry. I feel like such an (bleep).

As of right now the talks are only preliminary. The show is very expensive to produce on account of dinosaurs being extinct and all, and who knows what Netflix can afford. I get the feeling that people may freak out if there’s another price hike. (Deadline)

Not many more details were given, but this is certainly a curious pursuit for a number of reasons. First off, Netflix doesn’t have enough original programming to fill an afternoon, let alone a 24/7 channel. Further, if they were to fill it with licensed content, similar to their current streaming offerings, they would have to rework all those agreements, as they now don’t grant permission for cable broadcast.

Secondly, if the station was to rework those licenses, or even pursue any aspect of this endeavor, it could further alienate subscribers to Netflix Instant, who are largely using Netflix so they can cut out the high fees of cable subscription.

It shouldn’t happen for a while, as this pursuit is in its infancy, but it clearly demonstrates that the company wants like hell to get away from their original business model of sending DVDs through the mail.

Strange times, Netflix subscribers. Strange times indeed.

Click here to see the full list of titles that will be pulled, and you’ll notice that there are about only thirty movies and television shows that are watchable if not great (arguably). This is Starz we’re talking about here. It’s the Boost Mobile of pay-cable channels. We’ll miss gems like Party Down, CB4, Billy Madison, and Toy Story 3, yes. But shouldn’t we own those already if we love them so much? What we’re really losing is an alarming number of Perry Mason titles.

Netflix‘s brighter days are on the horizon as their new deals with studios like Dreamworks Animation and The Weinstein Company come to pass. In the meantime, there are still over 19,000 non-Perry Mason titles to watch. So if you want to find out how the surly lawyer takes on the Case of the Grimacing Governor, you have to act fast. (Gizmodo)

If anything, this just proves how resilient the streaming industry is. Months ago, Netflix was more hated than Osama bin Laden. And today, they’ve got Uggie. There’s no stopping them. (via /Film)

But what of Carl Weathers? Has he some sort of stew goin’?

Writer Dean Lorey has assured fans (via Huffington Post) that the ball is really rolling on this thing, and that the production team has  ”offices and parking spaces.”

While that’s a good sign going forward, I would still be more concerned about Michael Cera losing his tongue.

*sharpening knife*

Actually it’s pretty obvious why these two are fighting. It’s a strategic move on the part of HBO to create a non-news story with a sensational headline in order to hurt its competitor. Netflix can easily get DVDs of HBO shows from a third party at a higher price, so I don’t see how this will effect subscriber service. This is HBO’s bid to position their HBO GO streaming service with more value in the marketplace before opening it wide for non-channel subscribers.

Not only does this strengthen HBO’s product, but it also puts them in good favor with the movie studios that have been looking for ways to crush Netflix. This must be how Randy and Evi Quaid feel everyday of their life.

Dirty pool, HBO! (Consumerist)

The entire series will be released at once starting on February 6, so you can plow through the eight episode first season run with no waiting. Judging from the trailer, getting through the series should take me about eight hours. This show looks pretty damn good, with a Coen-brothers sensibility; a balance of drama, action, and comedy.

Yay February!

The episodes will begin airing on Netflix instant sometime in early 2013 as a warm up for the long rumored Arrested Development movie. If this works out, I think we’ll be seeing new episodes of Community sometime around 2016. (Vulture)

Now, if you’re anything like me, you think math be real hard. As such, we’ve put together this handy infographic that puts the whole Netflix debacle in perspective. Enjoy.

Click on the image below to enlarge.

In the fickle landscape of the entertainment industry, this is a common story. Many good ideas or technologies have been torpedoed by piss-poor marketing strategies that have ultimately caused the death of several companies, and slaughtered the market share of several more. Here are five such instances.

Netflix Qwikster

While Netflix’s rash decision to divorce its two services in the wake of outrage over its price hike made little sense to customers and tech experts alike, the real blunder here was made apparent by its reversal of the announcement today, stating that both DVD’s-by-mail and streaming will be kept under the Netflix banner and not separated into the Qwikster and Netflix websites, respectively.

While Netflix’s action so soon after the price hike was obviously a red flag, people were left wondering what the point of making it more difficult to subscribe to both services was. It seemed to be a knee-jerk reaction with little thought for logistics or the customer experience. The announcement today that from CEO Reed Hastings that the company had “underestimated” the desire for the current way of doing things reinforced the notion that the company doesn’t understand its marketplace or operations (best-case scenario) or just doesn’t care about its customers (worst-case). With Netflix customers fleeing left and right, the move has sent its stock price plummeting and has opened the door for competition in a niche that Netflix had a stranglehold on as recently as a year ago.

