THR reports the jazzy hepcat has signed on for an untitled Secret Service thriller with the This Means War director. Costner will once again play a former Secret Service agent, though this time he will not go on to protect and boink a pop starlet. Instead, he will discover he’s terminally ill but called back into service in exchange for a miracle drug that will save his life. This cost, one last job. He soon finds himself hallucinating from the experimental treatment while trying to accomplish his mission and reconnect with his family. It’s a shame Keifer Sutherland wasn’t up for the part. He has experience playing an agent/family man and he’s got the hallucinating part down pat.

McG and Guggenheim have a previous relationship, but it’s strictly work-based, guys. Guggenheim wrote Medallion, the action film McG produced starring Nicolas Cage and Malin Akerman. It’s currently in post-production, so hopefully we can all gather together to laugh at the trailer very soon. (THR)

McG is shopping the film around town in the hopes that another studio might pick it up. Paramount, who have had hits with G.I. Joe and Transformers, have already passed. I think it’s best that McG use this film to contact itself. It seems dead. (Vulture)

The film is being positioned as a family adventure, which makes me unable to shake the comparisons to Jumanji, another movie predicated on a board game (albeit a fictional one) that tossed obstacles only tangentially related to each other at some kids until it decided to stop.

Or it could follow in the footsteps of Clue and simply defy all movie conventions with a cast of aging cult stars. But something tells me it’s gonna be like Jumanji.

As you probably know, MNightSchool.org is trying to raise enough money to send director M. Night Shyamalan back to film school. While the goal is $150,000, less than $400 has been raised thus far, meaning it doesn’t look like M. Night will get the education he so desperately needs. Then again, who am I to talk? I can’t even spell “desperately” without the help of my old friend “Spell Check,” so obviously, I’m not much of a righter.

At any rate, it’s a shame that the plan isn’t coming together. Perhaps sending M. Night back to school would have started a trend among sub-par directors. And like crappy Internet writers (i.e. me), there’s certainly no shortage of those. Here are five directors besides M. Night Shyamalan in desperate need of a re-education.

Kevin Smith

I like Kevin Smith, and I want to like his movies. But all things considered, James Marsh is right, and “most of them are sh*t, quite honestly.” OK, that’s too harsh. Even his worst movies have at least a few laughs. But I can’t help but wonder if Smith might be better off finishing up his film degree before starting his next project. The fact that he dropped out of film school to finance Clerks makes for a great story, but it also makes for several sub-par movies.

Brian Robbins

Robbins built up a lot of good will with his role on “Head of the Class.” Well, that’s my opinion, anyway. I’ve always been a bit of a “Head of the Class”-Head, as we hardcore fans like to be called. But he’s flushed that good will straight down the toilet with Norbit, Good Burger, and Meet Dave. But unlike the next few entries, at least no one pretends that Robbins’ movies are good.

McG

McG has made four movies. Two of them have the words “Charlie’s Angels” in the title. Of the remaining two, one drove the Terminator franchise into the ground, and the other stars Matthew McConaughey. An impressive filmography this is not. Film school would do McG good. Unfortunately, you need a first and last name to fill out the application.

Brett Rattner

Brett Rattner is the genius behind Rush Hour, a film that revolutionized the way we look at loud black men and funny talk’n foreigners. He was also behind the crap-tacular last installment of the X-Men trilogy. Granted, Red Dragon wasn’t a bad film, but given the cast and the source material, Orson Wells could have done just as well. I know he was a great director. I was being literal. Orson Wells’ corpse could have made Red Dragon.

Tyler Perry

Holy shit, where do I begin?

Film school would be a great move for Perry. In fact, any schooling would be a great move, since his GED clearly isn’t cutting it. Actually, that’s not fair. His GED is doing just fine, considering that by the time I finish typing this sentence, he’ll have made more money than I will make all year. But making profitable films and making quality films are two very different things. Diary of a Mad Black Woman might be the worst film I have ever seen. However, I will say that the ham-fisted Christian overtones did succeed in restoring my faith in a higher power. Only divin intervention can account for Perry’s success.

If you’ve made it this far, you are clearly unflappable. I admire you. And because I do, I will reward you with my thoughts on why BOTH Koreas threaten the sovereignty of these United States.

Eh. Later.

Young screenwriters Amanda Harlib and Laura Sandler will be oozing out the feature film Face It for CBS Films. Per THR:

Face It is an ensemble romantic comedy in the vein of Love Actually, with a bit of The Shop Around The Corner mixed in. The storylines explore the different ways in which social networking (Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr) now shapes modern romance and relationships.

To clear up any confusion, this will most likely not be a film about how Facebook gets you laid. Best of luck in your future endeavors, ladies.

As we’ve already noted, this show will take Wonder Woman completely seriously, with her lie detector lasso and invisible plane you can see the pilot inside. The show is about her busy schedule as both a crime fighter and a corporate executive, cause aren’t all women balancing busy schedules these days? Get ready to relate to Princess Diana of Themyscira, all women of the world. Or this could be yet another superhero blunder from the network that champions superhero blunders: NBC. (Collider)

“I dunno. Get McG. He’s good with women from the 70′s.”

