Delphine Chanéac is a French model and actress whose last American film appearance was in The Pink Panther remake as “The Ticket Checker.” She landed a meatier role as Dren in Splice, but unfortunately she has a shaved, cleft head like the lunch lady we all used to make fun of in elementary school.

A word from Delphine: “I had to wear blue socks over high heels, my hands became my feet and my tail was wrapped in blue.”

Worst. First. Date. EVER.

More pics of Delphine without a tail after the jump.

Rachel Hunter was an uber supermodel and wife of silly-haired singer Rod Stewart. She’s actually received most attention as of late for playing the MILF in the music video for Fountains of Wanye’s “Stacey’s Mom,” in which reenacts the Phoebe Cates pool scene from Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

A word from Rachel: “Blondes have more fun.”

Are we judging by the drapes or the rug?

More “blonde” Rachel pics after the jump.

Known mostly as “that hot chick on Dancing with the Stars,” Julianne Hough may be the sole reason men tune into the show, disregarding the fact that they’ll be forced to see former sports heroes at incredibly low points in their lives.

A word from Julianne: "A lot of people know me as a dancer, but this album shows a different side of me. I’ve experienced a lot for someone my age that a lot of people will be able to relate to."

You’re 22 years old, Julianna. Unless a lot of turmoil occured before your 18th birthday, I doubt people will relate much.

More blonde and piercing blue eyes after the jump.

Heidi Klum’s legal name is now Samuel because she married a Seal and gave birth to its two children. Before she mingled with singers named after aqautic life, Heidi was a SUPERmodel. In middle school, I wanted to marry her. Now after the two baby Seals, not so much.

A word from Heidi: "Going blonde is like buying yourself a light bulb!"

She must have said that while she was a blonde.

Okay I’d still marry her. See why after the jump.

Let’s pack it up, boys. No need to follow Bar Refaeli around town with our "seduction" kits any longer. We couldn’t HAVE her before because leading man Leo DiCaprio is tappin’ that ass (plus we’re ugly), and now we don’t WANT her because her vajayjay has touched the back of "The Situation’s" self-tanner smeared neck.

The ab extraordinaire must have sold the remains of his soul to the Devil in exchange for the opportunity to hoist Refaeli up on his shoulders. The vomit-inducing act was apparently a legit photoshoot for Interview Magazine, but something tells me it was "The Situation’s" idea. When I asked DiCaprio how he felt about his girlfriend’s crotch on a guido’s neck, he responded:

"Mama, I want hot dogs. I want hot dogs, Mama."  

I questioned a DVD of What’s Eating Gilbert Grape. (TMZ)

Kelly Brannigan is briefcase numbe 24 on that gameshow hosted by the germaphobe. She was also voted Biggest Flirt in high school. I guess that’s what happens when you strut to class in your bra with a pitbull.

A word from Kelly: "I’m briefcase number 24."

I don’t have documentation of Kelly actually saying the above, but I have to believe she’s given that answer when someone asked her directions to the airport.

After the jump see why it’s unnecessary for Kelly to speak.

Screen Junkies has an unhealthy obsession with Michael Bay so it’s only fitting that I post this commercial he recently directed for Victoria’s Secret. The rumor I’m starting has it that Bay schtooped every single model on set, but only after he bent the sky over and took it from behind, thus scorching the earth all for a totally awesome shot.

Here are today’s lin–BOOM!

_{What Your Favorite Sport Really Says About You (HolyTaco)}

_{London Knights Fan Makes it Rain Teddy Bears (TotalProSports)}

_{Sexy Surfers (TheChive)}

_{The Final Frame on Old Dogs is Creepy (FilmDrunk)}

_{25 Amazing Christmas Light Displays (SuperTremendous)}

_{The Decade’s Ten Biggest Flameouts (Pajiba)}

_{Top 10 Twilight Fan Gifts (CelebJihad)}

_{10 Reasons We Miss Dolph Lundgren (Moviefone)}

_{A Collection of Horrible Prequel Ideas (Unreality)}

_{Is Playground Pole Dancing Porn? (Asylum)}

_{Brenda Warner Has Long Hair Now! (BustedCoverage)}

_{Quad Loading Fail (RegretfulMorning)}

_{Makeover Your Pad James Bond-Style (MadeMan)}

_{66 Hot Track Girls (AllLeftTurns)}

_{Vicious Soccer Fight Over Dirty Play (NothingToxic)}

_{Tiger Woods Gets His Sext On (Atom)}

Who gives a twirling sh*t if Joanna Krupa can dance? I certainly don’t. Hey ABC, get a pole up on that stage and watch your ratings skyrocket. Joanna is one of the sexiest woman alive, which is clearly evident by the aurora borealis of "daaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!" above. No tap shoes required. 

A word from Joanna: "I get so sick of wearing lingerie for shoots that I don’t even go to Victoria’s Secret"

Lingerie is overrated anyway. Nothing always works. Or bath bubbles. Personally, I prefer the Robocop brand of liquid suds. 

You have ten seconds to comply with the pics after the jump.