With no experience or coaching, will Nick’s nerves get the best of him when he’s thrust into the world of “Film Junket Interviews” for the first time? Will they actually let him within thirty feet of The Rock?? Will Mark Wahlberg give him the stinkeye??? Those answers and more on this episode of The Screen Junkies Show.

Additionally, FilmDrunk pointed out Mark Wahlberg’s tiny dinosaur arms and now it’s the only thing I see when I look at him. Just like the tooth in the exact center of Tom Cruise’s face.

The project is untitled, but will probably end up being called something like Trojan Code, so let’s just call it Trojan Code until it’s released. The source material is an article from men’s lifestyle mag GQ and can be found here.

Other guesses about the projects:

• Wahlberg’s character will either be named or fight someone named Cypher Phreak.
• There will be at least twenty scenes that show hackers as really edgy members of a subculture who drink at a hacker bar and have very well-attended underground hacker competitions.
• The antagonist (undoubtedly a corporate man) will be brought down thanks to the camaraderie and grassroots efforts of hundreds of hackers working together as though they were a brotherhood.
• A maximum of one hacker will be fat and lethargic, and will be shown in a comedic light, and not a light that makes the audience feel sad that his health is in jeopardy and that’s what’s wrong with America these days.

Although it’s just in the pilot stage right now, I urge A&E to move forward with the untitled Mark Wahlberg Boston Women Project. Why? Because it will be exactly like this:

Television needs more stuff like that. (Deadline)

While the “Internet forces Michael Bay to Cast Mark Wahlberg” headline makes for a fun little news story, the fact is that Michael Bay just got done working on a much smaller film about criminal bodybuilders that starred Wahlberg, so Bay probably just wanted to work with him again.

Little does he know that Mark Wahlberg is the property of David O. Russell, and that if he wants to use someone from Pain and Gain in Transformers, The Rock is a plenty good fit, seeing as how he pretty much resembles a Transformer already.

“I squashed a rumor that was on the internet last week. It was about Mark Walhberg. Mark was rumored to be staring in Transformers 4. We are working on another movie together, not T4. I had such a great time working with Mark on Pain and Gain, and he gave such a great performance – well let’s say that very internet chatter gave me some ideas. We are at the inception of our story process right now on T4. Let’s say some ideas are gaining traction with me and my writer – so I’m here to say thanks internet chatter.”

God Michael Bay, don’t jump into this heart first. You now how much passion you have to give and we don’t want to see you get the rebound treatment. Please protect your heart, you special man.

And learn how to spell your leading man’s name.

Actually, this story is much worse depending on your perspective. Pink slime is actually a real life additive found in beef that fights off e. coli, salmonella, and over bacteria. That’s good. However, the slime is made from animal byproducts. That’s bad.

Personally, I’d rather eat a few pureed micrograms of a cow’s anus than contract e. coli, but that’s just me. I’m not too grossed out. In fact, I far prefer pink slime to these movie and TV foods.

The Road Trip French Toast

You’re already putting your health in jeopardy by eating anything from a greasy roadside diner. But to actually complain and send the food back is a daredevil stunt that will always result in the chef placing his taint upon your meal. DJ Qualls is none the wiser when he befalls this fate in Road Trip at the hands and sweaty ass of Horatio Sanz.

Sheep Balls

Chevy Chase just can’t get enough when he tries the local cuisine in Funny Farm. In fact, he sets a new town record by eating almost three dozen lamb fries before learning what lamb fries actually are.

Spunked-In Apple Pie

Thankfully, nobody ends up eating the titular recently-f***ed pie in American Pie but the thought is enough to turn my stomach. That pie could be pregnant after all.

He has since apologized, but the Invincible star came under fire today for this quote:

“If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did,” Wahlberg said. “There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, ‘OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry.”

There still would have been a Planet of the Apes remake though. He can’t prevent every tragedy, you guys.

In honor of this incredibly insensitive claim, we’ve rounded up 11 more dumb and selfish things celebrities said about 9/11. Thanks for sharing!

Marion Cotillard

“We see other towers of the same kind being hit by planes. Are they burned? There was a tower, I believe it was in Spain, which burnt for 24 hours. It never collapsed. None of these towers collapsed. And there [in New York], in a few minutes, the whole thing collapsed.”

“It was a money-sucker because they were finished, it seems to me, by 1973, and to re-cable all that, to bring up-to-date all the technology and everything, it was a lot more expensive, that work, than destroying them.”

Marion Cotillard believes it was just easier to hijack three planes, attack The Pentagon, and get the President involved than to hire to contractors to re-cable the World Trade Center.

