And check out Jeff Who Lives At Home, starring Ed Helms, Jason Segel, and Susan Sarandon. It hits theaters March 16th.

Now, it’s a certainty.

Disney is in the process of locking down co-writer Nicholas Stoller and director James Bobin for a victory lap. No word on Jason Segel‘s involvement yet, but I could see a decision on including him going either way. He was a competent and likable star, and no one has the enthusiasm for Muppets like he has, but the star of the movies should always be the Muppets, and not some dude whose wiener we saw in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

No word on release date, but I would bank on Thanksgiving of “as soon as f*cking possible.”

Well, that was the idea. And then die hard Muppet fans tore me a new asshole. I post these comments in the hope of defending my actions, and perhaps ending all the hard feelings I’ve generated. Or at the very least, preventing anyone else from keying “Muppet Hater” into the side of my car. Seriously guys, that was harsh.

Thomas Powers

OK, lets address this first: I never claimed to be a Muppet expert, but I do consider myself a fan. As a child of the 80′s, I was raised on The Muppet Movie, The Great Muppet Caper, and The Muppets Take Manhattan. It was the latter film that inspired me to start Ohio‘s first and most celebrated Dabney Coleman Fan Club. Aside from this, I had an impressive array of Muppet stuffed toys, as well as the complete collection of Muppet Babies McDonald’s Happy Meal figures. Any or all of these credentials qualify me to look up Muppets I’m less familiar with on Wikipedia and report what I’ve found to the general public. Also, Tom, my article wasn’t a “review” of the film at all. Just intended as a helpful tool!

Stephanie Foresta

I got a lot of complaints for including Pepe. Apparently, since being introduced in the 90′s on Muppets Tonight, Pepe has become a high profile Muppet. I apologize for any perceived slight to Pepe fans. I have nothing against the character, I was simply trying to identify him for the small percentage of Americans who haven’t watched a new Muppet film or show since 1988. There are only a few of us, but we have rights too. As for not liking my commentary, fair enough. I also never claimed to be funny. If it’s any consolation, Stefanie, I get paid in rubbing alcohol.

Andrew Darren Whitakker

I got a few responses along these lines. One said “worst Muppet list ever,” and perhaps it is. I certainly haven’t read every Muppet-related list ever written, but I could see mine being on the lower end. Bottom 20%, easy. However, I do take exception to it being called “one of the worst lists”. This implies that my work is being judged amongst every list ever written, on any topic. Surly the Internet has provided thousands of lists worse than mine. Many of them are on this very site!

Crazy Harry

Crazy Harry is known for his love of explosions. This may not qualify exactly as pyromania, but it was close enough for the original Muppet producers to shift his character to the background after The Muppet Show’s first few years. He did have a great cameo in the original Muppet Movie, however, and will be on hand (hopefully with dynamite) in the new film.

Lew Zealand

Although most casual Muppet fans don’t know his name, Lew Zealand is pretty recognizable as the Muppet with the amazing boomerang fish. He’s also very creepy in his appearance. Still though, at least he doesn’t have an explosives fetish, like Harry.

Pepe the King Prawn

This bizarre character is relatively new to the Muppet world, first appearing on Muppet’s Tonight. Pepe has a heavy Spanish accent, and takes great pride in being a Prawn, as opposed to a shrimp. In fact, he looks down upon shrimp, which pretty much makes him the only bigoted Muppet, except of course for Big Bird, who hates Mexicans.

Fart jokes? What is this, Phantom Menace?

But thankful, I was completely and unequivocally wrong. The Muppets was an enjoyable film on every level. Somehow, over 30 years after its premiere, Jason Segel and director James Bobin managed to capture the spirit of the original film and still appeal to a modern audience. It’s funny without being crude, earnest without being sappy, and self-referential without being smug. But most of all, unlike other attempts to recreate nostalgia, The Muppets is fun to watch because it feels like the old gang is really back together. I suppose the fact that Muppets don’t age probably helped, but it’s more than that. I could tell that the filmmakers were as excited to make this film as I was to watch it.

