Screen Junkies » Hot Actresses http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Fri, 05 Dec 2014 19:25:26 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 ‘How to Make it in America’ Actress Lake Bell http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/%e2%80%98how-to-make-it-in-america%e2%80%9d-actress-lake-bell%e2%80%99/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/%e2%80%98how-to-make-it-in-america%e2%80%9d-actress-lake-bell%e2%80%99/#comments Thu, 06 Oct 2011 23:16:18 +0000 Screen Junkies http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=gallery&p=231486 Not to be confused with Bell Lake. Fantastic waterskiiking facilities, by the way.

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In HBO’s “How to Make it in America,” Lake Bell plays a twenty-something New Yorker who, as per the show’s title, is attempting to make it in America. Bell, who starred on Adult Swim‘s “Childrens Hospital” for two seasons and still occasionally makes appearances on the show, recently showed up in No Strings Attached and A Good Old Fashioned Orgy. So clearly she’s comedically oriented. Hot funny girls, man. We need more of them.

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‘The Playboy Club’ Actress Jenna Dewan-Tatum http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/%e2%80%98the-playboy-club%e2%80%99-actress-jenna-dewan-tatum/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/%e2%80%98the-playboy-club%e2%80%99-actress-jenna-dewan-tatum/#comments Wed, 28 Sep 2011 17:28:48 +0000 Screen Junkies http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=gallery&p=230312 She's the only reason to watch The Playboy Club...besides the other hot girls.

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Jenna Dewan-Tatum runs with the bunnies in “The Playboy Club.” She plays a Playboy Club employee, complete with form-fitting bunny outfit and feminine mystique. Tatum, who married actor Channing Tatum in 2009, is best known for her role in Step Up and for her appearances in such films as The Hot Chick and The Grudge 2.

A word from Jenna: ”I believe [nudity in films and television] is overused. I think there are a few times in movies and maybe a few TV shows, where scenes do call for it and there is a certain sense of realism. But you can tell when a girl didn’t want to show nudity, and it’s pretty obvious.”

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Hannah Simone http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/hannah-simone/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/hannah-simone/#comments Tue, 27 Sep 2011 20:08:23 +0000 Screen Junkies http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=gallery&p=230266 Hannah Simone hangs with Zooey Deschanel on 'New Girl.'

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Hannah Simone hangs with Zooey Deschanel on “New Girl.” The role is Simone’s her first first recurring television gig, apart from her run as host of the series “WCG Ultimate Gamer.” She’s already looking to film, having taken roles in Sati Shaves Her Head, a short, and Hot Package, a TV movie, both being released this year.

A word from Simone: ”I come from a family of nomads! I got on my first plane when I was one. We’ve constantly been travelling and exploring, so I feel that I can fit in almost everywhere.”

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‘Brooklyn’s Finest’ Actress Stella Maeve http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/brooklyns-finest-actress-stella-maeve/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/brooklyns-finest-actress-stella-maeve/#comments Tue, 02 Mar 2010 18:58:00 +0000 Defy Media Stella Maeve has had small roles in several TV shows, but now she's making her way in to movies. You can catch her in Brooklyn's Finest this Friday, and soon as Sandy West in The Runaways. I think we'll all take pleasure in watching her star rise.   A word from Stella: "Eating organic is one of the best things a person can do for themselves." Uh oh, fellas, we've got a hippie in our midst. Get out your microwavable meals and canned goods. We're going to make her love preservatives if it kills us. More fresh pics of Stella after the jump.

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Stella Maeve has had small roles in several TV shows, but now she’s making her way in to movies. You can catch her in Brooklyn’s Finest this Friday, and soon as Sandy West in The Runaways. I think we’ll all take pleasure in watching her star rise.

A word from Stella: “Eating organic is one of the best things a person can do for themselves.”

Uh oh, fellas, we’ve got a hippie in our midst. Get out your microwavable meals and canned goods. We’re going to make her love preservatives if it kills us.

More fresh pics on Stella after the jump.

