No one is certain of the requirements a performer needs to meet in honor to have thier rightful sip poured out on Hollywood’s biggest night. The criteria seems to lean toward actors and actresses who are likely to be discussed at a boring dinner party. Below are a list of talented actors, actresses, and performers who deserve their nods on the big night. Mostly likely they will be passed over for no good reason.

Patrice O’Neal

Though much more well-known in the field of stand up comedy, Patrice O’Neal also appeared in movies from time to time. Films like Furry Vengeance, In the Cut, Scary Movie 4, Head of State, and The 25th Hour were his most notable, not to mention his several television roles. It’s likely the Academy will leave him off the In Memoriam list due to the shakey quality of his films. And also because they’re dicks like that.

Heavy D

Heavy D’s chances of making the Oscars death montage are a toss up. A pioneer in hip-hop music, his crossover to the world of acting saw him star in recurring roles on shows like Living Single and Boston Public. For film, he appeared The Cider House Rules, Life, Step Up, and Tower Heist. He’s well-known enough to make the list, but maybe slightly too hip for inclusion. Whether he makes the list or not, we’ll all be bummed when reminded of his passing.

It’s been rumored that Cohen was going to appear at the Oscars in full Dictator garb to promote his upcoming movie. Or just to be funny. Well, the Academy is having none of it. This ceremony, which lost its first director and host because someone called someone else a fag, will not suffer any indignities.

This night will not be mired in Muppets, humor, or irreverence. If the audience wants to have fun, they can clap for pictures of dead people, like they always do.