In an incident that proves that LA celebrities, in this case, a musician, are just like regular people all over America, Arune Kavaliauskaite was arrested for allegedly trying to run over a park worker after he had asked her repeatedly to leash her dog in a park near Pasadena.

As the worker tried to take a picture of the license plate of the car belonging to Arune, lead singer of Arune & Alternatives (If you haven’t heard of them yet, you will!!!), she did the neighborly thing and attempted to run him over and kill him.

Unsurprisingly, Arune’s car was a white Mustang convertible, the exact same white Mustang convertible that all the slightly overweight slutty girls in college drive. Way to keep good company, Arune!

She was arrested at her home and released on $30,000 bail, which is probably more money than she will make in the next two years or so.

Hooray for Hollywood!

Note: I could link to her YouTube video here, but won’t because it’s only got like 250 views, and I think that’s pretty funny and want it to stay that way.

Though details of the agreement between the Academy and Kodak Theater owner CIM aren’t public, it’s been leaked that there is an opt-out clause that can be exercised by the Academy that allows them to set up shop elsewhere.

The front-runner right now is the Nokia Theater in downtown Los Angeles in the L.A. Live complex adjacent to Staples Center. The Emmy’s take place there, and it’s slightly newer than the Kodak Theater. BORING. If you’re going to have the Oscars in L.A., have them in Hollywood. Few people know that Hollywood is mostly suit outlets and weird stores that sell bongs and ninja swords. If the Oscars leave town, then Hollywood will ONLY consist of suit outlets and ninja sword/bong stores.

That said, we need to find some suitable venues to host the Oscars. I don’t really think they should leave Hollywood, but if they do, I want it to be on my terms. Who am I to dictate such things? I’m a guy with a website, godammit.

Here are my suggestions.

Oakland Coliseum

The Oscars are perhaps the most exclusive awards show (or possibly even event) in America. That’s a very nice designation to have, by isn’t it time to get more egalitarian with the production and allow more movie fans to attend? Like, 77,000 more? If you think it’s going to be difficult to sell all those tickets, there’s a built-in market: Oakland Raiders season ticket holders. Get them on board, and you’ll have no problem filling the space. Plus, the ceremony is still in California, so wrangling up the stars should be no problem at all.

And you know how critics are always saying the Oscars telecast doesn’t feature enough convicted felons in the audience? The participation of Oakland Raiders fans will silence them as well.

This is my first choice.

A Giant Chuck. E. Cheese Built Just For The Oscars

The nice thing about this option (besides the fact that it has the Oscars taking place in a sweet Chuck E. Cheese) is that the sponsorship convention is already built in. The lauded Oscars and a funtime pizza parlor whose fictional proprietor is a giant anthropomorphic rat would experience obvious synergies. Wouldn’t you like to see Helen Mirren do her backstage press conference in a ball pit? If one of Sean Penn’s painfully preachy speeches goes on too long, wouldn’t it be nice to see him played off by this band instead of some anonymous symphony?:

The answer is yes.

At 11 PM last Wednesday, a Los Angeles woman named Khadijah Baseer was walking through the drive-thru of a Los Angeles McDonald’s, offering to blow customers for McNuggets.

Actually, the news didn’t specify what kind of sexual favor Baseer was offering, but I will be goddamned if I’m gonna part with nuggets for a handski. The police were notified by a man that Baseer propositioned. He turned her down, even though a blowjob in exchange for McNuggets, even 100 of them, is a pretty great deal. My girlfriend charges me 70 McNuggets, and we’ve been dating for six years.

Baseer was picked up on suspicion of prostitution, but she’s probably back on the street already, so let’s all head over to the McDonald’s at 1700 Olive Street and have a happy ending with our Happy Meals. (Burbank Leader)