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7 Supermodels Who Can’t Act http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/7-supermodels-who-cant-act/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/7-supermodels-who-cant-act/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

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Why is it that supermodels think they can act? I understand that hiding bulimia from your parents takes some skill. Staying composed after snorting enough coke to kill a horse also takes a lot of talent. Even so, that doesn’t mean you’re ready to be on the big screen. But time and time again, models try their hand at feature films.  To make matters worse, time and time again we watch. Why? Because they are hot? That made sense 20 years ago, but in today’s day and age, all the boobs you can handle are just a few keystrokes away. There is no longer any justification for models making movies, especially when they are this bad.  Here’s a look at 7 of the worst supermodels who tried to act.

Estella Warren as Jessie in Kangaroo Jack (2003)

What’s more unbelievable: a talking Kangaroo or a model who can act? Aside from Kangaroo Jack, Warren’s other big role was as the hot semi-naked chick in the Planet of the Apes remake. Somehow, she wasn’t very believable in the role. If your two biggest roles are alongside talking animals, and the animal in question isn’t a Wookie, then it’s time to call it quits.

They say that a great film doesn’t rely on dialogue. With that in mind, here’s a clip from Kangaroo Jack dubbed into French.

Elle MacPherson as Julie Madison in Batman and Robin (1997)

It’s bad enough that Elle’s only major role was in Batman and Robin, one of the worst films of all time.  But what’s even more insulting is that this native Australian wasn’t even offered the role in Kangaroo Jack!

Tyra Banks as Deja in Higher Learning (1995)

The film Higher Learning bravely confronted the threat neo-Nazis posed to American college campuses in the mid 90’s. This wasn’t exactly a brave stance since there was no threat, but hey, Laurence Fishburne got an “Image Award” and Ice Cube got a pay check, so Hollywood’s “white guilt” was temporarily alleviated. 

However, the film did raise awareness of the growing threat from supermodel Tyra Banks. In a film filled with horrible acting and cartoonish dialogue, Banks somehow manages to standout as subpar. For example, take a look at her hilarious death scene. You might actually find yourself cheering for the skinhead.

Kathy Ireland as Wanda Saknussen in Alien From L.A. (1988)

Let’s hope Kathy Ireland is remembered for her good looks, because no one is going to remember her as an actress. For example, do you remember the ill-fated Naked Gun rip-off, Loade Weapon 1?  Well, she does, but only because she was in it. Perhaps you remember the college football spoof, Necessary Roughness, staring Sinbad and Scott Bakula? Not only was she in that film, but she had its funniest line. Unfortunately for the audience, the line was “Welcome to foot, balls.” Hilarious!

While Kathy has a lot of crap to choose from, her worst role was in the film Alien From L.A. Her voice is so damn irritating that I forget how badly I’d like to bang her, which is the only reason anyone would watch this crap in the first place. The movie was so terrible that Mystery Science Theater 3000 ended up watching it. If that doesn’t convince you to stick with modeling, nothing will.

Cindy Crawford as Kate McQuean in Fair Game (1995)

In all fairness to Cindy Crawford, she probably has some real acting ability. After all, she did pretend to love Richard Gere for all those years. However, that type of acting doesn’t always translate well to the silver screen. But she did get her chance in the 1995 flop, Fair Game. She played “a woman with a dangerous secret” who falls in love with “a cop on the edge!” The rest of the country played “an audience that stayed home.”

Her co-star in the film was also a model turned actor by the name of Billy Baldwin. He didn’t receive any monetary payment for his work, but as you’ll see in this scene, he did get to cop a feel on Cindy, which is a pretty good deal.

Claudia Schiffer as the Aerobics Instructor in Richie Rich (1994)

Claudia is one of the hottest women on the planet, but she couldn’t even get cast as a named character in a Macaulay Culkin film. Aerobics Instructor? Even John Larroquette’s character had a name. Couldn’t they at least have called her Claudia the Aerobics Instructor?  She’s either the worst actress in the world, or nobody taught her how to use the casting couch.

Claudia also played herself in the film Love, Actually. Anyone who was in that film should be shot.  I don’t have a punch line, because that wasn’t a joke.

Natasha Henstridge as Sil in Species (1995)

Natasha Henstridge is best known for her role in Species, which is to say she is best known for being in a real piece of sh*t. From what I remember, her character goes around having sex with guys before killing them.  It’s a lot like Monster, but instead of an ugly homeless chick there’s a sexy alien, and instead of winning Oscars it sucks balls. On that note, here’s a rare YouTube clip that shows boobies. It’s a Christmas miracle (NSFW)!

