So, we’re left to wait to hear whether or not Fichtner will wear knife shoulder pads or a warthog, rhinoceros, or samurai rabbit costume. Keep in mind, he does have reasonable experience in dressing ridiculously.

That’s just one of the scenes on display in this red-band featurette for This Is 40, starring Mann and Paul Rudd as their characters from Knocked Up. The film explores the ups and downs of marriage, parenthood, and sex after your body has decided to destroy you. Enjoy them while they last, Megan Fox (and everyone who likes to look at Megan Fox).

Oscar producer #2: Definitely Josh Duhamel and Megan Fox. I saw my son watching Las Vegas once. Who do old viewers like?

Oscar producers #3-#16 (in unison): BILLY CRYSTAL AND ROBIN WILLIAMS.

Oscar producer #1 (who also happens to be Vinnie Jones‘ agent): Ok. I heard “Billy Crystal,” “Robin Williams,” and I’m going to go ahead and toss Vinnie Jones in there too. I think a few people said “Vinnie Jones.”

And that’s presumably how we got this Oscar trailer, which features no fresh faces or ideas, but rather plays to the conception that Billy Crystal is some sort of long-retired Oscar guru, instead of some aged comedian that wasn’t funny enough to host anymore until Brett Ratner got all homophobic at a screening.

Well, (bland) mission (bland) accomplished!

In this 2012 Academy Awards trailer, we get a gag that seems to have come straight out of Bruce Vilanch’s ass (gross). The goal of this trailer is certainly to generate excitement for Billy Crystal’s hosting gig at the 2012. This proves to be a fool’s errand, as it’s simply impossible to get excited about anything Billy Crystal does these days. Clearly, his selection is a backlash against Franco and Hathaway’s poorly-received turn last year, but at least people talked about the Oscars the following days.

When people try to talk about the Oscars following the telecast on Sunday February 27th, plain oatmeal will ooze out their mouths and dribble down their chins.

Which, admittedly, will be the funniest thing about the Oscars this year.

Additionally, some are complaining about the content of this trailer, calling it unimpressive and unfunny with its Kardashian jokes and repeated gibberish gag. But I urge you to keep in mind that this is probably one for the middle states. The actual film is likely rife with edgy, inventive humor. This is just the way of tricking “those people” into the theater. If I’m wrong, I should also remind you that a woman shatters bricks with her breasts in this movie. That earns the ticket of admission price right there.

As usual, this list’s contentions are final and non-negotiable. Anyone caught discussing or arguing with the findings here or anywhere else online will have their comments deleted and their Internet privileges suspended.

Hayden Panettiere

Standing only 5’2”, Panattiere serves as this list’s “Shetland hottie.” She might not have Rihanna’s tall grace, but she more than makes up for it by looking like a cute tiny teenager while wearing a cheerleading outfit. She would have appeared higher on this list, but she was romantically involved with boxer Vladimir Klitschko which upsets me for a number of reasons, none of which I’m going to get into in this forum.

Yaya DeCosta

This Tron: Legacy actress finished 3rd in America’s Next Top Model, which springboarded her into acting. She stole a handful of scenes in The Kids Are All Right as Mark Ruffalo’s coworker/eff buddy and appears in the upcoming Justin Timberlake sci-fi crime thriller In Time.

I can’t speak to whether or not whips and chains excite Yaya the way they do Rihanna, but I’m comfortable assuming they do until I hear otherwise.

Minka Kelly

The star of Friday Night Lights and the soon-to-be cancelled (I’m guessing) Charlie’s Angels on ABC can not only face-off against Ms. Umbrella, but emerge victorious. Realizing I know next-to-nothing about Ms. Kelly, I looked her up to find that she was last year’s “Sexiest Woman Alive” winner. How ‘bout that!

She recently broke up with Derek Jeter, so if you think your game is on par with the likes of him, by all means, call her up. I don’t have her phone number, but I’m sure she’s listed.

However, he isn’t the first to lose a plum gig after sharing controversial viewpoints. Here are nine other entertainers who were fired after speaking their mind. Sadly, none of them are Kid Rock.

