Screen Junkies » Jon bon Jovi http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Mon, 25 Aug 2014 22:42:46 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 In Honor Jon Bon Jovi Not Dying, Here Are His Collected Master Works http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/in-honor-jon-bon-jovi-not-dying-here-are-his-collected-master-works/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/in-honor-jon-bon-jovi-not-dying-here-are-his-collected-master-works/#comments Tue, 20 Dec 2011 19:41:40 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=240207 We all know Bon Jovi, the rocker. Let's pay tribute to Bon Jovi, the actor.

The post In Honor Jon Bon Jovi Not Dying, Here Are His Collected Master Works appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
Close call yesterday, guys. Amidst the news of Kim Jong-il’s passing came bogus (thankfully) reports that New Jersey‘s fourth favorite son, Jon Bon Jovi, had also died. Rest assured he is alive and well and his hair looks fantastic. But we almost lost a true American artist, a man who has entertained for years with his contributions to the worlds of music, movies, television, and extreme football. We all know Bon Jovi, the international rock and roll superstar. But did you know he’s also a lawyer? And a college professor? And a recovering alcoholic? And a vampire hunter?? The man wears many faces… faces we’re glad aren’t decomposing.

So, raise a glass to JBJ. Without him, Young Guns wouldn’t have been nearly as awesome.

Jon Bon Jovi: THE ACTOR

Before you can celebrate the theatrical works of Jon Bon Jovi, you need to understand what brought him to the silver screen. You see, as this random British guy explains, Jon Bon Jovi always saw himself as a musician with no ambitions outside of that. Why should he become an actor? Then the whole Napster thing happened, and Bon Jovi eagerly jumped into a film career. They leave that last part out.

Cry_Wolf

Proving he’s not just good looks and amazing talent, Jon Bon Jovi effortlessly loses himself in the role of Mr. Walker, the attractive journalism professor. But is there more going on here? He’s been known to bed a female student or two, but is he also the campus’s crazed killer who is death-bedding them? I won’t spoil the outcome of this IMPORTANT FILM, but it probably goes without saying that this killer is wanted… dead or alive. The plot of Cry_Wolf is as twisty as a highway road that’s slippery when wet.

Pucked

Bon Jovi shows considerable range by playing a loser in National Lampoon’s Pucked. His character, Frank, is a former lawyer who can’t get his act together. When he receives a credit card in the mail, he quickly runs a bill of $300,000 by fulfilling his lifelong dream of creating an all woman’s hockey team. Then the evil credit card company, who can’t understand somebody just wanting to chase their dreams, takes Frank to court. With a little bit of support from a chubby version of Estella Warren, he finds the confidence he needs to defend himself and clear his debt. It also stars David Faustino.

The post In Honor Jon Bon Jovi Not Dying, Here Are His Collected Master Works appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/in-honor-jon-bon-jovi-not-dying-here-are-his-collected-master-works/feed/ 0
I Wrote My Review Of ‘New Year’s Eve’ While On The Toilet http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-review/i-wrote-my-review-of-new-years-eve-while-on-the-toilet/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-review/i-wrote-my-review-of-new-years-eve-while-on-the-toilet/#comments Fri, 09 Dec 2011 19:44:38 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=239297 It's bad, man.

The post I Wrote My Review Of ‘New Year’s Eve’ While On The Toilet appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
When I was a child, and I’d ask my grandma what she was getting me for Christmas, her answer was always the same: a blivet, which she described as “Two pounds of shit in a one pound bag.” I think “blivet” pretty much sums up New Year’s Eve, a film that’s bursting at the seems with bullshit.

In this movie, average people are extremely concerned about the status of the ball in Times Square, low-level city employees are allowed to give impassioned speeches on national television, and men give up three-way sex romps to be with Sarah Jessica Parker. What planet is this supposed to be?

Granted, it’s a romantic comedy, so suspension of disbelief is a must. And to be fair, I’m not a fan of “rom-coms,” especially when they have huge ensemble casts. For example, I hate the movie Love Actually. Even so, at the end of the day, I can get past my own bias and admit that it’s well made, well acted, and succeeds at what it sets out to do (make stupid people gush). New Year’s Eve, on the other hand, has none of those redeeming qualities. It’s insulting on almost every level.

" Hey, Rob. Where do we pick up our checks?"

It’s one thing for a movie to have a boring plot. It’s quite another to have ten boring plots, each more cliche than the next. It wasn’t that hard to keep track of everything, but it was extremely difficult to care. That probably had something to do with the performances. I expect Zac Efron to act like a robot, but what’s Hillary Swank‘s excuse? Oh, right; the script. With dialog this bad, even the best actors wouldn’t stand a chance.

Speaking of which, who does Robert De Niro owe money to? The guy was in The Godfather Part II. He doesn’t have to do this. And then there’s poor Matthew Broderick. I’m assuming he did have to do this as a favor to his wife. His small role was painful to watch, mainly because he seemed to realize how pointless and unnecessary his presence was.

