Screen Junkies » James Van Der Beek

Midseason Shows Of 2012: Which Ones Won’t Suck?

Wookie Johnson — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 23:33:04 +0000

With only a few breakout hits having premiered this past fall, it’s time for the networks to throw their midseason shows against the walls of our brains and see what sticks. In the past, “midseason” was a dirty word. If a show debuted in January, it meant a network wasn’t confident enough to add it to their fall line-up, and it was only being touted out halfway through the year on the off chance it might be a hit like Grey’s Anatomy.

However, the 2012 midseason looks different than others. Could these programs actually be overwhelmingly good? For the most part it looks like the answer is yes. Check out the slate of programs below. You just might find that they don’t completely suck… with a few exceptions (i.e. Chelsea).

The Firm – January 8th

A spin-off of the 1993 Tom Cruise legal thriller about a lawyer running his ass off to escape Wilford Brimley, John Grisham’s The Firm premieres on NBC Sunday, January 8th. Set ten years after the events of the first film, it seems that not much has changed. The promos feature so much running!

Though it’s getting great reviews due to the performances of Josh Lucas, Molly Parker, and Callum Keith Rennie, there is a decided lack of Brimley. Sure, he’s probably not up for much running these days, but they could get him a Jazzy scooter or something. ANYTHING.

House of Lies – January 8th

Showtime’s House of Lies has the odds stacked against it right out of the gate. Yes, it stars Don Cheadle, Kristen Bell, and Parks and Recreation’s Ben Schwartz. All are very likable, but these roles call for them to play despicable. It’s their job to help banks that foreclose on homes look good in the press. Reactions to an early preview are that the characters are too difficult to love. Perhaps there’ll be some kind of redemption in later episodes. There’s also gratuitous nudity. That’s always worth a gander. Premieres January 8th.

Are You There, Chelsea? – January 11th

In an attempt to capitalize on the wave of female-driven comedy that Bridesmaids kicked off, NBC is pairing this Chelsea Handler autobiographical sitcom alongside Whitney. Based off Handler’s memoir, Are You There, Vodka. It’s Me, Chelsea, Laura Prepon plays Chelsea while Handler herself steps in to play her older sister. Early reviews have been as unkind as Handler’s material tends to be. But given the fact that people will watch anything, it just might have a shot. Premieres January 11th.

Antonio Banderas On The Hunt For World’s Best Stripper

Wookie Johnson — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 12:37:24 +0000

Antonio Banderas is on the hunt for a stripper. And not in the Charlie Sheen Most Dangerous Game kind of way.

In The Big Bang, he plays a private investigator hired by a giant to find his missing stripper girlfriend, Sienna Guillory, and the $30 million worth of diamonds she’s carrying. Along the way he encounters danger, Snoop Dogg on a porn set, James Van Der Beek, Autumn Reeser‘s horny waitress, and Sam Elliott as a gazillionaire visionary trying to re-create the Big Bang beneath the desert.

Sounds all well and good, but just show more of the stripper, guys. Seriously.

James Van Der Beek To Play James Van Der Beek In ‘Bitch’

Joseph Gibson — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 22:21:12 +0000

The upcoming FOX comedy pilot “Don’t Trust the Bitch in Apt. 23″ has nabbed a prime celebrity guest star: An artist so famous that no first name is even necessary when introducing him – Van Der Beek. The former “Dawson’s Creek” star is going to be playing himself in the kind of self-aware cameo that’s all the rage these days thanks to Neil Patrick Harris in the Harold & Kumar movies. Here’s what the inappropriately titled show is all about:

“[The show] centers on June (Dreama Walker), an earnest, honest, optimistic girl from the heartland who is forced to move in with Chloe (Krysten Ritter), a sexy, unstable New York City party girl who has the morals of a pirate. Van Der Beek will play Chloe’s best friend James Van Der Beek.”

Obvious fiction. Everyone knows that James Van Der Beek‘s best friend is James Van Der Beek. (via Deadline)

James Van Der Beek Shows Us His O-Face

Wookie Johnson — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 19:50:06 +0000

We all thought that James Van Der Beek‘s best days were behind him, but we were all terrible, rotten fool d*ckheads. Dawson was wise enough to realize that we’ll always remember him as Dawson, and never forget him crying like a pussy in that one (?) episode of “Dawson’s Creek.” So he’s decided to use his pain to his advantage.

Now we have JamesVanDerMemes.com. The revolutionary new site that will change the way we make fun of people forever. Thank you Dawson, James Van Der Beek. You matter to us now.