Screen Junkies » Horror http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Wed, 26 Nov 2014 19:27:26 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Ranking the Many, Many Deaths of Michael Myers By Improbability http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/ranking-the-many-many-deaths-of-michael-myers-according-to-improbability/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/ranking-the-many-many-deaths-of-michael-myers-according-to-improbability/#comments Fri, 31 Oct 2014 16:57:50 +0000 Jared Jones http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=266797 It's as if the screenwriters of these movies didn't even take the time to do the proper research before putting pen to paper.

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By Jared Jones

You know, while getting blackout drunk on Evan Williams Apple Orchard Liquor and watching Halloween 4 last night, I noticed something: That Michael Myers feller is hard ta kill! Whether he was being shot, stabbed, run over, shot, stabbed, or shot, Myers never stayed down for long, and boy oh boy was he mad when he got to waking up, I tell you what!

But it was shortly after Halloween 4 ended and Halloween 5 began that the true revelation came: All of the Halloween moves — from the 1978 classic to that one with Busta Rhymes — are riddled with inaccuracies. Contradictions. Plot holes you could drag a corpse through. Whether the creators of franchise are or simply ignorant I do not know, but I do know that the films consistently take absolutely insane liberties when it comes to things like anatomy, Newton’s laws of motion, and the physical limitations of the human body.

How any film franchise as successful as Halloween could be rooted in fraudulent science simply boggles the mind, as does the fact that the film’s rather frequent missteps in logic have gone completely unnoticed by both moviegoing audiences and the so-called “critics” whose job it is to pick movies apart to the most minor detail. But more often than not, the factual inaccuracies of the Halloween series can be traced back to one man: Michael Myers.

Over the course of some seven movies*, Myers meets his maker no less than a couple dozen times, only to inexplicably rise again and seek the blood of some dumb skank who just tripped over a pinecone. It’s utterly confounding, and for the good of horror filmmakers everywhere, nay, humanity, join us as we give the many deaths of Michael Myers the logic beatdown they deserve.

*Remember, neither of Rob Zombie‘s Halloween incarnations ever actually happened and therefore cannot be included.

#10: Multiple Tranq Darts and 2×4 Bludgeoning — Halloween 5

If the independent research I’ve conducted on stray cats and dogs around my neighborhood is anything to go off, a lethal dosage of Telazol (the chemical compound found in most tranquilizer darts) is around 14 mg/kg. While the average human’s tolerance is somewhat higher than that, any animal being that is worth one’s salt can survive up to twice the safe dosage found in the average dart. The Halloween 5 filmmakers obviously researched this as much as I did, and were correct in their belief that having Loomis double-down on his darts would not in fact kill Michael Myers. The same can be said for the bludgeoning that followed, because let’s be honest, Loomis definitely seemed to be holding back on those 2×4 swings.

#9: Injected With Green Goo, Bludgeoned With a Pipe — Halloween 6

I may not know much about chemical compounds (other than those found in tranq darts), but I do know that if it’s a green liquid and it was found in a laboratory, it can probably kill you. The same goes for being repeatedly smashed in the face with a pipe. But not knowing the exact specifications of what green goo was injected into Myers, I can not in good conscience condemn Halloween 6 for failing to abide by good science.

Bonus points go to Rudd’s little angry drop of the pipe at the end there. That some good actorin’.

#8: Wire Hanger in the Eye, Knife in the Chest — Halloween

The average dum-dum’s reaction to this scene is probably something like, “Oh, that’s not so bad I guess. Plenty of people have been stabbed and lived before HURRR DURRR.” And dum-dum is right, people *have* lived through stabbings before. But I can guarantee you that in 99.9% of those cases, the stabbed person did not lie down, take a power nap, and then continue attacking the person who stabbed them. Myers not only loses an eye in this closet confrontation but takes a kitchen knife right in the sternum, and anyone who’s ever played racquetball before knows that breathing, let alone movement of any kind, is nearly impossible after taking a shot to the sternum.

Basically, if the science of this scene was represented by a woman’s photo on Instagram, I would declare it “Pointy elbows 2/10 WOULD NOT BANG.”

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Honest Trailers: Saw http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/honest-trailers-saw/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/honest-trailers-saw/#comments Tue, 28 Oct 2014 17:00:57 +0000 bgoldstein http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=266648 Ten years ago, Jigsaw unleashed his sadistic games on the world. Now, relive the sleeper hit that birthed an unspeakable evil: torture porn.

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Ten years ago, Jigsaw unleashed his sadistic games on the world. Now, relive the sleeper hit that birthed an unspeakable evil: torture porn.

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Ryan Murphy To Spread Himself Even Thinner With Comedy-Horror Show ‘Scream Queens’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/ryan-murphy-to-spread-himself-even-thinner-with-comedy-horror-show-scream-queens/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/ryan-murphy-to-spread-himself-even-thinner-with-comedy-horror-show-scream-queens/#comments Tue, 21 Oct 2014 16:02:42 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=266384 Always such drama from him.

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Fox has had some troubles finding decent new shows the past couple years, so the network is turning back to its golden child, Ryan Murphy, to work his magic again. Murphy created Glee for the network, and made modest hits out of American Horror Story and the plastic surgery soap opera Nip/Tuck. He’s also spinning off American Crime Story next season for FX.

Now, he seems to be combining horror and comedy to give the broadcast network Scream Queens, which, yes, is also an anthology that can be rebooted every season with no continuity issues.

While not much has been said about the actual premise of the show, it will likely star lots and lots of women.

Murphy had this to say:

“We hope to create a whole new genre – comedy-horror – and the idea is for every season to revolve around two female leads. We’ve already begun a nationwide search for those women, as well as 10 other supporting roles.”

Ten supporting roles? I don’t know if I’ll have the energy to invest in all these Scream Queens.

