I never knew celebrities could be so shallow and materialistic.

Nipplegate

On February 1, 2004, America and the world saw Janet Jackson’s nipple just as Justin Timberlake sang, “Gonna have you naked by the end of this song.”

I’m not exactly sure who was outraged by the sight of a covered breast, but that “nip slip” did far more harm than good. It got people talking about Janet Jackson, but with no album to release, the attention was for naught. Meanwhile, the incident all but guaranteed us watered-down halftime shows featuring the likes of Bruce Springsteen, The Who, and Paul McCartney.

The nipple wasn’t worth it. No nipple is worth that.

Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire

Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire was a one-time special from Fox in which, over the span of a two-hour broadcast, an unattractive millionaire with the name of a Boogie Night character (Rick Rockwell), married a money-grubbing whore (Darva Conger). Shockingly, the marriage didn’t last after it was discovered that Rockwell didn’t disclose a restraining order for domestic abuse and Conger proved to be just as whorish as everyone expected, but with the added imposition of asking for people’s sympathy.

It was a show that left pretty much everyone feeling like idiots for both being involved in it and watching it.

Al Capone’s Vault

Geraldo Rivera, a man known for just being an all-around ass, helped nurture that reputation in April of 1986 when, on his syndicated talk show, he promised to unlock the secrets of Al Capone’s vault on live television. The show was stretched a painful two hours, and audiences were lured in with the siren call of riches or dead bodies… because mobsters keep dead bodies in their safes.

30 million people tuned into the hype machine, but when the door was cracked open, nothing was found but dust and a few bottles. Geraldo claimed that one of the bottles was used to hold moonshine. Because Geraldo can ID the former contents of a 60 year old bottle just by looking at it.

The broadcast was a total debacle and Geraldo’s already shaky reputation remains shaky to this day.