Gilbert Gottfried – Aflac

Gilbert Gottfried enjoyed a pretty cake stint as the voice of the Aflac duck. That ended in March of 2011 when he tweeted jokes about the Japanese tsunami disaster. He later apologized and erased the tweets, but Aflac (who does 75% of their business in Japan) weren’t laughing. He was dismissed quickly and the search for a new duck voice began.

Madonna – Pepsi

You know what Pepsi doesn’t like associated with their brand? Burning crosses. Go figure. After pressure from religious groups, Pepsi stopped airing its commercial starring Madonna and featuring her song “Like a Prayer.” However, they probably shouldn’t have likened their product to a religious experience in the first place.

Megan Fox – Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Although she proved herself quite adept at raising her ass in the air while lying across automobiles, Megan Fox found out how replaceable she is when she compared director Michael Bay to Hitler. Seems that didn’t sit too well with executive producer Steven Spielberg and Fox was not invited back for the third film in the series. It’s a shame too because that’s the only film that kinda almost made some sense.

Ted Haggard made a delightful name for himself as a hypocrite a few years back when, as president of the National Association of Evangelicals, he had an affair with a male prostitute and did a bunch of crystal meth.

YOU’RE MY BOY, TED!

Gary Busey, of course, is a clinically insane person who used to be an actor but now just scares people with his teeth.

While these are two rather inspired choices, we would like to see the producers spread their wings and put up some other celebrities that will add an unpredictable element to the reality television show. Here are five such couples that would make Celebrity Wife Swap appointment television.

5. Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox

Little did BAG know, Megan Fox has been playing her own game of Wife Swap for a while, most recently with Transformers costar Shia LaBeouf. I would like to see this couple on the swapping block if only to see the look of unmitigate glee when the other party’s husband (in my mind it’s Morgan Freeman) finds out that he’s getting Megan Fox for the experiment.

I mean, they say there’s no f*cking the other guy’s wife or husband in Wife Swap, but come on. ABC reality producers aren’t going to keep me from banging MY WIFE. Hell, the National Guard isn’t going to keep me from banging Megan Fox if she was my wife.

Ugh. Did that come across as rapey? I feel like that came across as rapey.

4. Chris “Mad Dog” Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow

These two are just annoying people. The wife would wake up to Chris Martin just staring at her, sipping some sort of herbal tea he came across in Sri Lanka.

“I wrote you a song about a rainbow!”

Meanwhile, Gwyneth would channel her GOOP darkside, filling the children’s brown paper lunch bags with vegan paella and telling the kids they don’t get to practice tai chi until after they meditate.

Cut back to Chris, who wants to call the whole thing off because he’s convinced that the new family’s dog stole his favorite scarf. To make matters worse, Gwyneth sends him a letter saying that she won’t be returning to her original family, and that he can keep Moses and Apple because those are stupid names for children and she is going to kick it with her new adopted children Cody, Madison, and Kevin.

With that in mind, we’ve created the following quiz. You think you know a lot about the Transformers? Then, take the Screen Junkies Ultimate ‘Transformers’ Quiz and prove it.

10 photosMegan Fox

Asked if he hooked up with Fox, LaBeouf nods affirmatively. “Look, you’re on the set for six months, with someone who’s rooting to be attracted to you, and you’re rooting to be attracted to them,” he explains. “I never understood the separation of work and life in that situation. But the time I spent with Megan was our own thing, and I think you can see the chemistry onscreen.” When I inquire about Fox’s status at the time with her longtime boyfriend, Brian Austin Green, LaBeouf replies, “I don’t know, man. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. . . .”—repeating the phrase exactly 12 times with various intonations, as if trying to get it just right. Finally, he says, “It was what it was.”

I’m not saying that I believe him cuz I don’t, but Shia should watch his back. He just made a powerful enemy.

10 photosMegan Fox

Ok, Reilly probably didn’t make the cut due to his looks, but he’s developed the comedic chops to join forces with the Borat juggernaut. Fox, on the other hand, has just begun wetting her beak in comedy with Friends with Kids and Judd Apatow‘s This Is Forty.

