Screen Junkies » larry king http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Thu, 04 Dec 2014 23:57:52 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Larry King Fears His Impending Death, Wants To Be Frozen http://www.screenjunkies.com/general/larry-king-fears-his-impending-death-wants-to-be-frozen/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/general/larry-king-fears-his-impending-death-wants-to-be-frozen/#comments Tue, 06 Dec 2011 18:52:33 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=238873 In a story that might not be of interest to our readership, or technically even “news,” but is very funny nonetheless, Larry King, when asked about his mortality, replied to...

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In a story that might not be of interest to our readership, or technically even “news,” but is very funny nonetheless, Larry King, when asked about his mortality, replied to CNN:

“Oh, I fear death. My biggest fear is death, because I don’t think I’m going anywhere. And since I don’t think that, and I don’t have a belief … I’m married to someone who has the belief, so she knows she’s going somewhere.  I want to be frozen, on thehope that they’ll find whatever I died of and they’ll bring me back.”

So it’s official – Larry King fears death. And doesn’t believe in reincarnation. So if you see Larry King, do him him and his fans a favor by clubbing him over the head, then freezing him in liquid nitrogen. Do the same if you see Piers Morgan, too. Actually, don’t freeze Piers Morgan. Just hit him in the head, then go about the rest of your day.

It’s funny to think of someone resuscitating Larry King in like 50 years, only to find him looking like that.

“NEXT CALLER…GLADYS IN PURGATORY. GLADYS, YOU’RE ON THE LINE!”

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Larry King In ‘Daily Show’ Talks, Viacom Increases Suspender Budget http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/larry-king-in-talks-with-daily-show-viacom-increases-suspender-budget/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/larry-king-in-talks-with-daily-show-viacom-increases-suspender-budget/#comments Mon, 14 Mar 2011 19:50:48 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=201539 Larry King has been speaking with "The Daily Show" execs about contributing...whatever the hell he brings to the table.

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“Journalist” Larry King has been speaking with”The Daily Show” execs about contributing…whatever the hell he brings to the table. Softball questions? Awkward stares into the camera? Larry King has announced via Twitter that he’s embarking on a comedy tour, so perhaps he’s been sitting on a stockpile of wit that CNN never let him demonstrate. I’m doubtful, but for “The Daily Show” to see something in him, maybe he deserves the benefit of the doubt. It’s unlikely they’ll need him to serve as “resident hot girl,” but if he does…then God help us all.

Per Deadline, the program actually reached out to him, suggesting that perhaps they’re trying to expand their demographic to include the type of people that are still interested in the JonBenet Ramsey case and Michael Jackson‘s doctor. No other info is available, as the conversations are preliminary, but his contributions would be similar to those of John Hodgman and Lewis Black (in frequency, anyway), so Jon Stewart‘s job is safe. For now.

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7 Probable Victims of the Hollywood Star Whackers http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/7-probable-victims-of-the-hollywood-star-whackers/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/7-probable-victims-of-the-hollywood-star-whackers/#comments Thu, 02 Dec 2010 20:26:14 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=10766 After weeks of painstaking research, I’ve come up with this list of seven probable victims of the “Hollywood Star Whackers.” They are the key to figuring out the “who” and “why”…and god willing, maybe “how much” and “how many.”

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When Randy Quaid and his wife Evi fled to Canada to protect themselves from the so-called “Hollywood Star Whackers,” the media was quick to mock and ridicule the couple. After all, the talking heads of the 24-hour news cycle have a vested interest in protecting their shadowy overlords. “Revered journalists” like Brian Williams and Mario Lopez all suck from the same corporate teat, so anything that would disrupt the flow of their putrid financial milk (like the murder of David Carradine and Heath Ledger) is a threat that must be buried. And what better way to bury a story than to discredit the source, in this case, one of America’s most beloved actors, Randy Quaid.

Well, now the media’s chickens have come home to roost. With the recent high-profile death of Hollywood publicist Ronni Chasen, and the alleged suicide of a so-called “person of interest” in the case, the 4th estate can no longer sweep the facts under the rug. The “Hollywood Star Whackers” are real, and they walk among us.

But the real question remains: who is pulling the strings? Is it the Vatican Bank? The Elders of Zion? The Illuminati? Gary Busey? In order to find out, we have to establish motive. And before we can establish motive, we have to acknowledged the crimes. After weeks of painstaking research, I’ve come up with this list of seven probable victims of the “Hollywood Star Whackers.” They are the key to figuring out the “who” and “why”…and god willing, maybe “how much” and “how many.” We’re through the looking glass.

Patrick Swayze

Nobody backs baby in to a corner, especially not some punk ass bitch like cancer. You mean to tell me that the dude who cleaned up the Double Deuce is going to fall to a cluster of uncontrolled cell growth in his pancreas? Not bloody likely. Yeah, he lost a lot of weight, but I’ll bet you dollars to donuts he was being slowly poisoned by his doctors via the “Star Whackers.” That’s why I don’t vaccinate my kids. Doctors; what the hell do they know?

Ronald Reagan

Ronald Reagan may have been the 40th President of the United States, but he was also a well-known actor. This made him a target. It’s said that Reagan passed away in 2004 after a ten-year battle with Alzheimer’s disease. But do they really expect us to believe that a healthy 84-year old could decline so rapidly in the span of a single decade? Something doesn’t add up. If I had to guess, I’d say the “Star Whackers” accelerated the Gipper’s demise by exploiting his sweet-tooth via arsenic-flavored jelly beans.

Bernie Mac

Now listen up, America. Bernie Mac did not die of “sarcoidosis,” whatever the hell that is. The same group that introduced HIV and crack cocaine to the African-American community just couldn’t bear to see a black actor get ahead. Bernie was taken out, just like Biggie, Tupac, and the guy from those “Waaaaazzuuuup!” commercials. Look it up.

Greg Giraldo

Why would anyone want to kill comedian Greg Giraldo? Oh, I don’t know. He was only an insult comic with a knack for skewering celebrities. In a sense, he’d become a bit of a“Star Whacker” in his own right. My guess is someone didn’t want the competition. Connect the dots, you ignorant fools.

Leslie Nielsen

Just a few days ago, I watched The Naked Gun. During the film, Leslie Nielsen seemed so full of life. Yet earlier this week, he supposedly died of phenomena? What gives? Do the math, people. It was “Star Whackers,” plain and simple. Watch your back, George Kennedy.

Billy Mays

According to the coroner’s report for TV pitchman Billy Mays, heart disease was the “primary cause of death” and cocaine was a “contributory” factor. Now why would Billy Mays, a man who was so full of life, a man who could get ridiculously excited over a product as stupid as the Awesome Auger, need to get coked up? He was practically bursting at the seems with energy, 24/7. I know a smokescreen when I see it.

Larry King

When it comes to whacking stars, there’s no prize greater than a legendary talk-show host. Johnny Carson learned that the hard way a few years back. This year, Larry King learned it, too. The official cause of death was listed as…what…wait…he’s not dead. OK, never mind. Scratch that one. My bad. But watch your back, King! They’re coming for you!

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