The movie begins in Small Town, U.S.A., where a very Muppet-esque character named Walter is living with his brother Gary (Segel). All his life, Walter has been obsessed with The Muppets, so he’s overjoyed to learn that Gary and his longtime-girlfriend Mary (Amy Adams) have arranged for a trip to Los Angeles and a tour of The Muppet Studios. However, his joy is short-lived.

Upon reaching Los Angeles, the three quickly realize that The Muppets are no longer the draw they once were. The Muppet Theater is in complete disrepair, and The Muppet Studios are a shell of their former glory. The highlight of the tour is the door of Kermit’s old office, followed by a trip to the room where industrial cables are stored.

Bored with the official tour, Walter sneaks away from the group, and while hiding under Kermit’s old desk, he overhears the fiendish plot of Tex Richman (played perfectly by Chris Cooper), a billionaire who wants to tear down the studio and drill for more oil. But of course, there’s a catch. If the Muppets can raise $10 million, the studio will remain under their control.

And we’re off. Harry, Gary and Mary set out to warn Kermit of the impending danger, and from there Kermit must track down his old friends. It’s not a groundbreaking plot, but it works, and it gives us the perfect opportunity to see what’s become of our old friends. Fozzie is working a sad lounge act in Reno with a knock-off group known as “The Moopets,” Gonzo is running a pluming corporation, and Ms. Piggy is a designer in Paris. There is never any doubt that they’ll all agree to reunite, but the filmmakers manage to spin the predictability to their advantage, making light of the contrived plot twists rather than trying to mask them.

Despite the fact that I knew what was coming at every turn, I was still constantly surprised. Rather than simply rehashing what made the previous Muppet movies work, the film managed to tweak things just enough to keep it fresh without straying too far from what the audience expected. This includes the ending, which takes us exactly where we know we’re going, but by a slightly different route. Even the celebrity cameos set the right tone. The big names were there, but they weren’t the focus. Somehow, Jack Black managed to tone it down and let the Muppets be the center of attention. And the notable absence of Lady Gaga, who was previously rumored to be in the film, was a welcome treat.

Even the musical numbers, which usually lend themselves to cringe-worth moments, somehow kept me laughing. Yesterday, if you had told me the film included a rap number by Chris Cooper, it would have made me nauseous. But as much as I wanted to hate the scene, I just couldn’t. The movie was impervious to my cynicism. And considering I’m a cynical prick who works on the goddamn Internet, I think that says a lot. Hack writers like myself love to accuse movies of “raping” their childhood. Well, the only thing this movie raped was my bad attitude.

Go and see the Muppets, and if you don’t like it, go straight to hell.

While most of these people are just embittered weirdos, perhaps the one “Muppet purist” with a legit gripe is Frank Oz, the man who created Fozzie Bear and Miss Piggy. He said in an interview with Metro that he passed on the project because he felt the script strayed a little too far from who he thought the Muppets were.

He offers, “‘I wasn’t happy with the script. I don’t think they respected the characters. But I don’t want to go on about it like a sourpuss and hurt the movie.”

Well, I can understand why a man so integral to their creation and existence can be a little nonplussed by the new take on the gang, but as for everyone else, just eat your popcorn and watch the damn puppets. They’re not THAT important to you.

Seriously. They’re not.

The biggest news from this trailer would be that we get a look at Walter, the newest member of the gang. Where do new Muppets come from? Bulgaria? Burning Man? It’s not addressed in the trailer, but I’m guessing we’ll find out.

However, when the parade of guest stars was announced, it was easy to be a little skeptical of Disney’s intentions. Was this film going to actually have something to say, or would it simply be a crass remake appealing to the lowest common denominator?

From the trailer, it appears to be the former, more or less. Sure, the involvement of NPH and Jack Black doesn’t exactly scream “integrity,” but there premise seems cute and likable, much like the fuzzy character themselves. Sure, there are some chickens doing a musical rendition of C. Lo’s “Fuck Forget You,” but beyond that, it maintains a timeless quality that its predecessors had.

Also worth noting is a late appearance by Chris Cooper, who we at Screen Junkies desperately hope is reprising his role as the closeted disciplinarian from American Beauty.

