Screen Junkies » Lifetime http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Fri, 19 Dec 2014 20:16:14 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.3 Eight Made-for-TV Films Worse Than the Aaliyah Movie http://www.screenjunkies.com/general/eight-made-for-tv-films-worse-than-the-aaliyah-movie/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/general/eight-made-for-tv-films-worse-than-the-aaliyah-movie/#comments Tue, 25 Nov 2014 16:28:53 +0000 DustinSeibert http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=267436 The Aaliyah movie was a flaming turdfest. But it gets worse.

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Before Aaliyah: The Princess of R&B even aired on Lifetime earlier this month, the film caught boatloads of vitriol for so many different reasons, ranging from terrible casting to the complete absence of Aaliyah music to the sympathetic portrayal of child predator R. Kelly to the lack of approval from the late singer’s family.

As if all that wasn’t bad enough, the film itself was atrocious. It was the cinematic equivalent of having a catheter full of army ants jammed in your urethra with no prep. But everyone knew Lifetime would make a beloved 90s R&B star’s first posthumous film a total train wreck, because that’s kinda what Lifetime does. 

The film got me thinking about all the terrible made-for-television movies I’ve watched over the years. Mind you, Netflix, HBO Go and the like has made it so I don’t have to bother with such lowbrow entertainment, but when I was a teenager in the 1990s, these films were par for any television-watching course. Many of them feature an actor or actress trying to collect a quick check for whatever reason (often because they couldn’t cut it on the big screen), and their production values are — more often than not — so risible that it’s hard not to chuckle in an era when high-quality material like Game of Thrones dominates the small screen.

The list of bad television movies is interminable, but I’ve dug up eight that are even worse than the fast-forward-worthy Aaliyah film. A couple of them came out this year, if you can believe it.  

1. Baby Monitor: Sound of Fear (1998) – Not entirely sure how the title of this film got past USA execs without everyone breaking down in fits of laughter. Maybe it didn’t, and they released it anyway. The conceit behind this entire thing involves a married woman hiring a gorgeous young thing (Melrose Place babe Josie Bissett, before her fall into utter obscurity) as a nanny who eventually starts banging — and gets pregnant by — the husband. The pissed-off wife enlists the help of hitmen to kill the babysitter and take her own damn kid hostage. Needless to say, the whole thing ends even worse than Josie Bissett’s career.

2. Man in the Mirror: The Michael Jackson Story (2004) – Aaliyah’s unauthorized biopic actually has a precedent with this completely atrocious King of Pop “biopic” from a decade ago starring Flex Alexander, whose last great role was from Neveruary 31. It’s a hell of a thing to make a film about one of the most beloved, highest-selling music artists of all time without any of his music whatsoever. But it’s even nuttier to watch Flex as MJ, a decision that makes even less sense now than it did 10 years ago.

3. The Brittany Murphy Story (2014) – Now, I don’t wanna throw salt on the dearly departed, but let’s keep it real: What did Brittany Murphy accomplish in her career outside of dying that merited a Lifetime biopic? Her starring roles were straight-to-video worthy, and she was best known for a few memorable supporting roles and a supporting voice role in King of the Hill. Lifetime would have you believe Murphy was “One of Hollywood’s brightest stars,” but that’s only in the way that, say, Ruben Studdard was “the recording industry’s hottest artist.” They had the nerve to cast a woman in the lead role who is nowhere near as attractive as Murphy was and is likely an even less charismatic actress than she was. Murphy’s father justifiably tried to put the kibosh on the film. Someone at Lifetime needs to be neutered for green-lighting this monstrosity.

4. No One Would Tell (1996) – This is based on the true story of a teenager who murdered his young girlfriend following escalating abuse. The most ridiculous aspect of this movie is Fred “The Wonder Years” Savage playing the abusive jock Bobby. Because the movie came out three years after the conclusion of the television show that made him famous, watching him stalk about as a predatorial character is laughable. Look for the scene of Savage “ominously” bench pressing, like, 95 pounds. Fool, please.

