Though his Spiderman 4 role never became a reality, it looks like John Malkovich won't be missing out on a blockbuster payday. Deadline reports that Oscar nominee and Oscar winner Frances McDormand will slum it for Michael Bay in Transformers 3. I guess Malkovich wants something worse than Con-Air on his resume. Malkovich will play LaBeouf's first boss while McDormand will play the National Intelligence Director.Ken Jeong of The Hangover and Community is also joining the cast. This news worries me given Bay's penchant for representing ethnic characters as racial stereotypes. Here's hoping he doesn't go the angry, yelling Korean guy route. If so, he could have saved some money by hiring Dat Phan. 

Michael Bay and Platinum Dunes have incensed a number of horror fans with their Abercrombie & Fitch approach to remaking The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Amityville Horror, The Hitcher, Friday the 13th, and potentially A Nightmare on Elm Street. And now they've got their sites set on incensing horror comedy fans with the announcement they've teamed with Rob Cohen for his long-gestating remake of The Monster Squad, the Fred Dekker cult classic that is fondly remembered by all children of the 1980's. The director of Stealth may seem like an odd choice to helm the picture but he actually produced the original. A movie fact that I did not know and probably the reason I'll never make it to the Scene-It nationals. The movie tells the story of a group of kids banding together to stop Dracula from assembling all the legendary monsters in his quest to take over the world. Surprisingly I'm not too bitter about this news, only because I think the idea of a Michael Bay/Rob Cohen exxxtreme take on The Monster Squad is hysterical. This time around it will be discovered that not only does Wolfman got nards, but also a pretty gnarly Prince Albert piercing. (Deadline)

"Which one of you wants to be a star?!!!"Have you ever wanted to see the filming of a major motion picture firsthand? Would you like a grown man to scream swears and insults at you through a megaphone?? Do you like box lunches??? Then today could very well be your lucky day.Dreamworks is looking for background talent in the Los Angeles area for Transformers 3 and they're doing so through Craigslist. And before you knock the legitimacy of the posting, I'll have you know that Craigslist is great. It's how I found my apartment and my trademark cold sores.The ad doesn't mention which day or days shooting will take place but it does pay $200. Applicants will be selected on a breast-by-breast basis. Check out the ad HERE. (via Collider)

It has become known to us that Michael Bay is planning on shooting scenes for Transformers 3 in both the heavily populated cities of Moscow and Chicago. All citizens are urged to remain calm. No more information can be provided at this time, but as a precautionary measure we advice that you secure all your women, eggs, and flammable liquids. More news when it becomes available. Good luck, and God bless. (/Film)

You can excuse any actor on the set of a Transformers film of phoning it in for a paycheck but in the case of Hugo Weaving, that's exactly what he did. In fact, the voice of Megatron has never met director Michael Bay."Michael Bay talks to me on the phone. I've never met him. We were doing the voice for the second one and I still hadn't seen the first one. I still didn't really know who the characters were and I didn't know what anything was."Well, I saw the movies and I still don't really know who the characters are or what anything is. My hope for the sequel is that everyone (robots included) wear name tags. And speaking of the sequel, from Weaving:"Oh no. They're not making another Transformers, are they?"My sentiments exactly. (from The Age)

Tyrese Gibson calmed all of our fears by getting the word out there that he will in fact return for Transformers 3. Though he's coy about when filming will begin. He tweeted sexilly:TRANSFORMERS 3: Is Full Throttle Full Steam Ahead….. Michael Bay gave me the start date.. And I can't share…Thank GOODNESS. I was really concerned this film wouldn't appeal to my inner-black receptionist. (Tyrese4Real)

Variety recently mentioned that there's a chance Transformers 3 may be filmed using 3D cameras. Paramount wants that but it may go against director Michael Bay's wishes. And you don't want to defy Michael Bay. He throws the best parties. He rents tigers, you guys.Bay has spoken out against 3D in the past believing that it won't gel well with his films. And I definitely agree. Megan Fox notwithstanding, why would I want his movies any closer to my face? The robots in Transformers were confusing, muddled masses of scrap which were all but impossible to distinguish between during fight scenes. It was like staring at a Magic Art poster with racist characters.Of course, that was Bay's stance before Avatar bent over and dogged the global box office. Maybe the money and studio pressure will change his mind but I urge the cash-loving suits to remember one thing: Michael Bay is an artist. Didn't you see his Victoria's Secret ad? (Variety)

It seems Michael Bay took time off from redefining evolution to prep his next film Transformers 3, which is set to begin filming in May. You might say, "Isn't that an awfully quick prep time for a movie of such magnitude," and I would respond, "Yeah, dude, now quit tugging at my sleeve." My guess is that the "creative team" is working off of a picture that Bay took of his bowl of Alpha-Bits Cereal. You never know what kind of fascinating stories you're going to find floating a top a silky sea of milk. Bay's breakfast spelled out, "Explosion robot sweat cleavage," and he was off to the races.  We'll find out if Transformers 3 sucks as much as its last predecessor July 1, 2011.

