Everyone loves a dead hooker. Everyone loves a live hooker for that matter. “Makin money the hard way” is one of the mankind’s oldest professions. And though it’s not necessarily something you hope for your children to aspire to, it’s always been a relevant topic in societal discussion.

With Love Ranch opening this week, it seems only appropriate that we take a look at a few memorable Hollywood hookers who never fail to get us off:

Vivian Ward – Pretty Woman

Every year, thousands of girls flock to L.A. with dreams of stardom. Many end up starring in videos involving mistaken identity and adulterous wives produced in The Valley. Others take inspiration from Vivan Ward and stroll down Rodeo Blvd with the hopes of “giving directions” to wealthy businessmen that look like Richard Gere. Neither usually have much luck with making it big.

Strawberry Alice – Unforgiven

The pic isn’t from Unforgiven, but she looks whorish enough. Back in the day, it wasn’t considered acceptable to ask your service-woman to wear a paper bag if you didn’t like her face. So when one of Strawberry Alice’s employees gets cut up, she has no choice but to enlist the services of BAMF Clint Eastwood to teach the ungrateful customers some manners.

Holly Golightly – Breakfast at Tiffany’s

In 1961, you couldn’t exactly show Hepburn turning tricks on the street. So she’s cleverly disguised as a gold-digger and “call-girl.” And with her famous image screened onto everything from coffee mugs to Ikea paintings, she might just be the most revered hooker in cinematic history.

Nola and Shug – Hustle & Flow

In one of the most hard-edged depictions of a vastly over-glorified profession, Craig Brewer’s Hustle & Flow gave us an alternative glance at how “everybody gotta have a dream.” D-Jay was lucky too because he had not one, but a pair of women supporting him. And they proved that though it may be “hard out here for a pimp,” being a hoe isn’t any easier.

Jill McBain – Once Upon a Time In the West

I’d just like start off here by pointing out that Claudia Cardinale might be one of the 10 most beautiful women to ever grace the silver screen. In Once Upon a Time In the West, Cardinale plays widowed Jill McBain who, even after moving far away from N’awlins, can’t seem to escape her past (though she doesn’t really care to for that matter).

Diana Murphy – Indecent Proposal

Everyone knows you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife. So why would you EVER turn your housewife into a hoe? Given that it’s Robert Redford, selling your wife for a night seems logical especially if you’re getting a million dollars in return. However, I would normally say that this is a good example of how NOT to run your marriage.

Joe Buck – Midnight Cowboy

It’s no wonder that Angelna Jolie has some major issues (i.e. her marriage to Billy Bob Thornton) considering her own father is most famous for playing a gigolo. Other than Jesus, Voight’s probably the only other individual that gets to be a prostitute and a Pope in the same life-span. And there’s little doubt in my mind that he can still clean up at the cougar bars. Little-known fact: Midnight Cowboy was the first and only film to win an Oscar with an X rating.

Inara – Serenity

We’re told that “companionship” is a prestigious occupation in Joss Whedon’s 26th century. In fact, Inara seems to be the only crew member onboard Serenity that maintains a legit career. It still doesn’t make her immune to ridicule and she’s constantly reminded by Captain Reynolds that just because she can bring her own hotel don’t mean she ain’t still a hoe.

Jenny Everdeane – Gangs of New York

As brilliant as Scorsese is, trying to get an Irish accent out of Cameron Diaz was a far stretch for even him. While Jenny may not have said that she used to be a hooker, getting to shack up with Bill the Butcher sure wasn’t free. Combine that with a hot abortion scar and getting down with Leo in a brothel, and you have all the makings of a harlot.

Mary Kelly – From Hell

Jack the Ripper had a thing for prostitutes. The Hughe Brothers seem to enjoy the subject as well (Book of Eli, American Pimp). Heather Graham, with an accent rivaling Diaz’s in Gangs, always seems to make easy work in roles involving adult entertainment (The Hangover, Boogie Nights). Match made in heaven!

Goldie/Wendy/The Old Town Girls – Sin City

Probably the only instance where you’ll see a hookers union complete with medical benefits. And if you try to get rough with these girls, Devon Aoki’s gonna come smoke yo’ ass.

Chelsea – The Girlfriend Experience

Adult actress Sasha Grey had the good fortune of becoming one of Soderbergh’s pet projects and now appears to be crossing over with roles such as Vinny Chase’s new girlfriend in this season of "Entourage." Though not the most revolutionary film, Experience provides us with an intriguing glance at a contemporary entrepreneurial escort as she tries to juggle her home relationship with her career aspirations.

Iris – Taxi Driver

You thought this list would end without Foster, didn’t you? With Taxi Driver considered by many to be Scorsese’s masterpiece (I heartily disagree), it would be wrong to leave her off. Though I always wonder why she went back to her parents. There’s a pretty good chance that something went on at home to put her on the streets in the first place. I sense a daddy-issues filled future for Iris.

Gina Gershon has always made my film reel shutter, from being the best thing in the epic disaster Showgirls to playing a mob battling lesbian ex-con Bound, she knows how to bring th sizzle back into movie screen sexy. With her current film Love Ranch she gets to be in back into her cathouse gear and amping up the cinema sweat with Joe Pesci and Helen Mirren.

A word from Gina: “Actresses are nightmares. I don’t hang out with any of them. That’s a problem with my profession. I try not to be like an actress.”

Don’t act. Just be. You could take some lessons from Elizabeth Berkley in Showgirls. All that floppin’ and twitchin’ during the pool sex scene came natural to her.

More pics of anti-actress Gina after the jump.

Bai Ling is the kind of female actress you like if your into pixie thin asian girls and S&M. While she blends her career with politically active movies like Red Corner to creepy exotic leather clad characters in The Crow and Crank 2: High Voltage, she will always be my go to tweeker asian actress. Ling can be seen in the cathouse drama Love Ranch opposite Helen Mirren and Joe Pesci, where she plays a kleptomaniac prostitute. Dime a dozen!

A word from Bai: “I worked with a wild leopard, who bit me. But I kept on working with him, because I have a wild side. I think I was an animal in a previous life.”

If it helps you to work with a leopard by thinking you were once a leopard, then by all means remain delusional.

More pics of past animal Bai after the jump.

_{Pick a whore, any whore!}

The trailer for Taylor Hackford’s Love Ranch has scratched, tickled, and hit the web. In it, Helen Mirren and Joe Pesci portray the real life couple that started the first legal brothel in Nevada.

Needless to say, there are prostitutes in this film, gentlemen, and you better believe at some point Pesci teaches them some respect. Will it be Gina Gershon, Bai Ling, Scout Taylor-Compton, or Taryn Manning who is subject to the little man’s wrath? Considering Manning has already done the whole "lady of the night thing" before in Hustle & Flow she’s probably the most resilient. But don’t get too cocky, Taryn. Pesci lays down pimp law a lot harder than Terrence Howard. I have the bruises to prove it.

Check out the trailer after the jump. Love Ranch propositions its way into theaters June 30.

Love Ranch Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers

Director: Taylor Hackford

Cast: Helen Mirren, Joe Pesci

Synopsis: Tells the story of the married couple who opened the first legal brothel in Nevada.

Release Date: June 30, 2010