Oh man, this better be fucking hilarious. And not like Dodgeball and Semi-Pro hilarious, but actually funny. Ferrell’s will be a fake soap opera, whereas Stiller’s will be a sketch comedy show, which is good, because The Ben Stiller Show was pretty damn funny back in its day.

No timeline has been set, but considering this IFC, and the budgets aren’t huge, sooner is probably a better bet than later.

Since 1984, the Spirit Awards have existed to reward actors and filmmakers that existed outside the world of big-budget Hollywood productions. 28 years ago, when the awards were first introduced, the rift between independent cinema and Hollywood fare was much larger than it was today, so the likelihood of any overlap between the Oscars and the Spirit Awards was almost unthinkable.

Today, a gap still exists, albeit a narrower one, thanks to increased access to independent films and the general mainstreaming and adoration of all things indie. So the night before the Oscars, the other Hollywood gets dolled up in their pixie dresses and blazers and sneakers to bestow some recognition on the filmmakers that are just too damn cool for the Oscars.

Yeah, they got Franco.

To give you an idea of how the Spirit Awards have gradually become more mainstreamed, this year’s host is Seth Rogen, a huge Hollywood star with enough of that slacker credibility to reassure everyone that, yes, they’re all very cool for being in attendance.

The Awards

The recognition given out by the Spirit Awards closely mirrors the Oscars in its prestige categories (Best Director, Best Feature, Supporting and Lead awards for Males and Females, etc). However, instilled with the spirit of independent cinema, the awards also showcase first-time directors, first-time screenwriters, as well as an award for the best feature made for under $500,000.

Of course, the Spirit Awards don’t have the huge backing or TV contract that the Academy Awards do, so despite being all “indie,” they bear names such as the Audi Someone to Watch Award, the Nokia Truer Than Fiction Award, and the Jameson Find Your Audience Award.

It's not an awards show unless you have a pregnant Natalie Portman in attendance, which is why the Oscars pay someone to knock her up every year.

One reason the sponsors are necessary is that, in addition to bragging rights, the aforementioned awards all come with grants that allow the filmmakers to keep doing their thing. So while having sponsors for independent cinema awards may seem a little counterintuitive, it’s done so that the recipients can keep staying independent and away from those godforsaken Hollywood studios.

 The Nominees

Again, you might see a little overlap here with the Oscars, as the Academy Awards are allowed to pick from all films, regardless of how they were produced or distributed, while the Spirit Awards stick with films made outside of major studios.

BEST FEATURE
50/50
Beginners
Drive
Take Shelter
The Artist
The Descendants

BEST DIRECTOR
Mike Mills, Beginners
Nicolas Winding Refn, Drive
Jeff Nichols, Take Shelter
Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
Alexander Payne, The Descendants

BEST FIRST FEATURE (Award given to the director and producer)
Another Earth
In the Family
Margin Call
Martha Marcy May Marlene
Natural Selection

JOHN CASSAVETES AWARD (Given to the best feature made for under $500,000)
Bellflower
Circumstance
Hello Lonesome
Pariah
The Dynamiter

BEST SCREENPLAY
Joseph Cedar, Footnote
Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
Tom McCarthy, Win Win
Mike Mills, Beginners
Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon, and Jim Rash, The Descendants

BEST FIRST SCREENPLAY
Mike Cahill and Brit Marling, Another Earth
J.C. Chandor, Margin Call
Patrick DeWitt, Terri
Phil Johnston, Cedar Rapids
Will Reiser, 50/50

BEST FEMALE LEAD
Lauren Ambrose, Think of Me
Rachel Harris, Natural Selection
Adepero Oduye, Pariah
Elizabeth Olsen, Martha Marcy May Marlene
Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn

BEST MALE LEAD
Demian Bichir, A Better Life
Jean Dujardin, The Artist
Ryan Gosling, Drive
Woody Harrelson, Rampart
Michael Shannon, Take Shelter

BEST SUPPORTING FEMALE
Jessica Chastain, Take Shelter
Anjelica Huston, 50/50
Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs
Harmony Santana, Gun Hill Road
Shailene Woodley, The Descendants

BEST SUPPORTING MALE
Albert Brooks, Drive
John Hawkes, Martha Marcy May Marlene
Christopher Plummer, Beginners
John C. Reilly, Cedar Rapids
Corey Stoll, Midnight in Paris

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
Joel Hodge, Bellflower
Benjamin Kuh-Sulk, The Off Hours
Darius Kond-Jee, Midnight in Paris
Gui-omme Shiffman, The Artist
Jeffrey Waldron, The Dynamiter

BEST DOCUMENTARY
An African Election
Bill Cunningham New York
The Interrupters
The Redemption of General Butt Naked
We Were Here