Screen Junkies has an unhealthy obsession with Michael Bay so it's only fitting that I post this commercial he recently directed for Victoria's Secret. The rumor I'm starting has it that Bay schtooped every single model on set, but only after he bent the sky over and took it from behind, thus scorching the earth all for a totally awesome shot. Here are today's lin–BOOM!What Your Favorite Sport Really Says About You (HolyTaco) London Knights Fan Makes it Rain Teddy Bears (TotalProSports) Sexy Surfers (TheChive) The Final Frame of Old Dogs is Creepy (FilmDrunk) 25 Amazing Christmas Light Displays (SuperTremendous) The Decade's Ten Biggest Flameouts (Pajiba) Top 10 Twilight Fan Gifts (CelebJihad) 10 Reasons We Miss Dolph Lundgren (Moviefone) A Collection of Horrible Prequel Ideas (Unreality) Is Playground Pole Dancing Porn? (Asylum) Brenda Warner Has Long Hair Now! (BustedCoverage) Quad Loading Fail (RegretfulMorning) Makeover Your Pad James Bond-Style (MadeMan) 66 Hot Track Girls (AllLeftTurns) Vicious Soccer Fight Over Dirty Play (NothingToxic) Tiger Woods Gets His Sext On (Atom)

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe wasn't just an awesome platform to sell toys. It was also a program that delivered good moral values to its young viewers, especially at the end of each episode (not unlike G.I. Joe).
Our scientists scoured the 'nets and assembled a collection of some of these lessons taught to us by He-Man and fellow Eternians… and then we thought about all the celebrities that could stand to learn from them.
Check out these lessons below. You might just learn something, too.

Television's ultimate pitchman has passed away. Billy Mays, the charismatic and clamorous infomercial host died in his sleep after sustaining a head injury during a rough plane landing this past weekend. The very likeable Mays is currently co-starring with Anthony Sullivan on the Discovery Channel show Pitchmen. This really is such a shame. It's always sad to see someone cut down while their star is on the rise. His contributions to the tapestry of television will be sorely missed. (Variety)And on a side note, can we please put a stop to all of these recent high profile deaths? Keyboard Cat's paws are gonna fall off at this rate.Here are some other morning headlines… GI Joe's newest character poster: Scarlett. (Film School Rejects)Warner Bros announces their Comic Con line-up. (/Film)Picard and Sisco look-a-likes to open Star Trek restaurant. (io9)80's Movie Montages That Make No Damn Sense. (Cracked)Michael Bay to Megan Fox: I made you. (The Playlist)

Welcome to the final day of BAYWATCH '09.  To recap, we've revisited Bay's Best Music Videos, Pitted Bay's Explosions against one another in the Bracket of Boom, ogled his "Baybes" and collected emails from his personal account.  For the last day, we're getting inside the man's head.  Strap on your safety goggles and flak jackets. By Ian Sobel

Well lookee what we got here, boys!  Last round, the asteroid rocked the The Rock's missile and the Giant F**king Robot 'splodin' the bus beat out the combustible mansion. Even Michael Bay, with his infinite wisdom and soothsaying powers, told us in a conversation that didn’t really happen that he was literally BLOWN AWAY by the results. Now we're down to the Big Boom and the tension is so palpable you could masticate it like a big ol' bag of Big League Chew.  THE FINAL MATCHUP

EXCLUSIVE REVENGE OF THE FALLEN INTERVIEW WITH STARVING ACTOR – Watch more Funny Videos Who needs to get an exclusive interview with Megan Fox or Shia LaBeouf or Optimus Prime when you can talk to the actor playing the guy who gives the pilot of Josh Duhamel and Tyrese's helicopter permission to land?  Yeah, that's right.  Screen Junkies has the exclusive – and we mean ONLY – interview with Transformers Revenge of the Fallen's Derek Alvarado. Suck on it, Ain't It Cool!!!

VOTING FOR ROUND 1 IS CLOSED, BUT YOU CAN STILL VOTE FOR WHO GOES TO THE BIG BOOM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCHUP!

It's no secret that Screen Junkies loves Michael Bay, and to celebrate the release of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, we're calling this week BAYWATCH.  Every day for the next five days, there will be a new feature dedicated to Michael Bay, the man, the myth, the pyromaniac. Kicking off the week is a look back at Bay's earlier work. Before the Boom (and Bad Boys)… there was the music.  Michael Bay made his reputation on making music artists look really frickin' cool based on the aesthetic standards of the day.  Bay's work was dramatic.  It was gorgeous.  And it single-handedly supported Hollywood's "lens mist filter" and silk drapery industries for years.Here are our favorites, in chronological order. Richard Marx's "Angelia" (1989)

According to Deadline Hollywood Daily, Michael Bay really pissed off some devoted fans in Seoul.  They were waiting in the rain for over two hours for Bay's arrival at the Transformers 2 premiere, and he showed up late with Shia LeBeouf and Megan Fox in tow.  Rumor has it he didn't even bring a corsage, kept reminiscing about his ex girlfriend, and seemed completely ignorant to the fact that fans had been looking forward to the event for weeks.  After the premiere, fans spent the rest of the night sobbing into their pillows and wishing the whole night had never happened.  Bay tried to save some face by issuing a formal apology, but that's not going to stop the kids in the cafeterias and cubicles from snickering at the Transformer's fans' misfortune.    

Noted hard-partier Andrew WK is hosting the new, explosion-filled Destroy Build Destroy on Cartoon Network. On the show, WK gives kids bazookas and encourages them to blow up large vehicles in order to build new, kick-ass machines out of the wreckage. It looks like a great update on Mr. Wizard. Without the bad touch. Here are some more explosive morning headlines…   Megan Fox looks forward to acting someday. (The Playlist) Lindsay Lohan is pregnant. (Cinema Blend) Paul Shaffer was nearly George Costanza. (TV Squad) Limpet remake finds a captain. (THR) Joseph Gordon-Levitt infers that Stephen Sommers is developmentally disabled. (MTV) 7 Terrible Scripts That Became Great Movies. (Cracked)