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Aubrey Plaza Admits The Grumpy Cat Xmas Special Is Best Viewed While Drunk http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/aubrey-plaza-admits-the-grumpy-cat-xmas-special-is-best-viewed-while-drunk/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/aubrey-plaza-admits-the-grumpy-cat-xmas-special-is-best-viewed-while-drunk/#comments Wed, 12 Nov 2014 16:26:05 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=267255 I watch everything while drunk. Just to be safe.

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In a move of genius casting, the deadpan, downer Aubrey Plaza was recruited as the voice of Grumpy Cat for the feline’s Christmas special Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever on Lifetime. Plaza encouraged Jimmy Kimmel, then his audience, to knock back a few glasses of wine before viewing, saying about the program, ”It’s really the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen — it’s so confusing,”

SOLD!

I don’t think anyone expected the special to be GOOD, so it might as well be weird and confusing to pique our interest. I mean, I wouldn’t expect Aubrey Plaza to jump on to a regular ole’ Xmas special. Unless they paid her a bunch. Which they almost certainly did.

Grumpy Cat comes to your living room (not literally) on November 29th on Lifetime.

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Grumpy Cat’s A Real B-Word In Trailer For ‘Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/grumpy-cats-a-real-b-word-in-trailer-for-grumpy-cats-worst-christmas-ever/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/grumpy-cats-a-real-b-word-in-trailer-for-grumpy-cats-worst-christmas-ever/#comments Mon, 03 Nov 2014 10:40:04 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=266900 Why do you push people away, Grumpy Cat?

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Lifetime has come a long way from movies about women trying to get not murdered, and are now dipping their toes into what’s trending with the kids. Will Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever be a success? On the one hand, it looks like they spent most of the budget on Aubrey Plaza. On the other hand, Grumpy Cat fires an automatic paintball gun at mall robbers.

Like Christopher Walken in the preview for Peter Pan Live!, Grumpy Cat actually looks ashamed to be a part of this. What happened to you, Grumpy? You used to stand for something.

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Here’s A Still From The Grumpy Cat Christmas Movie, And Boy Is It Stupid! http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/heres-a-still-from-the-grumpy-cat-christmas-movie-and-boy-is-it-stupid/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/heres-a-still-from-the-grumpy-cat-christmas-movie-and-boy-is-it-stupid/#comments Wed, 17 Sep 2014 00:06:35 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=265117 This is frivolous and dumb even by Lifetime standards.

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A while back it was announced that Grumpy Cat was getting its own Christmas special. On Lifetime. We reported it and everything. You may not remember because Grumpy Cat isn’t the type of thing you like to allocate a whole lot of bandwidth to. Fair enough. But you cared enough to click. Yeah. We caught ya.

Anyway, while idly scrolling The Wrap looking for a news story to share, I came across this “exclusive” still for the Grumpy Cat Christmas special, called, appropriately enough Grumpy Cat Skullfucks Santa Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever.

Here’s a big version of the stupid picture.

He’s as nonplussed about this film as I am.

Also, since when does Grumpy Cat get his name IN the title of the film? I mean, he’s not Tyler Perry.

On the plus side, it’s sort of interesting to imagine how many Grumpy Cats died as a result of negligence or malice on the set of the film. You think this is the original GC? Puh-lease.

Nice work, The Wrap.

 

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Lifetime To Use Their Deft Touch To Tackle The Life And Death Of Brittany Murphy http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/lifetime-to-use-their-deft-touch-to-tackle-the-life-and-death-of-brittany-murphy/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/lifetime-to-use-their-deft-touch-to-tackle-the-life-and-death-of-brittany-murphy/#comments Thu, 14 Aug 2014 16:47:57 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=264167 But will she be played by Tori Spelling?

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Between their Aaliyah biopic, their Saved By the Bell TV movie, and now news of a Brittany Murphy film, it’s seeming like Lifetime is stuck a decade or two back from the rest of us. Because Lifetime doesn’t eff around with their titles (they’re surprisingly SEO savvy) they have dubbed the Murphy film, The Brittany Murphy Story. No surprises there.

The film will premiere September 6th, and will star Amanda Fuller as Brittany, and Sherilyn Fenn as Brittany Murphy’s mom, Sharon. The early death of the actress caused some internal strife within the family regarding how her two parents dealt with the media following the tragedy.

