JUSTIN BIEBER HAS LITTLE BABY HANDS. THAT'S THE REAL STORY HERE.
Bieber Arrested For DUI In Story That Has Nothing To Do With TV Or Movies
Thursday, January 23 by

We occasionally break theme to report stories that reflect poorly on people we don’t care for. JOURNALISM.

That's one handsome couple.
James Franco Now Making Art From His Webcam, This Time, A Justin Bieber Cover
Wednesday, January 9 by

Full disclosure: I did not watch this.

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Justin Bieber Kinda Killed A Guy
Wednesday, January 2 by

General rule of thumb, don’t loan your Ferrari to rappers.

My Bieber sex doll makes the exact same face.
ABC To Produce A Sitcom Based On Justin Bieber’s Life
Friday, December 14 by

Just like the final season of ‘The Wire’ focused on the media, the first four seasons of this show will focus on haircuts.

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C3-Bieb-O Wants To Be Your Droidfriend
Tuesday, July 31 by

Welcome to the Swagobah System.

There goes my erection.
‘Punk’d’ Is Coming Back So We Can All…Wait, Why Is ‘Punk’d’ Coming Back
Monday, December 19 by

Remember that awful three-year stretch when the receptionist at your office would always tell people they were getting “punk’d?” It’s going to happen again.

They were probably just booing the gingers. I know I was.
Michelle Obama And Seven Other Instances Of Celebs Getting Booed
Monday, November 21 by

Please have their assistant arrange for a box of Kleenex to be placed on their private jets.

Bob Costas, in an interview that's about as far removed from sports as possible.
8 Awkward Interviews That Make The Jerry Sandusky Q&A Look Comfortable
Tuesday, November 15 by

If your day has been filled with pleasant and comfortable interactions, you better watch these to restore some balance.

Baby, baby, baby. OH!!
In Honor Of The Bieber Baby: 9 Paternity Suits Of The Stars
Wednesday, November 2 by

Hollywood feels his pain.

Wahlberg Carries Bieber
UPDATED: Mark Wahlberg And Justin Bieber Finally Together
Wednesday, April 27 by

Pictured: Mark Wahlberg carrying who I can only assume is Justin Bieber

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Oscar Watch: Justin Bieber To Play Young Ashton Kutcher?
Wednesday, March 30 by

With talks of Ashton Kutcher and Justin Bieber headlining the same movie, it looks like the stars are aligning. Or are those asteroids headed to earth to destroy us?

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Director’s Cut Of Justin Bieber Movie Coming To Theaters, Try To Contain Your Excitement
Monday, February 21 by

My Bieber Fever is so out of control, I can barely type these words, cause my hands are shaking. Also, is frequent vomiting a symptom?

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Justin Bieber Got Shot And Killed
Friday, February 18 by

Last night Justin Bieber was shot and killed after trying to blast his way out of a standoff with police authorities.

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Weekend Box Office Report: Show Me The Bieber (No, Says America)!
Monday, February 14 by

This weekend was a chance for messianic pop star Justin Bieber to show he reigns supreme not just on Twitter, but where it counts: At the box office.

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Review: Justin Bieber: Never Say Never
Friday, February 11 by

I wanted to succumb to Bieber Fever and the movie never got me there.

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10 Music-Related Movies That Make ‘Never Say Never’ Look Like ‘Citizen Kane’
Wednesday, February 9 by

This Friday marks the release of Justin Bieber’s new film, Never Say Never. Unless you still have a hymen, chances are you don’t give a damn. I completely understand. After…

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2012 Starting Early: Justin Bieber and ‘Jersey Shore’ Team Up
Thursday, February 3 by

This is sort of like looking at a pop culture ‘Human Centipede.’

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New Bieber Biopic Trailer Shows Star’s Rough Canadian Upbringing
Monday, January 31 by

If ‘Never Say Never’ looks too soft for you, I think you’ll like this gritty look at ‘Justin Bieber Gritty Movie’. It’s really gritty.

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Crisis Averted: No Bieber-Centric Episode Of ‘Glee’
Monday, January 10 by

Justin Beiber’s star is rising and there’s nothing that can be done to stop it. But, at least, it can be stalled.

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11 Must See Films for 2011
Thursday, January 6 by

While I’m sure this list will be altered as the year progresses and new information comes to light, I’ve made a preliminary rundown of 11 films I refuse to miss in 2011, all others be damned.

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Girls Want To Murder Bieber’s Main Squeeze
Monday, January 3 by

Selena Gomez is under attack by horny Justin Bieber fans everywhere. I normally wouldn’t report on this gossipy junk, but some of the tweets to Gomez are downright hee-larious.

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Chucky Bieber
Wednesday, December 22 by

Just when you thought the Good Guy Doll couldn’t be anymore terrifying.

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Justin Bieber Dirties The Camera Lens In New ‘Never Say Never’ Trailer
Monday, November 22 by

The latest trailer for Justin Bieber’s “biopic” or whatever it is, Never Say Never, shows Bieber being a total bad-ass. He sprays Silly String DIRECTLY AT YOU!!! Total. Bad. Ass.