But I’ll give credit where credit is due. First of all, Katherine Heigl deserves an Oscar for her performance. Anyone who can convincingly pretend to be attracted to a 50-year-old botoxed Jon Bon Jovi has some real talent. And Ludacris was friggen outstanding as the random black cop who served no other purpose than explaining Hilary Swank‘s character to the audience. But other than than, it was pretty horrifying. At times, I actually had to look away from the screen. The worst offender might have been Sofia Vergara, who I normally like. Even a gratuitous cleavage shot could not redeem her character. We get it. You’re f*cking foreign and you have an accent. Who gives a shit?

At the end of the day, words really can’t describe how bad this film is, so I’ll sum it up with an animated gif.

The post I Wrote My Review Of ‘New Year’s Eve’ While On The Toilet appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-review/i-wrote-my-review-of-new-years-eve-while-on-the-toilet/feed/ 0 nye-584 " Hey, Rob. Where do we pick up our checks?" horse-crap
Katherine Heigl To Serve As Sub-Halle Berry http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/katherine-heigl-to-serve-as-sub-halle-berry/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/katherine-heigl-to-serve-as-sub-halle-berry/#comments Mon, 31 Jan 2011 18:34:13 +0000 Joseph Gibson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=23465 Halle Berry is being replaced by America's sweetheart Katherine Heigl (in a movie, not in life).

The post Katherine Heigl To Serve As Sub-Halle Berry appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
The world has been breathlessly awaiting the romantic pair of Halle Berry and Jon Bon Jovi in the upcoming film New Year’s Eve. Unfortunately for the world (and fortunately for Halle Berry, hey-o!), Halle Berry is being replaced by America’s sweetheart Katherine Heigl (maybe she can also star in a parody “Nude Year’s Eve“).

Apparently, Heigl just adopted some poor kid and was looking for a project that wouldn’t require a huge time commitment. New Year’s Eve fits the bill, since as a follow up to Garry Marshall’s surprise hit Valentine’s Day it’s a big ensemble piece. Just a couple pinches of Heigl, as opposed to a whole dish. Dunno why I went with a food metaphor but whatever. New Year’s Eve will also star (deep breath) Robert De Niro, Sofia Vergara, Russell Peters, Hilary Swank, Ice Cube, Ashton Kutcher, Lea Michele, Michelle Pfeiffer, Zac Efron, Josh Duhamel, Sarah Jessica Parker, Abigail Breslin, Seth Meyers, Jessica Biel and Til Schweiger. (via Deadline)

The post Katherine Heigl To Serve As Sub-Halle Berry appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/katherine-heigl-to-serve-as-sub-halle-berry/feed/ 0 katherine_heigl_emmys
‘New Year’s Eve’ Cast Adds Seth Meyers And Bon Jovi For The Sake Of Art http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/new-years-eve-cast-adds-seth-meyers-and-bon-jovi-for-the-sake-of-art/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/new-years-eve-cast-adds-seth-meyers-and-bon-jovi-for-the-sake-of-art/#comments Mon, 24 Jan 2011 23:50:15 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=21898 Bon Jovi and Seth Meyers, the two most lauded actors of our generation, are set to join the cast of Garry Marshall's New Year's Eve.

The post ‘New Year’s Eve’ Cast Adds Seth Meyers And Bon Jovi For The Sake Of Art appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
Bon Jovi and Seth Meyers, the two most lauded actors of our generation, are set to join the cast of Garry Marshall‘s New Year’s Eve, which picks up where Valentine’s Day didn’t leave off. Apparently, Marshall’s approach to movie making has been “hit ‘em with stars until the audience don’t know what’s what.” This all started with Love Actually, and has seemed to become the cinematic equivalent of Twitter.

According Hollywood Reporter, Meyers and, uh, Jovi join a cast that also includes Halle Berry, Jessica Biel, Abigail Breslin, Robert De Niro, Zac Efron, Ashton Kutcher, Lea Michele, Sarah Jessica Parker, Michelle Pfeiffer, Hilary Swank and Sofia Vergara. If Valentine’s Day is any indication, look for that cast to double in size before production. Bon Jovi will be playing a rock star and Meyers will be playing a broke dad that tries to get his wife to have the first baby of the year so that they can get a $25,000 prize. Heady, heady stuff.

New Year’s Eve is an ensemble film that follows around approximately a billion characters as they do the kinda stuff that people do on New Year’s Eve, like induce their wife’s labor for money.

The post ‘New Year’s Eve’ Cast Adds Seth Meyers And Bon Jovi For The Sake Of Art appeared first on Screen Junkies.

]]>
http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/new-years-eve-cast-adds-seth-meyers-and-bon-jovi-for-the-sake-of-art/feed/ 0 jovi-myers-split-2011-a-l