It’s not known whether the stars will play themselves or the extent to which they will be featured in The Dictator, but a little Megan Fox is better than no Megan Fox. Ditto for Reilly, as he will no doubt play a great befuddled foil to most anything Cohen has up his sleeve. (THR)

Paramount has fast-tracked and financed Doug Liman’s Luna, the story of some rogue scientists who build a makeshift rocket to retrieve an energy source located on the moon. The project has been in the works for years, but couldn’t find financing until now courtesy of Skydance and New Regency. Liman and Jon Hamburg wrote the original draft of the script, though it’s been reworked several times since then. The project is now poised to be Liman’s next, so the question of casting has quickly become a priority.

The shortlist of male leads includes Bradley Cooper, Andrew Garfield, Emile Hirsch and Chris Pine, all of whom have starred in blockbusters. (I’m considering Speed Racer a blockbuster for the sake of Hirsch’s feelings.) No talks are underway, but expect that list to get culled quickly. As for the fairer sex, producers are looking to Rosario Dawson, Megan Fox, Rachel McAdams, Eva Mendes, Zoe Saldana and Olivia Wilde. So they’re going with “young hot women.” Interesting approach.

12 photosVictoria’s Secret Fashion Show Angels Hot Pics Girls Yowza!

“Mike films women in a way that appeals to a 16-year-old sexuality. It’s summer. It’s Michael Bay‘s style. And I think [Megan Fox] never got comfortable with it. This is a girl who was taken from complete obscurity and placed in a sex-driven role in front of the whole world and told she was the sexiest woman in America. And she had a hard time accepting it. When Mike would ask her to do specific things, there was no time for fluffy talk. We’re on the run. And the one thing Mike lacks is tact. There’s no time for [LaBeouf assumes a gentle voice] ‘I would like you to just arch your back 70 degrees.’”

“Rosie comes with this Victoria’s Secret background, and she’s comfortable with it, so she can get down with Mike’s way of working and it makes the whole set vibe very different. Megan developed this Spice Girl strength, this woman-empowerment [stuff] that made her feel awkward about her involvement with Michael who some people think is a very lascivious filmmaker, the way he films women.”

Ouch. “Fluffy talk.” “Spice Girls strength.” My ass feels like it was slapped just by reading that. (Hero Complex)

A word from Megan: “I really enjoy having sex, I’m young and have a lot of hormones. I’m always in the mood.”

**Stutters uncontrollably**

However, the rumor is that Fox is lobbying to play Carrie in MGM and Screen Gem’s remake of the Stephen King classic. I like looking at Fox as much as the next guy, especially her boobs area, but that casting would be more horrifying than anything they could put on the screen. Never mind that Fox is 25, far from high school. Fox looks like the type of girl who would tease you into an eating disorder – not a bullying victim. Also, two words: Jennifer’s Body.

Another actress who apparently wants the role? Lindsay Lohan. *Knocks Head Against Wall* (ShowBizSpy)

Geek out to these links:

New “Superjail” Episode: Hotchick (AdultSwim)

Andrew Garfield Rides A Skateboard On Spider-Man Set (MovieLine)

Local Smokeshow Of The Day (BarstoolSports)

25 Examples Of Patriotist At Its Finest (HolyTaco)

Osama Bin Laden‘s Death Faked (CelebJihad)

Insane Portal 2 Tricks (Unreality)

New Rules For Comic Book Movies (MovieFone)

Jaden Smith Makes A Lot Of Money (PopEater)

25 Awesomely Awkward Senior Portraits (Smosh)

The Top 50 Internet Reactions To Osama Bin Laden’s Death (Ranker)

The 16 Hottest Women Born In May (BroBible)

Cinema’s Most Charming Creeps (Pajiba)

25 Highly-Anticipated Summer Movies (NextMovie)

Seven UFC Fighters Get 60-Day Suspensions (CagePotato)

A (Tongue-In-Cheek) Prayer For Osama Bin Laden (MadeMan)

Doom Meets Mega Man (GameFront)

“Hey, guys. When I talked to you, I was at a party. It was loud and crowded, I was in a shitty mood and I was trying to get rid of your reporter. Mitch is one of my best friends since we were kids. I loved working with him and would do it again tomorrow. I don’t know why I said that stupid shit. I love Mitch, I love Megan. My bad.”

