Predictable

Vince is up for a big movie. Oh no, Vince isn’t going to do the movie. Oh wait, now Vince is going to do the movie. Vince needs to get on a flight. Oh no, flights are sold out! Oh wait, Kanye West will give Vince a ride in his private jet. There’s no conflict or consequences and the plot’s suffer because of it. I only like to watch things work out in my own life. I need plot twists and character growth to hold my interest.

Product Placement

Though producers try their best to sometimes integrate products into the plot, Entourage really isn’t much more than a gigantic advertisement. For instance, Budweiser. It’s everywhere all of the time. You would think that the suave, millionaire star of Aquaman would have something a bit more refined than sudsy piss water on hand for his hot model party guests. Also, how about an episode where we see Turtle have to bring all of those bottles to the recycling center? If he really has an expensive sneaker habit to support, he’d be all over those deposit fees.

This Guy

Everyday is Christmas for this guy and it makes no sense. Yes, he can drive well and he’s got good weed, but other than that, he’s just taking, taking, taking. He sleeps in Vince’s house, drinks Vince’s Budweiser (see above), and tries to sleep with the girls that Vince didn’t feel like sleeping with. Oh, and you just know this asshole has never done a dish in his life.

PCU

David Spade and Jeremy Piven in PCU

Jeremy Piven destroys anything that comes into view with a sarcastic wit that is timeless and perfect for a college movie. Teamed up with a larger Jon Favreau, Piven gives lessons in college etiquette along with an enlightened and useful view of classes to take as a freshman that are the Rosetta Stone of education. PCU takes no hostages among the various factions at their school, demystifying the higher education experience with an almost religious fervor. Roll around in the genius of this movie until you stink of old sheets and older pizza crusts. Pay particular attention to Piven’s advice about overcoming the lack of a car.

Road Trip

Tom Green with a snake in Road Trip

Surpassing adolescence as the premier rite of passage into adulthood is the cross-country car trip with your buds. Road Trip tosses together an unlikely group of friends and acquaintances and sends them across America to take care of a certain mistakenly sent package to one of their girlfriends. An amusing college movie that shows off a deep love for the buddy travel genre, Road Trip bookends the journey with the universally dreaded end of term finals—the heart of the movie is the companions realizing they need to be freed from from thei high school past in order to experience the present.

Old School

Will Ferrell partying in Old School

A soul check of a movie because if you’re not dying of laughter by the time a certain flying tackle into a fountain that takes place, then there’s a probably a good chance you spent your childhood torturing small animals. The college frat gets a remodel when a bunch of guys well past their prime decide they can start up their own—and it steam rolls into the land of belly laughs and snorts from there. The inability to let go of their early twenties is the main center of focus here, but it’ buried under a surface of the classic bonding of miscreants and weirdoes who form the same bonds that a typical fraternity would produce. Will Ferrell is on point in Old School with Vince Vaughn flanking him as they combine into a Voltron of awesomeness making this a college movie you can watch again and again.

Accepted

Justin Long and Jonah Hill in Accepted

Ingenious in its concept about a fake college acceptance letter that snowballs into the need to actually build a fake university to perpetuate the lie, Accepted makes your adolescent fears of not getting in anywhere a reality and then pushes it off a cliff. Timeless is the fear of rejection and the necessity is the mother of invention and all that jazz. Seeing Lewis Black play a dean and eventual professor alone is worth seeing, not to mention you’ll garner some valuable insight into the sheep-like pursuit of higher education. Whaddaya know, you might just learn something.

Back to School

Rodney Dangerfield throwing a football in Back To School

Back to School doesn’t even bother saying hello before it tears into the sanctity of college with wild abandon. Rodney Dangerfield is at his peak as a father who feels out of touch with his son and chooses to attend school with him so they can share the experience. The problem being that Dangerfield plays a rich businessman and therefore knows how money makes the world go round and applies it to his classes and his free time. Quips and one-liners bounce off the scenery with enough slapstick to satisfy any type of comedy lover. Without any need for a moral anchor, this film strives to deliver as much laughter as possible while carrying along a story that’s built on a foundation of the love between a dad and his son.

