Though they’ve tweaked their names a little bit in the past few years, Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Chloe Moretz are back in fighting shape to take on the criminal sleaze of New York City. However, Christopher Mintz-Plasse is back too and out for revenge by reinventing himself as the world’s first supervillian, The Motherfucker. Jim Carrey also joins the cast as another wannabe hero taking back the streets with the help of his well-trained dog. I’m a sucker for a dog in costume. God forbid any harm fall on that animal. We’ll find out June 28th.

This news serves as the perfect segue to discuss our favorite cows in film, and, consequently, my intense hatred of all cows. They’re terrible. They do next to nothing and they sleep standing up. You know who else sleeps standing up? NOTHING! Ok, most birds do, but that’s a pretty low bar to clear. Cows, those giant beasts, aren’t even better than dumb birds.

Ridiculous.

Here are some cows in movies.

The Cow in Me, Myself, and Irene

This cow gets the spirit award for getting shot in the head six times, hit by a car, and bludgeoned, but still holding on to that will to live. A lot of people would say, “Now, cows are animals, and the graphic depiction of their torture bothers me.” I agree with the second part. I believe that you are bothered by the pointless torture and molestation of cows.

But to call a cow an animal shortchanges most animals, doesn’t it? Animals do stuff. The good ones do anyway. Cows are nature’ss paperweight so the only roll they could possibly play in a film is either as the butt of some joke or as the recipient of relentless violence. Just like in real life.

As you will see as we travel down this list, depictions of hurting and humiliating cows are very, very funny.

Actually hurting cows: NOT FUNNY. Mean. They’ll get hurt in time when they get popped with a cattle bolt. (Fun fact: They use cattle bolts to “stun” the cows so that they can cut their throats while they’re still alive to aid in the exsanguination process!”)

The Cow in Fringe

The cow in Fringe is named Gene, and it serves as an archetypal cow by just sitting around and doing nothing but eating and occasionally passing gas. There is no explanation as to why the cow exists on this show, much like there is no explanation as to why cows exist in real life.

Gene the cow does have a penchant for Chinese food. My theory is that at least some of that Chinese food contained beef or beef bouillon or tallow, making Gene a cannibal, and, due to a lack of other options, the most interesting cow on this list.

The Pregnant Cow and Its Calf in City Slickers

(Note: We didn’t embed video here because the guy that ones this site said that if he caught me putting another picture of a cow vagina on Screen Junkies, he was going to seriously going to lose his shit. And, based on the look on his face when he told me that, I believed him.)

Here, Billy Crystal delivers a breached calf and you know how the mother thanks him? By taking his watch with its vagina. Real classy, cow. You know what I would have done? I would have taken the watch off, first. That’s what I would have done. Of course, Billy Crystal with all his Oscar and Forget Paris and Throw Momma From The Train money can spend all day just losing watches in cow vaginas.

But me? No sir. Not in this economy.

The Cow in Twister

Cows also serve a purpose during tornados. If you see a cow get lifted up by a tornado, you know that the tornado is pretty bad, possibly an F5 “finger of God” type situation. However, the cow’s utility is outweighed by the fact that, once airborne, the cow is a ballistic instrument that can levy damage all over the place, taking out toddlers, small dogs, and recently-washed sports cars.

We do a lot of joking on this site, but if you own a cow in a place with a high incidence of tornados, please chain it down.

The Cow In Monty Python’s The Holy Grail

Aside from being hamburgers, this is the most useful a cow has ever been. And I don’t mean that in the sense that I don’t realize that this scene is fiction. I mean it in the sense that a cow pretending to be flown through the air for a Monty Python skit is the most useful thing a cow has done, other than being beef.

For reals, yo. I went through four pages of Google search (both web and news) for the phrase “hero cow,” and got no relevant results. “Hero bird,” on the other hand, had a relevant hit on the second entry. Cows, please be more like birds.

The Cow in Tommy Boy

That fucker gets knocked over. Take a look. If you are going to go cow tipping. Please act responsibly and pick the cow back up when you’re done. It may not be easy, but the cow will appreciate it. And you would see that appreciation if cows didn’t have such dead eyes and non-expressive faces.

I wish they were more like dogs.

Jane Carrey is 24 years old and her career is listed as “waitress,” which probably doesn’t mean much, other than “Jim Carrey’s daughter” isn’t the type of thing you put you your tax returns. It’s also a little surprising to learn that Jane has a kid, named Jackson Riley Santana, making Jim Carrey a grandfather.

Ok. That’s fun trivia. But can Jane sing?

