THR reports the jazzy hepcat has signed on for an untitled Secret Service thriller with the This Means War director. Costner will once again play a former Secret Service agent, though this time he will not go on to protect and boink a pop starlet. Instead, he will discover he’s terminally ill but called back into service in exchange for a miracle drug that will save his life. This cost, one last job. He soon finds himself hallucinating from the experimental treatment while trying to accomplish his mission and reconnect with his family. It’s a shame Keifer Sutherland wasn’t up for the part. He has experience playing an agent/family man and he’s got the hallucinating part down pat.

Maybe it’s all BS. However if there is a takeaway in all of this, it is that it’s probably a good idea to use Purell after shaking hands with John Travolta. Just to be safe. Every job has its hazards as I’m sure massage professionals are well aware. John Travolta isn’t the first celebrity to be wrapped up in a sex scandal with a professional body rubber. In fact, here are five notable men who have rubbed a massage therapist the wrong way.

Kevin Costner

Kevin Costner (who takes awesome pictures) found himself in trouble in 2006 after receiving a massage at the Old Course Hotel in St. Andrews, Scotland. The masseuse alleges that Costner performed a solo sex act while in her presence. She alleged that he “kept putting his hand underneath his towel’, and when she began to massage his head he “grabbed her wrist forcefully, whipped off his towel and exposed himself’. The case went away when the woman received an out-of-court settlement.

Al Gore

Though she never named him by name, a Portland massage therapist called her friend hours after being sexually-assaulted by “someone in the higher ups.” It was actually the friend of the victim who alleged the attacker was Al Gore. She put two and two together when her friend freaked out upon the news Gore was returning to Portland years later. “She freaked and split. She said her predator was back and coming to town. She up and left,” said Donna Burleigh. “She said it was a high authority person who has a lot of power. She was scared of him.” Well, yeah. He invented the Internet. Last thing she wants is Anonymous on her ass.

While best known for her singing career, Houston was also famous for her acting work in films such as The Bodyguard and Waiting to Exhale. According to CNN, she was set to appear in an upcoming remake of Sparkle, which would have been her first movie role since 1996.

R.I.P.

As of right now, the truth remains a mystery but we believe the reasons outlined below are all plausible.

If you thought Costner’s accent in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves was bad, wait and see what he has in store for Appalachian-speak. Similarly, I’m really looking forward to seeing Bill Paxton eating a squirrel.

The film will be directed by Kevin Reynolds, who directed the fantastic Red Dawn, so don’t be surprised if this film features Harry Dean Stanton being executed or C. Thomas Howell exploding. Actually, both of those events would still surprise me.

Sadly, I thought that “henchman” would mean some generic bad guy along the lines of the F.O.O.T. Soldiers in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I mean, he played a dead body in The Big Chill, so he’s clearly not in acting for the glory.

Time has shown that it’s not wise to second-guess Tarantino’s casting choices, as no one would have answered “John Travolta” when asked who the best choice to play a hit man would be for Pulp Fiction. This news leaves Django‘s wife, Broomhilda, as the one big outstanding role. It sounds like Kerry Washington is no longer in the running, so expect maybe Harvey Keitel or Tim Roth to step up. (Deadline)

It’s being reported that Costner has been officially cast as Jonathan “Dadman” Kent, opposite Diane Lane as Martha Kent, along with Britishy Brit Henry Cavill as the cape-wearing flying dude himself. Superman: Man of Steel has even been added to Costner’s Wikipedia filmography, and the Wikipedia is always right, all the time.

The casting move gives the superhero action film broader appeal. Even though this movie will undoubtedly be aimed at precious teens and young adults, old folk money is still technically considered legal tender in America.

Warner Bros. is currently hoping to POW this into theaters December 2012. (Deadline)

Less amusing speculation is that he would be playing a bad guy as a follow-up to his decently-reviewed performance in the serial killer thriller Mr. Brooks. I’m not too hot on my Superman villains, but isn’t Parasite kind of a doughy white guy? And besides, who better to play someone who feeds off the talents of others than Kevin Costner (sorry, I was up for the role of Elliot Ness in The Untouchables and I still haven’t gotten over it)? We’ll see if this turns out to be anything other than an empty rumor. I personally think he’d be a better fit for the inevitable Namor: The Sub-Mariner movie. (The Playlist)

With his greatest foe vanquished, Kevin Costner is now stepping up to the plate to save the Earth’s oceans. Though they refused aid from James Cameron, BP has reportedly purchased a technology from the Waterworld star that will help clean up the tremendous spill in the Gulf.

Since 1993, Costner has spent $20 million on the patent and development of a machine that seperates oil from water via a centrifuge. BP purchased 32 of the machines that will be able to clean 6 million gallons of water a day. Costner had a tough time selling the invention at first, drawing no interest from the Coast Guard or private companies. It wasn’t until he helped rehabilitate the hot tub used in the taping of "Jersey Shore" that Congress took notice. (Houston Chronicle via Film Drunk)

Oscar winning producer Scott Rudin has set his sights on Angelina Jolie for an upcoming adaptation of Cleopatra: A Life. Like the book by Stacy Schiff, the film promises to be a detailed look at one of antiquity’s most famous women.

If the project comes together, it will not be Jolie’s first foray into the ancient world. In 2004, she starred as the mother of Alexander the Great in Oliver Stone’s critical and box-office flop, Alexander. Seeing as how that outing went over like a led zeppelin, why not give Angelina another shot? While we’re at it, get Kevin Coster on the phone. I’ve got a special effects-laden post-apocalyptic love story I’d like him to direct. I hope he can keep it under budget. (First Showing)