My Life As A Dog

Ingemar in My Life As A Dog

This is a definitive coming of age drama from director Lasse Holstrom, and if it doesn’t make you cry, not much will. It really piles the misery on top of its young protagonist Ingemar, including but not limited to: a sick and dying mother, being separated from his beloved dog and an array of sexual humiliations. We won’t even blame you if you get a little misty-eyed just reading this.

Edward Scissorhands

Johnny Depp hugging Winona Ryder in Edward Scissorhands

OK, so Edward is an artificial being, so he doesn’t technically age. Still, the movie is about his movement from childlike innocence to bitter disappointment as he experiences the harsh world of love and loss, so it qualifies. And it’ll get you. Particularly the final scene where an elderly Winona Ryder remembers her life as a young girl with Edward and that sweet Danny Elfman score swells. Just try  not to blow your nose too hard if you have scissors for hands. We had an uncle who lost a nostril that way.

Boyz N The Hood

Cuba Gooding Jr. crying in Boyz In the Hood

This coming of age drama about kids growing up in a rough LA neighborhood could make even the hardest gangster (or Republican) shed a tear or two. It’s a classic story, featuring several kids who either try to escape the unforgiving neighborhood, or grow to coldly embrace what it takes to survive there. Plus, what is arguably Ice Cube‘s most badass performance alone is enough to bring tears to your eyes. “Domino motherf*cker!”

The Lion King

Simba trying to wake up Mufasa in The Lion King

Yeah, it’s a cartoon. You’re looking for movies that make a man cry, what do you expect? This Disney classic has been seen by practically everyone, including more than a few guys who claim to never cry during movies —a healthy percentage of these guys almost certainly teared up when Mufasa was murdered by Scar. Or maybe that was just dust in our eyes.

The Tree of Life

Sean Penn in the desert in Tree Of Life

This might seem like a weird choice, since The Tree of Life is a much more experimental movie than the other weepers on this list. Still, if you give it the concentration and focus it deserves, it’ll tug at those heart strings. The scenes depicting life in 1950s suburban Texas might get to you, specifically if you’re around the same age as Sean Penn’s character, whose childhood makes up the bulk of the narrative. Well, that and dinosaurs. And who among us is able to keep his composure when it comes to dinosaurs?

It means no worries for the rest of your days…which are numbered.