Because if there’s one thing Lifetime loves, it’s internal strife within the family.

The release date so close to the announcement of the film is rarely a good sign. This could mean that Lifetime isn’t proud of this project, and if Lifetime isn’t proud of something…dear God.

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Oh, Man ‘The Unauthorized Saved By The Bell’ Trailer Looks Terribly, Terribly Awesome http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/oh-man-the-unauthorized-saved-by-the-bell-trailer-looks-terribly-terribly-awesome/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/oh-man-the-unauthorized-saved-by-the-bell-trailer-looks-terribly-terribly-awesome/#comments Fri, 08 Aug 2014 17:48:19 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=263910 I really feel like the original Screech and Belding could just play themselves.

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Lifetime will be airing a Saved by the Bell tell-all film that will, appropriately enough, be called The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell. It is everything you would expect in a synergy between the melodramatic network and so-bad-it’s-bad teen TV show that we can’t remember WHY we watched.

It’s all petty and stupid in the trailer, but then again, isn’t life?

ISN’T LIFE?

Watch the trailer and save the film for a day when you’re REALLY hungover.

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Lifetime Has Decided That Dead R&B Star Aaliyah Needs A Biopic – Her Family Disagrees http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/lifetime-has-decided-that-dead-rb-star-aaliyah-needs-a-biopic-her-family-disagrees/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/lifetime-has-decided-that-dead-rb-star-aaliyah-needs-a-biopic-her-family-disagrees/#comments Wed, 18 Jun 2014 23:11:54 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=262352 Yes, but how will it compare with 'Lincoln'?

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There’s so much about Aaliyah that we don’t know. Like, her last name, favorite nail polish, and other crap. Fortunately, all Lifetime really cares about is crap, so no one is better equipped to give us an Aaliyah biopic.

Not that we NEED or WANT an Aaliyah biopic, but if Hollywood has taught us anything, it’s that we don’t realize we need or want anything until Hollywood tells us we do. If it helps you feel better about the project, it’s based on a book called Aaliyah: More Than A Woman. 

So not only will this article make you feel bad that there’s a TV movie about Aaliyah coming out, but someone wrote a book about her. And how she’s “more than a woman.” I’m sure that’s a name of one of her songs, but you would have thought the author would come up with a title that didn’t make it sound like Aaliyah had a dick.

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Oh, F*ck Me. Grumpy Cat Is Getting A Lifetime Holiday Movie. http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/oh-fck-me-grumpy-cat-is-getting-a-lifetime-holiday-movie/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/oh-fck-me-grumpy-cat-is-getting-a-lifetime-holiday-movie/#comments Wed, 11 Jun 2014 23:10:57 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=262201 Grumpy cat, tired of being abused by a dog, stands up for itself. With dire consequences...

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I wish I could post something about how this is an omen of the apocalypse, and this is a disgrace, but Grumpy Cat getting a Lifetime holiday movie isn’t surprising at all. I mean, behind Grumpy Cat is some owner that’s wondering why the hell his cat is so popular, he still isn’t rich.

So you sell the cat, or its likeness, or whatever, to Lifetime. Where they make a moving film out of it. With the plotline, “a pet-store cat that is perpetually overlooked and the 12-year-old girl who can communicate with her.” Ok then.

It’s win-win. Except for the audiences, who don’t lose because they have to watch the movie, but because they’re not smart enough to realize there are much better things to do with your time than watch Grumpy Cat on TV. I say this as someone who is writing about a Grumpy Cat movie, but only because I’m getting paid. I’m just following orders.

 

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And Now Lifetime Is Going To Tell The Story Of Christ With ‘The One’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/and-now-lifetime-is-going-to-tell-the-story-of-christ-with-the-one/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/and-now-lifetime-is-going-to-tell-the-story-of-christ-with-the-one/#comments Mon, 17 Feb 2014 17:28:12 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=259420 Lifetime: Television for Christian Woman

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Lifetime, as eager to upset their role as a television station as they are gender roles, is going to step up their game from fictionalized accounts of domestic violence at the hands of Mario Lopez to telling the story of Christ.

