6 photosCharlize Theron

These pictures look like pretty typical “dark fantasy” stuff, althoug I am a little surprised how different Chris Hemsworth looks from his role at Thor in, er, Thor. Also those shiny costumes are giving me a little bit of a Joel Schumacher Batman vibe. Is it too late to add nipples to the costumes? (The Playlist)

Originally there was word that Eddie Izzard would also appear as a dwarf but that news now seems to have been “tossed” out. (Variety)

6 photosKeep Looking At New Pics From 'Twilight: Breaking Dawn' Forever

McShane will join Charlize Theron, Kristen Stewart, and Thor in the revised take on the fairy tale where the Huntsman, rather than kill Snow White, trains her to defend herself against her evil stepmother. Between this film, Relativity‘s Snow White, and The Hobbit, we’ll need a good amount of character actors to fill all these dwarf roles. And still, no phone calls to Warwick Davis? That’s messed. (THR)

6 photosKeep Looking At New Pics From 'Twilight: Breaking Dawn' Forever

In its heated rivalry with Relativity to get its Snow White project out first, Universal has hired Hossein Amini to rewrite the Snow White and the Huntsman script. Amini, best known for writing Nicolas Winding Refn‘s Drive and Keanu Reeves‘ samurai actioner 47 Ronin, will add more exciting sword fights to the most recent draft by Evan Spiliotopoulos. Dude fighting on tree branches and swinging from long, ornate curtains, I assume.

These fights should mirror the back and forth between Universal and Relativity who are frantically trying to one-up one another in an effort to get their film in theaters first, and poison the public’s perception of big budget Snow White films like so many apples. (Deadline)

6 photosKeep Looking At New Pics From 'Twilight: Breaking Dawn' Forever

“After their wedding, Bella and Edward travel to Rio de Janeiro for their honeymoon, where they finally give in to their passions. Bella soon discovers she is pregnant, and during a nearly fatal childbirth, Edward finally fulfills her wish to become immortal.  But the arrival of their remarkable daughter, Renesmee, sets in motion a perilous chain of events that pits the Cullens and their allies against the Volturi, the fearsome council of vampire leaders, setting the stage for an all-out battle.”

Huh. Here’s hoping the fearsome council of vampire leaders forgot to bring their magic swords or whatever. The movie’s coming out on November 18, so try not to run afoul of any sexy vampires and/or werewolves before then.

Anyway, as writer Mark Boal furiously adds a happy ending to the script, the film has found one of their leads: Australian actor Joel Edgerton. You may know him as a guy who was almost the guy replacing Matt Damon in The Bourne Legacy. He’ll play a secret operative as part of a group of kickass, Osama-slamming warriors.

To take the role, Edgerton reportedly passed on the part of The Huntsman in Snow White and The Huntsman, one of three million Snow White movies coming out. He would have starred opposite Kristen Stewart. Maybe he’s not into that twitchy way she does everything. In the end, it probably came down to how little Bin Laden murdering is in Snow White and The Huntsman. Sometimes a guy’s gotta kill some Bin Laden. Sam Claflin will reportedly take the Huntsman role.

Kill Bin Laden is looking to start shooting this Summer. (LA Times)

As for the pictures themselves, they look pretty much like you’d expect, with Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, and Kristen Stewart doing various things. You’ve got the pale guy and the girl eating eggs or something. The other guy running through the rain, some girls in dresses, some magazine covers – let’s not make too big a deal out of this, OK? Just try to maintain your composure and remember: It’s only a movie.

Kristen Stewart was mentioned in the Variety announcement but she’s expected to join for two reasons. First,  she was attached two years ago and has stated the project is a passion project. Second, the director is her moms, Jules Stewart.

K-11 refers to a section of L.A. County Jail reserved for homosexuals. If she can join, Stewart will play an autistic transgender named Butterfly who starts a relationship with a tatted up methhead transgender who Nikki Reed was originally slated to play. Reed’s no longer attached and there’s no confirmation on whether or not Jason Mewes will now play a role. Don’t try to put Jason Mewes in a box, man.

So, let me get this right. They both play women who became men so that they could have relationships with men who used to be women. Sounds like an Inception-themed porno. Cue up that horn but don’t do anything torrid with it.

