Hack/Slash follows Cassie Hack, a young woman who survives a slasher’s attack, and with her gigantic Jason-y-looking friend Vlad, goes on the hunt to kill all slasher movie archetypes. It’s about time someone stepped in to do something about them. I’m sick and tired of our teens being impaled while humping or burned to death in sleeping bags.

People tend to be harsh toward Nispel’s films (and stupid head coverings), but he does have a talent for creating some pretty gory sequences. As long as the script isn’t totally dumbass, this shouldn’t be that bad. Plus, it would be nice to see Jason Mears getting some work. (THR)

Cast: Jason Momoa, Ron Perlman, Rose McGowan

Synopsis: The tale of Conan the Cimmerian and his adventures across the continent of Hyboria on a quest to avenge the murder of his father and the slaughter of his village.

Release Date: August 19, 2011

7 photosJulianna Guill

Any fears that this film would not be R-rated can now be stabbed through the neck with a sword and then twisted so that blood and throat shards splash outward in a dramatic fashion that times well with a heavy metal dude screaming about how he doesn’t take any crap. (IGN)

Lionsgate‘s Conan The Barbarian stars Jason Momoa, Stephen Lang and Ron Perlman. Directed by Marcus Nispel, it’s coming to you in GrimaceVision 3D on August 19, 2011. Conan‘s violence-filled quest is the last hope for saving the Hyborian world from the forces of evil. Meanwhile, I’d like to take this opportunity to remind you that “Conan The Librarian” exists. I bet that Conan at least got two or three paper cuts. (IGN)

The two will be teaming up on Backmask, which is, hopefully, more than a fun-to-say gibberish word. How much more is anyone’s guess, as Nispel is only revealing that the movie involves “paranoia, possession, and the paranormal.” Hmm. That’s not much help at all. One could deduce (hope?) that the title indicates that there will be some sort of mask that is strapped to a character’s back, but perhaps that’s just wishful thinking on my part.

The budget for Backmask is coming in at a scant $10 million, which was less than the combined budgets for detangler and sword-sharpening in Conan. However, with Schneider’s frugal sensibilities, $10 million could probably fund a trilogy and a thrill ride at Disney’s California Adventure. Because everyone likes amusement park rides about “paranoia, possession, and the paranormal.” (Deadline)

Conan The Barbarian

Below is the pic of Khalar Zym in the remake of Conan The Barbarian, directed by Marcus Nispel (“The Texas Chainsaw Massacre“). That’s Stephen Lang (Avatar) looking, perhaps, a little ticked off about something. Maybe it’s cause Zym takes no pleasure in killing Conan’s family and destroying his village. An ancient Middle Eastern warlord’s gotta do what an ancient Middle Eastern warlord’s gotta do. Nothing personal, just business.

The film slaughters its way into 3D theaters August 19th, along with stars Jason Mamao (“Stargate: Atlantis”), Ron Perlman and Rose McGowan. (Latino Review)

Also featured: some gray dudes, a hot slave lady, and a nice helping of sound effects from the “Battles, Magic, and Swordplay: Movie Sound Effects Library.” Seriously, though, the trailer did pique my curiosity, and I’m looking forward to seeing more. Hopefully with less smoke and more folks. Topless folks, that is.

Conan The Barbarian is directed by Marcus Nispel (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre), and stars Jason “Tempted” Momoa as the non-Arnold barbarian. The cast also includes Ron Perlman, Rose McGowan, and Stephen Lang. The film brutally invades theaters August 19th in 3D. (Collider)

Conan the Barbarian would like to remind you that he still has that biopic coming out this August. And what better way to do so then by standing on a pile of skulls in front of the old Simpson/Bruckheimer animated logo?

Now for questions: are those the skulls of men he has killed or the skulls of those that he plans to avenge? And if they are skulls to be avenged, do you really have time to stand around on them? Get burying, Conan! However, if they do represent Conan’s victims, how are we to know that they are an actual pile and not just a sand mound with skulls on the top-side. That would be cheating. (IGN)

Some new photos from Marcus Nispel‘s Conan remake have been released and they look pretty good. Bleeding Cool got a look at what Nispel is cooking up and things are shaping up. The sets look pretty intricate and they really captured the sh*thole village aesthetic.

This really is a testament to wizardry of color-correction and special effects. For instance, check out this before and after pic from the set.

Simply amazing.

More (actual) pics after the jump…

Watch out Andrew WK. It looks like Conan the Barbarian is getting into the partying hard business. These set photos from Marcus Nispel‘s remake show Jason Momoa’s Conan cutting loose like some weird Charlie Sheen/Tom Sizemore hybrid partybeast. Mead-chugging. Shirtless piggyback rides. Bare breasts. This must be how Hugh Hefner partied when he was a boy in ancient Greece.

Momoa is an animal! Could we have a contender for that Belushi biopic?

Check out the Cimmerian orgy after the jump…

‘Bout time we see Jason Momoa causing pain as Conan the Barbarian. The first pic released showed him, what looked like, smelling a fart, completely not covered in someone else’s blood. I’m not sure why water is spraying at him in the above pic, but my guess is one of those barrels they place on the side of the highway clipped him while he was trying to make the exit, and he had to lay the smackdown. If this movie is about Conan battling an army of road barricades it’s going to be awesome. (/Film)

Here’s a shot of Jason Momoa being man-handled by the wardrobe department in the new Conan flick. "Make the leather peck-strap tighter!" director Marcus Nispel proclaims off-screen. How does it look now, Mr. Nispel?

