Hey, it could be worse. They could have confirmed that Khloe is actually a Kardashian. That would have sucked. Or she could have had one of these nine celebrity fathers. At least with O.J., you won’t have to see him for a while. But here’s some free advice – if he asks you to go get some of his stuff back from some guys who stole it, don’t do it. It’s a bad idea.

Michael Lohan

I’m as surprised as you are that a sometimes-Jesus freak with anger and substance abuse issues doesn’t make for a great dad, but his daughter, Lindsay, has had some legal troubles in the past decade or so. Fortunately, all her problems got better when she posed topless for Playboy, but it was scary there for a minute.

Lohan has been to jail twice, once for insider trading, and once for driving drunk, but he had his own reality show, which more than makes up for the jail thing.

This Wikipedia excerpt pretty much sums up Michael Lohan as a person:

On October 25, 2011, Michael Lohan was arrested in a suspected domestic violence incident in Tampa, Florida, involving his on-again, off-again girlfriend, Kate Major. Lohan was released from custody on $5,000 bail and ordered to have no further contact with Major. Twelve hours later on October 27, 2011 he was again back in police custody, after contacting Major again by phone. Unbeknownst to Lohan, when he called Major a second time that evening, police were listening in on speaker phone. Police then went to Lohan’s hotel to arrest him. When Lohan saw the police arrive, he attempted to escape by jumping out of his third-story room window. Upon jumping, Lohan fell into a tree and injured his foot.

Joe Jackson

He’s the man who made Michael Jackson the person he is, which almost certainly guarantees him the title of “Worst Father Ever.”

Jackson abused his kids, made them call him “Joseph” while he worked as their manager (I’m sure that wasn’t weird for anyone involved.), and he cheated on his wife enough to have two daughters via extramarital affairs.

In 1993, Michael Jackson spoke to Oprah and said that even as an adult he would feel sick or vomit every time he saw his father.

Joe would also, for no reason, trip his male children, or push them into walls to show his dominance. JESUS CHRIST! That’s completely depraved, even by celebrity dad standards.

Kit Culkin

Macauley Culkin’s dad hasn’t been in the news for a long, long time, but I’m sure he’s still a pretty big jerk.

Kit served as Macauley’s manager since the Home Alone/Uncle Buck days, and when he and his wife got divorced, they fought more over who got to manage their son than they did over the kid himself. It’s thought that Macauley earned $50 million during his heyday, much of which was pilfered by Kit.

Must suck when your nine year-old is the breadwinner, but don’t be a dick about it, Kit.

I bet Macauley is wishing he’d just been left…Home Alone??????

Yeah.

Tonight, Jessica Simpson’s cleavage makes Dane Cook palatable.

CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE break

NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS
Network: CBS
Time: 8 – 8:30PM

Reasons to watch: A cautionary tale that teaches us all we should be heavily-armed and alert on Christmas.

MAN VS. FISH WITH MATT WALSTON
Network: Discovery
Time: 8 – 9PM

Reasons to watch: This guy hunts marlin in the South Pacific on a jet ski and has to fight off bad weather and killer whales in the process. I don’t even like having to open a Gorton’s fish sticks box.

EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH
Network: Comedy Central
Time: 8:30 – 11PM

Reasons to watch: The race is on for the vagina heart of Jessica Simpson when two workers discover she will more than likely sleep with whomever becomes Employee of the Month at Wal-Mart. That’s an unbelievalbe premise. Remember, this is 2006 Jessica we’re talking about.

STEVEN SEAGAL: LAWMAN
Network: A&E
Time: 10 – 10:30PM

Reasons to watch: Steven Seagal helps rebuild a home destroyed by Hurricane Katrina. Sounds tame. When is he going to break someone’s arm??

BIOGRAPHY: JOAQUIN PHEONIX
Network: Biography
Time: 11PM – Midnight

Reasons to watch: Take an intimate look at the World’s Highest Man.

WHO’S ON LATE

LENO
The Dan Band

LETTERMAN
Alec Baldwin; Jay Thomas; Darlene Love performs

CONAN
Elijah Wood; Derek Fisher; Dwayne Perkins

KIMMEL (repeat)
Peewee Herman; The Jacksons; Passion Pit performs

FERGUSON
Paris Hilton; chef Jose Andres

FALLON
Joy Behar; Jonny Lee Miller; the Muppets