(Deadline)

 

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Lars Von Trier Taking His Talents To Detroit For A Horror Film http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/lars-von-trier-taking-his-talents-to-detroit-for-a-horror-film/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/lars-von-trier-taking-his-talents-to-detroit-for-a-horror-film/#comments Wed, 14 May 2014 15:35:28 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=261664 These days, most any film set in Detroit is a horror film, or, at the very least, dystopian.

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Lars Von Trier, the director who got banned from Cannes for not being as critical of the Nazis as one would hope, has turned his weird, disturbing eyes to the United States.

The word is that controversial working on a horror film that is set in Detroit, and pits a man against his own demons. Honestly, you don’t have to set a film in Detroit to pit a man against his own troubled self. You can do that in Hilton Head, Jerusalem, or Melbourne. If you’re going to set a film in Detroit, use the scary stuff that’s already there. Like the feral dogs, the abandoned blocks of houses, or the city’s bankruptcy filing as a script.

Lars Von Trier is afraid to fly, but that probably just means he’ll take a speedboat over from Denmark, which would probably be the most bad ass thing in the world. Unfortunately, I made it up, and there’s no indication he’ll be taking a speedboat anywhere.

Yet.

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If ‘Full House’ Were A Horror Movie http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/if-full-house-were-a-horror-movie/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/if-full-house-were-a-horror-movie/#comments Wed, 07 May 2014 15:28:05 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=261497 A lot of strange doings in that house on the hill.

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If this Full House Without Michelle video posited that Danny Tanner could be insane, this video does a damn fine job of putting the final nail in that coffin. This out-of-context edit turns World’s Best Dad Danny Tanner into World’s Creepiest Oh My God He’s A Monster Call The Police Dad. Honestly, in hindsight the Tanner household was terrifying and weird and that’s not even taking into account Uncle Joey’s woodchuck puppet.

No wonder Stephanie got into meth.

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The Film Cult Presents: Shaun of the Dead http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/the-film-cult-presents-shaun-of-the-dead/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/the-film-cult-presents-shaun-of-the-dead/#comments Fri, 18 Apr 2014 16:12:09 +0000 Philip Harris http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=261128 Warning! Spoiler Alert!   There’s a lot a competition for best zombie movie. Some might say the best was the racially tinged horror classic, Night of the Living Dead. They...

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Warning! Spoiler Alert!

 

There’s a lot a competition for best zombie movie. Some might say the best was the racially tinged horror classic, Night of the Living Dead. They wouldn’t be far off the mark. If you’re a sixteen-year-old girl you might say it’s Warm Bodies. If you’re a bro obsessed with Bill Murray, you might go with Zombieland as your fave. Mine, and frankly the best, is Shaun of the Dead. I love Simon Pegg. In his down time from acting in blockbuster behemoths he’s always crafting together a brilliant gem close to his, and our, nerdy heart. These gems are invariable entertaining: Hot Fuzz, The World’s End, Paul—all great, but none are as brilliant as Shaun of the Dead.

A hapless dote with a shite job and a lovable slob for a best friend realize they have to save their loved ones when the zombies attack. Such a simple premise. It’s those simple premises in the hands of brilliant writers that always turn out for the best. For instance, a newly wedded couple moves into the Dakota and gives birth to the Antichrist? Done and done, Rosemary’s Baby was a hit novel, a classic horror film, and even an upcoming miniseries staring Zoe Saldana. Simple premises lead to esteemed legacies. And Simon Pegg is on his way.

Zombie movies rise several times a year, always reminding us that the dead are never really gone and  that what our true natures are brutal and savage. It’s the vanquishing of the zombies, the chopping off of their heads or the burning of their rotting bodies, that reassures us that we may might just hold off the end times (that horrid moment when we devour each other) just a little longer. The human race demands an endgame, and zombie narratives (along with comets, disease epidemics, and natural disasters) are our favorite art form in which to experiment with the our own demise. And it’s the most personal. We can’t fight comets. We can try to fight aliens. We can’t see diseases, but just ask Brad Pitt what happens when the disease turns people into zombies. We can seek shelter when the tsunamis, earthquakes, and storms come, but look how well that went for the dinosaurs. A zombie apocalypse is personal because it’s us. How do we fight ourselves when we’ve suddenly become a danger to each other? I mean, besides with a cricket bat.

Taking this theme and concept to a British suburb, Shaun of the Dead is characteristic of many zombie narratives in that it uses the undead invasion as a prism in which to see Shaun’s closest, interpersonal relationships: the girlfriend he is doomed to disappoint, the loser friend he should have ditched years ago, and the mom and stepdad for whom he’ll never be good enough. While essentially a loser in the beginning of the film, he becomes the leader of his kith and kin’s survival party, showing us through humor and heart that it might just take the most dire of circumstances to reveal one’s heroic nature. This heroic nature is tester (spoiler alert) in the movie’s greatest moment in which his mother becomes a zombie and he must kill her. It’s a heart-wrenching moment tucked exquisitely among the action and humor.

And speaking of humor, we can’t forget that Shaun of the Dead is simply funny as hell. A feast for the observant nerd, the film is typical of other Simon Pegg vehicles in that subtle jokes are paid off hours later, delightfully telling details are thrown in for those watching close enough, and references to B-plots and other narratives are scattered among the bloody river of English Wit. It’s generally difficult to translate British humor into American lexicon, so I get it if some don’t find this movie as entertaining as I do. It might help to know that instead of saying a phone line is “busy” the Brits say “engaged.” It may help to also know that a common nickname for men called David is “Davs”, pronounced like “calves.” That said, most of the jokes work just fine, and what starts as a series of awkward situations slowly turns into hilarious, action-packed romp.