It’s going to be an origin story. Was he bitten by a Christian spider? Was the death of his father, Joseph, a catalyst?

Maybe. It will tell the story of Jesus’ twenty-somethings, hopefully in a Apatow-like slacker fashion. Since very little is known about Jesus’ “lost” half-assing work at his dad’s consulting firm so that he could focus on his music, it will be interesting to see what the hell Lifetime does with this subject matter.

No doubt, though, that Tori Spelling and Tiffani Amber Theissen are both reading this, then working on their most affected Mary Magdalene voices.

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In Case You Didn’t Know ‘America’s Most Wanted’ Was Still On The Air, No Worries, It’s Been Cancelled http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/in-case-you-didnt-know-americas-most-wanted-was-still-on-the-air-no-worries-its-been-cancelled/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/in-case-you-didnt-know-americas-most-wanted-was-still-on-the-air-no-worries-its-been-cancelled/#comments Fri, 29 Mar 2013 19:42:35 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=254178 Yay, crime!

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While it’s easy to mock the remarkably durable series America’s Most Wanted, the show managed to lead to the capture of over a thousand fugitives over 25 seasons, so…

Eat it, New Girl.

However, it appears that our streets will once again be plagued by crime and bedlam, as America’s Most Wanted has gotten the hook (yet again) from the network hospice commonly known as Lifetime. However, for those of you, writhing in emotional pain, moaning, “But what of host John Walsh? What of Walsh?” dry your wetted eyes.

Lifetime is working on a series called John Walsh Investigates, which is sure to become the reality-based cousin of Law & Order: SVU, which means that we’ll all watch it when we’re sick or hungover, and not tolerate it at all outside of those contexts.

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Lindsay Lohan Is Exhausted http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/lindsay-lohan-is-exhausted/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/lindsay-lohan-is-exhausted/#comments Fri, 15 Jun 2012 22:39:18 +0000 Joseph Gibson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=249262 But she's going to be OK! For now.

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Lindsay Lohan has been going through some well-publicized trials lately. There’s the car accident, for one, but also the filming of the Lifetime Original Movie Liz and Dick, which features Lohan in a sure-to-be-scrutinized performance as Hollywood legend Elizabeth Taylor. So it was a little bit alarming to read reports of paramedics being called to the Ritz Carlton Hotel where Lohan was staying during the shooting of the movie.

Apparently, someone called 911 after finding Lohan unconscious and was unable to revive her. Paramedics arrived and somehow determined that there was nothing seriously wrong with her, and left without taking her to the hospital. Lohan is reportedly suffering from a simple case of exhaustion, which is easily explained by the reportedly extreme conditions of the Liz and Dick shoot. Sources say that Lohan had just gotten done with two straight sleep-free days of shooting – no wonder she’s exhausted.

Anyway, Lindsay was NOT hospitalized, contrary to earlier reports, and is apparently doing OK now. Hopefully she will get some sleep and pull herself out of this exhaustion. Or, barring that, do something more interesting to write about. But it’s Friday afternoon, what do you expect? (TMZ)

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Plan Your Weekend: 85 Jennifer Love Hewitt GIFs http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/plan-your-weekend-85-jennifer-love-hewitt-gifs/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/plan-your-weekend-85-jennifer-love-hewitt-gifs/#comments Wed, 11 Apr 2012 20:30:29 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=gallery&p=248063 All hail TV's most well-liked prostitute!!

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Three cheers for television’s most likable hooker! Jennifer Love Hewitt pulled in healthy ratings this past weekend with the premiere of her Lifetime series, The Client List. Based on last year’s television movie of the same name, Hewitt stars as a woman who goes on sexy adventures with her boobs all hanging out in order to feed her family. Do you have any idea what college costs these days? DO YOU?!!!

It was either that or a show where Jennifer Love Hewitt is constantly spilling stuff on her shirt and has to take it off before the stain sets in. Which is to say, it’s genius.

