Unless that person on the cruise happens to be Kate Gosselin. Yup, for the demented individual that likes sun and the open see, but hates those things when Kate Gosselin isn’t around to share it, there’s now a week-long excursion that embarks in August. That’s just enough time for you to get pregnant so you’ll have something to talk to her about… cause it would be awkward if you weren’t pregnant, cause then you’d have to talk about that bastard Jon.

The caliber of celebrity that signs up for the whole cruise gig is generally not A-list, for obvious reasons. They also tend to be sort of niche, meaning that their fans are borderline insane. I’m sure 99% of the people on these cruises are innocuous enough, but the prospect of being on a cruise ship full of John Cleese fans, constantly quoting Monty Python, would be enough to toss my ass overboard and try my luck with the sharks and the orcas and the undercurrents and whatnot.

So if you’re looking to get away from the cold for a few days, and are totally weird, consider one of these cruises with your favorite celebrity. And try the shrimp cocktail.

John Cleese

Monty Python’s Cleese joined Silversea in 2008, boarding a cruise ship that travelled from Ft. Lauderdale to San Diego. Yikes. That sounds like a really long cruise. I can only pray for Mr. Cleese’s sake that the ship utilized the Panama canal, and he wasn’t forced to go the Cape of Horn route. That would be taxing on even the most polite Brit.

Alex Trebek

This strikes me as perhaps the best fit. I would think that Jeopardy’s Alex Trebek is incredibly popular with the cruise set. Plus, despite the fact that 90% of these people would probably be retired, I would have an easier time fraternizing with fans of trivia and jeopardy than I do with R. Kelly fans, though I would have an easier time getting drunk with and screaming at R. Kelly fans.

Give and take.

R. Kelly

Hey! Speak of the devil. This cruise was just recently announced. And it’s pretty much the most insane thing I have ever heard of. What the hell happens when you quarantine R. Kelly on a boat with a bunch of drunk, horny R. Kelly fans? While I know it’s probably inaccurate, the scenario that keeps playing in my mind is the first half of Jason Takes Manhattan, only Jason is R. Kelly.

10 photos‘Immortals’ Actress Freida Pinto

It goes without saying that the CG work is breathtaking. It must have cost a fortune. So much so that they couldn’t afford to comb Andy Serkis’s hair. But that’s beside the point, the movie looks like it will be heartbreaking. But also awesome. Did you see that chimp parkour off that jerk neighbor’s face?! Also, he spends his free time building a model of the Statue Of Liberty. Also cool!

Bravo, Rise of the Planet of the Apes. I’m definitely seeing this when it opens August 5th, even if every plot point has probably already been shown in the trailers. (Yahoo)

‘Rise Of The Apes’ Looks Like Ape-Made Braveheart

In this third trailer for Rise of the Planet of the Apes, we see monkey Caesar go from a baby to a family pet to an abused monkey to the general of a monkey army in this clip. They grow up so fast.

While this is an extended version of this international trailer we posted earlier, it shows a bit mor fighting and a bit more of Draco Malfoy being a total cock to him. (Side note: Tom Felton is my favorite for this generation’s “Billy Zabka Memorial ‘Typecast As A Dick’ Award.”)

We are privy in this trailer to more combat scenes, showing how exactly how the monkeys overtake the humans. In case it wasn’t obvious, they do it with monkey-strength and screeching.

If you watch all three trailers, you probably have a very good sense of the film, so feel free to just kick over your $14 ($17 if you were planning to see it in 3D) to Screen Junkies. We accept PayPal.

Whereas the first domestic trailer showed a more cold and clinical side to the apes’ upbringing, for international audiences, this video seems to channel its inner Harry and the Hendersons, even going so far as to cast John Lithgow as a loving father. There’s a fine line between “homage” and “rip-off,” and you’re walkin’ it, Apes.

This trailer also shows us that Draco Malf-, I mean, Tom Felton, can be completely menacing without his greasy blonde hair. So long as he’s shown electrocuting a cute monkey.

Beyond that, you won’t glean much any new plot elements, but if you’re looking for tons of plot elements in Rise of the Planet of the Apes, you might be on a fool’s errand.

We’re finally going to get the chance to see master thespians John Lithgow and Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson engage in some on-screen tete-a-tete. The two actors have joined Lives of the Saints, along with Meg Ryan, Kat Dennings, and Joe Anderson. The film "tells the intertwining stories of a group of Angelenos seeking redemption for past mistakes, only to find that forgiveness comes from unlikely places."

