More than $7.4 billion, according to the Guinness Book of World Records. Jackson has acted in over 100 films in his career, including some juggernauts like the Star Wars prequels, Jurassic Park, and, of course, the Hollywood smash Changing Lanes alongside Ben Affleck.

What’s more surprising than his box office take is the fact that Jackson is 63 years old. I hope he gets ornery soon. Could you imagine a more ornery Samuel L.? That would be amazing.

And what’s even more surprising than that is that Tyrese Gibson is tracking to take Jackson’s crown down the line, having grossed $1.7 billion this summer alone with Transformers: The Something Something LaBeouf, and Fast 5. If Gibson can get a cameo in the next Pirates movie, he will OWN Hollywood.

Yay Tyrese Gibson!

The film was released today on Blu-ray DVD in the Jurassic Park Trilogy Box Set. Now, the second and third films aren’t as beloved as the first, so some of you might be hesitant to purchase the entire series. But you shouldn’t be. The first film is worth that money alone. And come on, the second film isn’t as bad as you remember (since Jeff Goldblum is awesome and insane). The third film is… never mind.

So, what are you getting with this blu-ray? You’re getting the best possible picture for these films. It’s crisp, colorful, and gorgeous. The sound is as amazing as if you were in a theater, and if you have 7.1 surround sound, you’ll enjoy it even more.

Wit the box set, you’re also getting all the extras from the DVD releases plus a great six-part documentary about the making of the trilogy. It clocks in at just over two hours and it’s worth watching every minute. The first film gets three parts. You get to see the original stop-motion dinosaur animation, and thank God they went digital (though hearing the animators talk about it is pretty sad.) All the actors are back, and they are a pleasure to listen to (especially Jeff Goldblum…again, awesome and insane). And of course, hearing Steven Spielberg talk about making movies is about as entertaining as his movies.

The second film has two parts, which are more of the same, but still highly interesting for Jurassic Park fans. And then the third film gets one part, and it starts with talking about the Jurassic Park ride, which is sort of funny if you think about it. But, give it a watch anyway. William H. Macy is cool and he talks a lot.

The trilogy is released today with an SRP of $79.98, but many retailers are selling it for much less. In my opinion, this is definitely one you need in your Blu-ray collection.

I am a good source of information on annoying child characters in film,s though. I’m not saying I would inflict physical harm on these kids, but if you could imagine me saying those words out loud, you would see that I was also enthusiastically nodding and smiling when I spoke the words “physical harm.”

Note: Anakin Skywalker has been done to death, so you won’t find that little bastard on this list. And technically, he really is a bastard, so the sponsor shouldn’t get mad about that.

9. Ray – Jerry Maguire

His agent is on the other line, telling him that he's got about six more months to milk this thing.

I understand that your dad’s not in the picture, Ray, but that doesn’t mean that we will always find endearing your off-brand moppish charm. I mean, Ray is the kid most likely to help you get laid if you’re just walking around, but that’s not enough.

I now know that the human head weighs eight pounds. All of them weigh eight pounds. Fat heads, skinny ones, even Giada de Laurentis’ head.

8. The Kid That Sees Dead People – The Sixth Sense

If Eeyore was a young boy, he would be this kid.

Cheer up, dude. Yeah, you see dead people. Your mom is a bit of a head case. And you’re poor. That sucks too.

Have some fun. Forget about the dead people for a minute and read The Hunger Games while you listen to the Black Eyed Peas. Go spraypaint an underpass. Steal Bruce Willis’ character’s wig, then staple it to a dog.

You know what takes your mind off of constantly being hounded by death? Ice cream. Go eat some f*cking ice cream, kid.

7. Lex – Jurassic Park

They had to write those cuts and scrapes into the script after Jeff Goldblum lost his temper with her.

There’s no reason why she should be there. If you are in the beta phase of testing your dinosaur zoo, maybe don’t bring dumb kids around. The most annoying thing about this insufferable little girl is the fact that she wants to be referred to as a “hacker.” You’re not a hacker. You’re an amalgam of characteristics that test well in focus groups, Lex.

What’s amazing is that Lex is only the second most-annoying kid in Jurassic Park.

It’s dismissive to assume that a film that fails to hold up after twenty or ten or two years is the result of a change in the viewer. Many of these films were not designed to hold up. Sprinkled with popular references, dated soundtracks, and borderline-retarded notions of what the future had in store for us, some films have a cultural shelf life that’s about as long as an episode of Access Hollywood.

The durability of films from this era is a curious phenomenon. One movie that completely exists in its time, like Clueless, holds up extremely well, having made the transition from “topical” to “charming,” while a movie like Wayne’s World captures a similar point in time and a similar niche, also developing its own weird vocabulary for its characters. I use these two examples because a) they act as an example and a cautionary tale, respectively, and b) both of these films were extremely well-received and regarded as “important” in their day.