Actors to watch out for. Shaun’s mom? Yup, that’s Penelope Wilton, more commonly known as Mrs. Crawly, Mathew’s mother on Downton Abbey. When Shaun’s crew meets their counterparts in the alleyway? Yup, that’s Martin Freeman, before he became Dr. Watson and Bilbo Baggins, as Shaun’s doppelgänger. And be sure not to miss a sutble Bill Nighy as Shaun’s stepfather.

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The Film Cult Presents: Battle Royale http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/the-film-cult-presents-battle-royale/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/the-film-cult-presents-battle-royale/#comments Fri, 28 Mar 2014 17:10:28 +0000 Philip Harris http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=260654 WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD! Battle Royale got a lot of press when the first Hunger Games movie came out. Hipsters were up in arms with protestations of “Rip off!” and “It’s...

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WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD!

Battle Royale got a lot of press when the first Hunger Games movie came out. Hipsters were up in arms with protestations of “Rip off!” and “It’s been done!” I like to give The Hunger Games the benefit of the doubt. It’s not exactly the same movie. Don’t get me wrong, the similarities are striking: both based on a novel about a bunch of kids thrown together and forced to kill each other. There the similarities end, though. I know; I know. Those are big similarities, practically the entire premise of both movies being identical. True. True. But, The Hunger Games is a YA movie about Jennifer Lawrence and Liam Hemsworth looking really hot in melodramatic circumstances. Battle Royale isn’t about heartthrobs. The Hunger Games is also a meditation on the nature of reality television. Battle Royale is about discipline, about keeping children in order, which I’m all for. I wouldn’t say I’m all for letting them go at each other with automatic weaponry, but I’m all for keeping them in line.

But, back to melodrama for a moment. Both of these movies thrive on melodrama. Where The Hunger Games uses melodrama in the District Twelve—the gray tones, the glory of being a baker of stony bread—Battle Royale uses melodrama in flashbacks fit for a Lifetime movie. These flashbacks, however, are used to establish and deepen characters. Does it work? Hard to say. The flashbacks are shot with enough feathered filtering to make Robert De Niro look like Nicole Ritchie. It works in that we now know more about the characters, thus making us more invested than we were before. Could the flashbacks be better? Oh, sure. But, then again, this is Japanese horror we’re talking about. Character development is hardly a subtle venture.

I’d be remiss to discuss the violence in Battle Royale. Talk about melodrama! People are gettin’ sliced and shot all over this island. You’re definitely expecting it, but it’s still totally unnerving when they shoot the first kid in the briefing room. Once out in the wild of Okishima, the blood and flesh fly like a haircut by Edward Scissorhands. Operatic in its ubiquity, the violence of Battle Royale starts off unnerving, moves into being almost humorous with its schlocky goriness, and then, which I’m assuming was director Koushun Takami’s ultimate point, becomes everyday, natural.

In a recent Rolling Stone interview, Stellan Skarsgard discusses his latest controversial take as Seligman in Lars von Trier’s much-hyped Nymphomaniac films. Discussing the ubiquitous  body parts, he states,  “Showing body parts…eventually becomes as normal as eating porridge in the morning.” And so it is with the violence in Battle Royale. It’s exciting at first, disturbingly graphic, but by the end, you understand that these are the rules. This is the world. People kill each other, and they’ll do it to survive, and they’ll do it to love whom they want.

While a meditation on the discipline of children and a statement on the numbness we experience in the face of constant violence, Battle Royale is also about how children hold the passwords to the future. It’s a beautiful comment on the technological gap between the current first-world youth and the generation before them. In any school in the world, in any family, it’s the nerdy kid who has the power. He or she instinctively knows what their adults will never master when it comes to using modern-day technology. Have you ever tried to teach your father how to use Instagram? I wouldn’t recommend it. It’s the nerdy kids that will save the world. They’re the ones who will override the security system and beat the game developers at their own game.

Battle Royale hits all the notes The Hunger Games didn’t. There are no heartthrobs or politically disenfranchised hillbilly’s trying to scrape a life together coal mining and studying mushrooms in the Appalachia . Battle Royale is about uniformed children learning to fend for themselves on a deserted island, an island whose natural beauty is the perfect backdrop for the kinds of exquisite murders and suicides that are the meat and potatoes of any self-respecting Japanese fairy tale. Currently available on Netflix live, Battle Royale deserves a night of your attention. Just make sure you’ve already eaten.

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Alfred Hitchcock Intended ‘Psycho’ To Be A Comedy http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/alfred-hitchcock-intended-psycho-as-a-comedy/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/alfred-hitchcock-intended-psycho-as-a-comedy/#comments Fri, 08 Feb 2013 20:52:27 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=253445 He was just having a goof.

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A recently unearthed BBC interview with Alfred Hitchcock reveals we’ve been watching his horror classic Psycho all wrong. That’s right. The film most well-known for the brutal murder of a young woman at the hands of a carving knife-wielding transvestite was done as a goof.

“The content was, I felt, rather amusing and it was a big joke. I was horrified to find some people took it seriously,” said Hitchcock in 1964.

I think this is just a case of Hitchcock trying to be provocative. There’s no way that Psycho was meant to be received as a comedy, though it is much more funny than Russell Brand. (Daily Mail)

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‘The ABC’s Of Death’ Makes Learning Gross http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/the-abcs-of-death-makes-learning-gross/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/the-abcs-of-death-makes-learning-gross/#comments Fri, 16 Nov 2012 14:48:47 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=252051 'P' does not stand for plot.

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For those who enjoy gore but hate plot, The ABC’s of Death is here to neatly organize outlandishly disgusting ways things can kill you. 26 chapters directed by 26 directors run down horrific ends from arrow to zeppole. I’m assuming that the Z chapter features a person choking on a zeppole. Or getting run down by a zamboni. But in my heart of hearts, I know it will likely be zombies.