Lee Ryan of Blue

“What about whales? They are ignoring animals that are more important. Animals need saving and that’s more important. This New York thing is being blown out of proportion. Who gives a f**k about New York when elephants are being killed. I’m not afraid to say this, it has to be said. I’m not afraid to say it and that’s why I’m the outspoken one from the band.”

Thank God someone so important is thinking of the whales.

Rachel Uchitel

“I believe Andy was meant to die because he was too good. I’m almost happy it ended the way it did because I’ve learned so many lessons from him. It would have been tragic if we got into fights and then divorced. I would be a fat housewife with three kids in Sands Point, LI.”

On her fiance’s death in the World Trade Center. She maintains she was misquoted.

The fictitious passengers in Wahlberg’s mind would stop worrying, put on a brave face, then, after collecting Cinnabon and neck pillows from the emergency airport, they would continue on to their final destination while watching The Happening and Four Brothers, unaware that the war on terror was over before it began.

Kudos to Men’s Journal for their interview tactics. Let this be a lesson to aspiring journalists – if you ever want to make national news with your dumb little interview, ask the famous subject what he or she would have done differently to save the country from 9/11. Gold, Men’s Journal. Gold.

UPDATE: It would appear that Wahlberg realized his comments may have offended pretty much everyone, so he issued this apology. That was issued quickly. Probably as quickly as he would have taken down those terrorists on that plane.

Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Giovanni Ribisi, Kate Beckinsale

Synopsis: To protect his brother-in-law from a drug lord, a former smuggler heads to Panama to score millions of dollars in counterfeit bills.

Release Date: January 13, 2012

Max Payne (2008)

Being a fan of the games, I was excited to see Wahlberg play Max Payne. Unfortunately, it just didn’t quite hit the…mark. In fact, given the talent involved, I will go as far as to say it was a bad movie. I’ll keep the logline simple: When Max Payne’s family dies from a massive conspiracy, he joins a hot assassin to find answers. If that doesn’t entice you to watch, you’re not alone. John Moore, who directed the fun-but-throwaway Behind Enemy Lines, managed to get the look of the games down, and Mila Kunis was fun to watch, but other than that, Max Payne is a laughable piece of action schlock that will be forgotten, and for good reason. On another note, Max Payne 3 comes out soon, and that will be an awesome game.

Shooter (2007)

If Shooter came out in 1987, it’d be remembered as a great action movie. Instead, it came out 20 years later, after we’ve seen this story five-billion times.  Wahlberg plays a sniper who becomes wrongfully accused for trying to snipe the president. Naturally, there’s a conspiracy he unravels with the help of an FBI Agent (Michael Pena), blah blah blah blah. I’m not going to say Shooter is a bad movie, but it’s certainly not a good one. It moves well and has some decent action, and Danny Glover‘s mustache twirling villainy warrants a few smirks, but unless you’ve got NOTHING to do, I’d skip it.

The Rock is, according to this Variety exclusive, close to signing on, while Wahlberg requires a little more work to fit this into his busy schedule. The film’s budget is supposedly about $20 million, so it will be interesting to see how the stars fit into that, considering the two of these guys could eclipse that number with just their salaries.

While Michael Bay is being courted for Transformers 4, it’s likely that he’ll get after this project next, regardless of whether he signs on for yet another installment of the toy franchise.

His career, like many others, was filled with vitriol and controversy, but upon news of his terminal struggle with liver cancer only a few days ago, the public and his contemporaries were quick to set aside their criticisms and differences in honoring this boxing legend.

In the wake of Smokin’ Joe’s passing, we offer up eight film fighters who’s fictional careers weren’t as rich and interesting as Frazier’s.

Rocky

Not going for subtlety here, folks. Rocky is one of the most beloved characters, not just in boxing movies, not just in American film, but possibly in American culture. As such, he gets the first spot on this list. If you don’t know why, please run, don’t walk to the video store (if one still exists by the time you read this) and rent Rocky I-IV.

The man trains by chopping wood and punching meat. He’s tenderizing as he trains! Also, he ended communism in Rocky IV, so we all owe him a pretty big debt of gratitude.

Jake LaMotta

Raging Bull’s Jake LaMotta is not a likeable character, but he sure is an enthralling one. His rage, coupled with his complex and flawed relationships with his own family, makes him a ticking time bomb who lives up to the title of the film. Based on the bio of Jake La Motta (notice the space), the film was widely praised, though the violent content served as something of a turn-off for many moviegoers.