'The Muppets' Trailer, For Real This Time

Apparently, the presentation on The Muppets at D23 was a success, with the clips and live portions getting positive reactions from those in attendance. Nobody from Screen Junkies is at D23 though, so you’ll have to make do with these photos.You read it here first. (The Playlist)

There’s also a rumor that the cast and clips from The Lone Ranger could be appearing, but if you breathe that rumor in anything more than a whisper, it will likely vanish forever.

As if that wasn’t enough, we’re also getting Disney’s current stars, including, but not limited to, Jack McBreyer, Sarah Silverman, Jennifer Garner, Jason Segel, Taylor Kitsch, Willem Dafoe, and some dude named Kermit.

There will also be a panel and profile of the Pixar creative team, and, if you want to dork out REALLY hard, one featuring many of the Disney execs. YES! The convention floor will be riddled with props from the latest Pirates of the Caribbean film, though no explanation will be given as to how it made so much goddamn money.

See ya in Anaheim!

Not.

Segel played it cool at the Bad Teacher junket too. In a Four Seasons hotel suite, he kicked back with his feet up, because he didn’t have to do the heavy lifting. He could just hang out with the journalists he’s known since Forgetting Sarah Marshall, “How I Met Your Mother” and some as far back as “Freaks and Geeks.” He even asked how my summer was going, but I got into the interview as quickly as I could.

Cameron Diaz Leaves No Child Behind In ‘Bad Teacher’ Red Band

Jason Segel: Oh, interesting. No, I think as you get older you learn that that’s just a recipe for disaster. It’s very intriguing when you’re young. There’s some air of mystery about it but it always just ends in heartbreak.

Q: But it seems like your character still goes for it.

JS: Yeah, my character does. He sees I think in Cameron Diaz’s character sort of a glimmer every now and again that if this woman would just drop her façade and the superficiality, she would really be an awesome woman. So he’s determined to break down that wall.

Q: Can you maintain that aloof sarcasm in the face of a hot babe?

6 photosCameron Diaz

Q: Are you hoping to make gym teachers cool again?

JS: Were they ever not cool?

Q: I think they might not usually be.

JS: No, I’ve always liked the gym teacher. What a great life.  Play sports all day, hang out and then go drink at the end of the night. It’s perfect.

Q: I guess if you’re good at sports, that’s ideal.

6 photosLucy Punch

Q: You’re really a huge star now. Has that hit you?

JS: No, I never think of it that way at all. I’m very lucky but I still write most of my material. So that takes away any element of feeling like a big star because you’re working so hard for these movies. I still haven’t lost the idea that unless I write it, I’m not going to get cast in it, which is a great motivator to keep writing.

Q: What about Bad Teacher then?

JS: Well, this I’ve known Jake for about 15 years and for as much as I’m in the film, this was a surprisingly easy gig. I think I worked for 9 days total. Not that the part was an afterthought or anything like that, but it was a small supporting role, which I think it still is.

Q: Do you get a lot more friend requests since I Love You, Man?

JS: I do not engage in any of the internet stuff. I’m not on Twitter or on Facebook or any of that stuff.

Q: Even in real life, are guys more eager to buddy up with you?

JS: I think maybe so. A lot of the characters I play are just inherently accessible by virtue of the way they’re written. So I think people feel a lot more comfortable coming up to me and sitting down and starting to open up about their real lives than they would be someone who they were intimidated by.

'The Muppets' Trailer, For Real This Time

JS: Yeah, it’s all happening. A couple teaser trailers are out now.

Q: For as long as we’ve been talking about it, isn’t that a milestone?

JS: It is. You know, it’s been five years in the making, something like that. To have it all finally come to fruition and be so close to release is just unbelievably exciting.

Q: What is it actually like to be on set with Kermit?

JS: It’s one of the coolest things ever and the real magic of it is no matter how old you are, you can see it from little kids to adults visiting the set to studio heads, within 10 minutes of being around those puppets, the puppeteer disappears and you’re having a conversation with the puppet. It’s a very strange phenomenon but it’s totally real.

Q: Since they actually have to execute the things in the script, were you writing with the Muppeteers?