They were originally considering the title Crash 2 but quickly realized it would be better to trick the audience into thinking this was a totally different concept. My fingers are crossed for a more Cliffhanger Lithgow than a Harry and the Hendersons Lithgow. He won’t stand a chance against Fity without his infamous furrowing of the brow. That move stops hearts beating. (Variety)

_{And the big winners are…}

“Sitcom” and “Drama” ruled the 2010 Emmys, with “Sitcom” taking home the Emmy for best comedy series, while “Drama” took home the Emmy for best drama.

The night’s other big winners included actor, who won an Emmy for his role in “Drama,” and actress, who took home the award for best actress in a comedy series.

Highlights from the show included new Conan performing pointless skits, and singer singing a melodramatic song. (Collider)

See a list of all the Emmy winners I copied from another website after the jump.

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE
Julia Ormond – “Temple Grandin”

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE
David Strathairn – “Temple Grandin”

LEAD ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE
Claire Danes – “Temple Grandin”

LEAD ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE
Al Pacino – “You Don’t Know Jack”

GUEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Neil Patrick Harris – “Glee”

GUEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Betty White – “Saturday Night Live”

GUEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
John Lithgow – “Dexter”

GUEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Ann Margaret – “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Eric Stonestreet – “Modern Family”

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
Jane Lynch – “Glee”

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Archie Panjabi – “The Good Wife”

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA
Aaro Paul – “Breaking Bad”

LEAD ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Jim Parsons – “Big Bang Theory”

LEAD ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
Edie Falco – “Nurse Jackie”

LEAD ACTOR IN A DRAMA
Bryan Cranston – “Breaking Bad”

LEAD ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Kyra Sedgwick – “The Closer”

VARIETY, MUSIC OR COMEDY SERIES
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart”

OUTSTANDING REALITY PROGRAM
“Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution”

OUTSTANDING REALITY-COMPETITION PROGRAM
“Top Chef”

OUTSTANDING MINISERIES
“The Pacific”

OUTSTANDING TV MOVIE
“Temple Grandin”

OUTSTANDING DRAMA
“Mad Men”

OUTSTANDING COMEDY
“Modern Family”

Dexter Morgan is at unstoppable killing machine. And what better way to fight an unstoppable killing machine than with America’s favorite insatiable law-and-order cyborg? No, not Vincent D’Onofrio.

Peter Weller, the star of the classic 80′s sci-fi film Robocop has joined the cast of "Dexter: Season 5." According to Dread Central, he will appear in eight episodes, and will play a "troubled" Miami Metro police officer, as if there’s any other kind.

While there’s no mention of the character of Robocop, I’d be surprised if they didn’t use him in some capacity. The show never came right out and said that John Lithgow was supposed to be the character of Dr. Dick Solomon from "3rd Rock from the Sun." But once he dropped the C-Bomb at Thanksgiving dinner, everyone knew it was him.

They finally made a monkey out of ol’ John Lithgow. Empire Online is reporting that the actor has been confirmed for the upcoming Planet of the Apes prequel, Rise of the Apes. The film costars James Franco and Frida Pinto.

Despite the misleading headline and hackneyed primate references, Lithgow will not be playing an ape. Instead, he has landed the roll of the protagonist’s Alzheimer’s stricken father, which is a lot like playing an ape, since both apes and Alzheimer’s patients have been known to throw feces. You think I’m making a crass joke, but I’m serious. I saw it first hand with my uncle Bobo.

Are you a male, age 18 or older, who has a natural rhythm and loves to dance? If so, would you be interested in driving your father to alcoholism by playing high school senior in the upcoming remake of the Kevin Bacon classic, Footloose? Well then, what are you waiting for, Cinderella? Let’s get you ready for the ball!

Paramount has begun casting for the film and has put out a call for digital audition videos to be sent in via email. Nothing could go wrong there; just ask Chris Klein.

As the casting call clearly states, applicants do not need to be a trained dancer, provided they are a quick learner (i.e. you’ve learned to keep your damn mouth shut about the casting couch).

Click here for your chance to be in Footloose.

John Lithgow – You Got To Have Pep – Watch more Funny Videos

Check out some of these other morning news stories…

First pics of Jackie Earle Haley as Freddy. (JoBlo)

Of course there’s an Alien remake. (Bloody Disgusting)

Summer Glau may move into the the Dollhouse. (Movie Hole)

HBO whips out new series. (TV Squad)

Internet killed the Cineplex stars. (NY Mag)