Yeah. She doesn’t bellow like Xtina or Mariah or anything, but she seems to have some chops in this video‘s brief rendition of the ubiquitous “Something to Talk About.” I wouldn’t bet on her to win, or even make it more than a few rounds, but she’s a sweet, cute girl that doesn’t make me want to chuck my remote at the TV.

And she’s also Jim Carrey’s daughter. Really can’t stress that enough.

Is that portrayal accurate? Probably not, but I’ll let a lawyer or someone who is affected by the stereotype disprove it. It’s more fun to take the most egregious examples of the sleazy lawyer stereotype and wonder if the guys who do our day to day legal work are really as depraved as some of the entrants on this list.

Mickey Rourke – The Rainmaker

There’s a decent chance when Mickey Rourke is cast in a role, he’s going to play someone sleazy. After all, the guy seems really sleazy. Although he doesn’t get much time to feast on this role in the nadir of his career, he was able to get his punches in when he could, utilizing brash suits, a shark tank, and just a general Mickey Rourke-ness. This isn’t a guy who chose his profession because he loves the law. The fact that his firm is taking on a giant insurance company is more a testament to his protégé’s (Matt Damon) integrity than anything he had to do with the case.

Sean Penn – Carlito’s Way

Davey Kleinfeld is the alpha and omega of sleazy lawyers. He runs the gamut on sleazy behavior, from stealing from the mob to wearing a wire on his best friend, to doing lots and lots and lots of cocaine to banging other guys’ girlfriends in loud Miami clubs.

He’s a weasel in every sense, though it’s largely forgivable due to his allegiance to Carlito. However, when that disappears, the audience can’t see misfortune fall on Penn’s character fast enough. And they get what they hope for.

Never trust a man that has both an afro and an ascot. They mean diametrically opposing things.

Typically, Jim Carrey doesn’t do sequels, but he did hint at this project while promoting Mr. Popper’s Penguins. And Jeff Daniels will do anything. So, now it’s just a matter of schedules syncing up and the guys who wrote Sex Drive being able to come up with some fresh fart jokes. Developing. (Deadline)

There’s no word yet on which role Carrey would play, but don’t be surprised to see him pulling scarf after scarf out of his butt. (Deadline)

Tom Popper (Carrey) grew up with an absentee dad who used to communicate with him on CB radio from his Antarctic expeditions. (Kids, CB was like old timey cell phones.) As a grown up, Popper’s a corporate wheeler-dealer who’s out of touch with his own kids. His father leaves Popper some penguins in his will, and the penguins turn his New York apartment and life upside down.

New ‘Mr. Popper’s Penguins’ Trailer Is Penguin-Filled To The Max

You know where this goes. At first Popper doesn’t like the penguins. He’s annoyed with them. Then they start to grow on him and he learns valuable lessons that help him reconnect with his family too. That’s the deal and it feels organic. At least they’re not forcing a B.S. agenda. It actually is good for people to learn to listen to each other.

The corporate subplot is Popper’s firm wants him to buy Tavern on the Green so they can tear it down. So they’re evil and he’s going to have to rebel against them. Popper has to sell Mrs. Van Gandy (Angela Lansbury) on the deal, so of course his penguin antics seem unprofessional.

Carrey still makes the best faces in the business and he elevates the animal antics with his physical skill. It’s not laugh out loud funny, but basic penguin humor. They poop, they waddle, they sleep in his bed. Carrey is really playing to kids, so it’s almost a little toned down, or maybe he just didn’t want to upstage the penguins.

There are some silly stretches of credibility. A house sitter does fine with the penguins until she freaks out and bolts, leaving the door wide open. That’s just not something a normal person does. Popper’s catch phrase “Yeahbsolutely” is no “all righty then.” Clark Gregg plays a hardcor zookeeper who wants to take the penguins away but the film never makes him a moustache twirler, or even a real threat.

So probably not a Screen Junkies type movie but maybe some of you have kids. As summer kids movies go it’s solid entertainment.

5 photosPeep Out ‘Mr. Popper’s Penguins’ Pics

“We’re talking about maybe returning to some old characters that everyone has been asking about,” on which Carrey elaborated, ”…There’s Bruce Almighty and we’re talking about maybe another Dumb and Dumber.”

What? He’s not doing another Majestic? Aw, man. Well, it’d be fun to catch up with Harold and Lloyd, and I’m guessing The Farrelly Brothers have been praying night and day for the dumberer stars of that potential hit to align. As for Bruce Almighty, the Steve Carell sequel Evan Almighty was a big budget disappointment. Are people really excited to return to the franchise? I’d just assume pack my memories of those movies on an arc and let them drift peacefully off into the ocean. (ComingSoon.net)

Last night was the much-hyped “Office” season closer, which featured cameos by Jim Carrey, Will Arnett, Gervais himself (via webcam) and oddly enough, Warren Buffett. I guess when Steve Carell leaves your show, you need to plug that celebrity sized hole in your sitcom boat. Catherine Tate (“Dr. Who“) is the current favorite among the producers as a replacement.