JS: We didn’t write with them but we got a lot of really sound advice from them. First of all, in terms of what the actual characters would and wouldn’t do because they know these characters better than anyone. Some of them have been doing these same characters for 25 years. Longer, 30 years. What we did learn a lot about from them was what was actually possible and what wasn’t. It’s very easy to conceive of an idea of 50 full figure Muppets running away from a building but then you have them come in and say, “I don’t know how you plan on us doing that. That’s impossible.” So we learned a lot about stuff like that.

3 photosAw Man, The Muppet Movie Has Hipsters

JS: You fake it. You make fun of the fact that you can’t do it. We have a line at the end of the preview where a building explodes. It’s the exact scene I was talking about. You never see the explosion. You just hear it. You just cut to the Muppets and then Fozzie says, “Wow, that was an expensive looking explosion. I can’t believe we have that in the budget.” That’s because we didn’t have it in the budget.

Q: As a Muppets fan, were you also a fan of Labyrinth and The Dark Crystal?

JS: Absolutely, yeah. Labyrinth was one of my favorites growing up, as was Dark Crystal, but I remember David Bowie in Labyrinth freaked me out in just the greatest way. Even as a little kid you knew David Bowie was cool.

Q: What’s coming up on How I Met Your Mother next season?

JS: We have no idea. We come back in August.

Q: Well, we saw a hologram last season. Are they getting close to the apocalyptic ending idea?

JS: Did I tell you about that? No, we always joke about that idea. I still think it would be hilarious just to reveal that all the narration is going on from a post-apocalyptic wasteland. I have no idea how they plan on ending the show or who the mother is. I’m as excited to find out as you are.

Q: At this point, the joke is how many different ways you won’t find out. If someone is still waiting to find out who the mother is, aren’t they missing the point?

JS: Absolutely. That concept was a great hook for when the show started, but I think as the series has progressed, that artifice has dropped away and it’s become more like Friends. It’s just about watching these people.

Q: What is Five Year Engagement?

JS: Five Year Engagement is what I’m shooting now in Michigan. It’s a movie that Nick Stoller and I wrote together and Nick is directing it, we’re producing it together with Judd. It’s about a couple that gets engaged probably too early in their relationship and it follows them over five years of engagement without being married. Emily Blunt is my lovely costar.

Q: The concept itself suggests something is wrong.

JS: And Nick and I have both known people like this who are together for such a long time but never quite pull the trigger because they’re waiting for the perfect circumstance, the perfect moment, the perfect venue. Ultimately that shouldn’t be what it’s about.

Q: Well, it’s one thing to be dating someone a while before you propose. It’s another to be engaged but never follow through.

JS: Absolutely. At one point one of the characters says, “Is there a time limit on engagement when you’re no longer engaged if you haven’t gotten married?” I think some element of that theme plays into it.

Q: Will it be R-rated?

JS: Yes, it’s the same team from Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Q: Are there any painfully honest moments like the naked breakup scene?

JS: There are. We really dug deep on this one. I think as Nick and I grow up, get older and are getting to different phases in our lives, he’s married with a kid now and I’m getting older. I think we’re wanting to explore that kind of stuff as deeply as we did getting broken up with in your early ‘20s. At the time, that’s the most painful thing but we’ve had a lot of life experiences since.

Bad Teacher hits theaters Friday.

New Teaser For ‘The Muppets’ Tries To Put One Over On You Again

Anyway, the trailer looks pretty funny, if you’re into Muppets and everything. What I happen to like the most is that they kept most if not all of the movie’s copious celebrity cameos out of the trailer, leaving them as a fun surprise for people who go to see the movie. Whoa, that takes me back.

It’s a pretty hilarious trailer, and they commit better than most to the “fake trailer” conceit. I would have loved to post this as a trailer for “Green With Envy,” but they do such a good job faking it that you probably would have turned it off after 10 seconds or so. And that would have been a shame, because you would have missed the really expensive explosion at the end.

