While American Horror Story isn’t a favorite show of this site, the hope, however unlikely, that McShane will call matron Jessica Lange a “cocksucker,” while indignantly tossing back whiskey, then storming out of the room is enough to make us mildly excited about this news.

But mostly it reminds us that we miss Al Swearengen.

He was like a father to us.

6 photosKeep Looking At New Pics From 'Twilight: Breaking Dawn' Forever

McShane will join Charlize Theron, Kristen Stewart, and Thor in the revised take on the fairy tale where the Huntsman, rather than kill Snow White, trains her to defend herself against her evil stepmother. Between this film, Relativity‘s Snow White, and The Hobbit, we’ll need a good amount of character actors to fill all these dwarf roles. And still, no phone calls to Warwick Davis? That’s messed. (THR)

Directed by Rob Marshall, On Stranger Tides stars Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow and Penelope Cruz as Lady McPirateberg, the boobiest pirate of them all. There’s also Ian McShane‘s Blackbeard, who is totally not cool, you guys.

On Stranger Tides pillages theaters May 20, 2011 in 3D, IMAX 3D and RegularVision 2D.

Let’s start with Rock of Ages. The cliche karaoke soundtrack turned Broadway musical turned feature film directed by Adam Shankman hits theaters June 1, 2012. Phew. For a moment there, I stopped believin’. Rock of Ages stars Tom Cruise, Mary J. Blige, Julianne “I’m From ‘Dancing With The Stars’ ” Hough and Alec Baldwin.

Meanwhile, Jack The Giant Killer, the Bryan Singer helmed fairy tale adaptation, shimmies down the beanstalk on June 15, 2012. It’s just got to steal a bunch of giant treasure first. Jack The Giant Killer stars Nicholas Hoult, Ewan McGregor, Stanley Tucci and Ian McShane. McAwesome cast. (TheWrap)

McShane plays a disapproving dad king, which I imagine will be exactly like his role in Hot Rod, only kinglier. As King Brahmwell, he will hate-on farm boy Jack (Nicholas Hoult), who’s trying to get into the royal panties of his princess daughter (Eleanor Tomlinson). Hopefully, McShane’s scepter doubles as a shotgun.

The kickass cast also includes Ewan McGregor, John Kassir, Bill Nighy and Stanley Tucci as the villainous royal advisor. (Hollywood Reporter)

Ian McShane (“Deadwood“) will play Johnny Depp‘s nemesis in the new installment of the Pirates series. At first, you might think Blackbeard’s a badass, the way he carries around a skull. But maybe he’s just a sad old actor, practicing for a Hamlet audition? Or maybe he loves his little skull and wants to protect it. That’s why he’s giving you a cold stare. He’s saying, “stay away from my Skully, who I partially named after Agent Scully from ‘The X-Files.’ That was a great show. I wish the last movie was better.” Depp’s other rivals in the film include a bunch of zombie pirates, but they don’t seem to carry human skulls, so they’re not nearly as interesting to me.

You can watch Depp fight the whole lot of them May 20th. (Cinema Blend)

This Pirates seems to be chock full of everything that we haven’t seen in previous Pirates films. They even capitalized on the whole zombie phenomenon. This could have been intentional or the writers received a mandate to work everything ever into the film. The fourth time around you have to do that. Let’s just hope they keep it under five hours long. Kids can only take so much convoluted plotline.

^{Die Antwoord?}

Paramount has finally set a release date for Case 39. After sitting on the shelf for close to three years, the Renee Zellweger horror flick will see the light of day on October 1st. And probably DVD on October 11th. B-ZING!!!

In the film, Zellweger saves a little girl from an abusive home, only to find out that evil follows the kid everywhere. People start dying all around them, and it turns into a fight for survival. That’s pretty admirable. I’d be all like, "Sucks to be you. Good luck with that whole being haunted thing."

Seriously though, check out the trailer after the jump. It’s spooky.

Case 39 Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers

Director: Christian Alvart

Cast: Renee Zellweger, Jodelle Ferland, Ian McShane, Bradley Cooper

Synopsis: A social worker (Zellweger) fights to save a girl from her abusive parents, only to discover that the situation is more dangerous than she ever expected.

Release Date: October 1st, 2010

^{Let’s thank the Internet for this nightmare image.}

Disney has given Ian McShane the executive order to stop shaving. Deadwood‘s pimp and murderer has been selected to portray the notorious pirate Blackbeard in Rob Marshall‘s Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides. It’s time to celebrate. Open the f*ckin’ canned peaches!

If McShane signs on, he’ll be squaring off against Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack Sparrow as he slurs and mumbles and gets slapped by women while trying to find the Fountain of Youth. Penelope Cruz has also joined the cast recently as Depp’s atractivo sexualmente foil (translation: corset boobs). With these two casting additions, this could be a film to look forward to. Richardson has given it his seal of approval.

 (THR)