BEST FOREIGN FILM
A Separation
Melancholia
Shame
The Kid With a Bike
Tyrannosaur

ROBERT ALTMAN AWARD (Given to one film’s director, casting director and its ensemble cast)
Margin Call

PIAGET PRODUCERS AWARD
Chad Burris, Mosquita y Mari
Sophia Lin, Take Shelter
Josh Mond, Martha Marcy May Marlene

ACURA SOMEONE TO WATCH AWARD
Simon Arthur, Silver Tongues
Mark Jackson, Without
Nicholas Ozek, Mamitas

AVEENO TRUER THAN FICTION AWARD
Heather Courtney, Where Soldiers Came From
Danfung Dennis, Hell and Back Again
Alma Har’El, Bombay Beach

The Broadcast

The awards aren’t too indie to be aired on TV, and the ceremony, usually held in Santa Monica, though for some reason held in a tent downtown last year) can be found live on IFC (duh).

Oh. The Spirit Awards often have figure skater Johnny Weir in attendance. Advantage: Spirit Awards

Like the Golden Globes, liquor is served during this show, giving it a peppier, more spontaneous feel. Futher, the Spirit Awards are a banquet-style ceremony, giving the affair a more casual feel than a seated theater awards show would have. Given the shoestring budget inherent with an indie awards show, the ceremony cuts out the superfluous sketches and prdocutions, just leaving hosts and awards. While this might sound a little dry, what it does is allow the people on stage (who are really the ones being celebrated) to spend a little more time entertaining the crowd, rather than moving through forced unfunny skits. Also, it caps the ceremony at two-and-a-half hours, which is about ninety minutes less than the Oscars.

So, if you just LOVE awards shows, but think the Oscars have become a self-important overblown mess (because it has), give the Spirit Awards a whirl. You may have a hard time getting your friend to fill out a Spirit Awards pool, but you’ll be able to sit through the event without getting bedsores, and you might even learn a little bit about film, which is something the Academy gave up on a long time ago.

There are a few differences this time around. For instance, the antagonist isn’t a surgeon. He’s just a super-fan who resorts to using plastic tubing, rusty tools, and a staple gun. Also, there are a lot more mouths to feed now. But perhaps the biggest change is the decision to film in black and white. It creates a much more intimate feel to intensify the general feeling of claustrophobia. Seems like they’re saving 3D for the next sequel.

Also, kudos on casting another eery-looking actor who will ruin my sleep patterns. I’m pretty sure that’s the kid from The Sandlot. Child actors, man. They can’t be trusted.

The Ledge, a poopy movie for dumb-dumbs, was written and directed by Matthew Chapman. The movie, about a bunch of jerks who get caught in a stupid-looking love triangle, stars Liv Tyler, Charlie Hunnam, Patrick Wilson and Terrence Howard. From the stinky trailer, I gather that Hunnam has to jump off the ledge, or his lover Tyler will be killed by her religious zealot husband Wilson. Oh, and when I said the trailer was stinky, I meant it smells like a fart.

IFC Films will push the movie off a ledge for a limited theatrical release June 29th. Also: two thumbs down.

SNL

That’s why I’m glad IFC‘s Portlandia is getting renewed for a second season. I’ll have to respectfully disagree with my Screen Junkies collegue Fred Topel and note that Portlandia is one of my favorite new shows in awhile. It’s a hilarious, silly, thoughtfully written sketch show very much in the tradition of Kids In The Hall, and probably not coincidentally, both shows have some guy named Lorne Michaels in the credits.

Portlandia‘s kind of an exclusive thing, you know? Whatever, you probably haven’t even heard it. All you have to know is that it’s indie and I liked it before anyone else did. Now they’re giving Portlandia a second season and it’ll probably sell out. You know, f*ck that show. I’m gonna go drink PBR’s at my friend Steve’s mustache party.

If you’re interested in Portlandia, cause you’re not a drone, check out clips here. (Cinema Blend)

I wasn’t necessarily looking forward to another fake news show, but “The Onion News Network” is actually really funny. This is more of a satire about the social themes portrayed in news. Obviously, if I already have the screener, it’s not about being timely, although figures as obscure as Sarkozy and as mainstream as Kim Jong-Il do pop up.

The format is modeled after the 24 hour news networks even more than “The Daily Show.” Brooke Alvarez (Suzanne Sena) hosts “Factzone,” a “Situation Room” type hub that detours into talking heads, pundits and other facets of cable news. The Onion folks really know how to make satire work and they use all the tools of the television media to do their bidding.

In one story, Kim Jong-Il negotiates to take over the role of Batman in the next movie. They have footage of a news conference with Kim’s representative showing off a new Batdance. The “First Responders” are a panel of three talking heads in studio who debate all the sides of such a ridiculous issue, including Christian Bale’s qualifications to run North Korea.