Spy Kids 4: All The Time In The World stars Alba, Joel McHale and Jeremy Piven, all of whom are collecting nice paychecks, I’m sure. Here’s a synopsis:

On the surface, Marissa Cortez Wilson (Jessica Alba) has it all…married to a famous spy hunting television reporter, a new baby and intelligent twin step kids. But in reality, trying to mother Rebecca (Rowan Blanchard) and Cecil (Mason Cook), who clearly don’t want her around, is her toughest challenge yet. Also, her husband, Wilbur (Joel McHale), wouldn’t know a spy if he lived with one which is exactly the case – Marissa’s a retired secret agent.

These problems are very relatable to me, a single mom, but with a layer of fantasy my kids will enjoy I am intrigued.

Marissa’s world is turned upside down when the maniacal Timekeeper (Jeremy Piven) threatens to take over the planet and she’s called back into action by the head of OSS, home of the greatest spies and where the now-defunct Spy Kids division was created. With Armageddon quickly approaching, Rebecca and Cecil are thrust into action when they learn their boring stepmom was once a top agent and now the world’s most competitive ten year olds are forced to put their bickering aside and rely on their wits. With a little help from a couple of very familiar Spy Kids, Carmen (Alexa Vega) and Juni Cortez (Daryl Sabara), and some mind-blowing gadgets, they just may be able to save the world and possibly bring their family together while they’re at it.

Oh good. For a minute there, I was worried the old Spy Kids were completely out of the picture. Glad there’s some continuity there, but that brings us to the main question: will Sharkboy and Lavagirl make an appearance? I’m gonna hold my breath until I find out. Or, y’know… I won’t do that. (ComingSoon.net)

“Cyrus plays a young girl who is hired by the FBI to go undercover at a college sorority. She’s a tough streetwise private detective who has to become a refined sophisticated university girl to protect the daughter of a former mobster.”

A (made up) Weinstein Company exec was (fake) quoted as (not) saying:

“Yes, that face and twang DO say ‘tough streetwise private detective,’ why do you ask? I think she’ll totally pull it off. Well, maybe she does look a little young in the face, and maybe she doesn’t have a tough bone in her body, but… um, Piven! Piven will pull this thing together right? He’s dependable! Oh god, what have we done?”

(Deadline)

You want a funny interview with Jeremy Piven? You want some Ari Gold one-liners and name dropping? Sorry, this is not that interview. This is the interview for I Melt With You, the infamous movie of the Sundance Film Festival. This story of four men on a cocaine binge had people walking out of screenings. Piven plays Ron, a corporate embezzler who’s as bitter as his doctor and author friends.

Piven’s ready to confront the I Melt With You controversy head on. Fresh off the plane from his fourth movie of the “Entourage” hiatus, Piven maintained a calm, subdued tone even when I “went there.” I only regret that I barely got into “Entourage” after following up about all the real meat.

Q: Was it vulnerable for you to give up a lot of the humor that you bring to other roles?

JP: No, it’s exciting to explore suppressing what might come easier to you. So to play a character that both isn’t funny and doesn’t think he’s funny was really, really interesting to me and fascinating. It’s all an exploration and an exercise and you have to just embrace the process. It may sound incredibly pretentious but I think that’s how you grow as an actor and as an artist, by embracing things that you may not think you’re good at that people may initially think, “Well, this isn’t what I want to see him in.” But then it could be the best role you’ve ever had in your life. And you’re exploring other muscles as an artist and that’s fascinating to me. I love that.

Q: That’s a very ambitious, positive worldview that is quite different than the guys in this film. As a successful artist, do you at all share their negative view that things don’t turn out the way you wanted?

