Also starring Aubrey Plaza and Kristen Bell, Safety Not Guaranteed is the kinda true story of a man looking for a partner to time travel with, and the three magazine staffers sent to investigate his classified ad. The film is directed by Colin Trevorrow, from a script by Derek Connolly. No word on who Rajskub and Garlin will play, though if I had to take a guess… a socially awkward computer worker and a fat guy who gets yelled at by his wife. Just going with my gut.

Safety Not Guaranteed began production in April. (Hollywood Reporter)

Now, she’s campaigning to be a part of the film with her eye on one role in particular. She wants Johanna Mason, a winner from a past series of Games. There’s no confirmation on whether or not she’s met with producers or is even in consideration for the role. See, the problem is that people have heard of her before. That would go against the Hunger Games trend of only casting random kids from cough syrup commercials with names like “Ebony Blaze” or “Drama Epiphany.”

At any rate, she’s certainly passionate about the project and could be a draw for geek audiences. If producers had anyone else in mind for the role, there’s only one fair way to settle it. A battle to the death! To the Casting Hexagon!! (/Film)

Bell has joined the pilot “House Of Lies,” opposite Don Cheadle, who will play Marty, “a self-loathing highly successful management consultant from a top-tier firm who is never above using any means necessary to get his clients the information they want” in the dark comedy. Kristen will play an Ivy League graduate who works for Marty’s firm.

Rounding out the cast are Dawn Olivieri, Ben Schwartz, Josh Lawson, Glynn Turman, and Donis Leonard Jr.. If picked up to series, I’m not sure how this program will fit in with Showtime’s steady diet of boobs, drugs, boobs, sex, boobs, bare butts, booze, boobs and murder. Can we assume that Showtime is maturing? Because that would be some bullshit right there. (Deadline)

I’m hoping Kristen Bell gets the axe first. Fact: did you know Kristen Bell is possibly the most annoying actress on the planet? If Ghostface slashed her smug face with a big knife, that’d be worth the $10 right there. Any observations about horror movie cliches would be icing on the leftover-from-the-90s cake.

Here are the scream-worthy stills. Click to embiggen. (Film School Rejects)

“We need our… personal space… thank you.”

Two blonde chicks. Home alone. What could possibly go wrong?

“Whoa there,” says the mustachioed officer.

Headset guy is too cool for this crew.

I’m betting that by the time she turns around, it won’t be too late.

Not exaaaactly film-related, but this new video from Yeasayer deserves a watch. Besides it stars a sexy Kristen Bell and she’s in movies. AND, she plays an actress and that’s film-related. Maybe it was even shot on film. Whatever, I don’t need to justify this.

In the video for "Madder Red," Bell plays a struggling, young actress coping with the impending death of a beloved pet. Not exactly sure what the pet is though. But it’s a great video, and serves as a much-needed reminder not to take the lumpy, puss-dribbling fleshballs in our lives for granted. I’ve really gotta call home more often.

Watch the video here.

Director: Steve Antin

Cast: Christina Aguilera, Cher, Stanley Tucci, Kristen Bell, Alan Cumming, Cam Gigandet

Synopsis: A small-town girl ventures to Los Angeles and finds her place in a neo-burlesque club run by a former dancer.

Release Date: November 24th, 2010

Bell’s character is an ambitious reporter "who thinks her greatest assets are her looks." I can’t argue with her there. Those are some great looks, but I feel ya, honey. People think it’s easy to report on Captain America casting and Hobbit rumors while maintaining these ruggedly handsome features. It’s not. You all forget that there’s a dude attached to these snarky rants and shoddily-Photoshopped images of Michael Bay. A handsome, handsome dude. **rubs face against mirror like a parakeet** (THR)

Production start on this film slipped right past my radar. Kristen Bell and Christian Bale seem like perfect casting in this taut thriller. No release date yet, but it just moved to the top of my "must see" list.

Kristen Bell is almost thirty years-old and could still pass for a teenager. I don’t know what kind of salves, or balms, or lotions she’s rubbing on her skin, but I would gladly apply it for her. If she can tolerate Russell Brand, surely I won’t be a problem. 

A word from Kristen: "I have the mouth of a sailor."

And the face of an angel. I mean…your body is f*ckin’ slammin’! Could you understand that better, little Miss. Potty Mouth?

Sailors and seamen alike can salute more pics after the jump.

But when it comes to looking at the real world problems of married couples, not all films are so friggin’ hilarious.  In fact, some movies might just ruin your crappy marriage!

If you ever want to get married, or you‘re already married and want to stay that way, I recommend you avoid these seven films like Bryan Singer avoids vagina.

(Click on the posters to watch each movie’s trailer.)