Gervais had many critical things to say about the American version of his hit show, because if there’s one thing Gervais shies away from, it’s controversies stemmed from freely speaking his opinions:

“I assume most people know I didn’t do the US remake for the art. I did my version for the art. That’s why I stopped it after a few hours of telly,” Gervais wrote. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m very proud of the US version. It was not only a very very good network comedy but it was also a massive success story. But you know, I did it for different reasons, ambitions and with slightly different emotional attachments to the project.”

Gervais referring to the show in the past tense is interesting. “It was not only…” Well, once you jump a shark, you can’t un-jump it. Third Law of Shark Jumping Physics. (Hollywood Reporter)

Mr. Popper’s Penguins stars Jim Carrey as a man who receives a lot of penguins, which poses many humorous problems for him, as you can no doubt imagine. Ultimately, those penguins seem to help him connect better with his family, which is a big relief for me personally. The Fox film also stars Angela Lansbury, Carla Gugino, Dominic Chianese and Madeline Carroll.

Jim Carrey will dance to “Ice Ice Baby” with a group of penguins in theaters nationwide June 17, 2011.

Billionaire tycoon Warren Buffett joins the never-ending famous person parade that is”The Office” season finale. Other celebrities making a cameo-or-greater on the episode include Jim Carrey, Ray Romano, Catherine Tate, Will Arnett, James Spader and Ricky Gervais. They’re all interviewing for the coveted position of Scranton branch manager for the paper company Dunder Mifflin. This just goes to show you, if you work hard enough, and become famous enough, you too can interview to become the head of the small Pennsylvania off-shoot of a poorly managed paper company.

The almost-an-hour-long “Office” season finale airs May 20th. (Variety)

Carrey will guest star on an upcoming episode of”The Office.” In the episode, Carrey interviews for the position Steve Carrell‘s Michael Scott leaves. Is a resume with experience like “Pet Detective,” “Mask-Based Superhero” and “Christmas Present Relocation Manager” gonna land him the job as manager of a paper company? Probably not. Carrey will also have stiff competition in the episode from Ricky Gervais, Ray Romano, Catherine Tate, Will Arnett and James Spader. Sounds like this episode could use a few more celebrities. Is James Franco available?

Meanwhile, that begs the question: what’s gonna happen to Will Ferrell‘s character Deangelo Vickers (great name), who’s currently in charge? It’s a bigger office mystery than who takes more than 3 slices of pizza on Pizza Fridays, though many suspect it’s Jason. (EW)

Directed by Mark Waters and based on the book by Richard & Florence Atwater, Carrey plays a man who gets a bunch of penguins. He also works in real estate. Problems occur because he gets all these penguins. What problems? Find out June 17, 2011, when the movie will be shown in many movie theaters. You know who else you’ll see? Carla Gugino and ”Murder, She Wrote” star Angela Lansbury. I believe there will also be several penguins in the film. (IMP)

One of those unlucky Super Hell projects is the remake of 1947′s The Secret Life of Walter Mitty starring Danny Kaye. Over the years, Fox’s proposed reboot has collected more comedian interest than a hot asian girl at a stand-up club wearing a tight Ghostbusters t-shirt. Jim Carrey, Owen Wilson, Mike Myers, Will Ferrell and Sacha Baron Cohen have all circled around the title role at one point. Now add Ben Stiller to the list.

After writer Steve Conrad penned a completely new version of the remake script, Stiller expressed interest. With Stiller on-board, Fox will scramble for a “cinematic director,” hoping to get the cameras rolling this Fall. Walter Mitty is based on a famous James Thurber short story about a mild-mannered daydreamer who imagines himself in heroic situations. I suspect this new version will contain more fart jokes in those daydreams than in any previous adaptation. (Deadline)

I am not familiar with the source material, the 1938 children’s book Mr. Popper’s Penguins, but if it happens to be one sheet of paper that says simply, “Mr. Popper lives in a house with penguins for some reason,” then this movie appears 100% faithful to the source material.

Uhhhh…he seems to live in a nice house?

He’s in a tuxedo. That’s a pleasant little play on penguin imagery….

That’s seriously all that can be said about this trailer.

