Screen Junkies » michael lohan Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Fri, 19 Sep 2014 21:04:14 +0000 en hourly 1 9 Celebrity Dads Who Would Be Worse Fathers Than OJ Simpson Thu, 19 Jan 2012 20:32:29 +0000 Penn Collins Don't get me wrong, finding out your dad was O.J. would still be completely and totally horrible...

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In case you haven’t heard, the news is out: Khloe Kardashian is definitely O.J. Simpson’s daughter, at least according to The National Enquirer.

Hey, it could be worse. They could have confirmed that Khloe is actually a Kardashian. That would have sucked. Or she could have had one of these nine celebrity fathers. At least with O.J., you won’t have to see him for a while. But here’s some free advice – if he asks you to go get some of his stuff back from some guys who stole it, don’t do it. It’s a bad idea.

Michael Lohan

I’m as surprised as you are that a sometimes-Jesus freak with anger and substance abuse issues doesn’t make for a great dad, but his daughter, Lindsay, has had some legal troubles in the past decade or so. Fortunately, all her problems got better when she posed topless for Playboy, but it was scary there for a minute.

Lohan has been to jail twice, once for insider trading, and once for driving drunk, but he had his own reality show, which more than makes up for the jail thing.

This Wikipedia excerpt pretty much sums up Michael Lohan as a person:

On October 25, 2011, Michael Lohan was arrested in a suspected domestic violence incident in Tampa, Florida, involving his on-again, off-again girlfriend, Kate Major. Lohan was released from custody on $5,000 bail and ordered to have no further contact with Major. Twelve hours later on October 27, 2011 he was again back in police custody, after contacting Major again by phone. Unbeknownst to Lohan, when he called Major a second time that evening, police were listening in on speaker phone. Police then went to Lohan’s hotel to arrest him. When Lohan saw the police arrive, he attempted to escape by jumping out of his third-story room window. Upon jumping, Lohan fell into a tree and injured his foot.

Joe Jackson

He’s the man who made Michael Jackson the person he is, which almost certainly guarantees him the title of “Worst Father Ever.”

Jackson abused his kids, made them call him “Joseph” while he worked as their manager (I’m sure that wasn’t weird for anyone involved.), and he cheated on his wife enough to have two daughters via extramarital affairs.

In 1993, Michael Jackson spoke to Oprah and said that even as an adult he would feel sick or vomit every time he saw his father.

Joe would also, for no reason, trip his male children, or push them into walls to show his dominance. JESUS CHRIST! That’s completely depraved, even by celebrity dad standards.

Kit Culkin

Macauley Culkin’s dad hasn’t been in the news for a long, long time, but I’m sure he’s still a pretty big jerk.

Kit served as Macauley’s manager since the Home Alone/Uncle Buck days, and when he and his wife got divorced, they fought more over who got to manage their son than they did over the kid himself. It’s thought that Macauley earned $50 million during his heyday, much of which was pilfered by Kit.

Must suck when your nine year-old is the breadwinner, but don’t be a dick about it, Kit.

I bet Macauley is wishing he’d just been left…Home Alone??????


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Screwed Up Lohan Family Screws With David Letterman Thu, 17 Feb 2011 07:09:53 +0000 Geoffrey Golden Here's the story of how the Lohan clan turned Mr. Letterman's life upside-down for one magical news cycle.

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Celebrity Problem Tornado Lindsay Lohan, who I think used to star in movies at some point, was supposed to make an appearance on ”Late Show With David Letterman“ to read the Top 10 List. That was what was announced, and that is what I believed.

Lohan’s been accused of stealing a $2,500 gold necklace, just the latest crime “Fully Loaded” Lohan has committed in a growing rap sheet of DUIs and drug possession arrests. The Letterman guest spot might have been the funniest thing she’s done since Mean Girls — which was released almost 7 years ago, or in “the long, long ago” in Lohan chronology.

Recently, the rug was pulled out from under Letterman when Lohan tweeted she wasn’t playing ball, adding:

I’m not sure how this happened.

I imagine after an all-night celebrity cocaine party at Charlie Sheen‘s house, you wouldn’t be sure how or why anything happened. Here’s how Letterman responded on the show. (You can watch it in the clip above.)

“So it turns out we were duped… I have no one to blame but myself, and boy, is my face red… [Deadpans:] I hope I didn’t embarrass you, Lindsay, and your family.”

Well, now we know who the mystery “duper” was. Her fist-fighting father Michael Lohan, no stranger to the inside of a jail cell himself, apologized for the debacle. Mr. Lohan told TMZ he made the booking with Lindsay’s approval, but when her entourage found out, the deal was immediately kaput.

“Anything positive that I bring into her life … [her people] try to nix it,” Michael Lohan said.

And that, my friends, is the story of how the Lohan clan turned Mr. Letterman’s life upside-down for one magical news cycle. (ReutersLA Times)

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