Now the question is if America will ever be able to forgive Rourke for saying these things about Passion Play and our National Princess Megan Fox. We’ll just have to wait and see. Maybe a  cameo appearance in The Hangover 2 would help?

“Terrible. Another terrible movie. But, you know, in your career and all the movies you make, you’re going to make dozens of terrible ones.”

He wasn’t done trying to convince you to see Passion Play though. When asked why the movie is being released on a limited basis, he replied “[t]hat’s because it’s not very good.” Well, I’m definitely sold. Unless Rourke’s costar Megan Fox says she liked it, in which case I’ll probably lose interest. (MovieLine)

Passion Play stars Rourke as a trumpeter who meets Megan Fox‘s dancer character who may be an actual angel. Or a girl who had a really bad dad. At any rate, Rourke wants to free Fox from Bill Murray‘s gangster pimp character, and there-in lies the conflict. The film has had a few setbacks since TIFF last year, when everyone noticed it sucks pretty bad. It will open in limited release in New York and Los Angeles before going to DVD at the end of May.

Not to lump on, but I’m not surprised this movie got made. What surprises me the most is that Bill Murray answered his hotline for this.

The director is finally dusting off his sci-fi caper film, now with the clever name “untitled Moon project,” which has been lingering at Paramount after a jump from Dreamworks in 2007. After rewrites by top screenwriters like Simon Kinberg (Sherlock Holmes), and now that Liman’s All You Need Is Kill is getting killed for lack of momentum at Warner Bros, Liman is ready to round up actors for a good old fashioned space heist.

For the male lead, Limon’s met with Andrew Garfield, Emile Hirsch and Chris Pine. Of course, Chris Pine has spaceperience (space experience) as Star Trek‘s Captain Kirk, but I’m sure Spider-Man‘s been to space a bunch of times. No biggie. Jake Gyllenhaal used to be attached, but he ain’t no more.

Here’s the plot:

The story centers on a renegade group of former space employees, led by an Eastern European woman, who travel the world, stealing space equipment in an attempt to go back to the moon to acquire an energy source. The last item to steal — or in this case, kidnap — is an ex-NASA employee.

You’ve got to hand it to them – if you’re a criminal, what better place is there to escape to than the moon? It’s very unlikely the police will follow you in a squad rocket. Then again, how do you inconspicuously re-enter the earth’s atmosphere? (Hollywood Reporter)

Brooks may join the cast of the Knocked Up spin-off, playing Paul Rudd‘s dad. He’s currently in negotiations for the part, which I assume includes a lot of sad puppy dog faces from the Brooks camp. Apatow has a reputation for insular casting, but today the floodgates are open. Earlier, we found out Megan Fox is also in negotiations for a role. Any celebrity who wants a job better call Apatow right now, while he’s generous. Does Gilbert Gottfried have Apatow’s number?

The film doesn’t have a title, but it does have a release date of June 1st, 2012. (FirstShowing)

The project, which will probably feature 4 or 5 dudes sitting around a room making pop culture references, is a spin-off of 2007′s Knocked Up, and will be about Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann‘s characters from that film. The role that Fox would be playing is being kept a secret – I’m guessing it will either be a nuclear physicist, a lesbian double-amputee, or James Franco. (via The Hollywood Reporter)

Shhh… do you hear that? Over there in the crowd of on-lookers. It’s him. Megan Fox’s Flower Kid. He’s a little bit older and he’s upped his game, but that’s definitely him. Looks like he’s moved on from Megan and now has his sights set on Rachel McAdams. Which is absolute bullshit. I clearly saw her first.

