Government bureaucracy isn’t normally depicted as the sexiest of career paths, but Charlize Theron might soon change that. She’s been offered the role of Helen Gandy, eccentric FBI man J. Edgar Hoover’s personal assistant, in Clint Eastwood’s greatly anticipated Hoover biopic, with Leo DiCaprio already cast as J. Edgar himself. Also in talks to join the cast is Armie Hammer, the guy who played those rich, blond twins a.k.a. The Winklevi in The Social Network. He would portray Clyde Tolson, Hoover’s right-hand-man and rumored lover. Eastwood previously offered the part of Tolson to professional crazy person Joaquin Phoenix, who reportedly turned it down after learning that the role would require him to do more than just stare at things intensely. (Vulture)

^{Insert penises here.}

Now that’s he’s officially not actually crazy or a rapper, Clint Eastwood has been squintily-eyeing Joaquin Phoenix as his boy-toy. It’s not what you think, you guys. He just wants to watch he and Leonardo DiCaprio make out a bit. Maybe some ass-play. And he’s going to film it. But don’t worry, it’s totally on the up and up.

Eastwood wants Phoenix to play Clyde Tolson, the rumored lover of J. Edgar Hoover in the Hoover biopic that he is setting up. Neither DiCaprio nor Phoenix have agreed to appear in the film yet (or the ass-play), but how could they turn this down? They sounds like a complex roles in a really interesting film. One that I plan on watching (when my girlfriend is out of town). (Vulture)