Crying

I’m willing to guess that Tobey Maguire would run away with this competition, but you’ll have to watch to find out! Different tactics could be used to make the contestants cry. You could describe out loud to Kate Hudson the projects she’ taken since her promising start in Almost Famous. You could tell Richard Gere exactly what people think when they hear his name, or you could show Paz de la Huerta pictures of what she looks like at photographed events.

Contestants will be judged on tear quantity, snot factor, and involuntary convulsions

F*cking

Is Krsiten Cavallari better in bed than 2011 NBA Finals MVP Dirk Nowtizki? There’s only one way to find out! However, because there are so many variables that need to be controlled, the women will have to bang the same man, and the men the same woman. Offhand, I would suggest that the women all get up on popular character actor William H. Macy, while the men bang out the chick that plays Artemis on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

40% of the score will be determined by the sex partner, 25% by a judge or referee that is extremely close to the sex, and 35% by the crowd for “style” points (flexing, licking your lips, high-pitched moans, etc). The real problem is that this premise really does preclude a “kids” version, which is a shame, cause I would watch kids do every other thing on this list, but I have to draw the line. I’m firmly entrenched in the “no” camp of the exhibition of graphic underage sex on national television. It may not be a popular stance, but it’s the one I’ve chosen to take.

Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwyn) is totally repulsive because she wears suits and has a job. How could any man settle for such a loser? Her friend Darcy (Kate Hudson), on the other hand, is a real catch. She makes wrinkled nose faces all night while she parties, dances and goes “Woo!” That’s a keeper.

Darcy’s engaged to Dex (Colin Egglesfield), Rachel’s old law school buddy. Dex and Rachel hook up, so someone gets hurt either way. Either Rachel loses the man of her dreams, or she gets him and loses her best friend. Dex is actually totally cool. He sees through bar chicks and clearly valued Rachel even when he was a nervous schoolboy, so why is he even with a superficial showoff like Darcy? Well, we find out it’s because of his parents but those daddy issues are really for another movie.

Growing up and dealing with my own communication issues makes it even harder to tolerate characters ignoring or misinterpreting theirs. Dex is totally willing to talk and consider making a drastic decision, and Rachel just fills in her own idea of what she thinks Dex wants to hear. Dex makes a real effort to confirm he has something real with Rachel and should leave Darcy, but then he doesn’t follow through. They keep not talking about it until they end up making a game out of their secrets.

New ‘Something Borrowed’ Trailer Arrives Off Of The Assembly Line

We’re basically watching a group of sociopaths here. Darcy forces Rachel into sexual situations with a man she doesn’t like, Marcus (Steve Howey), who in turn forces her to drink and do drugs (pot, but still peer pressure.) Claire (Ashley Williams) is stalking Rachel’s best friend Ethan (John Krasinski), although Ethan too won’t just come out and say, “I just don’t like you Claire. I’m sorry.”

The Hamptons partying was repulsively indulgent to me. Arthur was richer but Darcy’s gang feels more wasteful and selfish. At one point Darcy confronts Rachel and Dex… about them competing for her attention. It is bold of Hudson to play a totally unredeemable villain. To be fair, that’s the point it still manages to play out like a Kate Hudson movie.

So many scenes begin with characters laughing artificially at a story we didn’t get to hear. That way, screenwriter Jennie Snyder never has to write any actual friendship or bond. Or maybe author Emily Giffin didn’t provide any. Even when we meet Dex’s parents late in the movie, we cut to them finishing a story that apparently made all the characters laugh and relate to one another. Wish we were invited to that party.

I need a lot of goodwill to tolerate a dance/off or pajama lip sync scene (this movie has both), and Something Borrowed was already working at a deficit. I understand getting trapped in vicious cycles with “friends” like Darcy. Again that makes it harder to watch when you know Rachel should just say no and get out.

Director: Luke Greenfield

Cast: Kate Hudson, Ginnifer Goodwin, John Krasinski

Synopsis: Friendships are tested and secrets come to the surface when terminally single Rachel falls for Dex, her best friend Darcy’s fiancé.

Release Date: May 6, 2011

“It’s a great role,” Hudson said. “It’s a very, very, very heavy script. She had an interesting life. I think the script is really interesting because it’s nonlinear in the way it’s written. It portrays sort of an outside perspective of what she is and then it sort of takes you through a journey of what really was happening.”

Can you just imagine an Oscar nominated A-list Hollywood actress watching Deep Throat as research? “As a real person, her life is quite controversial because you don’t really know when doing the research and looking into who she really was, she dealt with a lot of abuse and obviously a very difficult childhood which brought her into this world of pornography. But there is still that question of was she really being held at gunpoint to do this or was this really a choice of hers?”

Lovelace died in an automobile accident, but later in her life she was an outspoken activist. “She ended up doing a lot of feminist movement work with Gloria Steinem and stuff. It’s a really interesting role and I look forward to doing it.”