Beyond that, Robert De Niro’s weight gain for this film remains the gold standard for physical transformations for a role (besides Fat Mac from Always Sunny, of course).

The trailer also features a short montage of Kate Beckinsale getting dressed. I don’t want to tell you trailer editors how to do your job, but you might want to consider playing that footage backward. And slowly. Oh yeah, that’s more like it.

However, that got us to wondering which other celebrities have delved into the restaurant biz? Sure, there are your House Of Blues chains and Michael Jordan’s Steakhouses, but what of the smaller establishments that might not be on the map yet? Check them out.

Tim Curry Heaven

Christian Bale’s O, Goooooood Food Youuuuuuuu!

Churrascaria of a Mad Black Woman

(Click ‘Next Page’ to Continue)

But what other actor in Hollywood could be so totally wrong for the role?

Mark Wahlberg‘s name has come up again. He was originally offered the film but a deal was never put into place. However, if he still has access to the wig he wore in Rock Star, this could be the right fit. Another name being floated out there is Channing Tatum, who could also work in a that-totally-doesn’t-work kind of way. All I know is that the filmmakers only have a handful of chances to screw up this reboot, and casting is the best place to start. That’s why they should take a chance and look into David Hyde Pierce’s availability. (THR)

2 Guns is the film adaptation of a comic book of the same name, in which a Naval officer and a DEA agent unwittingly investigate each other while stealing mob money for the CIA. However, they soon learn that they’ve been stealing from the CIA for the mob. Stuff ensues.

It’s unknown if Wahlberg will be playing Vaughn’s character or the other lead. It really doesn’t matter, because Wahlberg, with that vacant, befuddled stare, has demonstrated he can nail “unwitting.”

Seems like pretty solid casting. I can easily buy Crowe as a corrupt mayor who punches his problems away. I bet that he’s nothing short of hilarious during city debates. (Deadline)

The film focuses on Wahlberg’s character, an institutionalized teacher who returns home to live with his mom, hoping to win back his ex-wife. During his stay at home, he befriends a neighbor girl (Lawrence’s character) who has her own set of problems she’s contending with.

It’s believed that Blake Lively, Rachel McAdams, and Anne Hathaway all had expressed interest in the coveted role. Jennifer Lawrence is currently keeping herself busy with The Hunger Games, which is actually going to be four films, because, hey, four films will make more money than three, right? After that, this should be the next project on her docket. She’s shown some serious dramatic chops in Winter’s Bone, so this should be right in her wheelhouse. She’ll just have to remember not to giggle when Wahlberg acts all exasperated. (Deadline)

But it has one, anyway.

According to 24 Frames:

The film, which is set up as an independent project with the company RCR Pictures, follows two party-happy mercenaries who decide to take on a more serious case involving a terrorist, only to find their mission complicated when they discover one of them is related to the target. The film has been described by two people familiar with it as a new spin on “Letha Weapon,” with a bit more of an emphasis on the action than on the comedy.

I’m very interested to see Jonah Hill’s action and drama chops in Moneyball and 21 Jump Street, and Wahlberg has proven himself in almost every genre except anime, so this could work pretty well. The film is written by Max Landis, son of John, but no director has been selected yet.

On a final note, the film is being financed by Chris “Jesus” Ferguson, which is both awesome and hilarious at the same time. Why? This is why.

This means that Sony will be dashing to find another prestigious director to helm the tentpole release. It also means that David O. Russell has a little more capacity than he did this time last year. That means that The Silver Lining Playbook could be next up. Fortunately, that pairs Russell back up with Wahlberg, so harmony may be restored to the universe.

Don’t ever leave Wahlberg again, David! Not even for a minute! You scared us! And imagine how Mark must have felt. Poor little guy. (Variety)

When I first heard the news that Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg were reuniting from The Other Guys to play opposing amateur football coaches in Turkey Bowl, I was mildly excited. Now my mild excitement continues, with the news that Wahlberg’s The Departed compatriot Alec Baldwin has signed on to play Wahlberg’s father.