The Muppets come to theaters November 23rd. The film is directed by James Bobin, starring/written by Jason Segel. Interesting choice of tagline: “They’re Closer Than You Think.” Wait. Hear that? I think there might be a Muppet in my apartment right now. I’d better get my baseball bat, in case it’s one of the giant monsters. He got the nickname “Sweetums” in prison, you know. (AICN)

Dakota Johnson, the hot girl who didn’t realize she slept with the Napster guy in The Social Network, has been cast in three movies:

- She’s currently filming Goats, which is directed by Christopher Neil and stars David Duchovny. It’s about a teen from Tuscon who leaves home to go to an East Coast prep school. Johnson will play: some character.

- From there, Johnson will act in Five Year Engagement, which is directed by Nicholas Stoller, produced by Judd Apatow and stars Jason Segel. It’s about a newlywed couple who go through ups and downs. Johnson will play: one of the characters in the movie.

- Finally, Johnson will join the cast of 21 Jump Street, which is directed by Phil Lord and Chris Miller and stars Jonah Hill. It’s about young-looking cops who go undercover as teens, in a remake of the 80s TV drama. Johnson will play: a girl rock star who gets recruited by Secret NASA to fight aliens. Okay, ya got me. She’s playing some other kind of character entirely. (Variety)

Anyway, the trailer is pretty much just like the red-band trailer that was released previously, with some concessions to wholesome entertainment. For instance, instead of saying “hold my ball sack” at the end, Jason Segel says “hold my balls.” One second while I send this trailer to my grandmother and some nuns. (via /Film)

Bad Teacher

Things I like: Cameron Diaz‘ legs.

Things I could use more of: Cameron Diaz‘ legs, boobs, butt.

Thing I was confused by: usually students give teachers apples. Is the note from a student who hates her bad teacher, or did the bad teacher put the note on the apple she was given to piss off her students? Who’s being told to eat whom?

Thing I liked: the tag line. She doesn’t give an “F,” though I’ll give this poster a “B-” for getting me kinda interested. Sorta. I liked the trailer better.

Also starring Justin Timberlake and Jason Segel, Bad Teacher schools us on June 24th. Synopsis after the poster. (Empire Online, JustJared)

Some teachers just don’t give an F. For example, there’s Elizabeth (Cameron Diaz).  She’s foul-mouthed, ruthless, and inappropriate.  She drinks, she gets high, and she can’t wait to marry her meal ticket and get out of her bogus day job.  When she’s dumped by her fiancé, she sets her plan in motion to win over a rich, handsome substitute (Justin Timberlake) – competing for his affections with an overly energetic colleague, Amy (Lucy Punch).  When Elizabeth also finds hersel fighting off the advances of a sarcastic, irreverent gym teacher (Jason Segel), the consequences of her wild and outrageous schemes give her students, her coworkers, and even herself an education like no other.

It’s no surprise to me that Pratt’s been cast in producer Judd Apatow‘s latest film, Five-Year Engagement. Directed by Nick Stoller, Five-Year is about the roller-coaster relationship between characters played by Jason Segel and Emily Blunt. Sounds very Apatowish to me. It’s reassuring to know that there’s another schlubby, bearded comedian who can pinch hit for Seth Rogen. Allison Brie (“Community”) was also recently cast, so we now know what Apatow watches on Thursday nights. All the sitcoms on CBS, America’s Most Watched Network.

Meanwhile, Rhys Ifans (Greenberg) is in talks to play a role. Hopefully it’ll be the same role he’s playing in The Amazing Spider-Man: The Lizard. It’d be nice if Apatow changed things up a bit, and if The Lizard was in just one of his movies. Just one. I’m sure The Lizard would like to get high and discuss his feelings with other dudes too. (The Playlist)

The film will be produced by Steve Zaillian, who is keeping himself pretty busy as a writer with David Fincher‘s adaptation of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and a recently-announced Jack Ryan reboot. Meanwhile, Segel has been keeping busy with Bad Teacher, due out in June, and The Muppets, which he also co-wrote, coming out in November.