However, any project that tackles such a revered work is bound to have its authenticity questioned, but the stills (surprisingly black and white and color) seem to captur the spirit of the piece quite well. However, let’s all reserve judgement until we hear some dialogue. The best DoPand production designers in the world won’t be able to save this thing if “totes” pops up repeatedly in the script. (Playlist)

Earlier today we reported on talks that Universal is close to casting Kristen Stewart to play the lead in Snow White and the Huntsman. Not to be upstaged, even though she totally is getting upstaged, Julia Roberts is close to nabbing the part of the Evil Queen in The Brother’s Grimm: Snow White for Relativity Media. Directed by Tarsem Singh (The Cell), this version of Snow White will be very dark, which does not distinguish it from the 400 other Snow Whites projects in any way. Oh, this one has a dragon for some reason. America does love dragons.

All the buzz is currently on the Kristen Stewart announcement today. Roberts can’t be ‘Mona Lisa Smiling’ about that. In a related story, I hear Roberts screams at a magic mirror in her house. Something about “I’m the fairest” and ”that bitch from Twilight” and then uncontrollable sobbing. (Cinema Blend)

Unfortunately for people who don’t care about an age-appropriate Lois, Kristen Stewart has taken herself out of contention. The NY Daily News reports that Stewart declined to read because she wants to take on smaller projects. Translation: she’s tired of super-fans creeping outside her bedroom window.

Two names that didn’t appear on the casting list originally are Wonder Woman lookalikes Olivia Wilde and Mila Kunis. Makes sense to include them. Both are on career highs and tend to end up on every casting shortlist. So, let’s go ahead and add Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson to the list now so we don’t need to write about it later. After that, we eliminate all these ladies we can open it up to overseas. (via The Playlist)

Here, have a handful of feathers. It’s certainly better than another pic of Bella and Edward avoiding eye contact and then making eye contact. Director Bill Condon tweeted the above pic from The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 yesterday as a special Thanksgiving treat. I bet many of you are so incredibly thankful. I don’t know the Breaking Dawn story, and I won’t go into why because I’m trying to be less snarky about things that aren’t produced for my personal liking, but apparently feathers happen while Bella and Edward consummate their marriage…by finally banging. Yay, sex! Now that’s something I can get behind. (ComingSoon)

_{Someone tell this girl how chairs work.}

Take off your press-ons, ladies. Things are about to get rowdy. Taken takee Maggie Grace has been cast as Bella’s nemesis Irina in Twilight: Breaking Dawn. My girlfriend hasn’t updated me yet on the next installment so I’ll let Deadline do the honors:

Irina is a member of the Denali coven, considered cousins to the Cullen clan as the only other "vegetarian" vampire group. When Irina blames the Cullens for the death of her lover, her actions set in motion a terrifying chain of events.

And by terrifying they mean sparkly. The film is being directed by Bill Condon and released in two parts because that means more money. The first part comes out November 18, 2011 and the second part November 16, 2012. After that, Twihards dismember a highly populated metropolis.

_{James want.}

The trailer for Welcome to the Rileys, starring James Gandolfini, Melissa Leo, and Kristen Stewart, has been released. The film is directed by Jake Scott, son of well-known indie director Ridley Scott. It’s about a couple driven apart by the death of their daughter who are brought back together when they meet a troubled young woman. Why is she troubled? She’s an underage stripper. Schwing! But seriously, you guys, this is serious material.

The film premiered at this year’s Sundance Film Festival to so-so reviews, which doesn’t psych me up to see it. If those art house cinefiles waiting outside in below freezing temperatures didn’t fan their wool beanies with glee as the credits rolled, I probably won’t enjoy it. Also, the thought of Kristen Stewart frowning in another movie makes my cerebellum ache. Also, I’m jealous I didn’t get to go to Sundance.

Welcome to the Rileys hits theaters November 5, 2010.

Check out the trailer after the jump.

Welcome to the Rileys Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers

Good news everybody!! In forty years when we’re all greeting the chubby masses at Wal-Mart because there’s no money left for Social Security payouts, we can at least sleep peacefull knowing that the Twilight leads/murderers are living more than comfortably. Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner will be paid $41 million to mumble their way through The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn. That breaks down to $25 million upfront plus 7.5 percent of the gross revenue. Multiply that by the fact that the gross is a f*ckload and you’ve got MO’ MONEY! MO’ MONEY!! MO’ MONEY!!! That’s solid arithmetic so don’t even reach for your calculator.

But, you know what? They’ve earned it. They put their privacy and safety in harms way on a daily basis. Bless those marble-mouthed youngsters and their chiseled stomachs. Now if you’ll excuse me. The car I live in is being towed. Time to turn on the waterworks. (/Film)

^GUN!!!!!!

