7 photosJessica Biel

In the spiritual sequel to Valentine’s Day, a bunch of model-hot people complain about how tough it is to find love and then find themselves in cliched, wacky situations that lead to them hooking up with other model-hot people. Except this time it happens a little earlier in winter.

Gary Marshall brings Ashton Kutcher and Jessica Biel back as new characters because these films take place in a world full of doppelgangers (they kinda play down the sci-fi angle in the marketing). In a ploy to make Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon far easier, he also cast the recognizable attractive faces of Josh Duhamel, Sarah Jessica Parker, Lea Michele, Hilary Swank, Ludacris, Jon Bon Jovi, Halle Berry, Sofia Vergara, Zac Efron, Michelle Pfeiffer, Robert De Niro, Til Schweiger, Seth Myers, Katherine Heigl, Sienna Miller, Ice Cube, John Lithgow, Carla Gugino, Julie Andrews and Abigail Breslin. That’s going to be one crowded poster.

That makes sense – I would definitely sign up for a potentially dangerous memory implantation if John Cho talked me into it. He’s joining Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, Bryan Cranston, and Ethan Hawke in the movie – or maybe he just THINKS he is. No, he is. In talks to play Kuato, the prophesied hero of the story, is Bill Nighy. I’m sure John Cho would be able to talk him into it. (Entertainment Weekly)

4 photos‘Horrible Bosses’ Posters Showcase Just How Horrible These Bosses Are

Total Recall starts filming in Toronto this June. (Hollywood Reporter, Collider)

No word yet on the nature of the role, except that it will be a “cameo.” I’ve got my fingers crossed that this means Ethan Hawke is playing the three-boobed mutant hooker from the original Total Recall. Unfortunately, it’s possible that the remake won’t even have any mutants, since instead of Earth and Mars the remake is said to involve the future countries of “Euromerica and New Shanghai.” One sec, I have to go make a bunch of “Team Euromerica” and “Team New Shangahi” T-shirts. I have a feeling about this. (The Hollywood Reporter)

He’s set to join Jessica Biel and Chloe Moretz in Th Devil And The Deep Blue Sea. The film follows a man grieving the loss of his wife. He befriends a young girl and agrees to help her build a raft to cross the Atlantic.

That’s really no way to cope with grief. Yes, sending Chloe Moretz off to certain doom may seem appealing at first, but what you’ve really got to do is just get back out there. Try online dating. The risk of doing time for endangering a minor is way, way less. (Movieline)

Jessica Biel is close to signing on as Melina, Colin Farrell‘s Martian love interest in the upcoming remake of Total Recall. For those who don’t remember, the two female leads in the film were his wife, played by Sharon Stone in the original, and Melina, who led Doug Quaid to stray after his wife kept trying to kill him.

It’s rumored that the Melina character has been drastically rewritten in this version, so the last film will probably not be much of a gauge of her role/character. Variety reports that Biel has taken a role in the film, though it hasn’t been confirmed it was the role of Melina, the role she had been reading for. Some believe there is a good chance she took the role of the wife, but expect confirmation soon. As for the role of the wife, the most prominent candidates are Kate Bosworth, Diane Kruger, and Eva Mendes, none of whom really stand out as miles ahead of the others for me.

One thing remains for certain: Gabourey Sidibe is still considered a long shot for either role.

And for whatever reason, these parts are being sought by a variety of actresses in Hollywood. For the first part, the one originated by Sharon Stone, Kate Bosworth and Diane Kruger (Inglourious Basterds) are said to be reading. For the second part, real love-interest, has Eva Mendes and Paula Patton rumored to be interested. Keep in mind this is all just rumor, and these names aren’t the only ones in contention for these parts. The article at Deadline also mentions Eva Green and Jessica Biel. So, yeah, if you’re looking for a way to impress girls, stage a remake of a Phillip K. Dick adaptation from years ago. Blade Runner would make the chicks go wild!

That’s exactly what’s happening with David O. Russell‘s Nailed. After money woes forced many production shutdowns, Russell washed his hands of it and moved on to The Fighter. Just a few nights ago producer David Bergstein held a test screening of the unfinished film without the cast and filmmakers knowledge.

The satirical health care comedy stars Jessica Biel as a small town waitress who gets a nail lodged in her head. She can’t afford to have it removed and it causes her to do crazy and impulsive things. She decides to head to D.C. to lobby for health care reform. While there, she becomes intimate with a congressman played by Jake Gyllenhaal and her crazy actions escalate.