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‘Paranormal Activity 4′ Trailer: It’s Not Safe To Go Back In The Microsoft Kinect http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/paranormal-activity-4-trailer-its-not-safe-to-go-back-in-the-microsoft-kinect/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/paranormal-activity-4-trailer-its-not-safe-to-go-back-in-the-microsoft-kinect/#comments Thu, 27 Sep 2012 16:44:29 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=251191 Move over, clown doll from 'Poltergeist'.

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Just as the 1980′s-set Paranormal Activity 3 terrorized us via a Teddy Ruxpin doll, the fourth installment seeks to give us chills via today’s hottest toy. Also, it serves as a chilling reminder that toys have really improved over the last 24 years.

In addition to Microsoft Kinect-centric scares, the new trailer for Paranormal Activity 4 also sets us up a bit more with the film’s plot. After a demonically-possessed woman is sent to the hospital, her kidnapped nephew is left to stay with the neighbors (Nevada law). From there, the camera and technology obsessed family notice strange happenings occuring around their young houseguest. If this family values their chandeliers and furniture AT ALL, they’ll turn that kid over to the proper authorities asap.

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7 Most Terrifying Female Ghosts http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/7-most-terrifying-female-ghosts/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/7-most-terrifying-female-ghosts/#comments Tue, 15 May 2012 16:47:27 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=248641 From 'The Woman in Black' to 'Ringu' to 'Ghostbusters'.

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With The Woman In Black available on Blu-ray & DVD May 22nd, we’ll soon be able to see Daniel Radcliffe get the heebie-jeebies in the comfort of our own home. Radcliffe stars as a young lawyer who travels to a remote village to handle the estate of Alice Drablow, a scorned woman whose ghost is terrorizing the locals by taking their children. The film is filled with shocking scares as Radcliffe finds himself at the center of a mystery putting him directly in the sights of the Woman in Black herself.

The Librarian – Ghostbusters

The ghost that started it all and pretty much ruined it for any ghoul or demon who would think to mess with New York City. The Ghostbusters formed shortly after investigating a paranormal disturbance in the stacks of the New York Public Library. What they found was a sweet librarian floating off the ground and insisting for silence. When she didn’t get that silence, this was the result:

SOMEBODY GOT TOLD!
Though she lacks the strength and might of Gozer the Gozerian, she’s on the list because I personally find the Librarian far more scary. And also because Gozer is a shape shifting Sumarian god. Therefore, ineligible for this important list.

The Grady Daughters – The Shining

As if kids aren’t creepy enough, imagine coming face to face with a ghost kid. And not just any ghost kid, but a ghost kid that warns you’re going to be murdered. Now multiply that by two. So creepy, right?!!

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Scary Movie Scene Supercut http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/scary-movie-scene-supercut/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/scary-movie-scene-supercut/#comments Mon, 05 Mar 2012 20:30:41 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=246806 A collection of the most frightening scenes cinema has to offer.

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It‘s been a while since we did a supercut, so we put together this montage of some of the scariest scenes cinema has to offer. While the clips do tend to come from the horror genre, that wasn’t a prerequisite for making the list. Films like Jurassic Park and Predator don’t really qualify as horror films, yet they both have some extremely frightening scenes that made it in. By that logic, I’m not really sure why the Kathy Bates hot tub scene in About Schmidt didn’t qualify.

As it just so happens, another scary film by the name of Silent House hits theaters this Friday (March 9th), so if our supercut has put you in the mood for horror, go and check it out.

And when you get to the theater, tell them “ScreenJunkies sent you.” We get an extra nickle every time someone says that.

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We’re Getting Closer To A ‘Killer Klowns From Outer Space’ Sequel http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/were-getting-closer-to-a-killer-klowns-from-outer-space-sequel/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/were-getting-closer-to-a-killer-klowns-from-outer-space-sequel/#comments Wed, 04 Jan 2012 16:11:38 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=241368 C'mon Syfy. Make this happen.

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It’s been a labor of love for the Chiodo Brothers, and they’re finally getting closer to another Killer Klowns From Outer Space film. They now have a script in hand for a “requel” of the late ‘80′s cult horror film. Serving as both a reboot and follow-up of the original, this new chapter would revisit the plot of the original with additional story elements.

In the new version, Mike Tobacco will return to mentor two young people who must save the world when the Killer Klowns return for a second course. They’re currently seeking distribution and funding for the film. I’m surprised that studios or Syfy aren’t jumping at this. It’s an opportunity to make something awesome and original. If I had the money, I’d do it. For now, I can only offer up my services as a wise-cracking victim. I’ll even lift weights for the part if needed.

Which do you think we’ll see first? Return of the Killer Klowns From Outer Space or Ghostbusters 3? (Facebook)

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Attention Shoppers: ‘Chopping Mall’ Remake In The Works http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/attention-shoppers-chopping-mall-remake-in-the-works/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/attention-shoppers-chopping-mall-remake-in-the-works/#comments Mon, 28 Nov 2011 15:06:44 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=237866 Just when you thought it was safe to party in a mall after hours.

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As America picks up the pieces and survivors tell their tales from Black Friday, Hollywood is ready once again to pay tribute to the murder of consumers. Everyone’s favorite movie is headed for a remake. I refer, of course, to Chopping Mall.

Dry County Entertainment is planning a remake of Roger Corman‘s 1980′s horror flick that saw teenagers locked in a mall fighting for survival against high-tech security robots. Production is scheduled to begin in the spring, but it seems the project will be similar in name only. Dry County owner, Robert Hall, explains, “It will retain the basic concept of young people trapped in a mall; however, the story will have a darker, supernatural spin.”

In other words, robots are too expensive. I just hope this darker, supernatural spin will still involve heads exploding from laser fire. You can’t have Chopping Mall without that. (Variety)

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Who Is More Terrifying: Michael Myers or Mike Myers? http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/who-is-more-terrifying-michael-myers-or-mike-myers/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/who-is-more-terrifying-michael-myers-or-mike-myers/#comments Thu, 27 Oct 2011 16:00:15 +0000 Archibald Bayou III http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=233990 Two Myers enter, on Myers leaves.