_{Marcus Nispel evaluates peck-strap tightness.}

"Tighter!"

The man loves restrictive accessories. Check out more pics after the jump, including what I can only imagine is a grip in Nispel’s timeout cage.

(LatinoReview)

Nerds have been on the verge of bonerdom since the above Red Sonja poster was released at Comic-Con in 2008. The status of that project has bee unknown since then because Rose McGowan and Robert Rodriguez aren’t banging genitals together anymore. Today, news that the actress has been cast in the Conan remake may finally trumpet that project’s demise.

McGowan has signed on to play a half-woman/half-witch opposite Fake Lenny Kravitz in Marcus Nispel‘s remake. Does this mean that Red Sonja is officially D.O.A. or does her agent only hang out with geeks and this role will serve as a taste of things to come? As of right now, it’s too soon to tell if she will follow Brigitte Nielsen’s career path or what the status is of her sleeping with Lil Wayne in season 26 of "The Surreal Life." (Variety)

^{"i’m a real tyrant without my morning cup of joe."}

After his breakthough as a scarred-up badass in Avatar, Stephen Lang is carving his niche as Hollywood’s go-to son of a bitch. Colonel Quaritch has been offered the role of head bad guy in Marcus Nispel’s Conan remake. The character, Khalar Singh, is a cruel warlord and former comrade to Conan’s miniature dog-loving dad.

This sounds like an exciting bit of casting in an otherwise unexciting film. Although it could be dangerous to the plot as I’ll probably root for Lang over Jason Momoa. But only because I’ll always root against white guys with dreads. Just make my coffee, Smelly.

Lang was terrific in Avatar and I’m glad that’s leading to more work. And before you rush to comment that he’s essentially playing the same role, allow me to point out that this time he’ll have a sword. It’s a subtle difference. (Latino Review)

^{World’s Greatest Dad.}

It was rumored some time ago that Mickey Rourke would portray Conan’s dad in Marcus Nispel‘s upcoming Conan remake. The dealmaking fell through at the time but the producers likely sweetened the pot by offering a bag of sweetened pot (it’s like kettle corn for your lungs). Now Rourke is close to signing on. As reported before Conan stars Fake Lenny Kravitz (with Leo Howard playing Lil’ Conan) as he goes on a quest to avenge the slaughter of his people.

This casting make perfect sense. If Rourke were to have a child, there’s no way that kid wouldn’t grow up to have dreadlocks and a sword collection. (THR)

Last month we reported that Fake Lenny Kravitz had won the role of the titular barbarian in Marcus Nispel‘s remake of Conan. Today comes word that the role of young Conan will be played by Fake Joey Lawrence. Child actor Leo Howard, who was seen on screens as a little ninja in G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, will portray the miniature barbarian for the first reel of the movie. Congratulations to Leo. And I’m not just saying that because he harnesses the ability to kick me in the face. In fact, I’ll give him my unlimited approval if he takes out Jaden Smith at the All Valley Karate Tournament.  (Latino Review)

It’s so refreshing to wake up and see a story about the non-Tonight Show Conan. Lionsgate has cast the lead for their upcoming remake of the barbarian classic Conan. And the new barbarian is…. some dude!

His name is Jason Momoa. You know him. He’s in all those Stargate: Atlantis commercials. He’s the Lenny Kravitz-looking guy. The one with the smelly hair. On top of that his resume includes being Lisa Bonet’s babby-daddy, Baywatch, and Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding. He beat out Twilight‘s Kellan Lutz and Supernatural‘s Jared Padalecki for the role based on his running-in-slow-motion prowess.

Filming is scheduled to begin mid-March in Bulgaria with Marcus Nispel behind the camera. Say what you will, at least it’s not Brett Ratner. We’ll keep you updated when the rap-rock accompanied trailer premieres. (Deadline Hollywood)

BY THE ANVIL OF CROM!

Usually, news about a guy who’s made a career out of directing remakes is not very exciting; it’s kind of annoying.  The knock on them is obvious:  they’re never as good as the source material, and they’re usually flashy flicks that lack substance.

That’s what makes this piece of news so darned interesting.  It was announced that Marcus Nispel, the guy who remade both The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Friday the Thirteenth, is on board to direct a remake of Conan.  Yeah, it’s a lackluster little bit of information but it’s good news.  Why?  Because now we know Brett Ratner isn’t touching the movie any more.

Variety has reported that at one point in time both the Wachowski Brothers (Siblings maybe? I don’t know, anymore) and Robert Rodriguez were being courted before Ratner (the former much more competent than the latter), it is still nice to know…

that anyone other than The Rat is doing a flick that could be potentially cool.  Nispel doesn’t seem like a masterful filmmaker or anything, but he’s got that little fact that he didn’t ruin the X-Men franchise going for him in my book.

Honestly, if Brett Ratner’s career was halted by an army of remake filmmakers, well, I’d be very pleased.  Even if Conan is awful, Nispel’s effort should be respected by all for ensuring Ratner did not make the movie.