Private Parts

On the surface Howard Stern’s Private Parts might not seem so bad.  After all, the film is basically a love note from Stern to his wife.  It was his way of letting her know that despite all the breasts he sees on a daily basis, love conquers all.

The only problem is that the movie is complete B.S. Stern and his wife had already separated by the time filming completed, proving once again that boobies often conquer love.

Kramer vs. Kramer

It’s bad enough when your wife walks out on you, but just imagine if she didn’t take your snot-nosed little kid with her!  If the idea of raising some little sh*t by yourself frightens you, don’t watch this movie.

Eraserhead

When you break it down, the plot is basically the same as Kramer vs. Kramer, except with a lot more disturbing imagery.  And instead of being stuck with a snot-nosed little kid, the “protagonist” is stuck with some sort of wheezing reptilian miscarriage. This film will not make you feel good about tying the knot, or anything else, for that matter.

War of the Roses

It’s common knowledge that once you get married your odds of getting a blow job shrink dramatically.  This film’s disturbing bedroom scene will ruin those few occasions when you do.  

If you don’t want to become paranoid every time your wife tries to go down on you for your birthday, don’t watch this film.

Cheaper By The Dozen

This film graphically depicts just how disgustingly zany marriage and family can be.  On another level, it’s a sad example of the type of sh*tty movie you’re going to get stuck watching on a regular basis once you and your wife squirt out a kid.  Either way you look at it, it’s sad.

Revolutionary Road

Roger Ebert says Revolutionary Road is a film about the restlessness that comes into marriage when the partners realize they’re married for good and there’s an empty space at the center.

You can get that same feeling by looking at the beanbag chair that was once your wife’s firm and well shaped ass.  No need to give BlockBuster an extra five bucks.

Real Wife Stories

This film will be enjoyable from the time you press play until exactly three minutes later when the first Kleenex hits your abdomen.  But after that the film will either make you extremely paranoid about what your wife is up to while you’re at work, or very disappointed about what she’s not up to when you’re at home. 

Married men should avoid this film like the plague. Might I suggest a healthier alternative such as Back Door Babysitters or It’s Okay! She’s My Stepdaughter.  

Today’s Marquee Links

Meet the "Master Baiters"

 Tom Cruise Goes to College: A Comic Book

Half-Nekked Nichole S. Photos

How’s Your Gourd? [and other photos]

Maxim’s "Booty Issue" Girls

Cold sausage, bowel movements, bowling trophies, Dracula puppets, and a bikini-clad Kristen Bell. If more than one of these turns you on, you’ve got issues my friend. Tonight’s TV preview will try not to judge you.

CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP

NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

HELL’S KITCHEN
Network: FOX
Time: 8-9PM

Reasons to watch: The contestants are challenged with making perfectly-proportioned 6-inch sausages. At dinner service, Drew Lachey, John O’Hurley, Tom Green, Melinda Clarke, Chris "Kid" Reid and Kristy Swanson are served cold and salty food. Naturally Gordon Ramsey is not happy. How dare you serve Kristy Swanson salty, cold sausage!

CLASSIC BOWLING: 2007: PBA MOTOR CITY CLASSIC
Network: ESPN Classic
Time: 9-10PM

Reasons to watch: I’m sure that you’ll never forget November 4th, 2007 as Walter Ray Williams Jr. took home the prize in Taylor, Michigan. I know I certainly won’t. It was like watching The Almighty himself out there on them lanes and the reason I named my little girl Walter Ray Williams Jr. Johnson.

FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL
Network: Cinemax
Time: 10PM-12AM

Reasons to watch: If you’re a fan of Freaks and Geeks, you’ve known for a long time how talented Jason Segel is. In fact, most of his follow-up work has been on-par as well. The Segel-scripted Sarah Marshall is no exception. Fair warning: it does feature schlong. How much? More than Risky Business, less than Amistad. You’ll survive.
 

SOUTH PARK
Network: COMEDY CENTRAL
Time: 10:30-11PM

Reasons to watch: Tonight’s episode of the Emmy Award Winning series is titled More Crap. The story follows Stan’s dad as he sets a record for his impressive bowel movement. Not one to be upstaged when it comes to awards, U2′s Bono throws his goofy cowboy hat into the ring. This is a fantastic dressing-down of Bono. How dare he try to help the world?

WHO’S ON LATE?

LETTERMAN (repeat)
Jonah Hill, Kelly Clarkson

CONAN
Jeremy Piven, human cannonballs

KIMMEL
Ashton Kutcher, Nigel Lythgoe

FERGUSON
Tony Shalhoub, Minka Kelly

FALLON
Channing Tatum, Joan Rivers, Arctic Monkeys

Take a gander at these news links…