HD-DVD

While HD-DVD did everything they could, Sony proved to be too big a foe in the format war for the next generation of video discs. Sony, having learned its lesson from the Betamax debacle (see below), licensed the hell out of its Blu-Ray technology, proving that the Sony name can trump a similar technology that even had a head start to the marketplace.

While the race was neck-and-neck in its infancy (I held out on committing for almost a year, then just lost interest and still haven’t upgraded), millions of Americans were Blu-Ray customers whether they wanted to be or not since the technology was included in the highly coveted Playstation 3 gaming console. Perhaps this isn’t so much and HD-DVD failure as a Sony marketing success, but let’s not get semantic. Sony won the war because HD-DVD couldn’t step up.

Playstation 2 “Disc Read Error”

While the second incarnation of Sony’s Playstation gaming console was a financial success in every sense, Sony managed to alienate its fan base with the product’s ubiquitous “disc read errors,” that rendered it useless well before its time. But people kept buying and rebuying because PS2 was the only game in town for a long while. Adding insult to injury was the fact that Sony simply didn’t address the problems that its customer complained of.

But once Microsoft busted out its Xbox console, consumers realized that they weren’t beholden to the tech giant and many jumped ship. Though Microsoft had similar problems with its “ring of death,” the damage had been done, and Sony had lost a fair amount of its market share. The whole phenomenon evidenced that a company can recover from a faulty product, but recovering from treating your customers poorly is a much taller order.

Blockbuster “The End of Late Fees”

Rightly or wrongly, people had a huge problem with Blockbuster’s late fees. It was easy enough to rent a movie, but getting it back on time was always the x-factor. It’s proven to also one of the biggest issues with the late-fee free Netflix, and in those instances, customers only need to find their way to a mailbox.

With Netflix beginning to capture some of the video rental market share in the mid 2000’s, Blockbuster wanted to compete with Netflix’ late-fee free existence, so they introduced “the end of late fees,” and promoted the hell out of the concept. However, people didn’t see the value in Blockbuster replacing one simple fee for a more complicated system that still penalized you for not returning your video on time.

Here’s what Blockbuster did. Screaming “the end of late fees” from the rooftop, they “ended late fees,” by charging customers for the purchase price of the video if they didn’t return it within six days. Should they return it after that, the purchase price would be refunded, minus a $1.25 “restocking fee.” Fun!

However, if you didn’t return the video within 30 days (a tall order for a pot-smoking college kid such as myself), you were not able to get a refund, and you were the proud new owner of The Love Guru or some other piece of crap that you didn’t even get around to watching.

Blockbuster got sued by several states’ attorneys general and ended up having to change their entire business plan. No one can tell you what their rental structure is now because everyone is using Netflix or Redbox to get their DVD’s, and Blockbuster is dying a slow death that the masses delight in. The good news is that they finally did end late fees by going out of business.

Betamax

Why did a video format that was far superior to VHS become a running joke throughout the 80’s, a decade that was pretty hard to take seriously in the first place? Marketing, plain and simple. Sony introduced Beta at roughly the same time in the mid-70’s that JVC released VHS, but that was the beginning of the end, as Beta was marketed as an upscale alternative that was prohibitively expensive. By the time prices on Beta had fallen to match those of VHS, VHS already had 70% of the market share, putting Beta way behind the eight ball.

However, Sony’s biggest mistake was holding on to the Beta format for only Sony machines, whereas JVC licensed the hell out of its VHS technology so that VCR’s were being sold by most every electronics manufacturer. Had Sony gotten Beta out through more avenues, perhaps we’d be trying to dump Beta tapes in 2011 for pennies on the dollar, rather than VHS.

The plan was to dedicate the Netflix name and site to streaming only, while people renting DVDs through the mail would be going through the new Qwikster site. Presumably this was done in an effort to justify Netflix’ recent and wildly unpopular rate hike by presenting the two services as completely distinct. While that’s a sort-of-okay idea on paper, the fact remains that people didn’t think that giving them two accounts to manage on top of a rate hike was all that awesome of an apology.

Which is funny, because Netflix should be pretty awesome at apologies by now. Netflix CEO Reed Hastings, who is probably wondering what the hell the point of it all is anymore, sent out this statement:

It is clear that for many of our members two websites would make things more difficult, so we are going to keep Netflix as one place to go for streaming and DVDs. This means no change: one website, one account, one password… in other words, no Qwikster.

Netflix: the Ike Turner of the entertainment industry.

While many take pleasure in seeing giant corporations falter, Screen Junkies doesn’t fall into that camp. We wish Netflix and its shareholders nothing but a smooth rebound and return to financial stability and future growth. As such, we’ve laid out a strategy for the rental-by-mail/streaming company: diversification.