If so, you could watch most romantic comedies from the last five years. OR you could watch this new trailer for Something Borrowed, which sheds a little more light on certain plot points, including John Krasinski‘s character. The film is directed by Luke Greenfield, and it opens May 6th of this year, opposite Thor. (SlashFilm)

In the film, Ginnifer Goodwin (Big Love) plays Rachel, a single lawyer. Of course she’s a single lawyer. According to romantic comedies, all women are single lawyers. Anyway, she accidentally betrays her alpha-lady BFF Kate Hudson by sleeping with her fiancee Colin Egglesfield (the apparently shitty new Melrose Place), who she knew in law school. All the while, The Office‘s John Krasinski has been thoroughly friend-zoned/emasculated in the best friend role, and I’m pretty sure his character isn’t gay. Just… asexual?

In a word: yikes.

The movie is based on a book by Emily Giffin and directed by Luke Greenfield. (Yahoo! Movies)

This is not to be confused with the Malin Akerman film Inferno, which is also about Lovelace. Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman (Howl) will direct a different version of the Linda Lovelace story, which chronicles her ups and down (as in the bobbing of her head) in the 1970s pornography business.

A biopic about the porn industry in the 70s starring James Franco. Who says Hollywood is out of fresh ideas? (Deadline)

There’s a small chance that the film is not as derivative as it may seem, but that’s just because any film that is able to snag Bernal, Kathy Bates, Whoopi Goldberg, Romany Malco, and Peter Dinklage can’t be completely awful. Right? Right?

The UK release date for A Little Bit of Heaven is February 4th. The US release is planned for later in the year, which explains why we’re watching the UK trailer, which seems to be a perfect fit for American Kate Hudson fans too. Maybe Kate Hudson is a constant across nations and cultures. Or maybe there’s just bad taste in every country.

Director: Nicole Kassell

Cast: Kate Hudson, Gael Garcia Bernal

Synopsis: It’s a comedy about a guarded woman who finds out she’s dying of cancer, but when she meets her match, the threat of falling in love is scarier than death.

Release Date: 2011

The Killer Inside Me
R, 108min., 2010
Cast: Casey Affleck, Jessica Alba, Kate Hudson, Simon Baker, Elias Koteas, Ned Betty, and Bill Pullman
Directed by Micheal Winterbottom
Screenplay by John Curran based upon the novel by Jim Thompson
 
The Killer Inside Me is a faithfully adapted, dark, and twisted gem of an exercise in B-movie noir.
 
From the faded pop color opening credit sequence, director Michael Winterbottom and his perfectly suited cast takes us back to 1950s West Texas, where Central City, Sheriff Deputy Lou Ford (played by Casey Affleck, giving one of his finest and scariest performances to date) doesn’t carry a gun and ‘sweet talks’ his way out of any bad problems. Well, that’s what Lou wants you to believe as behind his earnest smile he is one of the most disturbed and violently psychological complex characters this side of the Rio Grande.

MORE AFTER THE JUMP…

As with Jim Thompson’s acclaimed pulp novel, where we meet the local sweaty and steamy towns folk of Central City, like the two gorgeous women in Lou’s life, sexy prostitute Joyce Lakeland (Jessica Alba) and sweet school teacher Amy Stanton (Kate Hudson), the local union boss Joe Rothman (Elias Koteas), District Attorney Howard Hendricks (Simon Baker), and real estate tycoon Chester Conway (the always reliable hog in a hat, Ned Betty).
 
In another 50s noir, these characters would be the villains or the femme fatales, yet here they are as crooked as they come, but are tainted victims of Lou’s violent outbursts and diabolic schemes. When a character is hit or shot we feel their pain and see their suffering on screen in moments containing some of the most brutal violence in recent screen memory.
 
However, this film is not another excise in torture porn. Director Winterbottom and screenwriter John Curran should be championed for bringing their visually precise adaptation of Thompson’s writing. Here all of Thompson’s sex, dry commentary, and sadistic violence is brought to the screen with such a fine scope that we are reliving the macabre humor and horror of these hardboiled characters.
 
Still, we feel for them as they lay batter and bloodied on screen; Affleck’s long drawl voice festers under your skin leaving you with almost hypnotic trance for a guy, who beats Alba’s screen angel presence into a one-punch, two-punch, several-punches makeover and turns on sweet Hudson in a moment of shocking masochistic violence. Affleck plays all of his acting cards right on point with his leading ladies, from loving them in his own twisted tender way – he likes to spank his women really hard with his leather pressed belt – to his striking manic acts of violence. This is a performance from Affleck not to be missed.
 
As the film builds to the blazing inferno of a climax, we’re given another key character performance by Bill Pullman as a slick union lawyer Billy Boy Walker, a character Lou finds to be a priest of some sort, confessing all of his past sins, before finding himself in a ring of fire. The scene between Affleck and Pullman has real moments of actor chewing quality that it  makes the film an ever valued time capsule of grit and sweat in 50s noir movies.
 
While The Killer Inside Me may be rooted in the pulp novels and B-movie film noir of the 1950s, this piece is by far one hell of a film ride into the dark nature of humans and their primal feelings.
 
Grade: A-

^{Above phot taken right before Donald Sutherland destroyed Bearsharktopus}

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