That’s probably not how the NBC meeting to find a director for their prized “Wonder Woman” pilot went, but the result is the same. Sources close to Movieline claim that TV vet McG is the frontrunner to helm the the pilot episode of the David E. Kelley-produced reboot. While it’s not clear if McG’s involvement would extend beyond directing the pilot, I wouldn’t rule it out, as he’s got strong pedigrees in both TV action dramas and derivative cheese, of which “Wonder Woman” should have both in spades. McG has completed his transformation into the poor man’s Brett Ratner.

It seems a little odd that McG would be such a frontrunner for the NBC gig while serving as a consulting producer of ABC’s “Charlie’s Angels” remake. (I’m tired of saying “reboot.”) But if they don’t have a problem with it, then the best to both. Sadly, it would seem it’s easier in Hollywood to fight over one person with a pedigree in successful remakes than it is to put together a decent team of people to think of something new. That said, NBC might be a little strapped for cash after having to build WW’s fully-functioning invisible jet. Those things are pricey.

Left: Gareth Edwards - Right: Beelzebub

Good news for people who love terrifying monsters: McG is back. Oh, and so is Monsters director Gareth Edwards.

McG is set to direct Ouija, a film based on the supernatural-themed board game produced by Hasbro. If you think that’s a stupid idea, don’t mention it to Universal Pictures. It’s the studio’s second boardgame-based production, with Battleship already well under way.

If that’s not your style, perhaps Gareth Edwards can interest you in a reboot of the Godzilla franchise. The director is reportedly on board to write and direct the project for Warner Bros.

While these projects might not be the most original in the world, they do allow me to point out that Hollywood is all out of ideas, which marks the 214th time I’ve done so since I began working for ScreenJunkies back in June of 2009. That fact might make it seem like I’m not very original, myself. But as the rapper once said, don’t hate the player, hate the game…the game of Ouija. (Source: Latino Review 1 and 2)

"Whatsa matter, Eisner? You too good to wear all denim?"

File this under “Ugh.” McG and Breck Eisner are actually battling it out over who GETS to direct the big screen adaptation of Ouija. That’s right. They’re both willingly going out for the project. And they haven’t been the only directors knocking down the studio doors. Both Sylvain White and Pierre Morel have tried to get their hands on the all-telling planchette. It led them straight to NO.

Let’s remember, Oujia won’t be a horror movie like an intelligent person would assume, but instead a big action-adventure flick not unlike Jumanji. Would McG or Eisner be a better choice for this kind of project? I say give the job to Eisner. I enjoyedThe Crazies and he has some experience directing action, even though it was doing Sahara. Also, he’s not McG. (THR)

Nicolas Cage, Mr. Loses His Sh*t himself, is about to bring more chaos to the crowded streets of Manhattan. The eccentric actor has joined the action thriller Medallion which is to be directed by Simon West. The story “follows a father, a former master thief, who has only a few hours to find his daughter when she is kidnapped and locked in the trunk of a New York medallion taxi cab.” Close your windows, urban dwellers, and bridge and tunnel folks stay home. The sound of Cage’s distress is about to reverberate through a city that needs more crazy people yelling like it needs more hot garbage stench in the air. (THR)

Since appearing on”Mad Men,” Abigail Spencer‘s career has been picking up steam. So has the casting for McG‘s This Means War. With Cowboys & Aliens under her giant Western belt buckle, she’s ready to join the action comedy. The film stars Chris Pine and Tom Hardy as two friends who both fall for Reese Witherspoon. However, they are both super-spies and their duels for her affection reduce the city to rubble.

Spencer will play Hardy’s ex-wife. Angela Bassett will also appear as the boss of both Pine and Hardy. I like this cast. And the premise could be fun. I don’t know what to expect from McG, so I’ll hold my judgment for the time being. I’m just so fearful we’re going to see Chris Pine surfing on a jet. Or worse, riding two sidewinder missiles like skis. (THR)

Though it pains me to have to use Taxi Dog to break this news, there was no other way. Resoundingly mediocre film directors McG and Simon West are teaming up for Medallion. It’s rumored that Nicolas Cage or Clive Owen will star as a man who has a short amount of time to track down his kidnapped daughter, who happens to be locked in the trunk of an unidentified NYC taxi cab.

Locked in a trunk? That sounds more like a job for Marvin Berry. I guess he’s holding out for something that really cooks. McG will produce while Simon West enjoys a later call time than the rest of the crew. This unholy union can only mean one thing. The prophecy is correct. I will fall asleep on the couch while watching this on Netflix Instant. And so it shall be. (LA Times)

What do you get the billionaire who has everything? A mediocre director with only one name, apparently.

Richard Branson, the owner of Virgin Airlines, is branching out into the film business (which will no doubt save money as far as in-flight movies are concerned). The corporate mogul is attempting to acquire the script for Columbus, which is described as a "300-style film about Christopher Columbus and his discovery of America." If the thought of an Indian kicking the explorer down a giant hole while yelling "This is the pre-Columbian Bahamas" doesn’t float your boat, you’re probably not going to like the fact that McG is attached to direct.