  

Today’s Marquee Links

Claudia Lampe is Smokin’

More Facebook Hotties

No Love for Lovie from Bear Fans

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Bitch Slap http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/films/bitch-slap/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/films/bitch-slap/#comments Mon, 16 Nov 2009 21:25:21 +0000 Reza F. Director: Rick JacobsonCast: Julia Voth, Erin Cummings, America OlivioSynopsis: Follows three bad girls (a down-and-out stripper, a drug-running killer and a corporate powerbroker) as they arrive at a remote desert hideaway to extort and steal $200 Million in diamonds from a ruthless underworld kingpin.

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Director: Rick Jacobson

Cast: Julia Voth, Erin Cummings, America Olivio

Synopsis: Follows three bad girls (a down-and-out stripper, a drug-running killer and a corporate powerbroker) as they arrive at a remote desert hideaway to extort and steal $200 Million in diamonds from a ruthless underworld kingpin.

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Sexy T&A Montage from Rob Marshall’s ‘Nine’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/sexy-ta-montage-from-rob-marshalls-nine/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/sexy-ta-montage-from-rob-marshalls-nine/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000   If you're a homophobic straight guy, you might want to shut the eff up right now, because Rob Marshall's man-lovin' ass is about to make it rain hetero-boner pills with his new movie, called Nine. Yes, it's a musical. And yes, it has dancing and singing. And guess what, bro? Those dancing and singing women happen to be a scantily clad Penelope Cruz, Marion Cotillard, and Nicole Kidman. So when you're fap-fap-fappin' it up to this here video clip, don't finish by saying gay guys never did nothing for you.

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If you’re a homophobic straight guy, you might want to shut the eff up right now, because Rob Marshall‘s man-lovin’ ass is about to make it rain hetero-boner pills with his new movie, called Nine. Yes, it’s a musical. And yes, it has dancing and singing. And guess what, bro? Those dancing and singing women happen to be a scantily clad Penelope Cruz, Marion Cotillard, and Nicole Kidman.

So when you’re fap-fap-fappin‘ it up to this here video clip, don’t finish by saying gay guys never did nothing for you.

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‘New York, I Love You’ Actress Eva Amurri http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/new-york-i-love-you-actress-eva-amurri/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/new-york-i-love-you-actress-eva-amurri/#comments Wed, 14 Oct 2009 17:59:40 +0000 Defy Media Hellooooooo hot daughter.  You may have seen Eva Amurri hanging out with Susan Sarandon since Susan is this fine young woman's mother.  Can't you notice the resemblance, you know, in the face...?  The surname 'Amurri' comes from Eva's father, an Italian film director.  I don't know if she got any of his assets, but the overall mixture of genes worked out splendidly.A word from Eva: "Stripping is not easy, I will tell you."Ehhhh, I don't believe you.  Instead of telling me, why don't you go ahead and show me how difficult it is.  Oh wait, you'll never read this post?  I guess additional pics of you in low-cut attire will have to suffice.And here those are after the jump!

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Hellooooooo hot daughter.  You may have seen Eva Amurri hanging out with Susan Sarandon since Susan is this fine young woman’s mother.  Can’t you notice the resemblance, you know, in the face…?  The surname ‘Amurri’ comes from Eva’s father, an Italian film director.  I don’t know if she got any of his assets, but the overall mixture of genes worked out splendidly.

A word from Eva: “Stripping is not easy, I will tell you.”

Ehhhh, I don’t believe you.  Instead of telling me, why don’t you go ahead and show me how difficult it is.  Oh wait, you’ll never read this post?  I guess additional pics of you in low-cut attire will have to suffice.

And here those are after the jump!

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‘New York, I Love You’ Actress Olivia Thirlby http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/new-york-i-love-you-actress-olivia-thirlby/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/new-york-i-love-you-actress-olivia-thirlby/#comments Tue, 13 Oct 2009 16:25:28 +0000 Defy Media Honest to blog, it's Olivia Thirlby!  I hope I just made your skin crawl with that tid bit of too-clever-for-its-own-good dialogue from Juno.  Olivia delivered it as best as she could, though, and turned the character of Juno's semi-slutty best friend Leah into a memorable one.  Now you can look for her as "Actress" in New York, I Love You, where hopefully the screenwriter put words in her mouth that people actually say in real life.      A word from Olivia: "Last year's Sundance was a big deal, This year, I don't care what I wear. For me, it's just another crazy day."Sounds like a day in the life of me, Olivia.  I'm wearing a trash bag secured to my body with a poorly knotted rope-belt, and I'm pretty sure they're serving dove tacos at lunch.  Just another crazy day at the office!And here are some more crazy, sexy, cool pics after the jump!