The best thing about the Twilight buzz machine is when Kristen Stewart sits down for an unsupervised interview, while her publicist fills her purse in the hospitality suite. The girl puts her foot in her mouth at the craziest of angles so consistently that I’ve felt we need a new section called Dumb Things Kristen Stewart Says. Actually, she goes off the PR rails so often we could dedicate our entire site to it. And then a book deal. And then a sitcom. I’m digressing. The latest diarrhea to dribble out of Kristen’s opinion-hole paints her adoring fans as crazed lunatics (something we’ve been in the business of doing for awhile now). From Hello! magazine:

"I don’t feel very comfortable on the red carpet. Sometimes I get really excited for what I’m going to and then try to take good pictures and go inside… I literally have to keep myself from crying sometimes. I look out there at a thousand people and I realize they could rush me and assassinate me. No security could protect me. Ostensibly they’re fans, but I think about them turning on me."

Relax, Kristen. If you ever feel unsafe in a crowd of Twihards, just mumble for help. If that fails, run in the opposite direction. It’s likely they’ll lose their breath before making it to that Jamba Juice over there by that green car. (via CinemaBlend)

Our hopes of seeing a vampire use his fangs to perform a Caesarean section have just gone down in flames. Screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg has informed the LA Times that Breaking Dawn‘s gory birthing scene will happen off-screen. Seltzer and Friedberg wouldn’t pussy out like that.

On the fan site, on Facebook, all the comments are "It has to be R rated! You have to show the childbirth! Gore and guts and sex!" For me it’s actually more interesting to not see it. You know, you can do childbirth without seeing childbirth … it doesn’t mean it’s any less evocative of an experience.

Yes, you can do childbirth without seeing childbirth. But when that childbirth features an accelerated pregnancy that kills the host from the inside out, causing a f*cking vampire to eat his way through the mother’s stomach in order to deliver the baby, which can run around and has complete awareness, you’d better show the childbirth. But whatever. I’m not a screenwriter. If you’re not going to show the delivery, don’t even THINK of making us sit through the boring lamaze class scene. Those are always the same.

In news that doesn’t really come as a surprise, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn will be pressed against the kitchen counter and split into two parts like those popsicles that are double-popsicles (you know the ones). This move has been speculated for some time but was officially announced by Summit today, now that the contract negotiations have finalized.

Bill Condon will direct the final chapters of the series back-to-back with the first seeing release in November 2011 and the second installment premiering some time in 2012. This decision is obviously cash-fueled and so typical of Hollywood. It shows a blatant disrespect to Edward and Bella and Werewolf Guy and red-haired vampire. Shameful. **logs on to eTrade and buys shares in Summit**

CHECK OUT SUMMIT’S PRESS RELEASE AFTER THE JUMP…

SUMMIT ENTERTAINMENT ANNOUNCES
THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN
TO BE RELEASED AS TWO SEPARATE FILMS

First Film to Arrive in Theatres November 18, 2011

Los Angeles, CA, June 10, 2010 – Summit Entertainment confirmed today that THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN will be released as two separate films with the first of the two slated to be released in theatres on November 18, 2011.  Academy Award® winner Bill Condon will direct both films starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner along with Billy Burke as Charlie Swan as well as returning members of the Cullen Family including Peter Facinelli as Carlisle, Elizabeth Reaser as Esme, Jackson Rathbone as Jasper, Nikki Reed as Rosalie, Ashley Greene as Alice and Kellan Lutz as Emmett.

The project, based on the fourth novel in author Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight series, is currently being written by Melissa Rosenberg with Wyck Godfrey, Karen Rosenfelt and Stephenie Meyer producing.  The TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN will start production in the Fall.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN illuminates the secrets and mysteries of this spellbinding romantic epic that has entranced millions.

The third film in the franchise, THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE is due in theaters on June 30, 2010.

_Peek-a-boo.

Today Oprah continued her mission to infuriate the male gender by debuting the new trailer for Twilight: Eclipse. I don’t believe the act was intentionally malicious, but when an "Oprah" audience squeels a lumberjack loses his testicles.

I’ve watched the trailer and if I’m not mistaken it’s still about vampires and cartoon werewolves. Everyone is sad most of the time, donning pomadours, and fighting each other for ownership of the woods or something. The film does feature a group of vampires emerging from a body of water, which I always thought was a zombie strategy of attack. Better get on your game, Walking Dead. The vampires are stealin’ your bitches AND your tricks.

Swoon over the trailer after the jump.  Twilight: Eclipse gets asses in the seats June 30.

