And I don’t see any reason to stop. In fact, I’d like to butt in and offer up my recommendations for future readings. You’re welcome.

E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial

Elliott: Elijah Wood
E.T.: The Rock
Michael: Andy Samberg
Gertie: Drew Barrymore
Elliott’s Mom: Julianne Moore
Keys: Dustin Hoffman

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Drew Barrymore nailed it as Gertie in the original film. There’s no reason she shouldn’t be allowed to take another crack at her best performance. Well, there is and it’s that the Fanning Sisters got too f***ing old. Why The Rock you’re probably wondering. Two reasons. A) It would be hilarious to see he and Elijah Wood getting drunk together via a psychic link. B) The E.T. puppet probably reeks really bad after all these years.

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Bomb

Dr. Strangelove: Martin Short
Everyone Else: The entire cast of Mad Men.

It has sent spasms of dread up my final column every time I hear rumors of Mike Myers remaking a classic Peter Sellers character. No offense to Myers as he’s talented at what he does. But what he does and what Sellers did are very different. I’m just not ready to see a “Birdy Num-Nums” shirt in the Busted Tees store. A comedian who is always overlooked when it comes to outrageously unhinged character work is Martin Short. For my money, he’s one of the few who can sell Dr. Strangelove. As for the rest of the cast, just use everyone from Mad Men. It would be highly watchable.