“[Dumb and Dumber] has run a bunch of times on TV in the states, and kids will come up and they’ll be able to quote lines from that – lines that I’ve long forgotten. If we could get those two guys back together, Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels that might be a worthwhile sequel – and that ball is in motion. We’re starting to think about what those two dimwits would be doing twenty-years later in life, and hopefully we’ll be able to come up with something worthy of a sequel.”

So a Dumb and Dumber sequel is contingent upon the original stars agreeing to do it. That already puts it ahead of the prequel, which not only didn’t have Carrey or Daniels, but also didn’t involve the Farrelly brothers at all. Let’s go ahead and put this in the “might not be awful if it actually happens” file for now. (via The Playlist)

The studio’s Planet of the Apes origin story, Rise of the Apes, is moving from June 24th to November 23rd. That makes sense, because Thanksgiving reminds us about how we took over this land from the Native Americans, so it makes karmic sense that we’d see a movie about apes taking over the world from us. Shame us with a big screen analogy, Fox!

Meanwhile, Fox must have a lot of faith in the Jim Carrey comedy Mr. Popper’s Penguins. They’re moving it from August 12th (the Baltic Avenue of summer movie spots) to June 17th (pure Boardwalk, baby). Let’s hope Carry’s penguins don’t… slip up!

Do you get that joke? It’s a joke about penguins being slippery.

Other notable mentions from Fox’s new calendar:

- The Sitter, a new “R”-rated Jonah Hill comedy, gets bumped from July 15th to August 5th. (Ouch.)

- What’s Your Number?, a new “R”-rated Anna Faris comedy, got moved from April 29th to September 30th. (Meee-ouch!)

- The Big Year, starring Jack Black, Steve Martin and Owen Wilson as bird-watchers, officially has my attention starting Oct. 15th. (Deadline)

A movie version of the Ripley’s Believe It Or Not franchise has been in the works for awhile now. Both Tim Burton and Chris Columbus have been attached at different points. Now it looks like Ripley’s will be written by Forrest Gump scribe Eric Roth and star Jim Carrey as globe-trotting newspaper columnist Robert Ripley. Personally, I would have cast Carrey as the guy who can stick a billiards ball, a tennis ball and a golf ball in his mouth and still whistle, but if they wanted my input, damn it, they should have asked me sooner.

Here’s a synopsis from Deadline:

The film is about Ripley’s search around the world for the most unusual people and places that he immortalized in his newspaper column. The locales were exotic and the sights were unbelievable, but the film is about Ripley’s journey to appreciate that the unusual people were more than just conquests to be cataloged.

So he learns that freaks aren’t just attractions who help sell tickets to museums. They’re also people. Real people. Real freaky people who will get tourists to buy tickets to a schlocky museum. That’s gonna be a very sweet ending, I can tell. (Deadline)

Jim Carrey was spotted on the set of Mr. Popper’s Penguins in New York City’s Central Park canoodling with none other than two penguins. He seems to be thoroughly unimpressed with their presence. Maybe it’s because Morgan Freeman isn’t narrating their every move. I was hoping they’d be real penguins, but there’s something too stoic about them. They’re either so stunned that they’re working with comedy legend Jim Carrey, or they’re robots. I just suddenly got the urge to rewatch Batman Returns. (Cinema Blend)

The change in studio oversight is accompanied by a tentative start date for the comedy: Twentieth Century wants to begin shooting on March 14, 2011. An ambitious milestone, but whether it’ll actually happen hinges on how soon Bobby and Peter Farrelly can secure a cast. So far, things are looking shaky. At one point, Sean Penn, Jim Carrey, and Benicio Del Toro were on board to play the trio of lovable idiots. That lineup was all but lost, however, when Penn and Carrey both dropped out, leaving questions about whether Del Toro would stay on. At the moment, there are no official cast confirmations, but the Farrellys remain optimistic.

“The script is ready to go, and we are opening up these roles to the world right now,” Peter Farrelly said. “We’ll make it with the best possible people. Our feeling is that no star is too big to audition and no matter who it is, we’re going to have to see him in the role. This is not ‘The Flintstones.’ You’ve got to be Moe Howard, Larry Fine and Curly Howard, and that could be a major movie star or at unknown.”