No word on whether Segel’s penis will be making another cameo in Undercover Cop, but insiders say not to rule it out. (THR)

In the video, Segel gets Rudd backstage passes to the local Rush concert and backstage shenanigans occur. A sandwich is eaten peculiarly, there’s some mandatory ‘awkward tension’ and an admittedly cool-looking double guitar plays a key role. Also, some bittersweet news: “totes magotes” is spoken in the video, but not “Dude Von Dudenstein,” “Sweet Sweet Hangin,” and sadly, not one squiznot was popped for the entire 5:50 minutes. All you squiznot poppers out there will just have to keep writing that line into your I Love You, Man slash fiction. (/Film)

On the maiden voyage of Disney Dream, a “majestic cruise ship” that features stuff to do for everyone except dudes who want to bang chicks without husbands and kids, Disney Parks and Resorts Chairman Tom Staggs gave a presentation to passengers about upcoming Disney projects. Someone snapped a picture of this preview slide for The Muppets, and it looks like the film’s logo has been revealed. Kermit has been killed, cut up, and his chest has been re-sewn into a letter “M,” perhaps by the still-at-large Sesame Street Killer.

The Muppets comes to theaters November 23, 2011, directed by James Bobin (“Flight of the Concords”), written and starring Jason Segal and some dorky new Muppet character who I assume is based on me. (/Film + Stitch Kingdom)

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES – You may be quick to criticize these pictures (or the existence of the film entirely) as looking exactly like the other films in the series. Then you’d look like a damned fool. They’re clearly wearing more blue in this film and Johnny Depp‘s hair is on loan from “American Idol” runner-up Crystal Bowersox.

TH GREEN LANTERN – In this very exciting picture, Green Lantern and Hector Hammond are chilling together at some kind of premiere. You can see the Lantern is about to conjure a light ball or something else cosmic between his palms. It’s weird to see Peter Sarsgaard playing the ugly guy. I guess Jackie Earle Haley was booked.

THE MUPPETS – Jason Segal and Amy Adams cut a rug. They will later wrap the rug fragments around Segal’s forearm and hot glue eyeballs to it.

Between “Freaks & Geeks” and “Undeclared,” Judd Apatow launched the careers of Riley Smith, Natasha Melnick, and Jerry Messing. More notably, he also launched the careers of Seth Rogen, James Franco, Jason Segel, Linda Cardellini, John Francis Daley, Martin Starr, Samm Levine, Ben Foster, Busy Phillips, Jay Baruchel, Carla Gallo, and Charlie Hunnam. Now, all those dudes are going to be reunited onstage for PaleyFest 2011.

“The Walking Dead” will also be honored at this year’s festival. But fans of quality television should be most excited about the “Freaks & Geeks” reunion. This historic event marks the first time the cast has been reunited since Judd Apatow‘s last project. (THR)

He's busy doing...other stuff.

It has been rumored that Paul Rudd would voice the new (dork) muppet Walter in his friend Jason Segel’s The Muppets. Well the actor just called bullsh*t on that idea. Rudd told MTV, “I wish that I was [in it]. It’s all rumor… I wanted to be in it, and I talked to Jason, but I think there was some things that happened and I don’t know if I’m gonna get to do it.”

Things that happened? What are these things?! That’s the juicy stuff right there. Did Segel accidentally stab Paul’s wife in the cheek with a pen knife? Or was it something even more scandalous, like a scheduling conflict. Paul’s addition to the plush cast would have been a major win. It’s a shame he ran over Segel’s dog and ruined the possibility. I’m speculating. (/Film)

Everyday, the list of cameos in the upcoming Muppet movie seems to grow. And while there are plenty of rumors about who will play what, the truth is, no one really knows what’s going on. But fear not, Muppet fans. Using the awesome power of the Screen Junkies super computer (The SJ 3000), I was able to determine the most probable roles for those rumored to be appearing in the film, and you can’t argue with science. So sit back and see for yourself who will be playing what in the upcoming Muppet Movie.