JP: Accepting your circumstances doesn’t mean that you become apathetic. It just means that you don’t beat yourself up and make yourself crazy because that won’t change the outcome at all. It’s infuriating what my character does. I can’t stop and think and judge because then I’ll get in the way of the work. I’ve got to be as present as I can when I play that character and play him with as much integrity as I can, and yet do all the wrong things. Then you may be onto something that has some layers and it may be interesting. Some of the people’s responses is: I don’t like this guy. It’s like well, yeah, this person exists. I’m going to give you hopefully a dimensional character that you may not like.

Q: What do you have to do to make an unlikeable protagonist palatable?

JP: I’m not looking to be palatable. I’m looking to be as true as I can to the story as possible and making it as authentic as possible. That’s it. You have to be okay with looking terrible and playing despicable characters that have demons and all these things. You’ve got to go there if you want to be a real artist, and not worry about how you’re perceived or any of that stuff.

Q: Do you know colleagues and friends who are afraid to go there?

JP: Yes, yes I do and I think that they lined up to not do this movie. You’d be shocked how many people just didn’t want to go there, couldn’t go there, whatever it was.

Q: Do you share your advice with them?

JP: Yes, I do and listen, Rob [Lowe] said some amazing things. He said the role for him scared him because he wanted to go there but he didn’t know if he could go there. That’s pretty brave of him to give it a shot. This movie will expose if you’re capable of going to that place emotionally or not. There are some actors that that’s not right for them.

Q: What would you say to people at the festival who walked out of the movie?

JP: I would just love to connect with them and ask them why exactly and get into it a little bit. It obviously struck a chord. It struck a major chord and that’s pretty interesting. It’s fascinating. Why is that? What is it inside of them that doesn’t want to take a look at this? We all have free will, man, and this movie isn’t for everyone. I totally get it. I think if people get up and leave then you’re onto something. I mean, I’ve been doing plays and people have been getting up and leaving since I started in Chicago back in the day. I remember doing a play with Tim Robbins called “Violence” in Chicago and people just get up and leave.

Q: Is the movie designed to be threatening?

JP: No, it’s not designed to be threatening. It’s just designed to show these people’s lives and to be as true as we can to the story. Then if the outcome is it’s offensive then so be it.

Q: Every once in a while you pop into news stories like mercury poisoning or an incident at Nobu. Is there some confusion about who you really are?

JP: Well, I grew up in the theater. I did a Broadway play that I was incredibly proud of. I ended up getting sick and was replaced. I’ve been lucky enough to work ever since and I’ve worked my entire life. So how you receive that information, it’s not something I should really focus on. If you’re mad at me because I ended up in the hospital with severe exhaustion and mono and complications with Epstein Barr and all these crazy things, it was a very difficult time in my life. I’ve chosen to just let the rest of my life and my work just speak for itself.

Q: Wasn’t there an incident where you left a DVD for a waiter?

JP: No, the story was that I threw DVDs at the waiters like Chinese stars.

Q: That’s not even the extent of the story I heard.

JP: What’s fascinating about these stories to me is I was never a famous guy, just a working actor. The people that know me know that these things are absurd and I can’t try to work to convince people who read these articles. I think that would be a fun fantasy if you want to categorize me as this character that’s like Ari Gold. People make their living off of feasting on others. That’s just kind of the way of the world. You don’t let it get to you. You move on. Did that happen? Absolutely not. Never in my life. I’m going to carry around DVDs and throw them lik fighting stars? It’s actually good writing and it’s comical.

Q: Well, if you’d left it instead of a tip that would have been uncool.

JP: No, I’m not that guy. I’ve never been that guy in my life. Anyone that knows me knows that.

Q: Are you happy to see the storylines in “Entourage” calling Ari Gold out on his behavior?

JP: I love it. It’s beautiful. It’s about time.

Q: It’s very entertaining to watch him, but wouldn’t it be exhausting to live like that?

JP: Yeah, that would be a very exhausting existence. I wouldn’t want to do it and I wouldn’t want to be around it.