One segment suggests that Sarah Palin would win a majority of 2012 election polls because people would vote out of a morbid curiosity to see what she’d do. Facts and figures pop up as Brooke interviews the experts, and you start to notice all the extra jokes printed in quickly displayed graphics. Freeze frame those DVRs to get all the humor.

Whether it’s profound social commentary (a later episode profiles the country’s first openly drunk politician) or just absurdity, it’s funny. A teenage murder suspect is tried not as an adult, but as a black man. It’s that Onion way of changing just one element that points out the flaw in the whole system.

A weather report on a national snow storm gives a complete fake analysis on all the trouble idiots get into in bad weather. A thorough perspective on the implications of pornography in a blizzard is much appreciated. They use all this intellect and insight to throw in some base humor. Another dirty joke commemorates the invention of the hand job as a historical event.

The fake correspondents deliver rapid fire jokes just like the 24 hour news cycle tries to pack in legitimate info. Pay attention for some good irony, like striking interns demanding more experience. Sena gives a good deadpan with the glamorous veneer of an on air spokesperson. The show even goes in depth about the superficiality of on air talent, after their Afghanistan correspondent is held hostage.

Like a real news show, they return to stories as they develop. This lets the weirder ones get meta. A celebrity stalker from the future is funny. Hiring a bodyguard from the future who quotes Tom Cruise catch phrases is brilliant.

Anything that doesn’t fit in the “Factzone” format seems to find its way into fake promos for other “ONN” shows. “Concurrence Roundtable” really finds a lot of different ways to make fun of crossfire shows by having the correspondents agree. I don’t think this will replace “The Colbert Report,” but it shows The Onion can expand into other media.

“Onion News Network” premieres Friday, January 21st at 10PM EST on IFC.

I like Fred Armisen on “Saturday Night Live” and I see where he’s going with this new sketch comedy show “Portlandia.” It doesn’t quite work though and I can’t say you should spend any time watching it.

This IFC show is a series of sketches featuring Armisen and Carrie Brownstein centering on different aspects of Portland, OR. It’s all really obvious and it feels like improv topics that were contrived to be funny, but not actually inspired.

Case in point: a sketch about a hide and seek team. See, treating a childish game like a professional playoff is funny, because it’s so out of context, right? Watching it performed is not funny just because the actors take it seriously.

In a music video, Armisen proclaims that the ‘90s are still going on in Portland. If celebrating grunge culture is enough to make you laugh, then you’ll love the references to the Jim Rose Circus, hot chicks wearing glasses and sleeping until 11AM. That’s actually the best sketch in the bunch.

Armisen and Browstein ask a waitress at a restaurant ultra specific questions about the chicken they serve. You see, because in Portland they care about organic free range meat. So the waitress presents in-depth papers about the chicken they might order. I thought it was funny that Armisen said “And and and and and and and and and and and and” so many times before getting to the question, but we get it. At a certain point it’s just meat.

A sketch about Mind-Fi jokes that the next level of our technological obsession is mental. That’s not even regional. We have technology everywhere.

They do a lot of characters with wigs, like women’s bookstore owners with long hippie hair. They do that sketch twice in the first two episodes so I guess they hope those are recurring characters. If refusing to reach all the way to the shelf to get a book is funny, then there are endless possibilities.

Another sketch where Brownstein and Armisen switch genders is just uncomfortable. Not because I have any problem with gender roles. “Kids in the Hall” and “Monty Python” were always doing that. “Portlandia” just makes it so sexual and vulgar without making it funny. The joke is a safe word which the woman (Armisen) ultimately uses to stop even social interaction. That’s only funny if the situation is ridiculous, not just sexual.

Brownstein and Armisen commit to the absurdity of their sketches but the premises are just too obvious. Often they end up just yelling, like in “Put a Bird on Things” or the lost dog sketch. Since it’s filmed, the editing can create different timing than a “SNL” sketch, but it doesn’t make humor out of mediocre material.

I was pretty vocal with my disappointment that David Cross‘s "The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret" wouldn’t air on American television. I mean, c’mon, those lucky Brits have the world on a string — awesome weather, those Jedward guys, and unsurpassed prevention of prostitute murder. Well, it was rumored before and now it’s official. Beginning this fall, IFC will air David Cross’s fish out of water comedy as well as two other very funny series.

A TV version of The Onion News Network (Winter 2011) and the Kids in the Hall reunion series "Kids in the Hall: Death Comes to Town" (August 2010) have earned slots on the channel’s schedule. Elsewhere, Comedy Central will be airing reruns of "Krod Mandoon" and "Naked Trucker & T-Bone’s Show" ad nauseum. (Time)