	In a traumatic flashback scene, Jean-Claude Van Damme will play the leader of an infamous Belgian pedophile ring that pays Nanny $30,000 USD to use the Muppet Babies in his films. Animal, go bi-bi! Go bi-bi, indeed.
	Alan Arkin will play a kindly old man who is savagely beaten to death by Animal after inadvertently triggering the flashback scene described above.
	It is rumored that Zach Galifianakis will play a hobo in the film. Our computer says it will be a hobo that everyone really likes, but who is starting to wear on people because he pops up everywhere.
	Jack Black will play a ghost who is sent back to warn Zach Galifianakis’ character about the dangers of overexposure.
	Kermit took issue with Lady Gaga‘s frog coat and decided to cast her in his own snuff film. Soon, he will lure her to his “private studio” deep in the swamp, where no one can hear the screams. It’s not easy, being reamed.
	Chris Cooper plays a right-wing, Christian oil man who is so desperate to stay in the closet that he shoots Gonzo in the head to keep him from spilling the beans.
	Danny Trejo will play a vicious enforcer sent to teach Bunsen and Beaker a lesson. The lesson being that if you’re going to make meth in this town, you better clear it with the Cártel de Tijuana.
	After a successful lobbying effort via the Internet, Donald Glover landed the role of Fozzie, marking the first time the character will be played by a black man rather than a brown bear.
	Rashida Jones will play the actress who only got a part in the new Muppet movie because her father, Quincy Jones, is good friends with Dr. Teeth.
	Billy Crystal will play a devout Jew who, despite her strong advances, refuses to pork Ms. Piggy.
	Amy Adams will play Rowlf the Dog’s love interest. There’s a “doggy style” joke in there somewhere, but I’ll let you make it.
	Jane Lynch isn’t officially on board yet, but if she is cast, it will no doubt be in the role of Big Bird’s long-lost mother.
	George Clooney will play a smug actor who, after giving a crappy, self-referential cameo, goes home and bangs any woman he wants while you sit alone and watch on-line porn.

History is happening here, folks. Please take a moment, open your journals, and write this information down. Trust me, you’ll want to always remember where you were when you first heard this news. Emily Blunt might appear in a good movie. Years of indentured servitude to 20th Century Fox have forced her to pass on films like Iron Man 2 in favor of Gulliver’s Travels, but now it looks like she is free and clear to team up with Nicholas Stoller and Jason Segal for their Forgetting Sarah Marshall follow-up, The Five-Year Engagement.

The story centers around a couple who are hesitant to put a ring on it. Comedy will be a departure for Blunt (Gulliver’s Travels doesn’t count) but I believe she’ll shine in this role. As a fan of Segal and Blunt, I fully approve of this. Let’s ge Paul Rudd attached and call it a day. (Vulture)

Jason Segel has added nine new cast members to his upcoming Muppet movie.  Jack Black (Tropic Thunder) Paul Rudd (Role Models), Jane Lynch (Glee), Danny Trejo (Machete), Eric Stonestreet “Modern Family“), Donald Glover (“Community”), John Krasinski “The Office“) and Ed Helms (“The Office“) have all been confirmed for the ensemble. However, one name stands out like a brown stain on an otherwise clean pair of tighty whities: Lady Gaga.

That’s right; the woman who struts around in an outfit made of Kermit the Frog heads has been cast in the latest Muppet film. Unless she’s playing an evil villain or is killed off in the first 20 seconds, I have to seriously question this decision. In my last Muppet related article, I said that Segel could name the film “The Cancer Causing Anti-American Puppet Crapstravaganza,” and I’d still go see it twice. Well, Lady Gaga alters the deal. Sure, I’ll still see it twice, but once is definitely going to be a matinee. (Collider)

It’s time to play the music, you sons of bitches! It’s time to light the damn lights! It’s time to meet the mother-loving Muppets!

Behold, the first behind-the-scenes look at the new Jason Segel film, The Muppets (or at least the first look that wasn’t scanned straight out of a magazine). Based on this picture alone, I feel confident in saying that this will be the greatest Muppet movie of all time. Maybe that’s because the film was formerly titled The Greatest Muppet Movie Of All Time. I don’t know why it was shortened the title, but what I do know is they could call it “The Cancer Causing Anti-American Puppet Crapstravaganza,” and I’d still go see it twice. To quote Film School Rejects, “A Muppet Movie by any other name…”