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Lifetime Is Remaking ‘Blue Lagoon’… Hello? Anyone? Hellooooo? http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/lifetime-is-remaking-blue-lagoon-hello-anyone-hellooooo/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/lifetime-is-remaking-blue-lagoon-hello-anyone-hellooooo/#comments Mon, 12 Dec 2011 14:00:16 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=239317 There will be no nudity.

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This one’s for our 45 year-old female readers…

Good news, girlfriends! Your go-to channel for domestic abuse dramatizations is now remaking your favorite movie from all those mid-1980′s sleepovers you revisit with such fondness!

Lifetime announced that they will be making a TV movie adaptation of the 1980 original, which starred Brooke Shields and some guy with hilarious hair. In case there are any younger readers perusing this article to see what all the fuss is about, The Blue Lagoon told the story of a shipwrecked boy and girl who frolic on an island paradise and fall in love. That’s it. That’s the movie. It served as Brooke Shields’ breakout role and spawned a sequel with 1991′s Return to the Blue Lagoon, which introduced the world to a much hotter female lead, Milla Jovavich.

The executive team behind this is also remaking Steel Magnolias for the network, so go ahead and set those DVR‘s.

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They Got My Letters! Lifetime To Remake ‘Steel Magnolias’ With All-Black Cast http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/they-got-my-letters-lifetime-to-remake-steel-magnolias-with-all-black-cast/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/they-got-my-letters-lifetime-to-remake-steel-magnolias-with-all-black-cast/#comments Tue, 11 Oct 2011 21:34:40 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=232027 If someone offered me a wager on whether or not this iteration will contain more or less sass, I would put my money on "more."

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This news story contains “the trinity,” the three things that we have found Screen Junkies readers hold most dear. The trinity is:

That’s right, Lifetime is (finally) remaking Steel Magnolias with an all-black cast. No doubt inspired by the box office take garnered by the Southern and female race-relations study The Help, Lifetime execs gathered around their pink, uterine conference table, soundtracked by Chaka Khan and decreed, “The sisterhood yearns for an adaptation for the ebony godesses” or something like that.

For those unfamiliar, Steel Magnolias was a 1989 ensemble drama-comedy that examined that the bond shared between Southern women. It starred Dolly Parton, a shoulder-padded Julia Roberts, Olympia Dukakis, and Shirley “Hellcat” MacLaine.

Though the film will not be released theatrically, Lifetime has conveyed that they want an A-list cast. In much the same way that I keep conveying that I would like be seated at the Vanity Fair Oscar party with Emma Stone on my lap.

With this news, the entire nation is forced to think long and hard, then answer the question, “Who is the black Olympia Dukakis?”

That’s right. Taye Diggs.

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Lifetime Hatching Lady Gaga Biopic http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/lifetime-hatching-lady-gaga-biopic/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/lifetime-hatching-lady-gaga-biopic/#comments Wed, 05 Oct 2011 13:58:03 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=231256 This is going to be weird.

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Lifetime is developing Fame Monster: The Lady Gaga Story, a biopic about the strangely-costumed pop star. Written by Casino Jack‘s Norman Snider and based on the book Poker Face: The Rise And Rise Of Lady Gaga, the story will follow the life of Stefani Germanotta, a young woman with a dream to dress like a Silent Hill monster and eventually bleach the life out of her scalp as she breaks through from a New York City performer into a global sensation.

The project hasn’t received the greenlight yet and casting has not been mentioned. But they’re close. Now might be a good time for Jamie Lynn Sigler to start getting sized for dildo octopus monster costumes. (Deadline)

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Let’s Hope The Amanda Knox Movie Has A Nude Scene http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/lets-hope-the-amanda-knox-movie-has-a-nude-scene/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/lets-hope-the-amanda-knox-movie-has-a-nude-scene/#comments Tue, 04 Oct 2011 18:51:30 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=gallery&p=231124 If not, at least it's only a matter of time before the actual Amanda Knox poses for Playboy.

