Jason Goes To Hell

When the United States government finally steps in to do something about the Jason Vorhees problem at Camp Crystal Lake, they foolishly believe they can kill him off by shooting him into pieces and exploding the remains. Nice try, guys. Obviously a handicapped kid who doesn’t know how to swim is more resilient than that. As you see in the above clip, the coroner who performs his autopsy can’t help but take a deep bite of the moldy corpse’s still beating, hypnotic heart. Resulting in Jason taking possession of his body and starting his killing spree a new as an older black gentleman.

True Blood

After having his memory wiped and just being dicked around by witches for an entire season, Eric Northman had had enough of their black magic shenanigans. He swooped in and made an example of the coven’s most annoying witch by yanking her heart from her chest and drinking the ventricle as if it were a Juicy Juice. So, yeah, point taken. Eric Northman no longer f***ing around.

Bordello of Blood

It’s the perfect set up. A beautiful vampire queen sets up a secret bordello beneath a funeral home (kinky) and lures all the douchey hornballs in town. After showing them sweet knockers, the douchebags then have their hearts ripped out and consumed. In fact, it’s the disappearance of Corey Feldman that sets the film’s plot into action. Not sure why anyone wanted to go looking for him. That’s the only part of the premise that I can’t wrap my head around.