Screen Junkies » Jada Pinkett Smith

New Reality Show Will Combine My Two Least-Favorite Things: DJs And Simon Cowell

Penn Collins — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 14:00:30 +0000

Think you can press “play” on a MacBook better than anyone else in the country?

Then you just might have what it takes to be America’s Got DJ! (or whatever the shit they’re gonna call it).

Simon Cowell, Will Smith, and Jada Pinkett-Smith are teaming up to bring the country that DJ talent search show that no one asked for. On it, contestants will be graded on a number of skills, including:

Ability to rock back and forth because you’re so into the music you’re playing
Ability to rock back and forth with one headphone held to your ear because you’re so into the music you’re playing, but also gotta cue up the next song
Ability to kill the one decent song you’ve played all goddamn night after 25 seconds
Ability to carry a sense of entitlement even though your skill set was mechanized like 60 years ago
Ability to discuss plans for this year’s Coachella

Cowell has Tweeted that he will not be judging this show, but rather producing. Sorry Simon Cowell fans:

“Excited to announce new DJ show. I will NOT be judging this show. Excited to be working with@jadapsmith. Stay tuned!”

My prediction is that this show, if it gets picked up, will replace Jersey Shore, and before that, Rock of Love, as America‘s premiere source of camp entertainment.

Work them 1s and 2s, asshats!

In Honor Of National Coffee Day: 8 Celebrities With Stunted Growth

Wookie Johnson — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 19:29:08 +0000

It’s popular belief that drinking coffee at too young of an age stunts growth. That’s why I fed my kitten only coffee grounds in order to preserve her adorableness. R.I.P. Marbles.

Some dispel this as a myth while others don’t want to have to spend $11 on their Starbucks-addicted kid. In honor of this myth and National Coffee Day, here are some celebrities who likely poured venti macchiatos directly on their pituitary glands.

Danny Devito

With a peak height of 4 ft 10 in, Danny DeVito is now 4 ft 9.5 in tall. Which means Danny DeVito is shrinking. If allowed to dwindle at this rate, he’ll cease to exist within the next twenty years.

Snooki

Snooki stands at a height of 4 ft 9 in, and 6 ft even with her hair up.

Ryan Murphy Will Not Direct Willow Smith’s ‘Annie’ Remake, Enjoys Silly Hats

Wookie Johnson — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 16:37:09 +0000

You’re probably not going to hear the”Glee” kids cover Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It anytime soon. Talks to have “Glee” creator Ryan Murphy direct Willow Smith in a re-imaging of the Broadway hit Annie have broken down like so many necks in Whip My Hair-related injuries.

There’s no word why first-choice Murphy dropped out on contention for the project being produced by Will Smith, Jada Pinkett-Smith, and Jay-Z but it probably has something to do with Murphy’s mangling of Jay-Z’s Empire State Of Mind. There’s no way he’s letting that man near his beloved Hard Knock Life. (Deadline)

Will Smith To Anger Bible Thumpers With ‘The Legend Of Cain’

Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

^{"My ice cream melted."}

Will Smith is remixing the Bible with his new project. Smith is now attached to star in and produce The Legend Of Cain, a retelling of the story of Cain and Abel. The script, co-written by Jada’s brother Caleeb Pinkett, adds a vampiric twist to the tale of sibling rivalry. I know that adding monsters to classic works is the rage nowadays, but this is borderline insulting and sure to drum up controversy. Everybody knows there weren’t any vampires in the Bible. Unless, of course, you read Mel Gibson’s version. (Deadline)