No flower this time because c’mon, a full year and a half has passed and Flower Kid has bloomed into Flower Young Man. Flowers are the childish toys of children and hence must be put away. Though we’re sure he’ll always reserve a special place for Megan in his heart (and on the towel hidden beneath his bed), it is time to for new experiences. I fear what will happen if he is continually rebuffed. That’s how supervillians are born. Olivia Wilde would be wise to up her security. (Buzzfeed)

The following is a list of nine actresses who really do get by on their looks. Granted, if I could get by on my looks, I totally would, so it’s not as if I blame them. Also, in all fairness, some of these actresses are probably the victim of typecasting. Of course, being typecast as “the hot chick” isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it certainly doesn’t allow them to show of their range (if they have any). That being said, here are nine actresses who get by on their looks.

(Please note that I did not include reality stars like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian on this list because they are too damn obvious, and they aren’t really actresses.)

Heather Graham

At the end of the day, Heather Graham hasn’t been in a lot that’s worth watching (her uncredited role as a sex shop clerk in The Oh in Ohio not withstanding). Even when she manages to pop up in a decent film, Graham always seems to be cast in the same role. In Boogie Nights she played a porn star, in Bowfinger she played a “casting couch” actress, and in The Hangover she played a stripper/whore. Have you spotted the trend, or are you too busy staring at the picture of her rack?

Exceptions: Boogie Nights, The Hangover

Jessica Alba

Jessica Alba’s IMDB page is a vast wasteland of forgettable movies, although in all fairness, The Fantastic 4 is a film you only wish you could forget. Yet despite her total lack of accomplishments, Alba is a household name. Why is that? Oh right; her perfect ass. She should get the lifetime achievement Oscar for that dumper.

Exceptions: Sin City, Machete

Rebecca Romijn

Quick, what’s your favorite Rebecca Romijn movie? The easy answer is any of the X-Men films. It’s also a lame answer, since you probably can’t even remember if she had a speaking role. Besides, she played the part of a shape shifting mutant, so half the time her character is CGI. And considering Romijn’s body is unbelievably hot, casting her as a solid-blue shape-shifter seems like a real waste. I wonder how Bryan Singer missed that. Oh, wait, never mind.

Exception: Femme Fatale, Dirty Work

Jennifer Lopez

The fact that Jennifer Lopez was in Gigli should be enough to land her on this list. Then again, no one uses that film to define Ben Afflek’s career, so I don’t want to create a double standard. Besides, I don’t need to. Since Gigli, Affleck has made Gone Baby Gone and The Town, where as Lopez has made Shall We Dance and Monster-in-Law. You do the math. Unless you’re Selena’s mom, J-Lo’s best days were on “In Living Color.”

Exception: The Cell, (Edit: Out of Sight)

Sharon Stone

When it comes to women who get by on their looks, you can’t leave out Sharon Stone. Her success in Hollywood can be traced back to a single scene from Basic Instinct in which she spread her legs and flashed her vagina to the camera. That’s something you still don’t see in mainstream movies, and this took place almost 20-years ago. Unfortunately for Stone, it’s also been about that long since she’s had a hit, but luckily for her, she ‘s still able to milk her vagina for all its worth. Wow, that sounded gross.

Exception: Casino

Megan Fox

One of Megan’s first roles was in Bad Boys II. She had an uncredited part as “Stars-and-Stripes Bikini Kid Dancing Under Waterfall.” That was in 2003, and not much has changed since then. Outside of the Transformers movies, which are widely considered horse shit, her only other notable films were Jonah Hex, where she played a whore, and Jennifer’s Body, where she played whorish vampire. That’s a lot of whoring.

Exception: Maybe Jennifer’s Body? Maybe.

Denise Richards

Denise Richards: It’s Complicated
Screen Junkies: No It’s Not

It’s pretty straight forward. If you’re young and hot, getting in a pool topless and making out with Neve Campbell will take you a long way, even if you’re untalented. Growing old and popping out kids will not.

Exception: Kambakkht Ishq (No, seriously, check this out? WTF?)

Carmen Electra and Pamela Anderson

In my opinion, these “actresses” are too obvious to put on the list. Unfortunately, they’ve both been around long enough to warrant recognition. But rather than waste two spots, I’ve combined them both into one. Besides, they are basically the same person. They both came to prominence on “Baywatch,” they both can’t act, but they both have big fake cans, so no one cares. I guess the one difference is that Anderson has Hep C. But given Carmen’s reputation, I wouldn’t rule it out.

