TMZ announced, with TMZ‘s typical understated dignity, that Hulk Hogan is SHAVING HIS MUSTACHE!!!, using only three exclamation points to show that this is serious. Hulk has been known for his handlebar mustache and platinum blonde Dutch boy haircut since the early 80′s, but will be losing both right now for a movie audition. Audition? Someone wants to hear Hulk Hogan read for a role? Like they’re not sure if he’s the right guy for the role? Huh.

Losing his mustache is in no way a reaction to comments by his wife that he had a gay affair with fellow wrestler Brutus the Beefcake. But if I had a gay affair with Brutus the Beefcake that came to light, shaving my mustache would give me the closure necessary to really get back on with my life. I’ve given this some thought.

While Hulk Hogan has always rocked a bit of a strange look, at least it was familiar. Now, we’re going to have to contend with a bald, shorn Hogan, which is just… just a lot to take right now, man.