Screen Junkies » nasa

NASA Is Making Their Astronauts Dress Like Buzz Lightyear Now

Wookie Johnson — Thu, 20 Dec 2012 22:07:08 +0000

The next generation of NASA spacesuit is here and it looks a lot like Buzz Lightyear. Named one of Time magazine’s inventions of the year, the Z-1 Prototype Spacesuit and Portable Life Support System 2.0, is white with fluorescent green stripes and a huge-ass dome helmet.

The suit is designed to take astronauts into long missions into deep space. It features a rear-entry port that gives astronauts an easy way to dock with shuttles and space stations without the need for an airlock. And I assume allows them to poop into space, but I’m not an engineer.

The z-1 still remains in the prototype stage and is subject to further revisions — like including a switch that allows it to speak in Spanish. (THR)

What Could Be Living On The Newly-Discovered Planet, Kepler-22b?

Wookie Johnson — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 19:52:08 +0000

Reports surfaced today that NASA has found a new planet 600 light years away that may have life on it. The planet, Kepler-22b, is about twice the size of Earth, and is located in the “Goldilocks zone,” an area in orbit with temperatures that would allow for surface water. Liquid water means the ability to support life.

This leads me to three questions. 1) Who lives on this planet? 2) Do they intend to eat us? 3) If not, are they delicious?

The way I see it, the life on this planet could be anything, but here are seven very real options. We need to get to know our enemy before we travel 600 light years to f##k their shit up.

Apes

We can’t assume that the lifeforms on this weird, new Super Earth look and sound like we do. That would be arrogant. However, that’s not to say that we can’t learn about our own humanity from their civilization. Should the planet be overrun with talking apes, NASA’s scouts will have to be careful not to be caught and imprisoned. Better bring an ape mask like the one Danny McBride wore in 30 Minutes or Less just in case.

Amazon Women

Should scientists discover that the planet could be inhabited by a race of sexy, Amazon warrior women, I’d like to volunteer for the mission. It will be a big sacrifice and I’ll miss my life here on Earth, but you see, I grew up mere miles from two all-female colleges and still had a tough time getting any. I’m owed this.

Space Junk: 5 Movie Satellites That Could Kill Us All

Wookie Johnson — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 19:37:13 +0000

In case you hadn’t heard, NASA has plans to kill some of us this weekend. A 12,500-pound satellite has fallen out of orbit and is expected to splinter into 26 pieces during re-entry. Those pieces could spread out in a 500-mile path that will crash somewhere in North America. Which sucks because I live there.

NASA seems confident that the risks to human life are extremely small. However, if movies have taught me anything it is that satellites can be extremely dangerous. They can be used to cripple world economies, spy on Will Smith, and even raise the dead. So, please enjoy your last moments on Earth with these 5 movie satellites that could kill us all.

Scoop VII – The Andromeda Strain

The Andromeda Strain points out the inherent dangerous side effect of sending something into space. Namely, Space Rabies. When the Scoop VII satellite crashes into a New Mexico town, it brings a deadly virus with it referred to as The Andromeda Strain. Great. I’m worried enough about Earth viruses. Am I going to have to worry about alien ones now too?

Unnamed Satellite – Night Of The Living Dead

Okay. If the idea of a space virus sounds far-fetched, how about the much more realistic possibility of harmful radiation from space? Could happen, right? In the case of Night of the Living Dead, harmful radiation from a downed satellite causes the Earth’s dead to rise from their graves and begin eating the living. Which I really hope can’t happen and doesn’t happen this weekend. I have plans to go see the Descendents.

SkyLab – Wet Hot American Summer

A piece of NASA’s SkyLab (the original space junk) threatens the campers at Camp Firewood. Luckily, an astrophysics associate professor from the local college is on the scene and shows the campers how to build a device that will protect them from certain doom. However, it’s unclear whether or not SkyLab returned with any space viruses that raise the dead. But I kinda hope it did. That would be an awesome sequel.

NASA Calls ’2012′ Stupid as Sh*t, In So Many Words

Col. Longshanks — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 19:46:49 +0000

I spy irresponsible hyperbole.

NASA has released its list of the least plausible science fiction films ever made, and Roland Emmerich‘s 2012 landed at the panic-inducing top. The agency has received so many questions based on the ridiculous Mayan propaganda in the film that it was forced to create a website to calm everyone the eff down. The ironic part is the people who need to access it probably think the Internet is an identity stealin devil.

Here’s the list of the most dum-dum sci-fi movies of all time, according to NASA and the Science & Entertainment Exchange:

1. 2012 (2009)
2. The Core (2003)
3. Armageddon (1998)
4. Volcano (1997)
5. Chain Reaction (1996)
6. The 6th Day (2000)
7. What the #$*! Do We Know? (2004)

Turns out a volcano erupting in the middle of Los Angeles is more likely than a massive asteroid barreling toward earth. I work one block from the Tar Pits. Thanks for the nightmare fuel, NASA.

They also put out a list of the most plausible sci-fi films:

1. Gattaca (1997)
2. Contact (1997)
3. Metropolis (1927)
4 The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)
5. Woman in the Moon (1929)
6. The Thing from Another World (1951)
7. Jurassic Park (1993)

Ethan Hawk must be positively giddy. It also seems that if we’re invaded by aliens, they’ll all look like David Morse. (/Film)