First Trailer For Justin Bieber’s Stupid Biopic ‘Never Say Never’
Tuesday, October 26 by

Ritual pre-concert round of Peek-a-boo.
And now for the part of the job I hate the most — having a hand in promoting Justin Bieber. But that's the job, and I knew that full well when I agreed to $4.25 an hour. Anyhow, the little sh*t and new "Punk'd" host is back with Never Say Never, a "biopic" about the time Justin filmed a concert in New York last month. This is mixed with behind the scenes footage, home movies, and interviews with his manager, who says only nice things for fear of being punched in the balls again.
You really did it Justin, even though "they" said you couldn't. Help yourself to a hard-earned juicebox.
Check out the trailer after the jump (if you want)…

You Are Not Being Punk’d: Justin Bieber to Host ‘Punk’d’ Revival
Tuesday, October 5 by

He's coming for you, Bruno Mars.
NoooooooOOOOOOOOOO!!! MTV is bringing back the series "Punk'd" and they want Justin Bieber to host it. If it were April 1st I'd be more accepting of this news, but it's not, it's October 5th. We are NOT being punk'd.
The show's creators/executive producers/original hosts Ashton Kutcher and Jason Goldberg are back to exec produce, so don't go thinking the quality of the content will slip. They're all over that. Sports cars will continue to be towed and lunch orders "accidently" botched. The only difference is Justin Bieber will now emerge from around the corner to reveal the ruse with a sh*t-eating grin on his face. Let's hope 50 Cent is packing and doesn't appreciate pranks. (Deadline)

Justin Bieber Sneaks Into New ‘CSI’ Trailer
Wednesday, August 18 by

A trailer for the new season of "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" runs through all the weird sh*t that has happened in seasons past. Not sure if this to inspire viewers to watch, or to make them realize, "Why the hell did I watch this crap?" But before that thought can sink in, they hit us with the image of a jailed Justin Bieber. I have a feeling he's only in there because he wants to be. He's like The Joker.
Check it out after jump…

Justin Bieber’s Movie Lands ‘Step Up 3D’ Director
Thursday, August 12 by

The Justin Bieber biopic has found its director, and a more fitting choice could not have been made. His name: Jon Chu.

"Who's Jon Chu," you ask? Oh, I don't know. He's only the director behind a little film called Step Up 3D, 2010's hottest dance based 3D movie! That's who Jon Chu is, b*tch! Who the hell are you?

Cinema Blend is reporting that over 20 directors applied for the job, but Chu ultimately won out because of his previous experience with 3D films. That, and he was the only one of the bunch who wasn't a convicted sex offender.

Rest easy, Justin. Jon Chu won't try to touch you in your bikini area.

Director Davis Guggenheim Quits Justin Bieber’s Stupid 3D Biopic
Wednesday, August 4 by

Is he wearing lipstick?
Yesterday it seemed a little odd when it was announced that Oscar-winning director Davis Guggenheim would direct the upcoming 3D Justin Bieber biopic. And I guess it seemed odd to Guggenheim too, because he has just taken himself off the project according to Deadline. Guggenheim cites "scheduling conflicts" as the reason for his departure, but we all know that's just Hollywood speak for "This diminutive singing child punches people in the balls. I'm not willing to put my balls at risk to work with him."
So as of right now, the very important film is left without a director. I think what Justin needs most is someone who can really identify with him. Someone who knows his music inside and out. Someone with Doritos breath. If only such a person existed.

Justin Bieber’s Stupid Biopic Will Be In 3D
Tuesday, August 3 by

Shortly after it was announced that diminutive singing child Justin Bieber would pen the very important memoir Justin Bieber: First Step 2 Forever: My Story, we now have more details on that 8 Mile thing he's doing for money.
Paramount Pictures has made a deal to turn Justin Bieber's life story into a 3D feature biopic. Davis Guggenheim, the Oscar-winning director of An Inconvenient Truth, is negotiating to direct.
The biopic is set for a Valentine's Day release and will also include footage from Bieber's upcoming concert at Madison Square Garden. It's uncertain how much of the film will cover Bieber getting hopped up on Sour Patch Kids and punching his manager in the balls. Probably like two-thirds. (Deadline)

Justin Bieber’s Life Story Will Somehow Be Condensed into an Hour and a Half
Monday, July 19 by

Bieber practices for his wedding night. Diminutive singing child Justin Bieber has announced his plans to break into Hollywood. Not only will the sheepdog-banged heartthrob be seen in Gary Marshall's Valentine's Day follow-up New Year's Eve, but will also star in a biopic about his own life. Please shout the specifics at us, HollywoodLife: The Biebster is about to become a movie star! HollywoodLife.com can exclusively confirm that a script similar to the 2002 film 8 Mile is  in development – and close to completion! “There currently isn’t a final script, but just like Eminem did in 8 Mile, Justin will star!” an industry insider tells us. Ow! My ears. No one other than "the Biebster" has been attached just yet, but I'm excited to see Usher wear those Mekhi Phiffer 8 Mile dreadlocks when Pubeless: The Justin Bieber Story comes to theaters Christmas Day 2011.