Q: What are your thoughts on doing an “Entourage” movie and the final season?

JP: I’d love to do a movie and the final season we start in April. We’re set up for a great season because Ari’s rock, which is his wife, Mrs. Ari, seemingly has had enough. So we are totally set up if we continue on that storyline for something that I think could be really fun.

Magnolia will distribute I Melt With You this year.

I Melt With You is exactly the kind of indie movie I was worried about seeing at Sundance. 46 people walked out during the press and industry screening. I figured after about 80 minutes, whoever stayed was in it until the end but no, a mass exodus around 90 minutes in doubled my count into the 40s. Numbers 45 and 46 left only minutes from the end, they just couldn’t bear to stick it out.

It’s not so much that the film is offensive. It’s just repulsive. Richard (Thomas Jane), Ron (Jeremy Piven), Jonathan (Rob Lowe) and Tim (Christian McKay) get together for their annual week-long cocaine and pharmaceutical binge (Jonathan’s a doctor). They only do this once a year, so they go all out. Maybe if they fixed the other 358 days of the year, they wouldn’t need to act out for seven.

The style introduces itself right away with throbbing beats muting out the scenes introducing each character. Text cards make a lot of statements, mostly beginning with “I Am…” By the end of the film, director Mark Pellington is cutting in footage of the Challenger explosion. Forget tasteless. That’s just nonsense.

The foursome’s behavior is repulsive, especially Richard jumping on the furniture. The guys slam dance. Honestly, I outgrew that in sixth grade. Worst is how the film celebrates this. It’s not a stark portrayal of how adults go bad. It’s portrayed as their reward for putting up with life all year. Basic therapy or spirituality would say if you need to drown out your painful thoughts, you need to work on better thoughts.

Of course they’re just numbing the pain. Each character eventually reveals what they’re really hiding from. Tim actually tries to get through to the other three, why Richard sleeps around, why Jonathan lost his family to a new man, why Ron got in trouble with the SEC. The characters, especially Ron and Richard, are all self-righteously confident that they know how bad things get when you grow up. A young bartender (Arielle Kebbel) has their number, but that’s the only brief voice of reason.

While Tim works out his own tragedy, he has a three way with Raven (Sasha Grey) and another man. While Tim’s crying in between them, Raven talks about helping him find nirvana. Come on! This is not a dig against Grey, I believe she could be spiritual and wise, but the movie is not. It all leads up to some vague talk about a promise the guys all made as seniors.

Oh, also Officer Boyde (Carla Gugino) starts noticing they keep getting into trouble. The film cuts away to Boyde randomly discussing relationships with her friend Katie (Melora Walters). Katie is never seen again, but she gives Boyde a chance to unload her theories on men.

It’s not a matter of filmmaking incompetence. This is all on purpose. They meant to make it exactly this way. The one positive I can say is the acting is good. I really believed Thomas Jane, Jeremy Piven, Rob Lowe and Christian McKay were high.

Piven will play Special Agent Armon, who will presumably play Cyrus‘ grown-up foil. Who will emerge victorious? It’s anyone’s guess. Beyond the aforementioned, So Undercover will star “Gossip Girl“‘s Matthew Settle, Josh Bowman and Kelly Osbourne as a sorority sister. The timing of these casting announcements are a little odd, considering Cyrus is currently in New Orleans filming the movie. They’ll probably just punch Piven in later using CGI.

No release date is set, but look for this film later this year, in time for awards season.

We haven’t really been covering Mark Pellington‘s indie drama I Melt With You because it didn’t have any porn stars attached. Suddenly, the project sounds a lot more interesting with the addition of Sasha Grey. The porn star has enjoyed a career reinvention recently and is building up an impressive resume by picking up roles that don’t require her to spit on her hand.