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Honest to blog, it’s Olivia Thirlby!  I hope I just made your skin crawl with that tid bit of too-clever-for-its-own-good dialogue from Juno.  Olivia delivered it as best as she could, though, and turned the character of Juno’s semi-slutty best friend Leah into a memorable one.  Now you can look for her as “Actress” in New York, I Love You, where hopefully the screenwriter put words in her mouth that people actually say in real life.

A word from Olivia: Last year’s Sundance was a big deal, This year, I don’t care what I wear. For me, it’s just another crazy day.

Sounds like a day in the life of me, Olivia.  I’m wearing a trash bag secured to my body with a poorly knotted rope-belt, and I’m pretty sure they’re serving dove tacos at lunch.  Just another crazy day at the office!

And here are some more crazy, sexy, cool pics after the jump!

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‘New York, I Love You’ Actress Rachel Bilson http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/new-york-i-love-you-actress-rachel-bilson/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/new-york-i-love-you-actress-rachel-bilson/#comments Mon, 12 Oct 2009 18:00:15 +0000 Defy Media This entire week we're focusing on the girls of New York, I Love You, an anthology of filmic love letters to NYC, which opens this Friday.  Our first girl is Rachel Bilson, who holds a special, warm, pillow-topped place in my otherwise jaded heart.  If only she wasn't engaged to Anakin Skywalker we could run away together and live happily ever after on a tropical island, relying simply on coconut milk and intense passion as sustenance.  I'd even forgive her for starring in Jumper, and that takes a ton of will power on my part.  I mean, did you even see that movie, Rachel?  Not even Sam Jackson's platinum blond hair could save it.             A word from Rachel: "It's great playing someone who is not like me at all. I'm really a nice girl, so it's fun to be a bitch, then come home and be myself again." I feel the same way about my role at work.  Boy, do I act like a big, catty bitch around the office.  It's all about "Talk to the hand" this, and "Have some scalding hot coffee in your face" that.  It's exhausting to keep up the persona.   Here are some pics of a nice girl being naughty after the jump!

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This entire week we’re focusing on the girls of New York, I Love You, an anthology of filmic love letters to NYC, which opens this Friday.  Our first girl is Rachel Bilson, who holds a special, warm, pillow-topped place in my otherwise jaded heart.  If only she wasn’t engaged to Anakin Skywalker we could run away together and live happily ever after on a tropical island, relying simply on coconut milk and intense passion as sustenance.  I’d even forgive her for starring in Jumper, and that takes a ton of will power on my part.  I mean, did you even see that movie, Rachel?  Not even Sam Jackson’s platinum blond hair could save it.

A word from Rachel: “It’s great playing someone who is not like me at all. I’m really a nice girl, so it’s fun to be a bitch, then come home and be myself again.”

I feel the same way about my role at work.  Boy, do I act like a big, catty bitch around the office.  It’s all about “Talk to the hand” this, and “Have some scalding hot coffee in your face” that.  It’s exhausting to keep up the persona.  

Here are some pics of a nice girl being naughty after the jump!

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10 HOTTEST FEMALE GRIFTERS IN MOVIES http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/10-hottest-female-grifters-in-movies/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/10-hottest-female-grifters-in-movies/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 In SPREAD, opening this Friday, Ashton Kutcher plays Nikki, a high-end lothario who has slept his way into a life of privilege.  We haven't seen the film, but we're pretty sure that we'd rather it focused on Kutcher's co-star Margarita Levieva, if only to give us more screen time with her.  In the film, Levieva plays Heather, who turns out to be a grifter just like Nikki... and the plot thickens. But it got us thinking that Heather, no matter how good she is at swindling through sex, has got some pretty stiff competition cinematically speaking.  The following ten sexpots are Screen Junkies' picks for the 10 Hottest Female Grifters in Movies.   Angelina Jolie as Julie Russell ORIGINAL SIN (2001)

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In SPREAD, opening this Friday, Ashton Kutcher plays Nikki, a high-end lothario who has slept his way into a life of privilege.  We haven’t seen the film, but we’re pretty sure that we’d rather it focused on Kutcher’s co-star Margarita Levieva, if only to give us more screen time with her.  In the film, Levieva plays Heather, who turns out to be a grifter just like Nikki… and the plot thickens.