Twilight Eclipse Trailer 2 – Watch more Funny Videos

The new one-sheet for Twilight: Eclipse just hit and the cast couldn’t look more apathetic about it. I believe the point here is to convey that the actors Twihards cream over will also be in this film. The marketing gurus probably figured they could have given the characters assholes for eyes and it wouldn’t make a difference at the box office.

In this episode of Sparkle Vamps 90210: Eclipse, Edward and Bella mumble about the pros and cons of becoming a vampire.

I wonder if super-hearing is a result of being turned because SPEAK THE HELL UP! Bella would be a fool not to become a vampire if only for the invincibility. She’s so low-energy that otherwise she’ll drown in a bowl of soup.

Check out the clip after the jump before it gets yanked like a Twihard with a R.Patz pillow…

TWILIGHT_SAGA_NEW_MOON-13.wmv – Watch more Funny Videos

I’m a little late to the Twilight game on account of my testicles, so I’m sure they’ve explained how vampires can walk in the sunlight without spontaneously combusting. But how can a red-haired vampire walk in the daylight? Everyone knows that sunshine is the leading cause of death in gingers. That’s why I’ve never understood casting David Caruso in CSI: Miami. They must spend half the production budget on sunblock and the other on The Who royalties.

What was this post about again? Oh yeah. Two super-powered, mumbly guys continue to fight over the tightest vagina in the Pacific Northwest while bombshell Ashley Greene somehow gets no attention. I understand that Twilight fans wish that they could be the Bella character so that the shirtless boys awkwardly pledge their love to them for a change. If that were the case, a more realistic line would be: “I’m gonna fight for you… until your heart stops beating… because of sleep apnea. Nice pit stains.”

Check out the trailer after the jump.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers

And that’s how Cherie Currie died.

A full trailer for The Runaways has been released, and don’t worry, there’s plenty of leather. After seeing the teaser, I wasn’t very amped for this film, but the trailer I kinda likey. Kristen Stewart looks like she’s just being her regular angsty self, but Dakota Fanning turns it up a notch or five. She must have been practicing her seductive looks in the mirror for weeks. It’s hard to get those AND face painting down all before the movie goes in to production. Learning how to go down on Kristen Stewart is a whole different beast altogether.

Check out the full trailer for The Runaways below.

The Runaways Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers

_{Pattinson always lets secrets slip when he’s trippin’ balls.}

Sharpen your razerblades all you emotionally fragile Twihards out there ’cause Kristen Stewart has officially stolen your man. Robert Pattinson confirmed that him and Twilight co-star Kristen Stewart have been dating for months but been keeping it a secret because they’re frightened of girls cutting them open and parading around in their very own Edward and Bella suits. It was their wish to make their first public appearance as a couple at the BAFTA awards until they realized it’s easier to be assassinated there.

In kind of similar news, the vampire couple is being praised for their pasty white skin. Due to their popularity, experts predict that they could help lower cancer rates among impressionable teens and Jersey Shore fanatics. Kids in the school yard will learn that it’s cool to be transparent, like my old friend Billy Costigan. We’d strip him down and hold him directly in front of the sun so we could watch as his heart pumped blood throughout his entire body. Our recesses were unsupervised. (DailyMail, CinemaBlend)

The first teaser trailer for The Runaways makes me want to disobey my parents, smoke, knock someone’s trashcans over, and look at someone like they just totally don’t get it. It stars Kristen Stewart as Joan Jett and Dakota Fanning as Cherie Currie of the band, you guessed it The Runaways. They wer kick-ass chicks who didn’t take crap from anyone, and they demonstrated this attitude in the songs that they sang. Plus they smoked…a lot. Dangerous!

The Runaways premieres at Sundance next month, then hits theaters in March. Watch the teaser for the coming-of-age-biopic of the female rock band below. 

(via MTV)

Cast: Kristen Stewart, Dakota Fanning, Michael Shannon

Synopsis: A coming-of-age biopic about ’70s teenage ban The Runaways.

In Welcome to the Rileys, Kristen Stewart plays a young stripper who uses her stripper powers to help a couple grieving the loss of their daughter. But isn’t a stripper really just a Band-Aid for your problems? Shame on you Melissa Leo and James Gandolfini. You can’t just jump ahead to the Eighth Stage of Grief — Adopting Strippers. You need to take the bad with the pole-dancing and crab-walking.

The Jake Scott film will premiere at Sundance in late January 2010. (First Showing)

More pictures of Kristen Stewart in various modes of undress after the jump…