I Melt With You stars non-porn actors Thomas Jane, Jeremy Piven, and Rob Lowe as friends who feel empty inside and decide to resurrect a pact from their college days. Grey will play "a free spirit who helps one of the men realize that nirvana can only be achieved by death." And deep-throating. Tons and tons of deep-throating. (THR)

_{Turtle takes a hit while covered in gasoline, the dummy.}

Uuuuuggghhhhh. "Entourage" is coming back and it looks like "Entourage." Vince is having complications with a movie he’s starring in (wank), Drama can’t get work (wank, wank), Turtle’s trying to be an entrepreneur (wankity wank), E’s trying to find grown men’s suits that fit him and getting all gaga over Sloan (wankity doo), and Ari is yelling at people about agency expansion, growth, and erections (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank). These are what we at SJ like to call "rich man problems." Not having enough water to fill your cup of Ramen Noodles up to the indented line, that’s a poor man problem. Unless your Turtle. I guess for him that could be a considered a rich man problem. The kid’s gotta eat.

"Entourage" premieres on HBO Sunday June 27th at 10:30PM EST. 

Check out the trailer after the jump…

Things are just peachy keen for Vince and the gang. So much so that they decided to spend the afternoon on the edge of a cliff shootin’ the shit, and you better believe HBO was rolling the cameras. Seriously, could they have not come up with a better promo than this for season 7 of "Entourage"? The whole "we’re just bros hanging out and living life" schtick got stale in season 3. Newsflash guys: you don’t live in the real world! The stakes on the show don’t matter because they usually consist of Vince toiling over which hot girl to f*ck. But no matter how it shakes out, he still gets to f*ck a hot girl.  Meanwhile on Main Street, some poor schmo is deciding which kid of his to sacrifice so he can feed the rest of his family. I realize it’s not as dire as having zero bars on your iPhone, but it’s in the same ballpark.

Check out the preview for Season 7 of "Entourage" below.

(Videogum)

If you’v taken a second to stop touching yourself to thoughts of seein DISTRICT 9 this weekend, you may have noticed that there’s another movie opening Friday called THE GOODS: LIVE HARD. SELL HARD. It’s the latest from Adam McKay & Will Ferrell’s Gary Sanchez Productions, and stars "Entourage" fifth-Beatle Jeremy Piven as Don "The Goods" Ready – a hotshot, hired gun car salesman who swoops in with his crack team of pusher men (and one pusher lady, played by the hilarious Kathryn Hahn) to rescue the floundering Selleck Motors from falling into the hands of the nefarious Hardings (Alan Thicke and Ed Helms as the father-son team). 

Not only did Screen Junkies get a chance to see the movie in advance, but the kind folks at Paramount also gave us our first ever access to a TV junket.  Yeah, the same one that shows like "Extra" or the Reelz Channel get access to.  The kind where you’re supposed to have a really good looking, bubbly "reporter" to charm the pants off the talent.  The kind where you have to brush your teeth and comb your hair and wear shirts with collars before attending.  Ahem… right.  It was a new experience for us, but we did come equipped with crack Screen Junkies "on camera personality" Michael Capes (read: the only presentable guy in the office) to go head-to-head with the stars of THE GOODS.  Let’s kick it off with Jeremy Piven as he makes a case for seeing the flick:

A little too eager to buy, Michael? In all fairness, he had seen the movie at the time of the interview and was already sold before even meeting Don Ready.  But YOU may need a little more information before you buy.  We understand.  You’re a discerning customer.  We respect that. Well maybe comedian Craig Robinson, who plays Selleck Motors’ own car lot DJ, DeeJay Request in the film, can address some of your concerns:

We should mention that Robinson’s raunch is just the tip of the dirty iceberg as far as the movie’s concerned.  We addresses the film’s dirty jokes with actor Alan Thicke, and even managed to get the wholesome actor to talk about about boners on-camera  – in reference to a scene in which Selleck Motors’ owner Peter Selleck (James Brolin) sports a tent pole after hearing one of Don Ready’s rousing motivational speeches:  

If you’re still not convinced if THE GOODS will deliver the right bang for your buck, then maybe a 2-for-1 deal will do the trick.  Time to bring in the closers, cast members Rob Riggle and David Koechner:

THE GOODS: LIVE HARD. SELL HARD opens Friday, August 14th.  Go out and support this movie.  It’s the first quality American-made automotive product in years.

