Screen Junkies » mommie dearest http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Wed, 03 Dec 2014 00:20:56 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Film Moms That Are Worse Than That New Jersey Tanning Mom http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/film-moms-that-are-worse-than-that-new-jersey-tanning-mom/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/film-moms-that-are-worse-than-that-new-jersey-tanning-mom/#comments Tue, 08 May 2012 16:21:11 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=248461 Son of a bitch.

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The New Jersey tanning-addict mother has managed to capture the attention of everyone on my Facebook news feed, due to both her extremely disturbing skin tone, as well as the fact that she allegedly took her six year-old daughter to a tanning salon and allowed her to/made her tan.

She’s now lashing out at critics of her appearance and behavior by saying, “There’s somebody out there on my whole life that doesn’t like me because they’re jealous, they’re fat and they’re ugly.”

Fat and ugly people are always laying into good moms with sexy tans. That’s the way it’s always been and probably always will be.

Well, misery loves company, so we assembled a short list of several other miserable moms to show to Mrs. Patricia Krentcil of New Jersey that she’s not the only terrible person/mom out there.

Carrie’s Mom – Carrie

Duh. Carrie’s mom isn’t the type of mom that a teenage girl would consider “totally her best friend.” Carrie’s mom, Margaret, goes a little overboard with the Christianity, chastising Carrie for the “curse of blood” when she has her first period in gym class.

I could stop there, but I’m not going to. Margaret refused to let Carrie go to the prom, calling it an “occasion of sin,” which is totally correct, but still. Later, believing that Carrie is possessed by the devil, Carrie’s mom stabs her in the back, which, just like not letting her go to the prom, is totally unfair.

These are all bad qualities in a mom. If I had to rank them in descending order of total unfairness, the list would look like this:

(That’s right. It’s a list-within-a-list. Anything goes!)

4. Locking your daughter in a closet and forcing her to pray. (SO UNFAIR!)
3. Stabbing your daughter. (MOM!)
2. Guilting your daughter for being on the rag. (LAME!)
1. Denying you daughter prom. (GOD!)

Dirk Diggler’s Mom – Boogie Nights

(The actual scene is not embeddable, but this reenactment is pretty damn great, so here you go.)

She thought Dirk becoming a teenage porn star was a bad idea, and pointed out that his high school girlfriend was a bit of a whore. She was completely right about those two things, but she really didn’t have to be so mean about it. She tore down his posters and called him a loser in so many words, causing him to move out of the house and shack up with the likes of Rollergirl, Reed Rothchild, Jack Horner, and Lord knows who else.

Her overbearing personality also seems to have made a shell of a man out of her husband, who just sits around with a thousand-yard stare while Mrs. Diggler (may not be her Christian name) lays into her well-meaning son.

Someone needs to get Cosmo over to her house to toss some firecrackers at her.

Jenny – Forrest Gump

No list of horrible women would be complete without the inclusion of Jenny, who had a kid (the adorable little moppet Haley Joel Osment), guaranteeing her inclusion on her list.

Despite the fact that Forrest is rich, well-meaning, and pretty much the most accomplished human to ever grace the earth, Jenny hides the fact that he’s a dad from him. Why does she do this? Because she’s Jenny and she’s pure evil. That’s why Jenny does everything. She only lets Forrest know because she’s dying of AIDS because she slept with every disco godfather in the late 70’s and 80’s and needs someone to take care of her kid, who she probably doesn’t even care about.

I hate Jenny. And now her kid will, too.

Stifler’s Mom – American Pie

I have no problem with Sifler’s mom exercising her sexuality with younger men. I think it’s terrific. However, banging out one of your son’s friends is tantamount to killing his social life. Never again will Stifler be taken seriously.

Ok, so maybe the Siffmeister wasn’t taken very seriously as a person, but his social clout would have been torpedoed by his mother, and he could never maintain any semblance of high ground in a discussion with his friends. It’s terrible.

All she had to do to be a decent mom was not bang a friend of her high school son. But that’s not what she did.

Joan Crawford – Mommie Dearest

This is a supposedly true account of how Joan Crawford treated her daughter, based on that daughter’s memoirs, published in 1978. Apparently, Joan made her daughter call her Joan’s many lovers “Uncle,” or “Daddy,” which is so messed up I don’t know what to do with myself. She claimed that Joan suffered from alcoholism, and tried to strangle her in a drunken rage.

Then, of course, there’s the infamous wire hanger scene. I’ll let it speak for itself:

Haunting.

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