Branson is known for his love of extreme stunts. That being said, putting millions of dollars behind the man who made Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle is sure to get his adrenaline pumping. (Deadline)

_{Their body language says everything.}

Another actor has once again jumped McG‘s This Means War ship. Sam Worthington was set to duel with Chris Pine in the project, but the Aussie actor has peaced out and Brit Tom Hardy has taken his place. Now Hardy and Pine, both Star Trek nuuuuurds, will go after each other black-ops-spy-style while also vying for the hand of Reese Witherspoon.

I’m a huge fan of this pairing. Tom Hardy’s performance in Inception was one of the most enjoyable parts of the film, and Chris Pine proved he can hold his own in the Star Trek reboot. Watching these two fine actors go head-to-head with spy sh*t could be an exhilarating match. Especially if McG scores the scene with a Prodigy "Firestarter"/Usher "Daddy’s Home" remix. (Vulture)

^{FIGHT!! FIGHT!! FIGHT!!}

The threat of seeing a Seth Rogen topless scene has been squashed… for now. Last we heard about McG‘s This Means War was that Seth Rogen and Chris Pine were up to play two former spies who destroy New York City whil fighting for the hand of Reese Witherspoon. Now there’s news that Chris Pine is on-board and Rogen is out, with the part now being offered to Sam Worthington.

I think this could be pretty interesting casting. Worthington has mastered squinting in front of a green-screen, so let’s see what he does with a comedy. Though I am a little worried for Sam. He’s making far too many movies and I’m afraid he’s not getting enough sleep. How is he supposed to deal with the strain of keeping an American accent if his tongue doesn’t get enough rest? (Vulture)

Breast-lover McG has picked up the rights to produce an adaptation of Kody Keplinger’s teen novel The DUFF, under his Wonderland Sound and Vision banner, the shingle responsible for "Chuck," "Supernatural," and "Human Target." For those not fluent in mean-spirited teenager, DUFF stands for "designated ugly fat friend." Or in McG’s case, Brett Ratner.

The DUFF tells the story of an unpopular girl who falls into the arms of the popular boy she believes she hates. Before everyone gets grossed out at the thought of an ugly person finding love and happiness, bear in mind that this will be a feature film so the lead will merely be "Hollywood ugly." Which means Miranda Cosgrove with braces or glasses or… [shudder] both. (Variety)

The first rule of Fight Sub: you don’t let McG direct Fight Sub.

Director David Fincher is in talks with Disney to direct a remake of Jules Verne’s classi submarine adventure, 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea. Fincher is attempting to resurrect the project first helmed by McG, the famed auteur behind Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle and Korn: Who Then Now?

Disney reportedly dropped McG from the project because they believed his take on the film was too dark. If you’re looking for more light-hearted fare, Fincher is the obvious choice. I’m sure the scene where Captain Nemo finds his wife’s severed head in a box will be a real knee slapper. (EmpireOnLine)

Seth Rogen and Chris Pine are being considered for the role vacated by Bradley Cooper in This Means War. Makes sense seeing as they’re all pretty much the same guy. If you’re squinting really hard.

The romantic comedy tells the story of two best friends who compete for the affections of Reese Witherspoon and leave New York City decimated in their wake. Because if there’s one thing that New York City is lacking in, it’s women hotter than Reese Witherspoon. One the one hand, Chris Pine fits the heart-throb bill better than Rogen. Yet on the other, Rogen’s packing the right equipment should director McG decide to include a topless scene. I could see this one going either way. (The Wrap)

Not since the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ "Coming Out of Their Shells" Tour has Pizza Hut delivered such a powerhouse promotional tie in.  Today, on the ‘Hut’s website, those bros at Warners posted a new 5-minute Terminator Salvation featurette that shows you the anatomy of a scene in which Kyle Reese (Anton Yelchin) and Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) blow the ever loving crap out of a combo 7-Eleven/Gas Station (and probably all the Terminator Salvation promotional Slurpee crazy straws within it).

The best part is the interview with Special Effects Supervisor Michael Meinardus, who’s supporting himself on crutches.  The dude looks like he injured himself jumping off his Harley to punch a T-800 in its exo-skull. 

Check out the insightful and ass-kicking sequence – brought to you by Pizza Hut – after the jump. 

[via /Film]

I wonder if McG ever thought he would start a direct-address to camera with, "Hey Pizza Hut and Terminator fans?"

Terminator Harvester Featurette – Watch more Movie Trailers

#1 – "What are you doing here?"

#2 – "Come with me if you want to live."

#3 – "If you’re listening to this, you are the resistance."

#4 – "Come with me to my base."

#5 – "You’re welcome to whatever you need."

#6 – "You will not kill me."

#7 – "I know he’s not the enemy."

#8 – "I’m the only hope you have."

#9 – "We must abort the attack."

#10 – "I’m John Connor."

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