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There’s been no shortage of cinematic boogymen throughout the years. One of the most feared is Michael Myers, of the Halloween film series. While his history of bloodshed is indisputable, it has occurred to us that comic actor Mike Myers has had a reign of terror that is arguably more horrific. We took a look back at the long careers of both men to answer, once and for all, a question that has haunted us for decades. Who is more terrifying: Michael Myers or Mike Myers?

Origin:

Often the most terrifying thing about a villain is their origin story. Michael Myers began his pattern of serial killings as a six-year-old boy in the quiet town of Haddonfield, Illinois. Mike Myers, however, launched his career from the place we least expected: Canada. I’m numb with fear just thinking about it.

Point: Mike Myers

Body Count:

The easiest way to gauge horror factor is by shear number of kills. Michael Myers has this wrapped up, with an on screen body count dating back to 1978 and nearing triple digits as of 2009‘s Halloween 2 remake. But while he might lack quantity in this department, Mike Myers more than makes up for it in quality. His most famous movie kill occurred when he (off screen) murdered the Sprockets film project in 2000, dashing the hopes of Dieter fans everywhere, and destroying David Hasselhoff‘s plans to install a swimming pool with his Sprocket’s cameo check. The deaths of dozens of fictional babysitters edge this out… barely.

Point: Michael Myers

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Daniel Radcliffe Finds World’s Creepiest House In ‘The Woman In Black’ UK Trailer http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/daniel-radcliffe-finds-worlds-creepiest-house-in-the-woman-in-black-uk-trailer/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/daniel-radcliffe-finds-worlds-creepiest-house-in-the-woman-in-black-uk-trailer/#comments Fri, 14 Oct 2011 15:59:24 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=232462 And there's a poop-covered kid.

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Now that Harry Potter is old enough for keggers, Daniel Radcliffe is also old enough for horror movies. In this new The Woman In Black UK trailer, he wanders around the world’s creepiest house. It’s bad enough that it’s infested with ravens, but ghosts too? Chairs that rock themselves. That’s pretty creepy. Screaming images of your poop-covered son? I’d be so out of that place. It’s like, NO THUNKS, GHOSTS! NOT EVEN!!

For more background, Radcliffe stars as a young lawyer who travels to the English coast to settle the affairs of a recently deceased woman. And get his ass haunted in the process. The Hammer Films production was written by Kickass and X-Men: First Class’s Jane Goldman and directed by Eden Lake’s James Watkins.

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9 Of The Worst Horror Movie Remakes http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/9-of-the-worst-horror-movie-remakes/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/9-of-the-worst-horror-movie-remakes/#comments Thu, 13 Oct 2011 21:31:14 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=232377 You're better off with the originals.

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Over the past decade, there have been an endless string of horror movie remakes parading through theaters. Though some have surprised us and actually improved upon the original versions, others have been lifeless hacks.

This weekend sees a “prequel” to one of the best horror films ever made coming to theaters. The Thing (an excellent remake itself) is a classic, and though the new film isn’t technically a remake, early reviews are pointing to the fact that it pretty much is. Does it belong on a list of worst horror remakes? We’ll hold judgment until we see it for ourselves. But in the meantime, we can steer you away from these insultingly-bad horror remakes that failed to live up to their predecessors.

A Nightmare On Elm Street

While this was in production, we were promised a gritty re-imaging of Elm Street. The promotional materials promised us everything every fan always wanted — more focus on Freddy’s back story. However, what we got didn’t deliver on any of those promises. Instead, it was mostly a lame retread of scenes we saw in the original re-imagined to include vlogs and other already-dated modern trends. This film showed the most promise when it focused on the scenes that questioned whether or not Krueger was innocent before his execution. But in the end, all of that was squandered to make way for more dumb jokes and toothless scares.

The Amityville Horror

The back story gets re-imagined here to disastrous effect. Ryan Reynolds stars as a dad who goes all Shining on his family after moving into a house that was once used to torture Indians. More time should have been spent on making he house actually scary rather than showing off the cast’s stomach muscles. Though those were nice too.

The Fog

This remake of John Carpenter‘s awesome pirate ghost story was more concerned with having a pumped up, poppy soundtrack than it was with turning in any genuine scares. In Carpenter’s original, you could hear undead pirates ripping the skin off an elderly babysitter as if it were fabric. Here you only hear Fall Out Boy.

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Hot Girl Halloween Kills Supercut http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/hot-girl-halloween-kills-supercut/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/hot-girl-halloween-kills-supercut/#comments Tue, 11 Oct 2011 00:42:15 +0000 Jame Gumb http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=231933 Horror movies sure do like to kill off young women.

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If you’re anything like me, you enjoy watching beautiful young women being systematically stalked and violently dismembered like they’re nothing more than a piece of beef. Wait a second; I don’t like that at all. But some people must. How else do you explain this supercut of hot girls being snuffed out in slasher films? It’s not like we had a shortage of content to choose from. Sometimes it’s more humorous than scary, and sometimes it’s downright disturbing. But no matter which way you slice it, almost every horror movie has at least one hot girl getting murdered.

Well, if you’re bored with seeing hot chicks getting butchered, it’s time to take matters into your own hands. No, I’m not telling you to start killing women I am, however, telling you to check out Break.com’s Halloween Scare Contest, where you can enter your own scary video for a chance to earn up to $1000. Check out the link above for more details.

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‘Human Centipede 2′ Trailer: Gross! It’s In Black & White! http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/human-centipede-2-trailer-gross-its-in-black-white/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/human-centipede-2-trailer-gross-its-in-black-white/#comments Tue, 27 Sep 2011 16:13:02 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=230194 At least it's not 3D.