But it got us thinking that Heather, no matter how good she is at swindling through sex, has got some pretty stiff competition cinematically speaking.  The following ten sexpots are Screen Junkies’ picks for the 10 Hottest Female Grifters in Movies.

 

Angelina Jolie as Julie Russell

ORIGINAL SIN (2001)

When you have the ridonkulous hotness on your side, you can convince weak men to do anything.  In the case of ORIGINAL SIN, Julia (Angelina Jolie)is a high stakes grifter who seduces wealthy Cuban coffee magnate Luis (Antonio Banderas) into marrying her based on a bunch of overseas correspondence and charm.  Flash forward, past a lot of intrigue and a lot more ass shots (some Jolie good, some of the Banderas variety) and you wind up finding out Julia is in cahoots with Walter (Thomas Jane), the phony detective who’s been playing Luis almost as long as his partner.  Just not with his balls, like Julia.  We don’t want to spoil too much, but run out and rent this to check out Jolie’s performance, which garnered her the 2001 Worst Actress Razzie award.  And she didn’t even have to $%*& anyone to get it.

         

    

 

 

 

Barbara Stanwyck as Phyllis Dietrichson

DOUBLE INDEMNITY (1944) 

Barbara Stanwyck is the O.G. of this sultry bunch, but still one of the best thanks to her role as conniving femme fatale Phyllis Dietrichson in Billy Wilder’s DOUBLE INDEMNITY.  After taking out a sizable life insurance policy on her husband, Dietrichson seduces insurance man Walter Neff (Fred MacMurray) so badly he agrees to murdering the cuckold in cold blood.  We won’t tell you what happens in the rest of the film – this is one of the best Film Noir flicks EVER and you should see it – but suffice it to say that if we were on the receiving end of Dietrichson’s advances back in the day, we might have done some very bad things, too.  Not sold?  Check out some of this smoldering dialogue between Neff & Phyllis:

Phyllis: Mr. Neff, why don’t you drop by tomorrow evening about eight-thirty. He’ll be in then.
Walter Neff: Who?
Phyllis: My husband. You were anxious to talk to him weren’t you?
Walter Neff: Yeah, I was, but I’m sort of getting over the idea, if you know what I mean.
Phyllis: There’s a speed limit in this state, Mr. Neff. Forty-five miles an hour.
Walter Neff: How fast was I going, officer?
Phyllis: I’d say around ninety.
Walter Neff: Suppose you get down off your motorcycle and give me a ticket.
Phyllis: Suppose I let you off with a warning this time.
Walter Neff: Suppose it doesn’t take.
Phyllis: Suppose I have to whack you over the knuckles.
Walter Neff: Suppose I bust out crying and put my head on your shoulder.
Phyllis: Suppose you try putting it on my husband’s shoulder.
Walter Neff: That tears it.  

         

    

 

 

 

Sigourney Weaver as Max Conners

Jennifer Love Hewitt as Page Conners

HEARTBREAKERS (2001) 

You gotta have one tag team on the list, and this is about as hot as it gets… at least on paper.  Starring as a mother-daughter con artist team, Weaver and Love Hewitt fleece wealthy men out of their savings. The grift is this, Weaver finds and marries rich men. Then JLH swoops in and seduces them. Weaver catches them in the act and takes the guys for all they’re worth in divorce proceedings. Although the movie wasn’t all that great, the two have a nice chemistry together. And by that I’m talking about the movie’s real stars. (Hint: Hewitt’s boobs.) 

