Well, that was the idea. And then die hard Muppet fans tore me a new asshole. I post these comments in the hope of defending my actions, and perhaps ending all the hard feelings I’ve generated. Or at the very least, preventing anyone else from keying “Muppet Hater” into the side of my car. Seriously guys, that was harsh.

Thomas Powers

OK, lets address this first: I never claimed to be a Muppet expert, but I do consider myself a fan. As a child of the 80′s, I was raised on The Muppet Movie, The Great Muppet Caper, and The Muppets Take Manhattan. It was the latter film that inspired me to start Ohio‘s first and most celebrated Dabney Coleman Fan Club. Aside from this, I had an impressive array of Muppet stuffed toys, as well as the complete collection of Muppet Babies McDonald’s Happy Meal figures. Any or all of these credentials qualify me to look up Muppets I’m less familiar with on Wikipedia and report what I’ve found to the general public. Also, Tom, my article wasn’t a “review” of the film at all. Just intended as a helpful tool!

Stephanie Foresta

I got a lot of complaints for including Pepe. Apparently, since being introduced in the 90′s on Muppets Tonight, Pepe has become a high profile Muppet. I apologize for any perceived slight to Pepe fans. I have nothing against the character, I was simply trying to identify him for the small percentage of Americans who haven’t watched a new Muppet film or show since 1988. There are only a few of us, but we have rights too. As for not liking my commentary, fair enough. I also never claimed to be funny. If it’s any consolation, Stefanie, I get paid in rubbing alcohol.

Andrew Darren Whitakker

I got a few responses along these lines. One said “worst Muppet list ever,” and perhaps it is. I certainly haven’t read every Muppet-related list ever written, but I could see mine being on the lower end. Bottom 20%, easy. However, I do take exception to it being called “one of the worst lists”. This implies that my work is being judged amongst every list ever written, on any topic. Surly the Internet has provided thousands of lists worse than mine. Many of them are on this very site!

Crazy Harry

Crazy Harry is known for his love of explosions. This may not qualify exactly as pyromania, but it was close enough for the original Muppet producers to shift his character to the background after The Muppet Show’s first few years. He did have a great cameo in the original Muppet Movie, however, and will be on hand (hopefully with dynamite) in the new film.

Lew Zealand

Although most casual Muppet fans don’t know his name, Lew Zealand is pretty recognizable as the Muppet with the amazing boomerang fish. He’s also very creepy in his appearance. Still though, at least he doesn’t have an explosives fetish, like Harry.

Pepe the King Prawn

This bizarre character is relatively new to the Muppet world, first appearing on Muppet’s Tonight. Pepe has a heavy Spanish accent, and takes great pride in being a Prawn, as opposed to a shrimp. In fact, he looks down upon shrimp, which pretty much makes him the only bigoted Muppet, except of course for Big Bird, who hates Mexicans.

Fart jokes? What is this, Phantom Menace?

But thankful, I was completely and unequivocally wrong. The Muppets was an enjoyable film on every level. Somehow, over 30 years after its premiere, Jason Segel and director James Bobin managed to capture the spirit of the original film and still appeal to a modern audience. It’s funny without being crude, earnest without being sappy, and self-referential without being smug. But most of all, unlike other attempts to recreate nostalgia, The Muppets is fun to watch because it feels like the old gang is really back together. I suppose the fact that Muppets don’t age probably helped, but it’s more than that. I could tell that the filmmakers were as excited to make this film as I was to watch it.

The movie begins in Small Town, U.S.A., where a very Muppet-esque character named Walter is living with his brother Gary (Segel). All his life, Walter has been obsessed with The Muppets, so he’s overjoyed to learn that Gary and his longtime-girlfriend Mary (Amy Adams) have arranged for a trip to Los Angeles and a tour of The Muppet Studios. However, his joy is short-lived.

Upon reaching Los Angeles, the three quickly realize that The Muppets are no longer the draw they once were. The Muppet Theater is in complete disrepair, and The Muppet Studios are a shell of their former glory. The highlight of the tour is the door of Kermit’s old office, followed by a trip to the room where industrial cables are stored.

Bored with the official tour, Walter sneaks away from the group, and while hiding under Kermit’s old desk, he overhears the fiendish plot of Tex Richman (played perfectly by Chris Cooper), a billionaire who wants to tear down the studio and drill for more oil. But of course, there’s a catch. If the Muppets can raise $10 million, the studio will remain under their control.