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Get ready for the most in-depth look at the creepy sh*t that’s going on in the trailer Tom Six‘s The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence). This time around the maniac behind the macabre surgery is a deranged guy obsessed with the original film who decides to make his own centipede…out of humans. Sick, right?

There are a few differences this time around. For instance, the antagonist isn’t a surgeon. He’s just a super-fan who resorts to using plastic tubing, rusty tools, and a staple gun. Also, there are a lot more mouths to feed now. But perhaps the biggest change is the decision to film in black and white. It creates a much more intimate feel to intensify the general feeling of claustrophobia. Seems like they’re saving 3D for the next sequel.

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‘Human Centipede 2′ Trailer Sucks Crap (In The Sense That It Looks Horrible) http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/human-centipede-2-trailer-sucks-crap-in-the-sense-that-it-looks-horrible/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/human-centipede-2-trailer-sucks-crap-in-the-sense-that-it-looks-horrible/#comments Tue, 06 Sep 2011 16:56:50 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=227179 This movie is so gross, they can't even show it to you.

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Though they still aren’t showing us any footage of Tom Six’s new butt-to-mouth monster, a new teaser for The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) has been stitched together. The teaser focuses on viewers recoiling in horror while watching a private screening of the sequel. That footage is juxtaposed with the early reviews condemning the grotesque film imagery, as well as using the fact that it is banned in Britain as a selling point.

In all fairness, these viewers don’t seem genuinely scared or upset and could be watching a flicker for all we know. Or The Zookeeper. But, for their sake, I’m hoping it’s the flicker.

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Apollo 18 http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/films/apollo-18/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/films/apollo-18/#comments Sun, 28 Aug 2011 23:18:38 +0000 Screen Junkies http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=228071 Director: Gonzalo Lopez-Gallago Cast: Warren Christie, Lloyd Owen, Ryan Robbins Synopsis: Decades-old found footage from NASA‘s abandone Apollo 18 mission, where two American astronauts were sent on a secret expedition, reveals...

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Director: Gonzalo Lopez-Gallago

Cast: Warren Christie, Lloyd Owen, Ryan Robbins

Synopsis: Decades-old found footage from NASA‘s abandone Apollo 18 mission, where two American astronauts were sent on a secret expedition, reveals the reason the U.S. has never returned to the moon.

Release Date: September 2, 2011

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7 Horror Remakes That Don’t Suck http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/7-horror-remakes-that-dont-suck/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/7-horror-remakes-that-dont-suck/#comments Fri, 19 Aug 2011 22:22:59 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=225155 In honor of 'Fright Night', we run down horror remakes that are worth their ticket price.

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Fright Night is finally in theaters and the buzz is that it’s a pretty fun and really scary flick. Phew! You never know with horror remakes. Most of the time they prove to be pretty unnecessary, failed attempts to top the original film that they’re based upon. However, there are a few that didn’t fall victim to sucking hard.

The Last House on the Left

Fans of Wes Craven‘s super-violent The Last House on the Left were pretty pissed to hear that the classic was being updated, but everyone was pretty stoked when the film was released. Director Dennis Iladis delivered a film that hung onto what was great about the original and lost what was crappy comic relief to deliver a really brutal film.

The Crazies

The Crazies remake is fantastic. With awesome make-up effects and really inventive plot turns, it’s a movie that just keeps giving you more without getting dull or derivative. It’s actually like six movies in one that blend together without feeling scattered. That’s not easy to do when dealing with zombie rednecks.

Dawn of the Dead

Like The Crazies, this is another George Romero update that stands well on its own. The script from James Gunn is terrifying, action-packed, and also effectively funny when needed. It was the world’s first glimpse of what Zack Snyder is capable of, and in my opinion, his best work. Very creepy and very cool.

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Scare the Bra Off Of Them http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/genres-movies/horror-films/scare-the-bra-off-of-them/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/genres-movies/horror-films/scare-the-bra-off-of-them/#comments Wed, 06 Jul 2011 04:51:00 +0000 Breakstudios http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=218931 Choosing scary monster movies to watch with girls is not only the perfect Saturday night activity, it's also the perfect way to covertly put her in the mood.

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Choosing scary monster movies to watch with girls is not only the perfect Saturday night activity, it’s also the perfect way to covertly put her in the mood without having to soil your HD flat screen with some sort of sensitive thinking person’s movie.  If you’ve ever watched a scary movie with a girl in your life, you know you can expect your lady (or ladies) to inch closer and cling tighter as the fear builds. If you’re lucky, you’ll have her in your lap by the time the movie ends, while having seen some darn good effects in the process.

 

Cloverfield

Rob and Beth talking to the camcorder

A perfect blend of two parts monster madness and one part sappy romance, Cloverfield‘s plot revolves around a massive creature of unknown origin as it ravages downtown New York. Instead of evacuating, a young man goes to rescue an ex-girlfriend with the help of some friends. Being a hero at heart he goes back knowing full well the monster still lurks the area. A word of caution, the director went with the “shaky cam” style of filmmaking—one or both of you may end up puking, unless you have a stash of Dramamine on hand.

 

Alien

Alien stuck to crew member's face

A spacecraft lands on a distant, unexplored planet to answer a distress beacon after which an alien creature boards their ship. While some may consider this to be a little too “old-school”, it still delivers the chills even if you have already seen it a few times. The H.R. Giger-designed alien is frightening enough, but most of the scares are delivered through Ridley Scott‘s masterful use of mood and atmosphere. Even if it is the “oldest” film on this list, Alien set the bar so high when it was release in the late ’70s that horror flicks today, in all their CG glory, still struggle to match its quality.

