Screen Junkies » Ian Ziering http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Wed, 27 Aug 2014 18:35:11 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 The Six Best Kills From ‘Sharknado 2: The Second One’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-episode/the-six-best-kills-from-sharknado-2-the-second-one/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-episode/the-six-best-kills-from-sharknado-2-the-second-one/#comments Thu, 31 Jul 2014 22:05:02 +0000 Jared Jones http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=263600 Many brave souls were lost in the worst shark-infested weather catastrophe to hit the Big Apple since The Great White(Shark)out of '84, so it is in memoriam that we pay tribute...

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By Jared Jones

Leave it to the Syfy channel to prove that the idea of a shark-filled tornado can somehow be improved upon with a second viewing.

That’s basically what Sharknado 2: The Second One was, after all — a rehash of the first Sharknado but with a buttload of celebrity cameos — from its name to its plot to its explosive finale. That is in no way is meant as an insult, mind you, as Sharknado 2 was able to accomplish what few cult hits can: create a sequel that captures the nostalgia of the original (recent as it may be) while never once winking at the camera or beating us over the head with those “Remember This?” moments that have all but served as the latter halves of Sly Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger‘s careers.

A brilliant, unexpected triumph Sharknado 2 ultimately was, featuring more brutiful deaths (gorgeously rendered in Microsoft Paint) than you could really wrap your head around in one sitting. My God, there were so many sharksecutions in this movie. Shark beheadings. Shark crushings. Death by flaming shark. The list goes on.

From Kelly Osbourne to Daymond John, many brave souls were lost in the worst shark-infested weather catastrophe to hit the Big Apple since The Great White(Shark)out of ’84, so it is in memoriam that we pay tribute to the following…

Airplane Toilet Lady

Of all the ways I thought that Airplane Toilet Lady (who I’m told is famous on Twitter or something) was going to go out, this was the only way I thought that Airplane Toilet Lady was going to go out.

Tara Reid’s(Hand)

Tara Reid‘s returning performance as April Wexler, Fin’s (Ian Ziering) on-again, off-again wife was as raspy-voiced and on four hours of sleep as ever, but watching her pick off sharks with a Air Marshal’s pistol while hanging out the door of an airplane was nothing short of visual poetry. Listening to her attempts at conveying fear and pain, on the other hand, can only be described as “like hearing a vacuum cleaner choke to death on a dust-covered tator tot.”

A scream queen the likes of Jamie Lee Curtis Reid may not be, but a gunslinger the likes of Doc Holliday? Indubitably.

Kelly Osbourne

I’m just saying, Ozzy would have caught that shark, crushed it up into a line, and snorted it.

Tiffany Shepis

Why would you choose to stand so close to the water during a sharknado? That’s like, the *worst* place to stand, dum-dum. I’m not saying Shepis deserved to have a shark nom on her face like a goddamned chew toy, but I don’t touch fire and expect not to get burned either.

I’m just starting to realize how many of the victims in Sharknado 2 are women. Let us all take to Twitter and challenge Syfy’s blatant misogyny with #YesAllSharknados hashtags.

Daymond John

Death by Lady Liberty is arguably the most noble death an American could ever experience, and it was all the more fitting that Daymond John — a guy with a true rags-to-riches story that epitomizes the American dream — met his demise in like fashion.

Or was his death by Liberty head-crushing perhaps a comment on the capitalist greed and corporate-backed impoverishment of the modern day proletariat through unjust taxation that has made the American dream all but unobtainable to those but a select few?  F*cking Sharknado, why can’t you just let me shut off my mind for 90 minutes?! WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS ASK THE TOUGH QUESTIONS?!!!

Flaming Shark Bystanders

I take that back, Death by Flaming Shark is definitely the most American way to go out. (*salutes, single tear rolls down eye*)

BONUS: The Sharks!!

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO DEFEND THIS COUNTRY, PRESIDENT OBAMA?!! BECAUSE MATT LAUER JUST HARPOONED A F*CKING SHARK WITH AN UMBRELLA.

Any notable deaths we missed? Give us a shout in the comments section. 

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‘Sharknado 2′ Trailer Jumps The Shark In A Good Way http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/sharknado-2-trailer-jumps-the-shark-in-a-good-way/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/sharknado-2-trailer-jumps-the-shark-in-a-good-way/#comments Wed, 09 Jul 2014 16:43:52 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=262763 Even the sharknados are tougher in New York.

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If you were worried that Sharknado 2: The Second One couldn’t be more ridiculous than its predecessor, this trailer is here to call you a dummy. First of all, the cast now includes Ian Ziering as the intrepid hero, Tara Reid as whoever she plays, Vivica A. Fox, Billy Ray Cyrus, Sugar Ray’s Mark McGrath, and Jared from Subway. If that’s not more ridiculous enough for you, direct your attention to the comically-oversized chainsaw that Ziering wields this time around. I bet you didn’t even know those existed. Dummy.

And to reiterate:

 

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Casting Round-Up: Akerman, Ziering, 50 Cent, Bruce Willis http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/casting-round-up-akerman-ziering-rock-of-ages-i-hate-you-dad/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/casting-round-up-akerman-ziering-rock-of-ages-i-hate-you-dad/#comments Wed, 04 May 2011 17:39:31 +0000 Joseph Gibson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=210415 Giddiyap!

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Yeeeeee-haw, pardners and pardnettes! I reckon it’s time for another casting round-up! Today, coming up on the branding iron are Malin Akerman, Bruce Willis, 50 Cent, and Ian Ziering.

Akerman, she of the universally-beloved Watchmen, is the latest cowgirl to get lassooed into the musical Rock of Ages, with fellow cowpokes Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, and literally 8 million others. Will Akerman be able to stand out in a cast filled with such heavyweights? No, she won’t.  (Deadline)

Best pals Bruce Willis and 50 Cent, meanwhile, are lending their famous faces and heads to Fire With Fire, an indie thriller about a fireman in witness protection. Giddiyap, Bruce Willis and 50 Cent! (Variety)

Ziering, who has a cool Bond villain name, has been cast in I Hate You Dad, an Adam Sandler/Andy Samberg comedy. Ziering will be playing Adam Sandler’s character in a TV show-within-the-movie, which is way too confusing to even think about right now, so instead I’m a gonna ride all the way to Texas. C’mon Whiplash, we’re off! (Variety)

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