This goes along with the idea that maybe-director (he’s not attached of yet, but he’s “reserve[d] that right”) Adam McKay wants Turkey Bowl stuffed with celebrity cameos. He also is reportedly trying to get Jeremy Renner and Rob Riggle, with presumably many others as well. Here’s an incredibly long and in-depth plot synopsis, straight from McKay’s mouth:

“”It’s about these two rival families from — we’re thinking Philadelphia but we need to check in with Wahlberg and Ferrell and see what kind of accents they want to do. Alec Baldwin is the patriarch of one of the families, and Wahlberg is his son. He saw the Kennedys playing football on their front lawn at Thanksgiving, and boom, that’s it: “Anything the Kennedys do, we’re doing.” His family starts playing the other family that lives across the park from them. Over the years, Baldwin’s family hasn’t done too well — they own a crappy little bar in town — while the other family, which Will’s character eventually becomes the patriarch of, becomes really successful. The game gets nastier and nastier as the years go on, and Ferrell’s family starts just destroying the other family. After a massive heart attack, Baldwin’s character’s dying wish is that his estranged son, Mark, take over the game and finally win one. So Wahlberg has to put this ramshackle, convict, gambling-addict family back together again and beat the richies. The whole spirit of it is that it’s just a giant, fun ensemble comedy. We want to populate it with people we love. There’s a funny subplot with Rob Riggle where he’s a gay cousin that Wahlberg’s family sort of turned their backs on but he played football at Fresno State and they need him. We’re going to try to get Jeremy Renner to play an ex-con. The idea is to bring in, like, 15 people that we love in and just do a big, funny holiday movie.”

Well jeez, Mr. McKay, do we even have to see the movie now? Better be some good cameos, that’s all I’m saying. (Entertainment Weekly)

“Turkey Bowl … stars Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg as guys from football-obsessed towns who lead rival teams in an annual tackle football game for bragging and trash-talking rights.”

If that’s not enough for you, you can expect the football games to be “pack[ed]” with “fun cameos,” like the famous anchorman battles in Anchorman. So start jacking your prices up now, trident manufacturers and distributors of America. Now’s your chance. (Deadline)

“[The movie is] about a delusional forme high school history teacher who’s just been released into the custody of his mom. Believing that he’s only been away for a few months instead of the four years he just spent in a mental institution, the teacher sets about wooing back his ex-wife.”

What, just because a guy’s been in a mental institution for four years, he can’t get back with his ex-wife? Who’s making all these rules, man? (Vulture)

Ward was the fiesty mother of nine children, including boxers Dicky Eklund and “Irish” Mickey Ward, portrayed in the movie by Christian Bale and Mark Wahlberg. Both Bale and Leo gave Ward shout-outs in various awards speeches. Bale described her as “one tough cookie,” which is the nicest way possible to describe a fiery older woman. Science has proven this in several studies. (TheWrap)

From earlier: In an interview with Vulture, Mark Wahlberg said a lot of things that really can’t be unsaid. He thinks Britney Spears is “talented” and should be in David O. Russell‘s movies, Justin Bieber is “really talented,” and he sings for his wife and kids when no one else is around.

Ok, that last one isn’t that awful, but it’s a pretty funny mental image, especially considering the last time I can remember him singing was in a recording booth with Chest Rockwell in Boogie Nights. Do you think his wife and kids fall asleep to “Feel My Heat?”

Whatever. It doesn’t matter. The bigger story here is the Bieber thing, which Wahlberg isn’t at liberty to discuss, beyond saying:

It’s interesting, right? You want to know. They’ll probably announce it. They may announce it fairly soon … kind of like a reluctant mentor in an inner-city environment. You know, I don’t want to say.

If  you’re like me, you’re probably wondering what inner-city creates a product with such wonderful hair as Justin Bieber. If I had to guess, I would venture inner-city Brussels, but it’s really too early to tell.

In Ted, written and directed by MacFarlane, a child makes a Christmas wish that his teddy bear come to life. Be careful what you wish for, because 25 years later the talking bear is still hanging around with our now grown-up hero (Wahlberg), only he’s got a smoking habit and a bad attitude. So glad my Roger Rabbit doll didn’t come to life, as I had often hoped. Joel McHale plays Ted’s boss, and Stroup plays a woman who sleeps with said boss. Women characters: gotta love their willingness to sleep with male characters. (Hollywood Reporter)

Wahlberg has been donning that producer beanie more and more as of late, mostly in the arenas of HBO television, having gotten his grubby little mitts on “Entourage” (from the outset),”Boardwalk Empire,” “How to Make It in America,” and “In Treatment.” On the big screen, he’s serving as producer for Contraband, which he is starring in as well.

When Corruption Was King is just out of the rumor phase, so not much is available in the way of casting news or production timelines, but expect that news to trickle out now that the wheels are in motion. I would also like to take this opportunity to say that you really can’t have an authentic Chicago movie without Jim Belushi, so…someone better sign Jimbo up as either an FBI sniper or as a smart-mouthed bookie. I’ll let Mark Wahlberg pick. (Variety)