Though I’d like to think these ‘Zeta Killers’ can get the job done, the existence (and placement) of their water bottles is throwing me off. So, in the event they can’t do it, let’s see who easily could.

Batman – The Dark Knight

This is a no brainer.  Batman has vigilante violence down to a science; he also knows how to coax members of the law on to his side.  If he’s able to sneak into communist China undetected, there’s no reason why he couldn’t sneak into Veracruz in the same fashion.  This would also give him an excuse to snag a Zeta and scream “Where were the other drugs going?!?”

Creasy – Man on Fire

Not only is Creasy a demented lunatic, he knows his way around Mexico.  If he’s able to find kidnappers in big, bustling Mexico City, he can easily find drug traffickers in Cuernavaca. And it doesn’t hurt to have Tony Scott‘s neurotic 360 camera spins and Trent Reznor‘s beats blasting in the background.

Last week there was news that Mel Gibson was renting a prison in Veracruz, Mexico for a film project. There were no details at the time but today comes news that film is titled, How I Spent My Summer Vacation. The film will star Gibson as a man who can hear what Mexicans think after an accidental electrocution. Just kidding. They don’t have electricity in Mexico. Anyhoo…

Gibson will not be directing this one. He will, however, be credited as the writer of the film that is actually about a criminal (Gibson) who is sent to a run-down, dirty Mexican prison where he meets and bonds with a nine-year-old boy. Hold on. They have children in Mexican prisons? Does Roman Polanski know about that? Seems like he could have saved himself a lot of belly aching with that knowledge. (Empire)