The screening was said to be a bit of a mess. There were no cohesive elements to hold the scatter-shot scenes together and Russell’s name was spelled “David O’Russell” on the flyer (Damn you, Kinko’sssssss!!!!!). Still, producers are planning to push through for a distribution deal based on the strength of his name. In fact, the post-screening questionnaire asked viewers if Russell were the reason they attended. Personally, I think a cursory glance at a sentence containing the words “Jessica Biel” and “nailed” would be the best bet at getting asses in the seats. (Deadline)

The film stars Gerard Butler as a pee-wee soccer coach lothario, acting as the coach to finally spend quality time with his son, but really to spend quality time with hot soccer moms. Of course, I don’t know that I’d want to date a woman who’s screaming, “put my son on the field you f*cking piece of shit! He’s way better than that waste of space Bergman. He’s picking his nose on the field, for god sake. Are you blind?” But I digress.

Thurman will play the sexy Hollywood version of a soccer mom (I guess we have Sarah Palin, but blood libels are also a turn-off), while Biel stars as Butler’s ex-wife. Playing The Field is helmed by Italian director Gabriele Muccino (The Pursuit of Happyness) and written by Robbie Fox (So I Married an Axe Murderer). The whistle will blow on filming very soon. (Collider)

Sources report that Rachel McAdams and Jessica Biel are both potential frontrunners for the role of Lois Lane, with such names as Malin Akerman, Kristen Stewart, and Diana Agron of”Glee” fame also being pegged to the list. At one point Anne Hathaway was a favorite to play the part, but she opted instead to visit the gritty realism of Chris Nolan’s next Batman flick as the psychologically damaged cat lady from down the hall, Selina Kyle.

Rumors aside, it’s likely too early for any concrete news on the Lois Lane front, and casting curveballs are still very much a possibility. Cavill, after all, was hardly mentioned as a potential Superman candidate leading up to this week’s announcement that he had snagged the role, and there’s always the possibility that the producers will realize Superman isn’t really that cool of a superhero after all and decide to scrap the project altogether. I mean, come on. A guy who can do anything? And only has one weakness? We all know the movie is going to end with him breaking out of some ill-conceived kryptonite trap and saving everybody while highlighting how tormented he still feels because he’s an outsider. Save it for Maury, Clark. No one feels sorry for you. (CinemaBlend)

Apparently, Heigl just adopted some poor kid and was looking for a project that wouldn’t require a huge time commitment. New Year’s Eve fits the bill, since as a follow up to Garry Marshall’s surprise hit Valentine’s Day it’s a big ensemble piece. Just a couple pinches of Heigl, as opposed to a whole dish. Dunno why I went with a food metaphor but whatever. New Year’s Eve will also star (deep breath) Robert De Niro, Sofia Vergara, Russell Peters, Hilary Swank, Ice Cube, Ashton Kutcher, Lea Michele, Michelle Pfeiffer, Zac Efron, Josh Duhamel, Sarah Jessica Parker, Abigail Breslin, Seth Meyers, Jessica Biel and Til Schweiger. (via Deadline)

A word from Jessica: “It’s nice to have a little meat on you, and I hope I inspire women to appreciate their muscular calves.”

There are a few… wait, hold on.

DOUBLE WINK!

Okay, got that out of my system.  Anyway, there are also lesser-knowns in the mix too, like Charlotte Riley, Kate Mara and Gemma Arterton. If all this casting craziness has got you freaked out worse than one of Scarecrow’s victims, there is one constant you can count on: Christian Bale will return as The Batman. Oh, and of course… WIIIIIIINK! (Hollywood Reporter)

Gary Marshall is throwing a bone to the beleaguered boyfriends who will be dragged to see New Year’s Eve. Jessica Biel will be returning for the follow-up non-sequel but won’t be reprising her Valentine’s Day role. That means the movies take place in a magical world where Jessica Biel has a twin, and good things happen to gorgeous people but only around major holidays.

Speaking of twins, Sofia Vergara has also joined the cast. There aren’t any specifics on which role she will play but let’s hope it involves a trampoline. If so, is it wrong if I go see it without my girlfriend? (THR)

The A-Team
PG-13, 99m., 2010
Cast: Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Sharlto Copley, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, Jessica Biel, Brian Bloom, and Patrick Wilson
Directed by Joe Carnahan
Screenplay Joe Carnahan, Brian Bloom, and Skip Woods based upon the 1980s TV show
 
The A-Team is a big, wild, and un-P.C. knuckle punch of a summer ride.
 