          

         

 

 

 

 

Karin Dor as Helga Brandt

YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE (1967) 

James Bond has slept with plenty of women who are after more than just his pocket Walther PPK, but our pick for most conniving of the bunch is Helga Brandt, played by hot German strudel Karin Dor in YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE.  A loyal henchwoman of arch-villain Ernst Stavro Blofeld, head of the nefarious SPECTRE, Brandt attempts to kill Bond by pretending to defect to his side.  She ends up defecting to his side of the bed as well, and not for lack of trying.  "Mr. Osato believes in a healthy chest," says Brandt to Bond, as she mixes him a stiff drink in her boss, Osato’s office.  Sadly, Osato also believes in standing by while his employees are eaten alive by Blofeld’s pet piranhas – a fate Brandt meets after her failure to finish Bond once and for all.  Fun fact: the film was written by Roald Dahl. 

         

    

 

 

 

Sara Foster as Nancy Hayes

THE BIG BOUNCE (2004) 

 

Based on Elmore Leonard’s first crime novel, THE BIG BOUNCE stars Owen Wilson as a small time crook who gets involved with scorching hot Sara Foster. Together they team up to take down a sleazy real estate developer whom she is sleeping with. Naturally because it is an Elmore Leonard story, she has her own hidden agenda. Who’d have thought that a backstabbing mistress couldn’t be trusted? BORING FACT: Sara Foster is Hollywood royalty and introduced Ashton Kutcher to Demi Moore.

         

    

 

 

 

Jennifer Tilly as Violet

BOUND (1996) 

Before playing with bullet-time and high wire kung fu, the Wachowski Brothers bent stereotypes about sexuality in the Billy Wilder-inspired BOUND. Jennifer Tilly plays a woman who wants out of her abusive relationship with Mafioso Joe Pantoliano. She falls into the arms of Gina Gershon who helps her make off with 2 million mob bucks, leaving a pile of Italian bodies along the way. Much like the fight scenes in THE MATRIX, the sex scenes in BOUND were also choreographed. This time the moves are plotted out by sex expert Susie Bright not by Yuen Woo-ping, who is rumored to be terrible in bed.

         

    

 

 

 

Alison Doody as Dr. Elsa Schneider

Indiana Jones & THE LAST CRUSADE (1989)

Life can be cruel, but karma eventually wins out.  And so it goes for the actress whose surname is synonymous with feces for most first graders, but whose uncompromising good looks is synonymous with boners for grown men.  Yes, Alison Doody solidified (ha) her place in the pantheon of sexy cinematic swindlers when, as Dr. Elsa Schneider, she slept her way int Indiana Jones‘s trust one hot, sticky night in Venice, Italy… before selling Dr. Jones out to the Nazis.  Had Indy only heeded Short Round’s prophetic portent that there’s "No time for love," he’d never EVER get into these sorts of messes.  But then again… even some Nazis can be too hot to brush off.  

         

    

 

 

 

Nicole Kidman as Suzanne Stone Maretto

TO DIE FOR (1995) 

All Nicole Kidman wants is a little attention in Gus Van Sant’s twisted dark comedy TO DIE FOR. Kidman stars as a woman so determined to be a famous news anchor that she seduces a teenager into killing her husband because he wants her to put her career on hold. Without giving away too much of the plot, we’ll just say that the film is an excellent satire of the media circus and the greedy people that desire fame no matter the cost. The movie really is very good and Kidman is hilarious in it. If you haven’t seen this yet make that the next thing you do. Okay. Put pants on first. 

         

    

 

 

 

Drew Barrymore as Ivy

POISON IVY (1992) 

"What Ivy wants, Ivy gets," is this film’s tagline, and it couldn’t be truer about the titular character played by Drew Barrymore, who befriends schoolmate Sylvie Cooper (Sara Gilbert) to infiltrate her family and eventually move in with them.  Shortly thereafter, Ivy gets in father Darryl’s (Tom Skerritt) pants, and – SPOILER ALERT – takes mother Georgie (Cheryl Ladd) out of the picture through… muuuuurdeeeer.  Take that, Strokes guitarist Albert Hammond Jr. and actor/Mac shill Justin Long! Tom Skerritt had Drew FIRST! 

