Renowned boner-causer Monica Bellucci has just joined the cast of Sorcerer’s Apprentice. Variety reports that she will play the part of Nicolas Cage’s long-lost love in the film. Upon hearing this news, Cage let out an involuntary "SCHWIIIINNNGGGG!!!", before shuffling out of the room using his script to hide the bulge in his khakis.

Here are some more eye-popping morning headlines.

Stan Bush re-records ‘The Touch’ for Transformers 2 soundtrack. Outcome is hilarious. (/Film)

John Ratzenberger drives the ladies INSANE. (Cinema Blend)

Johnny Depp might play Sinatra. Somewhere Joe Piscopo weeps. (Cinematical)

America, meet The Fatchelor. (TV Squad)

SNL’s Casey Wilson hits the boards. (Funny Or Die)