So how does Clueless stay with us after these years, while Wayne’s World shakes out as borderline unwatchable? (Wayne’s World 2 even more so, but mostly because it’s just a terrible film)

These are just two examples of films that either fight or give in to the ravages of time. Comedies seem especially prone, as does any film that tries to tell us what the future will be like. The recipe to make a film popular at the time of its release is by no means the same one used to insure it’s popularity a decade, or even a few years later.

The touch-points required to last aren’t exactly rocket science, but striking the balance between contemporary relevance and durability is bit trickier. In order to ensure that I can sit around like a beached whale on Sundays while enjoying the highest caliber of entertainment from the past 20 years, I’ve compiled a definitive guide of how things should be done so that I may enjoy your film in 2017 as much as I enjoyed it in 2011.

You’re welcome in advance, Hollywood.

Stay Away From Technology You Don’t Understand. Seriously. Stay Away From It. You Never Will Never Get It Right And You Will Look Ridiculous.

Before I go any further with the categories and examples, it warrants mentioning that a bad movie, no matter how much it sticks to these magnificent guidelines I’m  laying out, won’t stand the test of time. It won’t be popular or “good” when it’s at its most relevant, so don’t expect it to age from vinegar to wine as time marches on. Bad movies will always be bad, whereas good movies can remain as such, or lose their luster over time.

Bad Examples: Disclosure, The Lawnmower Man, The Net, Hackers, Jurassic Park

Good Examples: You’ve Got Mail, Sneakers, Enemy of the State, Back to the Future 2, Jurassic Park

Make reasonable assumptions about the future of technology. When you make huge leaps forward, at least do them with enough creativity that they seem like an inspired inclusion (powerlaces, hoverboards, dinosaur cloning) rather than some half-assed stab at what the future might bring (any scene from 1991-1997 that involved virtual reality, hackers with nose rings).

If your cool characters are “techies,” make them cool people that happen to be techies, like in Sneakers, rather than people who are cool because they’re techies, like in Hackers or that obnoxious little girl Lex from Jurassic Park.

Move forward simply and no one will get hurt. You’ve Got Mail, while not a personal favorite, added simple logical elements (email, internet dating) to staid concepts (pen pals, blind dating). While AOL might as well be making buggy whips these days, the genetics of the concept nonetheless read as quaint, rather than ephemeral.

If you’re going to dabble in technology, think long and hard about how this will look in one short decade if you’re wrong. Don’t worry about what happens if you’re right. It happens so rarely, it’s not really worth considering.

Celebrity Cameos: Bob Barker, But Not Jerry Springer

Bad Examples: Austin Powers 2, Dodgeball, Friends with Benefits

Good Examples: Singles, Wayne’s World, Zoolander, Happy Gilmore, Jerry Maguire

If you want to allow your viewers to watch the film without being ripped out of its universe, don’t toss in some flavor-of-the-month that people will have to rack their brain to understand the significance of years after it occurs. Having your characters resolve their problems on The Jerry Springer Show wasn’t particularly inspired when Austin Powers 2 did it in 1999. It seems downright lazy and unfunny now, just like the Springer show itself. Same with Shaun White in Friends with Benefits, Ryan Seacrest in Knocked Up, and Tabitha Soren (or anyone from MTV) in Black Sheep’s painfully dated “Rock the Vote” scene. (Shame on you, Mudhoney. Shame on your eyes.)

Topical cameos can be funny, so long as they’re absurd or relevant enough to hold up. I wouldn’t want to live in a world where Billy Zane didn’t pop up in Zoolander, nor Pearl Jam in Singles. The fact remains that, in these universes, Zane was supposed to be at that fashion show and walk-off, and Pearl Jam were supposed to be dicking around at a coffee shop in Seattle in 1992. Dr. Evil and Scotty weren’t supposed to be on Springer, but they were there nonetheless. And it doesn’t feel right.

Bob Barker wasn’t supposed to be beating the living hell out of Happy Gilmore, but the absurdity of it sells it, because Bob Barker is so not supposed to be in the film, let alone punching Happy. That it’s ridiculous enough to swing back around to durable.

Further: No reality television star references or appearances. Ever.  No one in 2025 will be happy that Omarosa or Evan Marriott appeared in an Adam Sandler film. You probably don’t even know who those people are, which solidifies my point.

Click ‘Next Page’ to continue…

5 photosPretty Pictures from Steven Spielberg's 'Terra Nova'

THR reports that Steven Spielberg is in dino-mode again and having talks with screenwriter Mark Protosevich about returning to Isla Nublar for Jurassic Park 4. But don’t expect to buy life-sized dinosaur egg jawbreakers at WalMart just yet. Both Universal and Spielberg’s camp have stressed that there is not a script in the works as of now. These talks are purely exploratory and depend on concept and whether or not today’s audiences want to see Garret Dillahunt get eaten by raptors.

Too smart for his own good. The bitches won’t approve of that shirt.

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