By the way, if you’re wondering why our interview with Jeremy Piven was so short compared to the others, it’s because we allowed ourselves to get completely duped by Adam McKay’s joke printed in the press kit, which read as follows:

"Few people know it, but after Jeremy [Piven] left the TV show ‘Ellen,’ he sold cars in Carson City," says McKay. He was apparently a pretty good salesman. He’d given up acting, and then he started coming back. He was doing great movies like ‘Black Hawk Down’ and ‘Runaway Jury.’ I heard the director of ‘Runaway Jury’ had to drive to Carson City, and actually buy a 4×4 from Jeremy Piven to get him to come back to acting."

"It’s no secret," says Piven. "I happened to sell cars in the Valley and it was real tough, but time well spent. I’m the Daniel Day-Lewis of the comedic world."

Okay so apparently ALL of that was a joke.  Not the part about the director of ‘Runaway Jury.’  Not just the one-liner comparison to Daniel Day-Lewis.  ALL OF IT.  And like one of Don Ready’s eager customers, we were made into complete and utter suckers… and ended up basing the majority of our questions for Piven on LIES.  Damn you, Adam McKay and your pranks!  We know better next time.  But here’s a sample of Piven giving an honest answer about D-Day-Lewis, whom we consider the Jeremy Piven of period dramas:

Well, Mr. Piven.  We did make a few phone calls.  Mostly to D-Day’s representation, who didn’t get back to us other than to tell us – probably another joke – to "F**k off."  In any case, we went ahead and wrote a script and planned out all the marketing.  Here’s a mock-up for the one-sheet.  What do you think?

In this new clip from THE GOODS: LIVE HARD, SELL HARD, car salesman extraordinaire Don Ready (Jeremy Piven) recounts the accidental death of his best friend McDermott to his lady friend, Ivy Selleck (Jordana Spiro).  Throw in the fact that McDermott is played by Will Ferrell, and that his death involves skydiving and a backpack full of dildos, anal beads and lube, and you’ve got comedy.  My idea of comedy usually only gets as far as lube (and a mirror), so this is pretty advanced stuff in my book.

THE GOODS: LIVE HARD, SELL HARD opens Friday, August 14th.

A brand new red-band trailer for the Will Ferrell & Adam McKay-produced, Jeremy Piven-starring THE GOODS: LIVE HARD. SELL HARD has arrived on the nets and, boy of boy does she have a f**king mouth on her.  I use the feminine to describe the trailer like one might describe a sailing vessel.  But it also makes it a lot easier to segue into the fact that this trailer has problems keeping her shirt on. 

Yes, this one’s got boobs aplenty on top of Piven and company’s potty mouths.  There’s so much big, fake mammarage that I’m forced to put the trailer AFTER the jump, so as not to scar our younger audiences, who shouldn’t be watching it in the first place.  (Read: if you’re under 17, lie to the computer; it doesn’t know, like you’re parents don’t know you read this site.)

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The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard Red Band Trailer 2 – Watch more Movie Trailers

Director: Neal Brennan

Cast: Jeremy Piven, Ed Helms, Ving Rhames, James Brolin, Kathryn Hahn

Synopsis: Used-car liquidator Don Ready is hired by a flailing auto dealership to turn their Fourth of July sale into a majorly profitable event.

Check out the trailer for The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard starring Jeremy Piven.  It’s all about a car salesman, is being produced by Adam McKay and Will Ferell’s Gary Sanchez, and seems a lot like the tone of the August Blowout car salesmen script that McKay and Ferrell scripted some years ago.  Hell, it might be based on that script.  I don’t know.  I don’t care.  I’m too busy laughing tonight for research.

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