The script, which was written by the Farrellys and actor Mike Cerrone, will place the Stooges in the present day, starting from their shared childhood at an orphanage and following them through adulthood. I’m already doubting the realism of this film considering that these days any child who displays the sort of erratic behavior that characterizes the Stooges is immediately prescribed massive amounts of Ritalin and/or enrolled in special ed. Looks like I just gave you your hook, boys. Sean Penn might return to the project if he can play a retard. (Deadline)

The Three Stooges movie may be dead. At least, according to serious actor, Jim Carrey (Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls, Batman Forever). He shot down any hope of seeing him portray Curly in The Farrell Brothers stab at the classic masochists. His main reason? Jim Carrey does not fat suit. He bent over and told MTV via his butt:

“For me, I don’t really want to do anything halfway, and I don’t feel like a fat suit does it. I started experimenting with it a little bit, and I gained 35, 40 pounds. I wanted to gain another 30, 40. When you’re [Robert] De Niro in your 20s or early 30s, you can kind of come back from that. It’s a tough thing to come back from when you’re upwards of 30. Your body can’t carry it or you can have a cardiac arrest.”

The fat suit doesn’t do it? Did he see Shallow Hal? Jack Black‘s fat suit looked so realistic in that. Gwyneth’s was okay, but Black’s was like a shroud of chub. You could nestle up and nap in that thing.

There’s a new red band trailer for I Love You Phillip Morris. I guess you could consider it NSFW due to language, sexual situations, and cloud imagery. It’s also NSFRedneckDad due to everything that happens in it. Jim Carrey stars as a man who explodes out of the closet and his suburban existence and goes to great lengths to fund his new lifestyle. Ewan McGregor co-stars as the titular Phillip Morris, who Carrey meets in prison.

All in all, it’s a great trailer and the best look that we’ve had at the film yet. It’s got the same brand of whimsy we saw in the trailers for Middle Men and Casino Jack. But don’t hold that against it.

I Love You, Phillip Morris finally gets released in theaters December 3rd.

Check out the NSFW trailer after the jump…

Directors: Glenn Ficarra & John Requa

Cast: Jim Carrey, Ewan McGregor, Rodrigo Santoro, Leslie Mann

Synopsis: A gay con man vows to break his lover out of jail and build a fabulous life with him.

Release Date: December 3, 2010

David O. Russell is in the running to direct the upcoming Jim Carrey comedy, Under Cover, 24 Frames is reporting. In the film, Carrey will play a divorced dad who joins a local "cover band to raise money to win the custody battle against his ex-wife."

This would mark Russell’s first comedy since I Heart Huckabees, and would probably be less on the "existential" side, whatever the hell that means. But I’m sure the film will be a success as long as Russell is able to land a part for Lily Tomlin (First Showing).

Watch David O. Russell drop the C-Bomb on Lily Tomlin after the jump (NSFW)…

David O Russell Blows Up on Lily Tomlin – Watch more Funny Videos

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Larry Charles has signed on to direct the Jim Carrey comedy Pierre Pierre. If it sounds like it’s about a Frenchman, that’s because it is. The story follows a “self-indulgent, lazy, French nihilist who is transporting a stolen Mona Lisa from Paris to London.” Through the journey, “he comes to love his home country again.” I’m glad they went with the snooty, clichéd version of a Frenchman. I’m sure there will be an abundance of chain smoking and making fun of American tourists under the breath.

The screenplay has been around for awhile. It even ranked the 11th hottest screenplay in the 2008 Black List, an annual poll of people working in Hollywood who apparently know good writing. At least that’s what their titles suggest. Larry Charles you know as a producer on "Seinfeld," "Curb Your Enthusiam," "Entourage," and the director of Borat, Bruno, and Religulous. At least three out of three of those movies are offensive to someone with morals. Let’s hope Pierre Pierre continues the streak. (Deadline)

Looks like Ben Stiller and Noah Baumbach are no longer interested in adapting the childrens’ book Mr. Popper’s Penguins and no doubt making it depressing, so Fox is looking to director Mark Waters (Mean Girls) and Jim Carrey to fill their spots. Goodbye hipster soundtrack, hello funny faces!

The LA Times says nothing is confirmed at this point, and that Owen Wilson and Jack Black are also being considered. Sounds to me like someone at Fox is just shouting out names and hoping two of them are available, interested, and not dealing with personal sh*t at the moment. Zack Galifianakis! Martin Scorsese! Cobb salad! At this point, the studio exec takes his lunch from the mail room guy and shoves him out of the conference room. (SlashFilm)

Last night thousands of Coco fans gathered at the Gibson Amphitheater in Universal City, CA to witness the red-headed former "Tonight Show" host do whatever he wanted for a couple of hours. Turns out one of the things he wanted to do was bring Jim Carrey out on stage, dressed in full Superman garb, to sing a duet of "Superman" by Five for Fighting. Was it pleasantly surprising? Yes. Did you have to be there to fully appreciate it? Probably. Could you have seen this on the MTV Movie Awards ten years ago? Without a doubt.