 

28 Days Later

Zombie on fire chasing Cillian Murphy

Most think 28 Days Later is a zombie-type flick. The truth is, the “zombies” are actually still alive, having been transformed into monstrous, bloodthirsty savages by a strange virus. The creatures roam the streets of England hunting down the few survivors who remain in the country. 28 Days Later is so frightening and so disturbing that there is a strong possibility it will be you that ends up inching towards your girlfriend as you watch in fear.

 

The Mist

From the mind of Stephen King, The Mist features a plethora of monsters that all but guarantees to give you and your girlfriend some major goosebumps. A handful of civilians are trapped in a local grocery store as a strange mist engulfs their entire town. The mist not only clouds the area it covers, it is also home to an unknown number of fiendish monsters. You may have to watch this movie at least once before watching it with a lady friend just so you know what to expect. The last thing you want to do is scream like a little girl in front of her.

 

Dog Soldiers

Werewolf in the woods in Dog Soldier

Last but not least is the 2002 British release, Dog Soldiers. A squad of special forces are training in the Scottish Highlands when they find the remains of another group of soldiers who had trained in the area. The troops then go into battle mode only to find that their adversaries are not men but werewolves. The movie does start slow but by the 30 minute mark, you and your girlfriend will be clinging to each other in mutual fear…which will hopefully lead to some other mutual activities.

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Links Away: ‘Charlie Bit My Finger’ As A Horror Short http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/links-away-charlie-bit-my-finger-as-a-horror-short/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/links-away-charlie-bit-my-finger-as-a-horror-short/#comments Fri, 13 May 2011 00:45:22 +0000 Screen Junkies http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=Video&p=211907 Director Jeff Chan got creative with the popular viral video, turning it into more than the internet ever could have expected. Apparently Charlie’s biting a lot more than just fingers...

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Director Jeff Chan got creative with the popular viral video, turning it into more than the internet ever could have expected. Apparently Charlie’s biting a lot more than just fingers these days. (Vulture)

Links for zombies:

Maggie Gyllenhaal Breaks Dakota Fannings Cherry (Movieline)

Hardcore Park Ranger (BarstoolSports)

Levi Johnston’s Rejected Book (HolyTaco)

Juggaloing Is Not A Crime (FilmDrunk)

Victoria Justice Shows Her Ass (CelebJihad)

Portals ‘Stay Alive’ Slows Down (Unreality)

What Lady Gaga Can Learn (Moviefone)

Chelsea Handler Thinks Kirsty Alley…Is Fat!!! (PopEater)

Cat Ears Are Hot In Japan (Smosh)

The Best Zombie Movies of All Time (Ranker)

Southwest Airlines Trick Shots!!! (BroBible)

Kelli Hutcherson Hotness (Maxim)

Seven Psychopaths Sounds Sick (Pajiba)

Piratizing Hollywood Stars (NextMovie)

Lesnars Off The Hook (CagePotato)

Behold, Maggie Q (MadeMan)

Why Brink Sucks (GameFront)

Amaia Salamanca Hotness (TuVez)

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‘Fright Night’ Images Will Chill Your Bones (*If You Scare Easily) http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-photos/fright-night-images-will-chill-your-bones-if-you-scare-easily/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-photos/fright-night-images-will-chill-your-bones-if-you-scare-easily/#comments Thu, 07 Apr 2011 17:21:10 +0000 Dave Horwitz http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=205867 Gaze into the face of terror. Also, McLovin.

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You’ll have to wait until August 19th to see the remake of the horror classic Fright Night, but there are three spine chilling images to tide you over until we get a trailer. They’re, frankly, horrifying! I think I’ll probably have nightmares for the rest of my life, or at least as long as it takes to write this sentence. The film stars Colin Farrell, Chris Mintz-Plasse, Imogen Poots, Toni Collette, Anton Yelchin, and David Tennant. Be warned, the images below may cause your skeleton to jump out of your skin and do a little dance.

If Colin Farell, the vampire next door, was grabbing me by the shirt, I would probably die immediately. Of fright!

The only thing scarier than McLovin with a tiny knife is McLovin with a tiny knife… IN WATER!

Anton Yelchin faces his most terrifying obstacle in this scene. And that is trying not to make fun of Imogen Poots‘ name.

And as if all of this wasn’t scary enough, the film will be in… 3D! I’m never sleeping again. (Collider)

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Kevin Smith Mounts ‘Red State’ Tour, Shakes You Down http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/kevin-smith-mounts-red-state-tour-shakes-you-down/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/kevin-smith-mounts-red-state-tour-shakes-you-down/#comments Mon, 24 Jan 2011 18:08:48 +0000 Dave Horwitz http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=21739 Kevin Smith is going to turn a profit on his new film Red State on his own terms. The director is taking his film on the road in the coming months, screening it in several cities before its official release date in October.

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Kevin Smith, the divisive director who has been burned in every possible way by Hollywood, is going to turn a profit on his new film Red State on his own terms. Smith, ever the director with a desire to connect with his audience, is taking his film on the road in the coming months, screening it in several cities before its official release date in October. The film is causing quite a stir at Sundance right now, from protests from the Westboro Baptist Church, to counter protests by fans of the director, to positive reviews, there’s a buzz surrounding the film already.

Smith is promising early screenings in multiple cities, along with his trademark Q & A sessions to follow. He’s also promised to brin Red State star Michael Parks along as well, and has hinted at some vague “cool shit” in addition. But, it’s going to cost you. Smith has said that the tickets will cost somewhere in the ballpark of “probably 6, 7, maybe 10 times” the price of a regular movie admission. Let’s hope that “cool shit” includes an iPad, or a Pruis.

