Ace Merrill – Stand By Me

Kiefer Sutherland‘s town bully is one of the worst in film history. Considering that the town depicted in Stand By Me is filled with criminals and abusive alcoholics, you have to be pretty sinister to shake the kids. Sutherland’s Ace Merrill was the baddest of the bunch. But after a journey that included being attacked by a junkyard dog, nearly killed by a train, and covered in leeches, Sutherland seemed a lot less threatening. No matter how hard he tried, he’s just not as scary as a leech in the underpants.

Doc Scurlock – Young Guns

Doc Scurlock is the level-headed one in Billy the Kid’s group of Regulators. Known more for his calm intellect, he isn’t afraid to fire a gun when forced. After riding off into the sunset with the love of his life, he narrates the end of the story, revealing where the Regulators ended up in life. They all went off to new work opportunities, except for Billy who was killed by Pat Garrett.

However, Billy is still alive and well in Young Guns 2 when Doc dies in a blaze of glory. Are we to believe he is a ghost narrator? A cowboy ghost narrator nonetheless?

It was only a matter of time before Jack Bauer demanded a sitdown with Santa. You can’t expect to land on people’s roofs all night and break into their homes without CTU getting a whiff of reindeer poop. But is it Jack who’s naughty, Santa? Or is it you? Put that perplexing thought in your candycane pipe and smoke it.