         

    

 

 

 

Rebecca Romijn as Laure Ash

FEMME FATALE (2002) 

Way back during the Stamos years, Rebecca Romijn teamed up with Brian De Palma to bear it all in FEMME FATALE. Starring as a jewel thief who knows how to get her hands on more than just precious stones. The big score takes place during a Cannes Film Festival screening when sexy Rie Rasmussin enters ass-naked save for some chain mail and diamond-encrusted bra. The plan is simple and evidently dreamt up by a fourteen year old hornball. Ash is to casually approach the model while she is clad in millions, walk her away from security, and convince her to partake in a quickie in the bathroom (a classic move known as ‘the Hartnett’). During the steamy lesbian tryst, the body armor is swapped out for a counterfeit. If you thought it was exciting to see Tom Cruise get the NOC List out of Langley in De Palma’s MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE, you’ll be a different kind of excited to watch Rasmussin get out of those clothes.

         

    

What sexual grifter ladies from film would you be willing to sleep with if it meant very bad things for you later?

 

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14 HOTTEST CHICKS FROM MICHAEL BAY FILMS http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/14-hottest-chicks-from-michael-bay-films/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/14-hottest-chicks-from-michael-bay-films/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 All this week, BAYWATCH '09 has given you the goods on all things that go BOOM.  Monday was the 10 Best Michael Bay-directed Music Videos... Tuesday was the first ever Michael Bay Explosion Tournament... Well, it wouldn't be a proper Bay-themed week without cleavage.  You're welcome.By Thomas Anderson

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All this week, BAYWATCH ’09 has given you the goods on all things that go BOOM.  Monday was the 10 Best Michael Bay-directed Music Videos… Tuesday was the first ever Michael Bay Explosion Tournament… Well, it wouldn’t be a proper Bay-themed week without cleavage.  You’re welcome.

By Thomas Anderson

It doesn’t matter how many movies Michael Bay comes out with; you still get the sense that he just might be sitting there behind the camera, sneaking a peek at Megan Fox’s stomach or Scarlet Johansson’s ass (hell, wouldn’t you?). Sometimes you wonder if he cast them simply so he could ogle them from behind the camera and create a few off-camera explosions in his pants, but you’ve got to hand it to the guy: he knows how to populate his worlds with gorgeous bombshells who are strong, independent women who often find the need to remove their clothes to save the world, or maybe just give the hero a little pick-me-up.

In honor of these brave, brave souls, Screen Junkies presents 14 of Michael Bay’s Hottest Chicks from all his films.

 

BAD BOYS and BAD BOYS II

These films perhaps best encompass what Bay is all about: lots and lots of chases and explosions, and curvy gorgeous women as a garnish on top of the million-calorie sundae. 

 

GABRIEL UNION

In the second Bad Boys film she played Will Smith’s girlfriend and Martin Lawrence’s sister, making it extremely difficult to concentrate on the two stars’ banter, the dumb plot, and the inane dialogue, because uh… um… what were we talking about again?

 

THERESA RANDLE

Though she hasn’t been in much since Bad Boys, save for some flopped movies, a few TV shows and Space Jame as Michael Jordan’s wife, she sizzles to this day.  The fact that she played, of all people, Martin Lawrence’s wife, should have tolsd us something about Bay’s commitment to credibility.

 

IVELIN GIRO

Don’t remember her?  She had a cameo as Will Smith’s psychologist in Bad Boys II – a woman who helped Smith overcome emotional issues through the tried and true technique of boning her patient. I think it’s safe to say if Ivelin Giro was able to give therapy to every single person with a problem, we’d have achieved world peace and invented faster-than-light travel by now.

 

THE ROCK

This movie proves an exception to most Bay ventures, because the cast is almost exclusively male, with only a few scenes here and there devoted to the fairer sex.  Not to worry though, because the lack of extraneous females let Bay choose very selectively which chicks would show up in his cartoon action slaughter fest.  And they’re a couple of very fine women indeed.

 

VANESSA MARCIL

 

Back when Nic Cage was still considered an actor and not a punchline, he had Marcil as his girlfriend and mother of his child in The Rock.  She’s since posed for Maxim, FHM, and some other magazines.  She also does the occasional TV cameo and even starred in the failed Sex and the City ripoff, Lipstick Jungle, but she’s got enough star power that we probably haven’t seen the last of her in movies.

 

CLAIRE FORLANI

Her appeal comes from the fact that she looks smart enough to grade your homework, and yet still keep you after class to talk to her about how you can help her raise your grades.  (Yes, a round of Monopoly, for those of you who were wondering.) She only had a couple minutes in The Rock as Sean Connery’s daughter, but it’s arguably a couple of the best minutes in the movie, even if there’s a distinct lack of skin.  We can solve that below.