The company already has the infrastructure in place to ship and receive most anything, so why stop at DVDs? Here are 5 other things that Netflix should be renting in order to win back the hearts and minds of Americans.

Potpourri

Don’t kid yourself. Potpourri smells amazing. But, as a man I am never inclined to buy potpourri when I’m shopping because I don’t want to be the dude standing in the checkout line with a big basket of potpourri. Gross.

But what if you could have potpourri of your choosing sent to your house in a discreet brown bag that simply said “Pornography” on it in big block letters? Your life would probably change, right? Well, Netflix could make this life-changing dream a reality. When your potpourri scent begins to fade, just send it back and the next potpourri in your queue will be sent out upon receipt of the previous potpourri.

Sure, you couldn’t smell the potpourris to know which one you find most agreeable, but we’d have really descriptive names like “Blueberry.”

Who wouldn’t want their house to smell like blueberries?

What the f*ck is wrong with you that you don’t want your house smelling like f*cking blueberries?

Copies Of BitTorrent For Dummies

Just imagine how much money Netflix would make if they allowed people to check out and rent this book, which teaches even the least web-savvy individuals how to download movies and episodes, or even entire seasons of their favorite shows. ALL FOR FREE!

People will be climbing over one another to get on Netflix to rent this book to learn how they can enjoy thousands of movies, all without having to pay subscription fees to companies such as Netflix!

If Netflix wants to grow, they should find a way to capitalize on the skyrocketing popularity of torrent sites. It’s the wave of the future!

In order to tap into the anti-Netflix backlash Break.com has made this music video dedicated to Netflix’s recent failures. Enjoy!

Check out 10 reasons to stay on netflix!

Netflix CEO Reed Hastings has announced that the company will split in two. The Netflix name will remain in use for the DVD streaming business, whereas the DVD by mail service will now be referred to as Qwikster, and will offer video game rentals as well. Personally I would have gone with a cooler name, like “Max Power” or “Rodrigo Bicepsiolli.” But that’s just me. If they’re intent to fail, they’re intent to fail. (The Netflix Blog)

As an investor in Netflix, I’ll be having canned tuna for dinner tonight. And not the one they sell for human consumption. (CBS)

ENGLEWOOD, Colo., Sept. 1, 2011 /PRNewswire/ — Starz, LLC, President and Chief Executive Officer, Chris Albrecht, issued the following statement today regarding the status of affiliation agreement renewal discussions with Netflix.

“Starz Entertainment has ended contract renewal negotiations with Netflix. When the agreement expires on February 28, 2012, Starz will cease to distribute its content on the Netflix streaming platform. This decision is a result of our strategy to protect the premium nature of our brand by preserving the appropriate pricing and packaging of our exclusive and highly valuable content. With our current studio rights and growing original programming presence, the network is in an excellent position to evaluate new opportunities and expand its overall business.”

This is annoying as now we’ll all have to work a little harder to see Lucy Lawless‘s boobs.

Ok, maybe this does not make google plus easier

First, there’s Google plus Circles which are like votes for individual people in the same way links are a “vote” for websites. This allows Google to better understand who the really cool kids are that everyone follows.

Second you have Google plus Sparks to consider which is essentially a database of each of your particular interests, like watching movies…

Finally you have the the plus 1 button which is a basic way of saying this website is cool, or by not hitting the button you can this website is shite.

With that in mind here are a few film sites we think you should be hitting +1 on, besides of course, our site!  Keep the web clear of crap, and have a more enjoyable film experience – nothing wrong with that.

Boofi .net: Boofi is a new resource that let’s you rate and share your favorite films in a new and interesting way. Everything revolves around charts where you place the posters for your favorite films. You can place everything manually, in the way that you see fit. Whenever you watch any movie that knocks you off your feet then you can simply add its poster to your chart, and give it the prominence that you see fit.

Cuethat .com:  Cue That This is a browser plugin, which allows you to select a movie title on any webpage and send that movie directly to your Netflix queue.  This way the next time you read about a cool movie on Screenjunkies, just hit a button on your browser and boom – right into your netflix cue.

Inveni .com:   Inveni is an entertainment focused discovery engine will suggest new TV shows and movies after completing an extensive analysis of your existing tastes. On your first visit to the site you will create a “Taste Profile” that will enable Inveni to come up with highly-personalized recommendations.  In addition to these recommendations that are based on your universal tastes, the site lets you interact with your friends from all over the Social Web. You will be able to suggest movies to each other, and also to discuss the ones that you have seen in a centralized way.