Kevin Smith‘s “Red State USA Tour” Dates:

March 5th – Radio City Music Hall
March 6th – Wilbur Theater in Boston
March 8th – Harris Theater in Chicago
March 9th – State Theater in Minneapolis
March 10th – Michigan Theater in Ann Arbor
March 11th – Indianapolis, IN
March 12th - Midland Theater, Kansas City
March 14th – Springfield, OH
March 22nd – Paramount Theater, Denver
March 26th - McCalister theater, New Orleans
March 28th – Paramount Theater, Austin
March 29th – Cobb Energy Center, Atlanta

April 4th – McCaw Hall in Seattle

(Slashfilm)

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Emma Bell http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/emma-bell/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/gallery/emma-bell/#comments Tue, 16 Nov 2010 18:58:13 +0000 Reza F. http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=Gallery&p=8282 Apparently Emma Bell jives well with horror. Currently portraying a survivor of the zombie apocalypse in AMC’s "The Walking Dead,” Bell will take on the role of Death’s leading female target in the fifth installment of the Final Destination series next year.

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Apparently Emma Bell jives well with horror. Currently portraying a survivor of the zombie apocalypse in AMC’s “The Walking Dead,” Bell will take on the role of Death’s leading female target in the fifth installment of the Final Destination series next year. After she’s done battling the undead and narrowly escaping the omnipresent creepiness of the Grim Reaper, we’re assuming she’ll take on that evil leprechaun dude while evading Jason Voorhees and carrying on a romantic relationship with Freddy Kruger. That’s a total guess, though.

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Neil Marshall Has a Taste for Extreme Cuisine in ‘Underground’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/neil-marshall-has-a-taste-for-extreme-cuisine-in-underground/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/neil-marshall-has-a-taste-for-extreme-cuisine-in-underground/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Neil Marshall has signed on to direct Underground, a horror thriller writen by David Cohen. The film will take place in "the world of gourmet underground supper clubs." That doesn't sound very scary. I've been to more than a few supper clubs in Wisconsin, and the only thing I found frightening was the brownswager (a.k.a. liverwurst) and a few of the more obese patrons. There has to be more to this story...and there is! According to producers, "the protagonist is an ambitious young chef who ventures into the terrifying underbelly of extreme cuisine." Holy crap, what are they cooking that's so extreme! Now I'm scared! Sort of. Actually, to be honest, I kind of have a taste for brownswager. But I'll settle for this soylent green imitation brownswager, instead. I wonder what it's made of. (Deadline)

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man eating a bug

Neil Marshall has signed on to direct Underground, a horror thriller writen by David Cohen. The film will take place in "the world of gourmet underground supper clubs."

That doesn’t sound very scary. I’ve been to more than a few supper clubs in Wisconsin, and the only thing I found frightening was the brownswager (a.k.a. liverwurst) and a few of the more obese patrons. There has to be more to this story…and there is!

According to producers, "the protagonist is an ambitious young chef who ventures into the terrifying underbelly of extreme cuisine."

Holy crap, what are they cooking that’s so extreme! Now I’m scared! Sort of. Actually, to be honest, I kind of have a taste for brownswager. But I’ll settle for this soylent green imitation brownswager, instead. I wonder what it’s made of. (Deadline)

 

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‘Elvira’s Movie Macabre’ Returns to Television http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/elviras-movie-macabre-returns-to-television/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/elviras-movie-macabre-returns-to-television/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Do you like horror films? Do you like 80's Nostalgia? Do you like big boobs?If you answered yes to any of these questions, good news: "Elvira's Movie Macabre" is returning to the small screen. Everyone's favorite large-chested lady-ghoul is back, and will once again begin hosting her weekly horror program this fall.The show, which began in 1981, was a blatant "Vampira" knock off. But because Elvira, played by Cassandra Peterson, showed such wonderful cleavage, no one seemed to mind. Here's hoping that legend about vampires aging slowly is true, because those same cleavage shots won't be so wonderful if they stretch all the way to her kneecaps. (Dread Central)

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Do you like horror films? Do you like 80′s Nostalgia? Do you like big boobs?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, good news: "Elvira’s Movie Macabre" is returning to the small screen. Everyone’s favorite large-chested lady-ghoul is back, and will once again begin hosting her weekly horror program this fall.

The show, which began in 1981, was a blatant "Vampira" knock off. But because Elvira, played by Cassandra Peterson, showed such wonderful cleavage, no one seemed to mind. Here’s hoping that legend about vampires aging slowly is true, because those same cleavage shots won’t be so wonderful if they stretch all the way to her kneecaps. (Dread Central)

 

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‘I Spit On Your Grave’ Trailer Teases Worst Date Ever http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/i-spit-on-your-grave-trailer-teases-worst-date-ever/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/i-spit-on-your-grave-trailer-teases-worst-date-ever/#comments Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 I'm writing this one through gritted teeth, fellas. Below the jump we have a brief look at Steven R. Monroe's remake of the castration classic, I Spit on Your Grave. Sarah Butler stars as a woman who is attacked and sexually assaulted in the dead of night. She manages to escape and returns to take revenge on her attackers in shockingly vicious ways. Like, catching a fat guy in a bear trap. Or lopping off a guy's unit with a pair of rusty garden shears. Wouldn't a more fitting (preferable) punishment be to rape him? Eye for an eye and all. This lady's got issues. (Apple) Put a book on your lap and watch the trailer after the jump...

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I’m writing this one through gritted teeth, fellas.

Below the jump we have a brief look at Steven R. Monroe’s remake of the castration classic, I Spit on Your Grave. Sarah Butler stars as a woman who is attacked and sexually assaulted in the dead of night. She manages to escape and returns to take revenge on her attackers in shockingly vicious ways. Like, catching a fat guy in a bear trap. Or lopping off a guy’s unit with a pair of rusty garden shears. Wouldn’t a more fitting (preferable) punishment be to rape him? Eye for an eye and all. This lady’s got issues. (Apple)

Put a book on your lap and watch the trailer after the jump…


I Spit on Your Grave – Watch more Movie Trailers

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