 

ARMAGEDDON

Similar to The Rock, Armageddon was a testosterone-fuled romp where women seemed to be an inconvenience to getting on with the good stuff of blowing up a bigass rock.  Bay’s choices this time are ratcheted up in beauty and star power even further, but that animal cracker scene still has us cracking up to this day… for all the wrong reasons.

 

LIV TYLER

We didn’t care that she didn’t look a thing like Bruce Willis, a guy who – fine actor that he is – looks like his face was chiseled out of concrete.  Tyler, by contrast, has smooth, elven beauty, a voice that’s whisper-soft, and otherworldly eyes that always seem to ask, "Why not?"  We couldn’t agree more.

 

LAYLA ROBERTS

It’s unclear why a drop dead gorgeous stripper would end up with a guy like Steve Buscemi, whose eyes always seem to be pointing in different directions, but we didn’t care much because we were too busy focusing our eyes on her great big asteroids. In real life, she’s a porn star who posed for Playboy, and you’d be surprised how difficult it is to find a picture of her not naked.  So in the interest of discretion, we’ve placed little South Park Michael Bay explosion icons on the appropriate areas.

 

 

PEARL HARBOR

When faced with the prospect of a movie with no chicks in sight, Michael Bay did the only logical thing; he created a whole bunch of horny-as-sh*t nurses who really, really want to bang the soldiers and seem to only do actual nurse work as a last resort.  Finally he could combine the two things he’d always dreamed of: horrifying exploitative shots of a national tragedy and Josh Hartnett and Kate Beckinsale doing it in a parachute hangar.

 

KATE BECKINSALE

These days she’s best known for the Underworld series (her wardrobe helped), but back in the day, Beckinsale was a serious hottie and one of the more bankable Hollywood stars.  She doesn’t have Liv Tyler;s ethereal air, but straight up hot works just fine at putting asses in seats.

 

JAIME KING

Impressively, Pearl Harbor was only King’s third movie, but she manages to hold her own wamong the rest of the nurse ast and appear convincingly just as desperate for uniformed man ass as the others.  It’s not her fault she’s so hot and sexy and blonde… I mean.. what’s a horny nurse to do?

 

JENNIFER GARNER

Way back before she was a huge superstar trading blows with Ben Affleck and dressing in tight red superhero leather, Garner was a smaller star who played an adorabl nurse with glasses (!!!) in Pearl Harbor.  Do we really need to say anything else?

 

 

THE ISLAND

SCARLET JOHANSSON

Though her role only existed so Ewan McGragor would have someone to do the nasty with (lucky), ScarJo brought her famous innocent eyes and infectious smile to the role, playing up her naivete by a couple of thousdan degrees, which only made her hotter.  She’s got that look that’ knowing, yet at the same time blissfully unaware of her own beauty.

 

SHAWNEE SMITH

So what is it with Steve Buscemi landing all these amazing women in Michael Bay flicks?  Is it the eye thing?  In any case, Shawnee is probably best known for her role in the Saw films, as Jigsaw’s apprentice.  She’s an actress who’s boned Buscemi and ruthlessly murdered people.  Which one is more disturbing?

 

THE TRANSFORMERS FILMS

MEGAN FOX

It’s safe to say that without Bay there would be no Megan Fox, or at least, hardly anyone would recognize her photo-friendly stomach.  Her recent rant in the media about being compared to Angelina Jolie throws her into a bit of a harsher light, but it doesn’t change the fct that her stomach is pretty damn amazing (along with the rest of her).

 

RACHEL TAYLOR

Bay’s form of women’s lib is giving them a gun and telling them to shoot.  In Transformers, that’s exactly what he did with this character.  Nothing wrong with that, of course, but since he was wasting all his time on Optimus Prime saying, "My bad," the the African-American Autobot "Jazz" jive-talkin’ it up, we didn’t get to see much of her.  A shame, because she’s got that classic blonde bombshell thing down pretty darn well. 

WHO’S YOUR FAVORITE "MICHAEL BAY-BE?"

-Thomas Anderson
aka MovieBuzzReviewDude. Check out his movie/media/pop culture blog here.

 

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