And we’re off. Harry, Gary and Mary set out to warn Kermit of the impending danger, and from there Kermit must track down his old friends. It’s not a groundbreaking plot, but it works, and it gives us the perfect opportunity to see what’s become of our old friends. Fozzie is working a sad lounge act in Reno with a knock-off group known as “The Moopets,” Gonzo is running a pluming corporation, and Ms. Piggy is a designer in Paris. There is never any doubt that they’ll all agree to reunite, but the filmmakers manage to spin the predictability to their advantage, making light of the contrived plot twists rather than trying to mask them.

Despite the fact that I knew what was coming at every turn, I was still constantly surprised. Rather than simply rehashing what made the previous Muppet movies work, the film managed to tweak things just enough to keep it fresh without straying too far from what the audience expected. This includes the ending, which takes us exactly where we know we’re going, but by a slightly different route. Even the celebrity cameos set the right tone. The big names were there, but they weren’t the focus. Somehow, Jack Black managed to tone it down and let the Muppets be the center of attention. And the notable absence of Lady Gaga, who was previously rumored to be in the film, was a welcome treat.

Even the musical numbers, which usually lend themselves to cringe-worth moments, somehow kept me laughing. Yesterday, if you had told me the film included a rap number by Chris Cooper, it would have made me nauseous. But as much as I wanted to hate the scene, I just couldn’t. The movie was impervious to my cynicism. And considering I’m a cynical prick who works on the goddamn Internet, I think that says a lot. Hack writers like myself love to accuse movies of “raping” their childhood. Well, the only thing this movie raped was my bad attitude.

Go and see the Muppets, and if you don’t like it, go straight to hell.

It’s time to play the music, you sons of bitches! It’s time to light the damn lights! It’s time to meet the mother-loving Muppets!

Behold, the first behind-the-scenes look at the new Jason Segel film, The Muppets (or at least the first look that wasn’t scanned straight out of a magazine). Based on this picture alone, I feel confident in saying that this will be the greatest Muppet movie of all time. Maybe that’s because the film was formerly titled The Greatest Muppet Movie Of All Time. I don’t know why it was shortened the title, but what I do know is they could call it “The Cancer Causing Anti-American Puppet Crapstravaganza,” and I’d still go see it twice. To quote Film School Rejects, “A Muppet Movie by any other name…”

_{Say hello to my little friend!}

Do you like Muppet movies? Do you like murder movies? Or perhaps you’ve always wanted to murder a Muppet? Well, in any case, it looks like you’re in luck. Lionsgate has signed on to Happytime Murders, a murder-mystery featuring Muppets (or something very similar) created by the Jim Henson Company.

Happytime grounds us in a world where humans and puppets live side by side, albeit with the puppets as second-class citizens. The furry cast of once-popular kids’ show The Happytime Gang are being picked off one by one, and the only ones who can figure out who’s behind the deaths is a drunken, washed-up private eye puppet and his former LAPD partner, a human being.

That sounds a lot like Chinatown mixed with Who Framed Roger Rabbit. That is to say, it sounds like the greatest story in all of human history. Oh, and if you answered "yes" to wanting to kill a Muppet, rot it hell. I love those furry bastards more than my own family. (Empire Online)

George ‘El Guapo’ Roush of Latino Review says that "if you hate The Muppets, you hate life."

I’ll take it one step further. If you hate The Muppets, I hate you. By that logic, I don’t hate Nick Stoller, the director of Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Stoller is at the helm of the latest outing from Kermit and the gang, The Greatest Muppet Movie of All Time.

I always call The Muppets, the ‘gateway drug for comedy nerds.’ It’s the first comedy we’re introduced to, at least people our age. That’s what we’re going for with that. It will be for the whole family I guess, and for anyone who likes Muppets."

Unlike my other childhood favorites (Star Wars Indiana Jones, Eraserhead), The Muppets are perfect for a remake/reboot since the characters don’t age. Well, neither does that "baby" from Eraserhead, but that’s pretty much a Muppet when you think about it.

At any rate, until Shia Labeouf signs on as the villain who pretends to be interested in porking Miss Piggy so he can kidnap The Muppets and sell them off to "Furries," I’m going to remain optimistic. Waka, Waka, Waka!