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The fine people at Lifetime are busy amending their made-for-TV movie, Amanda Knox: Murder on Trial in Italy, to incorporate yesterday’s acquittal. Considering the production values of your average Lifetime movie, they might also want to consider incorporating a nude scene for actress Hayden Panettiere. It’s about the only thing that will get anyone with a Y-chromosome to watch. Granted, it’s basic cable, so I doubt we’ll be seeing anything too revealing. As such, we’ll probably just have to make due with the following 15 pictures of Hayden Panettiere, and imagine what might have been. On the plus side, it’s only a matter of time before the actual Amanda Knox poses for Playboy, so we’ve got that to look forward to. I’m thinking a prison-themed pictorial is in order.

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What The Hell Am I Watching? ‘Drop Dead Diva’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-episode/what-the-hell-am-i-watching-drop-dead-diva/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-episode/what-the-hell-am-i-watching-drop-dead-diva/#comments Tue, 06 Sep 2011 19:12:39 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=227173 We thought we'd give this show a chance. Bad idea.

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Once a week, we watch a show that we normally wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole just to make sure we’re not missing anything. Nine out of ten times, we’re not. This week, we watched Drop Dead Diva. God help us.

Thank God for the educational intros like the one Drop Dead Diva features. From the quick rundown, I’m able to deduce that this Lifetime show is a story about a model who gets killed, only to get a second chance at living on Earth as Jane, a fat attorney with fabulous girlfriends and a guardian angel, Fred, who appears to be gay. But I don’t want to presume anything, even though, seriously, he looks pretty gay. (I find out later that he’s probably not gay.)

Let’s blow through a recap of the show so that we know what we’re up against here. 

The episode starts off with Jane walking into the kitchen to find her roommate chopping a banana, upon which the trajectory of the episode is quickly divulged.

Jane went on a date with a judge to the beach and had a wonderful time, even learning to “pull the judge’s tiller” which is a sailing term, but also sounds like jerking a dude off. Thanks, Sex and the City, for making sexual puns in women’s programming de rigueur. And thanks, women, for allowing it to happen.

We also learn at this time that CiCi (C.C.? CeeeeeeCeeeeee?), Jane’s roommate, kissed a guy that gave her a ride home from the Entertainment Weekly party (FABULOUS!) even though she’s involved with someone. So we’ve gotten the storyline primed and pumped at the 1:40 mark. Good to get those out of the way. The Wire, this ain’t.

While the opening credits continue to roll, we find that Jane must broker a meeting between a partner at her law firm and his jilted, violent ex. She also drops a reference to expensing Katie Perry tickets, which is something that I can totally related to because, OMG Katy Perry.

Some hot girl named Kim steps into a church for reasons unimportant only to find that the new minister is a total Bladwin. Do people still call hot guys Baldwins? I’m pretty sure they do. Oh. The hot minister is a single dad who lost his wife. Because that’s not cliché.

Cut to Jane brokering the peace between the partner and his ex. But before we get there, it should be noted that the partner is an old white dude, and the ex is Brandi. Yup. Brandi. He politely denies the request to represent her and pushes her out on the office, but Jane comes to sympathize with the ex (Brandi!)

All of this is revealed within the first four minutes or so of the show. 

Click ‘Next Page’ to continue…

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Roseanne Working On A Farm And No It’s Not A Pig Farm http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/now-roseanne-is-getting-a-reality-show-because-reality-is-dull-pointless/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/now-roseanne-is-getting-a-reality-show-because-reality-is-dull-pointless/#comments Mon, 14 Feb 2011 22:18:35 +0000 Joseph Gibson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=26822 Roseanne has a reality show that you might not see anything else about if you flee the country now.

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As part of a concerted effort to make people never want to watch reality TV again, Roseanne is joining Sinbad in the reality TV club. To make matters even more easily mocked, it’s about her owning a farm. Here’s an actual, not-made-up quote about the series, which will depict her managing a 40-acre macadamia farm:

“They’ve said ‘Roseanne’s nuts’ for years, and now I’m going to make that a reality – I’m all about nuts now, macadamia nuts!”

Now for a fictional, made-up-by-me quote from Roseanne about the series:

“Please God, just kill me now and don’t allow this atrocity to happen.”

The Lifetime series doesn’t have a title, but I’m guessing it will be some abortion like “Roseanne’s Nuts!” or “Going Nuts with Roseanne!” Please God, just kill me now and don’t allow this atrocity to happen. (via Deadline)

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