Based upon the campy 80s action TV series of the same name, a team of hot-doggin’-bruised forearm military men led by Hannibal Smith (Liam Neeson, at his stoic cigar chompin’ best). The men at his side are Templeton “Face” Peck (Bradley Cooper doing his smarmy and swaggered best), a sly Guido type, who is quick with his hands and mind, H.M.“Howlin’ Mad” Murdoch (Sharlto Copley of District 9 in a go for broke, zany performance), a brilliant but mad-capped pilot, and B.A. Baracus (UFC Fighter Quinton “Rampage” Jackson), a tightly wound pit bull with his signature “Pity” and “Fool” tattooed on his mammoth knuckles.
 
As the motley crew spans the globe, made apparent by title cards like “Somewhere in Mexico” to "Iraq War" to "West Banks of Germany," each man has his specialty and intro screen smashing sequence.
 
The assignment in the film is to retrieve special money engraving plates, which will lead the team to being double-crossed by a rouge black ops agent named Pike (Brian Bloom, also co-writer of the movie) and the CIA, lead by the fit and spray-tanned group of Patrick Wilson and Jessica Biel.
 
On a whole, the plot is just a macguffin for director Joe Carnahan and writer Bloom to relish in the dirt, blood, and sweat of these red-meat eating characters and the ongoing plot and battle sequences feel like an expensive afterthought.
 
One of the great surprises here is actor/co-writer Brian Bloom’s performance as Pike, at unknown screen actor who usually specializes in video game voiceovers. Here he shows real menacing talent with his steely blue eyes and deep-graded voice. A darkly comical scene involving him and a car full of dim witted CIA agents about the nature of killing a man with a silencer shows how he and director Carnahan like to focus on the little details of  action with character.
 
While there are plenty of big absurd action moments from exploding planes, cargo docks going up in flames, and a falling tank that defies the law of physics, the movie is also chock full of small surprises from a fireworks fight involving real fireworks to Murdoch’s cooking recipes involving gun powder and anti-freeze. At times it does get out of hand with a “How’s My Driving?” bummer stick on the free falling tank, yet what lies in the success of big obnoxious summer movies are those little attention to details.
 
With The A-Team, the mid-point in the summer of mercenary action team movies is here, from last month’s little seen The Losers to August’s grand opus The Expendables. It may not be an A kind of movie but with a B, The A-Team gets the job done, while well-peppered in gunpowder and sweat.
 
Grade: B

_{"Just sliding down a building with my feet. No big deal."}

Warning: If you thought the last trailer for The A-Team was ridiculous you better redefine your idea of the word. Otherwise this new trailer will boggle your sense of reason so completely that you may need to self inflict pain in order to keep a firm grasp on reality. Most of this is Rampage Jackson‘s doing.

Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Sharlto Copley, and the aforementioned gravity-defying Jackson all look like badasses in the action-packed trailer, but I think it’s Patrick Wilson who really deserves a shoutout. Not only is he playing the villain, which we don’t see much from him, but there’s no indication that he’s in danger of losing his testicles in this movie. After Hard Candy and Barry Munday, Wilson must have wanted to branch out and take on one of those "non-castration" type of roles.

Check out The A Team trailer after the jump, if you’re capable of suspending your sense of disbelief.

The A-Team Trailer 2 – Watch more Movie Trailers

Here’s an obligatory Jessica Biel post. I haven’t done her yet as the girl of the day, and no I didn’t mean it THAT way. If you don’t know who Jessica is by now you must be living under a rock that doesn’t get internet access because even being barricaded in your parent’s basement wouldn’t be an excuse.

A word from Jessica: “It’s nice to have a little meat on you, and I hope I inspire women to appreciate their muscular calves.”

I don’t know if women appreciate them, but men certainly do. Namely YOUR muscular calves, which can look gross on many less attractive, fatter females. Oh no, did I just ruin your inspirational message?

The pics after the jump will heal all wounds.

Typical "Entertainment Tonight" puff piece here, but something worth checking out at the 1:30 mark. Is it just us, or does District 9‘s Sharlto Copley, who’s been cast as Howlin’ Mad Murdock, look a whole helluvalot like Dirk Benedict’s version of Face from the original "A-Team" series?