Exceptions: None

Gabourey Sidibe

Maybe she doesn’t fit the same mold as the other ladies on this list. Regardless, her looks definitely landed her the role in Precious, and that’s pretty much all she’s done thus far, so she qualifies.

^{Meet your new mom.}

Struggling to find her place in the post-Transformers world, Megan Fox has signed on for Jon Hamm‘s boo’s comedy Friends With Kids. The movie steals a plotline from season three of "Murphy Brown," with director Jennifer Westfeldt starring alongside Adam Scott as a pair of friends who decide to forego the muckiness that comes with relationships and just skip ahead to the baby-making. That way, they’re still free to date hotter people. Hotter people like Jon Hamm and Megan Fox it turns out.

"It’s a very literate script and when Jen met with her, she thought Megan was spot on. When (Fox) picks the right part, she has tremendous value," said Cinetic Media’s John Sloss, who is handling sales and had his fingers crossed behind his back during the interview. (THR)

Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green, a.k.a. David Silver, got married. Everybody settle. I said EVERYBODY. SETTLE. The couple have been dating on-and-off since 2004, and decided to tie the knot last week in Hawaii. With Fox booted off of Transformers 3 and Brian Austin Green being Brian Austin Green, they really had nothing better to do that day. My apologies go out to all the delusional guys who thought in some distant universe they had a chance with Megan. Someone get Rose Kid on suicide watch. (TMZ)

It’s a good thing Jonah Hex can communicate with the dead, because his new movie was D.O.A. this weekend, earning a meager $5.1 million at the box office. The film came in eighth place, well behind the Jonah Hill comedy, Get Him to the Greek, which earned a fourth place finish with $6.1 million.

The fact that Get Him to the Greek is entering its third week adds insult to injury, considering the amount of hype Warner Bros. put behind this weekend’s Hex premiere. Not to mention the fact that the widely panned Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time was considered box-office poison just a few weeks ago, but now looks like Avatar by comparison, edging out Hex with $5.2 million in its fourth week. (Coming Soon)

Much to the delight of teenage boys everywhere, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley was named as Megan Fox’s replacement for Transformers 3. And to commemorate Rosie’s new job, her former employer, Victoria’s Secret, has put out this video featuring the lingerie model’s greatest hits.

After all, what better way to celebrate her impending objectification at the hands of Michael Bay than with an objectifying underwear ad/spank film? And based on her performance in the ad, I’m smelling Oscar! Wait, no. That’s smegma.

See Rosie Huntington-Whiteley‘s acting talent on display after the jump.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Transformers 3 Congrats Video – Watch more Funny Videos

(First Showing)

_{Megan Fox (Left) speaks with Edward James Olmos (Right) between takes.}

If the latest installment of the Jonah Hex trailer series is any indication, Hollywood is officially out of ideas.

The original trailer, which premiered last month, told the story of the upcoming Jonah Hex movie staring Josh Brolin as the titular cowboy bounty hunter who straddles the world of the living and the dead. The trailer also featured Megan Fox and John Malkovich, and was cheered by fans and critics alike for its non-stop action and witty dialogue.

Although the new trailer features the entire original cast, the sequel squanders any good will earned by the first installment. It is nothing more than a tired rehash of its predecessor, devoid of any original ideas whatsoever. Brolin, Fox and Malkovich should be ashamed to be associated with this transparent marketing ploy which seems to have the singular purpose of selling movie tickets to eager fanboys.

Watch the pathetic new Jonah Hex trailer after the jump.

^{This is what happens when you complain.}

Last week we pondered whether Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, the Victoria’s Secret model with zero acting credibility, would be selected to fill the Megan Fox-shaped hole in all of our Transformers 3 hearts. Today we have the answer: duh.

Pending negotiations, Rosie will fill the role of semi-nude girl tinkering with a motor, and star opposite Shia LaBeouf, Josh Duhamel, and Tyrese Gibson. If she opts in, Rosie will be having her leg humped by either a miniature Decepticon or Shia LaBeouf within the next few weeks. (Deadline)