MrMovieTimes.com:  MrMovieTimes.com is a peaceful oasis stuck between the endless war between Fandango and Movie Tickets .com.  While the two giants in the space try to guide you towards movie theaters where they can make a quick fifty cents off of a ticket sale, this site provides unbiased listings for all theaters.

Soundboard .com:  “Hamsters on a plane!”  If this sounds like something you might say check out soundboard.  They have a great collection of celebrity quotes that you can easily pull up and prevent yourself from looking like an ass at your next party.  Sites like Soundboard face a lot of competition from useless spam sites, so do the web a favor and add a google plus 1 to these guys, along with everyone else on the list.

Whatever you think of the web, we think Google Plus can become a tool to make the Internet a better place.  At a minimum it makes way more sense than say creating a 51st state!

However, this rate hike probably won’t cause the uproar that many think it will, as a streaming-only plan will remain $7.99, and a one-DVD-at-a-time plan (now sans streaming) actually falls from $9.99 to $7.99. So unless you really want the “best of both worlds,” there could be a chance that this restructuring could actually save you money.

While it’s likely that Netflix rate hikes will cause some customers to jump ship, the increased fees will subsidize streaming licenses, as well as original programming, meaning that when all is said and done, the rate hike could make Netflix a more desirable service. I’m not sure if I believe that, but it’s a pleasant thing to think about.

So in short, one of the best values in entertainment is getting a little more expensive for some. But considering even the new pricing clocks in at about the cost of one movie ticket in LA or New York, it’s still a pretty sweet service. Besides, the Netflix gang is still in our good graces for running Blockbuster out of business.

That’s why Canadian broadcasters are urging to have Netflix Canada forced to abide by the same regulations which they have to work under. That, or money. Yeah, it seems like a money thing.

Now that Netflix is generating their own content, it could be argued that they are a broadcaster. However, regulating Netflix is only a few steps away from regulating the Internet. And what will happen then? Our wives and girlfriends will find our porn is what. Please Canada, I urge you to look into the horny depths of your pervert hearts and call off the hounds. Thank you. Sincerely, American penises. (THR)

You can still watch Showtime‘s retired original series, like “The Tudors,” but what’s the fun in that? The point is to be able to stay somewhat caught up on “Californication” without spending extra bucks on Showtime. Why’d they suddenly become a bunch of jerkos?

Viewers are “cutting the cord” more and more, opting for an internet/Netflix combo rather than expensive cable. So it could be a way to protect their precious, precious David Duchovny related-content. Or maybe they got spooked by Netflix having a fancy shmancy original series of their own – the Kevin Spacey starring “House of Cards.” (TheWrap)

Here they are. Our weekly rundown of the best, the weirdest, and the most decently okay titles available to stream instantly on Netflix.

Watch these movies…

…Because you want to see something good:

A successful car dealer watches his life fall apart around him after his tremendous player status causes his libido to outgrow the Earth’s atmosphere.

…

…Because you’re bored:

A documentary about the U.S. government’s attempt to bring down notorious stoner Tommy Chong for eating too much chocolate pudding and watching too many “Aqua Teen Hunger Force” reruns.

…

…Because you’re drunk:

Burt Reynolds stars as a suave road warrior tasked with driving a shipment of cheap beer across state lines while on the run from Jackie Gleason, who wants to eat him.

…

…Because you’re too much of a pussy to actually try DMT:

A drug dealer is fatally wounded in a police shoot-out and enters an eternal limbo of ball-tripping insanity, also known as Tokyo.

…

Other available titles:

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest

Lenny

Frozen

Barry Munday

Triage

Dogtooth

Eddie Izzard: Live From Wembly

Alamar

"I feel like we have something in common because we’re both blind."

The winner will receive a 3-month subscription from Netflix!

Thanks to everyone who entered. You guys rocked Twitter with your captions.

City Island is available on Blu Ray and DVD today.

Dennis Haskins, better known as Mr. Belding, is upset about being left out of the Saved By The Bell reunion that People magazine recently put together. Apparently Zack and the show’s other main actors would only reunite if "creepy" Belding and Screech were excluded. "I earned the right to be there. If anybody deserved to be on that cover, it was Dennis Haskins," the actor explained to the Detroit News. "I want people to know it was not my choice not to be there, because I would have been there. It hurts my feelings, but I’ll live." Not cool, you guys. Belding is just as much a part of the show as the rest of you. Just because he always leers at Jessie’s chest while saying with a lecherous smile, "Loved you in Showgirls," is not reason enough to freeze him out. This is just like televise high school all over again. (NY Mag)

Have a gander at these morning links…