Gary Marshall’s Valentine’s Day featured some bizarre on-screen unions, and now is causing one off-screen as well. I don’t know how to better describe this news item than with a shrill "Say WHAAAAAAATTTTTTT???!!!!!" Jamie Foxx is scripting a modernized adaptation of "Laverne & Shirley" as a vehicle for sisters-from-another-mister Jennifer Garner and Jessica Biel. I wouldn’t mind seeing that sexy pair schlemiel one another’s schlimazels if you know what I’m sayin’ (note: I don’t know what I’m sayin’).

Marshall tells TV Guide:

“Jamie and I are trying to do it. He’s writing it. It’s a whole different modern day take on how they came up on the streets during difficult times. Laverne would be this very tough girl with a big ‘L’ tattooed on her arm. Jennifer Garner would play Laverne and Jessica Biel would play Shirley.”

This is just great. I’ve been working on the gangsta version of "227" for quite some time and now everyone will think I’m ripping off Jamie Foxx‘s stupid urban "Laverne & Shirley." Now the world will never see Macy Gray cut a bitch while dressed as Jackée.